Chapter Twenty-Three
Abbott
I haven’t had much to do with myself for the past few days. I’m not used to being home and not going to work. Being a surgeon is my whole identity, and now that I’m taking a longer leave of absence to sort shit out in my head, I’ve realized even more that without work…I have nothing.
I’ve been going to the gym a lot and have spent more time jogging, which is what I’m doing now. It’s after nine, and my hope is that burning off some energy will help me sleep tonight.
My feet pound against the pavement, vibrating up my legs and making my body shake. My legs are tired. My whole body is. I’ve been out here close to an hour already, but can’t seem to make myself go inside, to just sit alone. Is it so much better jogging alone?
I keep going, push myself harder. My body screams at me, but I ignore it. Why does everything in my life feel so different now? It’s like I can’t get myself on steady ground, like my equilibrium feels off since I removed the blindfold in the woods and realized Rian was gone.
I take another lap around the block, and each time I do, I can’t help but feel like someone is watching me. Like there are eyes on me, everywhere, all the time, no matter where I go. It’s been happening since I returned home.
Every time I feel it, I tell myself it’s Rian—that he’s out there, following me the way he did in the hospital that night, unable to stay away.
By the time I force myself back into my house, I can hardly hold myself up. I lock the door—something I make sure to do even during the day when I’m home—then go straight for the shower, turning it on before tugging off my sweat-drenched clothes.
Has Rian decided to buy a concert hall, I wonder as I stand under the spray. Probably not. We’ve only been home a few days, and I’m sure Boston’s Irish mob boss has a lot to do. Have they found the men who tried to kill him? Has Rian killed them? And if so, how do I feel about that?
Shitty, of course. I don’t want them to die. I don’t want anyone to die, but they did try to kill Rian, and he’s right, if he had let them, they would have killed me that day too.
I scrub my skin as though the pain will distract me from my obsessive thoughts about him, wash up, and then dry off.
I pull on a pair of boxer briefs, turn out the lights, and climb into bed, looking up toward the dark ceiling and the dim slashes of light that shine across it through the blinds from the light post outside.
I hear nothing except my own breathing, but suddenly, the feeling of being watched is there again, this time pressing against me like a finger on a bruise, little pulses echoing out from the pressure.
My heart lurches into my throat. I swear the darkness feels like it moves—shifts—and I reach over for my cell on the nightstand when I get a whiff of bourbon and vanilla and am immediately filled with hope.
“Rian?” I say into the dark room, feeling like an idiot. How many times am I going to call his name, knowing he’s not there? How could I have let myself fall in love with this man? “Christ, why can’t I get you out of my head? Why can’t I stop missing you?”
The sharp inhalation of breath is impossible to miss.
He’s here. In this room with me right now. I know he is. I smell him, feel him, crave him.
I can’t hold back the words, and the thing is, I don’t want to. “Fuck me,” I say into the shadowy space. “Fuck me. Show me how much you want me. Make me feel you, Rian.”
I catch movement in my periphery, looking over just as Rian steps up to the side of the bed, right in the line of the shafts of light from the window. He’s wearing slacks and a button-up shirt, and I wonder if he ever just lounges around in jeans and a tee.
He’s breathing heavily, gaze intense, pinning me to the mattress, holding me down with just his stare. And then he’s tearing his shirt off, buttons ripping free, shooting in every different direction.
Rian climbs on top of me, my legs immediately widening so I can cradle his body between them. He’s holding himself up on his forearms, looking down at me, and for the first time since being in the forest, I don’t feel alone. “Your shoulder,” is the first thing that falls from my lips.
“Fuck my shoulder.” The second the words are free, he sears my mouth with his, kissing me hard and almost angrily, like he doesn’t want to want this, want me as much as he does. Neither of us should, but that doesn’t stop the undeniable pull between us.
I slide my hands down his naked, muscular back, grab his ass, and wish he had taken the time to remove his pants too.
I pull him tighter against me, Rian rutting his cock along mine, while devouring my mouth like he’s been starving for me, like the only way for him to survive is for his tongue to be buried deep in my mouth.
My body relaxes, and I realize how tight and tense I’ve been, like I’ve been on edge all the time because I didn’t know where he was or what he was thinking or if I would ever see him again.
But now he’s here, in my room, in my bed, and I feel like he’s trying to consume me, and there’s not a part of me that doesn’t want him to do just that.
