Chapter Twenty-Seven
Rian
Abbott’s breathing is even beside me, sleep having taken hold of him hours ago.
It’s not surprising that it eludes me. Sleep often does and that’s on a normal day—not one where I find out that the man I clearly care about is in danger, and then bring him home with me…
to the place I never expected to share with anyone I want like this.
I maybe more than want him, but I don’t know how to begin sorting through that possibility in my head, so instead, I lean forward and kiss his freckled shoulder before climbing out of bed.
I grab my cell, pull on a pair of pants, and slip out of the room.
The sun shines brightly through the windows when I go downstairs, calling Conan as I go.
“Hey,” I say.
“Pulling up now.”
“All right.” I end the call and go to the front door. Conan wouldn’t have slept last night either, but he looks refreshed in a way that I don’t feel.
He comes with me to my office, taking a chair on the other side of my desk. “Everything go okay last night?” he asks.
“Yeah. I left him in bed asleep.”
Conan cocks a brow at me.
I get it. This whole situation is unexpected and so far from anything I ever thought I would do. If I can’t believe it, I’m sure he can’t either. “Did you expect me to deny it? I brought him to my home, C.”
“It’s okay that you did, you know that, right? Moira would want that for you. She would hate that you’ve been alone this long.”
Yes, she would have. All she ever wanted was for Cillian and me to be happy. She wanted that for all the people she loved. “Haven’t you been the one telling me I had to kill him? That if I didn’t, you would do it for me? That you don’t trust him?”
“I don’t trust him, because I don’t know him. I trust you, though. He’s important to you, and your reaction last night tells me he isn’t going anywhere—though I think I knew it when I first got to the cabin.”
“How?” I find myself asking.
“Why did you bring him to the cabin?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why were you with him in the first place?”
I sure as shit can’t explain the tingle thing to him, so I shrug and say, “I don’t know that either.”
“Not everything has to have a logical explanation to be true,” Conan answers. “But something inside of you told you he was different from the start. I knew when you told me where you were, and it was cemented when I saw you with him.”
“But you still would have killed him?” I ask.
“Yes,” he answers honestly. “Because I don’t know if he deserves you, if we can trust him, and I don’t want you hurt. I know how much it broke you to lose Moira, and I wanted to prevent that before you were in too deep. I know what it feels like to love someone you can never have.”
Because he loves Fia, my sister-in-law. He loved her from the start, just like I had with Moira, but while Fia loves him, she isn’t in love with him. Conan has spent his whole life trying to protect and support a woman—and her children—that he’ll never have in the way he wants her.
“He said he’s in love with me,” I admit.
“Do you think he can handle it? Does he have what it takes to be with you?” We both know how this lifestyle can tear down people who don’t.
“Yes…but I don’t know if I want him to.” I rub a hand over my face.
How can I want that for him? How can I pull someone else into this cruel world?
“But he’s here now,” I add, which is really the only answer that matters.
I brought him home and Abbott came willingly…
He’s in danger, and I’ll never let anything happen to him.
“Yes. He’s here now,” Conan replies.
“I need you to look into his father.”
Conan cocks a brow. “The governor?”
“Yes. This must have something to do with him…maybe he’s made some enemies, and they came after Abbott to get to him. They’re not close, and he’s not been a good father, but that doesn’t mean whoever is after Abbott doesn’t think they can hurt the governor that way.”
Conan nods.
“He’s dirty…I just don’t know how bad or what he’s got his hands in. I know from Abbott he has a weakness for young women.”
“Most politicians do.”
“No shit.” I lean back in the chair. And they think we’re the corrupt ones. “I want someone here with him all day. I need to go to Ashford and talk to Cillian.” There is no way to hide this from him now—not with Abbott staying here with me.
Not when I don’t know what we might have to do to protect him.
“I’ll do it. I can figure out a lot of what I need online or by making some calls. If I need to go out, I’ll make sure one of the guys comes over to stay with him.”
I let out a deep breath. “Thanks, C.” Sitting forward again, elbows resting on the desk, head in my hands, I say, “I don’t know how to do this.”
“You and Abbott?”
“Yes, me and Abbott, but also what this might mean for Cillian and me. I’m just getting him back.
What happens if this changes things?” Will Cillian understand me being with someone else?
He loves his mom so much, and I’ve put him through a lot of pain over the years.
What if this just pushes him further away from me?
“He’ll understand. He’s a good kid, Rian, and he’s just like you.”