I curse when his mouth pulls away from mine, but Rian just chuckles, then buries his face into my throat, kissing and licking the skin there. “Can’t stop thinking about you,” he admits. “It’s been killing me to stay away.”
His lips keep sliding down until his tongue latches on to one of my nipples. I arch forward when Rian tugs it with his teeth. “Does my pretty thing like that?” he asks, pulling it again before giving his attention to my left nipple and doing the same thing there.
“Yes. So much. I can’t stop thinking about you either. I can’t stop wanting you.”
“Don’t stop,” comes out of his mouth in quiet, heavy words that hang between us, but then his mouth is on me again, kissing down my body, not stopping until he’s at the edge of my underwear and all thought has melted from my brain.
Rian sits back on his heels, tugging the edges of my underwear.
He only gets them halfway down my thighs before he bends forward, sucking my straining cock into his mouth.
I almost spurt my load right then. The power I feel, how desired I feel when this man has his mouth around my dick, is indescribable.
He takes me as deep as he can, bobbing his mouth on me. My hands tangle in his hair, pulling—needy sounds falling from my lips.
This is only the second time he’s done this. I am the only man he’s done it to, yet he’s trying to swallow my cock like it’s his form of sustenance, like if he doesn’t have it, all hope is lost.
It’s a potent drug, one I never thought I would need, but then I never knew being wanted this way was even a possibility for me.
My balls draw up as I fight off my orgasm, unwilling to come this way and for this to end…for Rian to leave again.
“Stop. Fuck, you have to stop.” Rian immediately pulls back, his eyes looking wild in the limited light. “I want you inside me when I come. I want it both in me and on me, Rian, and I want to see you.”
He pauses as though unsure, then leans over to the side, turning on the lamp on my nightstand.
“I was just going to fuck you in the dark and leave. It would be easier that way, but Christ, I want to see you too.” I’ve never heard this kind of ragged edge to his voice before, and as much as I don’t want him to hurt, there’s a comfort in knowing I’m not going through this alone—that I’m not the only one who needs this fiercely.
“I missed you too,” I say, and he gives me what almost looks like a shy smile. “Now, take off your clothes.”
“Yours first.” He finishes removing my underwear, then tugs off the rest of his clothes.
His thick, bobbing cock has my mouth watering. “I’ve seriously never seen a cock as pretty as this.” I stroke him. “So thick and heavy. And these balls.” I fondle them, full with his load. “I want to bury my face in them and never come out.”
Rian lies on top of me, the two of us, forehead to forehead.
“What are you doing to me?” He doesn’t give me time to answer before his lips come down on mine again.
The kiss is slower this time, languid and exploratory.
We kiss like we have a lifetime instead of just tonight, or hell, maybe just an hour or two.
When he pulls away, my lips tingle with the need to touch his again. “I want to try something,” he tells me. “Turn over.”
I do so, trusting this killer completely. When his hands go to my ass cheeks, spreading them wide, my whole body burns up with desire.
“Such a small, pretty hole,” he says.
“An empty hole…” I push my ass backward, begging for more. “That just wants to be filled by you.”
Rian pushes his thumb over it, making my ass clench and then relax.
I feel him smile, even though I can’t see him, then the bed dips, and there’s warm breath against the light dusting of hair on my ass cheeks.
“I can’t stop wondering what you taste like.
” His finger continues circling my rim. “It’s been driving me crazy.
How could I let you go without knowing what you taste like? ”
“You have me now,” I say. I wish he could have me always.
He makes a hungry, almost growling sound, and then Rian’s face is buried in my ass, his rough facial hair a welcome scratch against my skin.
He licks his tongue over my rim, laves it, pushes at it, like no matter what he’s doing, he can’t get enough of me.
I push my ass backward, rub my dick against the bed, loving the friction of the mattress on my cock and Rian’s face in my ass.
He eats me out like a pro, like he really can’t go on another day without devouring my ass like his last meal.
I want to be devoured.
He works me until he can get his tongue inside of me, fucking me with it, kneading my ass cheeks so hard that I wouldn’t be surprised if he left bruises behind.
I want to be bruised that way by him.
I’m just one ball of nerves, sensitive and on fire for him. My eyes roll back, cock aching, hole stuffed full of Rian’s tongue, but craving more—wanting it all.
“Please, Rian. Fuck me. I need it. I’ve felt so alone without you.”
He pulls back, audibly pulling air into his lungs.
He leans over me, mouth close to my ear, his hard shaft tucked between the crease of my ass cheeks.
“It’s a tragedy for you to ever feel alone.
For you to not know how much you’re wanted.
I want you, pretty thing. It’s only because of you I know how to want again. ”
I love you, I want to tell him. I love you, and that’s all that matters. I don’t care about the rest. Want me. Be with me. We’ll find a way to make it work, but that’s a frightening proposition. How can I change who I am and what I will accept so quickly?
So instead, I say, “Make me feel it.”
“Christ.” He pushes up on his knees. “Lube?”
“Top drawer. Beside the dildo.” I look over and smile—my stalker, who has come to claim his prey again. Who has the most beautiful fucking smile, but so rarely shows it.
He grabs the bottle, lubing his fingers, starting with one, then two—twisting, fucking me open, before he fits a third inside.
My body hums at the feeling. There is nothing like being full, especially full of Rian, but still, I want more. Need his cock inside of me.
“Fuck me. I’m open for you. I just need you to fuck me.”
“You make me out of my mind,” he says before biting into the meaty part where my shoulder and neck meet. I cry out at how good it feels, and then Rian’s sitting up, lubing his cock before lying on top of me.
His hand is between us, holding his cock as he guides it into my ass. I breathe through it. His dick is definitely the thickest I’ve taken, but I’m yearning for it. I want to be stuffed with him, want to spend the rest of my life feeling like Rian is inside of me.
He works into me slowly—small thrusts, and then sliding another inch inside until his groin is against my ass, my hands fisting the pillow, head turned to look at him.
Rian takes my mouth, kissing me slowly, pushing his tongue between my lips the same way his dick is tucked into my ass.
It’s a goodbye kiss, and an I want you kiss, a how did this happen and how will I ever handle being without it kiss.
At least, that’s what I feel, and each swipe of his tongue tells me he feels the same.
“Please,” I say, and he pulls back before thrusting in again—slow at first, then faster, deeper, until his body is slapping against mine, arms tucked under my armpits, holding me as he rails me with everything inside of him.
It’s a powerful fuck, a punishing one, but not punishing me, almost like he’s punishing himself, giving himself what he wants even though he knows he’s going to walk away after.
His mouth finds my shoulder again, kissing, licking, then moving close to my ear. “I don’t want to let you go,” he says over and over again.
“Me either,” I say. Can we do this? Is there a way to make this work? For me to sacrifice my convictions for love? And does Rian love me too?
“Ride me,” he says before pulling out and rolling to his back. I immediately hurry to get on top of him, get his dick in my ass where it belongs. My fingers dig into his right pec, while I rise and lower on his cock—fuck myself on him, feel him deep and at a whole new angle.
I bend forward and kiss where he was shot. Rian’s hand moves to the back of my head, pulling me to his mouth and pushing his tongue inside.
My dick bobs between us, so hard, leaking as we take our pleasure from each other’s bodies. I’m sweaty and trembling, muscles tight as I do my best to fight off my orgasm.
When Rian spits in his hand, stroking my cock, all it takes is three up-and-down movements before I’m losing control, shattering on top of him, balls emptying, cum splattering on his hairy chest.
“Fuck, pretty thing. Me too.” He thrusts up and into me, working the first spurt of his load inside of me, then another, before he pulls out of me, flips me to my back, and jacks his cock over me, cum landing on my chest, stomach, and face, some sliding into my smiling mouth. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”
Rian uses his finger to push cum into my mouth, then rubs it into my face, my chest, my stomach, so all I smell of is him.
He pushes one finger into my cummy hole before smiling again.
“Just where it belongs.”
I’m tired…so fucking tired and sated. I can hardly keep my eyes open. “Don’t go.”
“I have to.” He sounds sad when he says it.
“I don’t sleep. I can’t get you out of my head. I don’t want to be alone.”
He lies down beside me, pulling me into his arms. I fit around him like we’re made to be entwined this way. “I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
My eyes fall closed. “I feel you watching me all the time. It helps.” He kisses the top of my head.
I love you, flutters through my mind, and it’s the last thing I remember before my world goes dark.