I meet his gaze. “He’s better than me.”
“They’re all better than us, but that’s beside the point.
Cillian gets his loyalty from you. His strength.
His sense of right and wrong…and the way he loves, platonically or not.
He’s always been there for whatever Tiernan or Aislin need.
He’s loved and protected Rory from the moment you brought the boy home.
You wanted to take care of that kid, and you put him in the hands of your son, who you knew would be good for him.
Both of you are caretakers. And are you forgetting he moved Ollie into their house to protect him, just like you did with that man upstairs?
Because he knew Ollie was his, and we both know Abbott is yours.
He’ll understand you because he is you.”
I don’t know if I believe him, but my chest swells with pride regardless. There’s no better compliment than that. “Thank you. I hope you’re right.”
We both look toward the door at the same time. Abbott’s footsteps are light on the stairs, but both Conan and I are always listening.
“Rian?” he calls out.
“Coming,” I say before turning to Conan. “Be nice so I don’t have to kill you.”
He laughs—rich and hearty, then teasingly draws a cross over his heart. “I promise.” Conan stands. “I have to admit, it was fun scaring him before. He tried to hide it and didn’t take shit, though. He’s tough. He’ll be good for you.”
“I’m more worried about being good for him,” I reply, as we make our way into the living room and meet a sleepy Abbott there—red hair mussed, shirtless, and wearing a pair of joggers.
“Oh, great. The psycho is here,” he says, and I have to bite back a smile.
“Yes, and I get to be your babysitter,” Conan replies.
Abbott whips his attention toward me. “What’s he talking about, Rian? I don’t need a babysitter.”
“Fuck off, you asshole,” I tell Conan before taking Abbott’s hands, pulling him closer, and wrapping my arms around him.
“Oh,” he says, clearly surprised at my display of affection.
“Did you sleep well?” I rub my nose against his.
“Yes. Until I realized I was alone.”
I smile. “You smell like me,” I tell him.
“Good…but you’re not distracting me about this babysitting thing. I’m a thirty-eight-year-old. I don’t need to be watched.”
“I know, but I have something I need to do, and I don’t want to worry about you today.”
“So, you leave me with a man who’s threatened to kill me.”
“I won’t anymore…well, unless you hurt Rian. But if I kill you, he’ll try to kill me, and it’ll be a whole thing,” Conan says.
I turn to look at him. “Who are you and why are you acting like Rory right now? I would expect that from Finan but not you.”
Conan shrugs, then walks away.
“Who is going to look for me at your house?” Abbott asks, but if people were watching him, they might know who he left with. Maybe they know I snuck into his house the other night too. “And now that I’m thinking about this again, what if those guys were lying?”
“Indulge me,” I say, walking him backward until he’s stopped by the wall. “Stay here with Conan until I get back.” My eyes fall closed, forehead against his. “I can’t worry about you.”
Abbott sighs, moving his hands to my hips and holding on. “Jesus, Rian. Fine. Okay. I’ll stay with him. Is it always going to be like this?”
“Probably…it’s a lot…to be wanted by me.” The word loved is right there, but I can’t force it free yet.
“I like being wanted by you.” He kisses me. “But your friend is an asshole.”
“We’re all assholes.” I grin before sobering. “I need to see Cillian. It’s important that I’m the one who talks to him about you. I don’t want him to find out another way, and with you being here…I just need to do it now.”
His handsome features loosen, going from frustration about Conan to this softness that he sometimes looks at me with. The one that says he thinks I’m better than I am, that somehow, he thinks I deserve him, that he sees more than the terrible things we do.
“You’re going to tell him we’re…whatever we are?” Abbott asks.
“Yes.” It would be impossible for me to hide it, but the truth is, I don’t want to. I missed feeling, having someone who is mine, and now that I do, I don’t know how I ever went without it. I like being a part of a couple, having a person.
I want someone I can disappear with, a place where I’m more than Rian O’Shea, Sloan’s brother, or my father’s son. Where I’m not the boss, or my brother’s keeper. I’m just me. Rian. Father. Partner. Lover.
“Are you sure?”
I frown. “Unless you don’t want me to.”
“I do,” he rushes out. “I just needed to make sure it’s because you want to.”
I kiss him again. “I do. I’m going to claim you every chance I get. Now come on, let’s see if we can get another load on you before I go.”
“Race you upstairs,” he surprises me by saying, then takes off into a run.
Laughing, I chase after him, unable to remember the last time I felt so happy.