Chapter Thirty-Seven
Abbott
It’s after five in the morning when we get home. The night was a whirlwind of the same questions over and over, from different and sometimes the same investigators.
I sat in the same room with the dead body of my father, covered in a white sheet, while pretending not to have the conflicting emotions that I had.
I hate him. I’ve always hated him. He tried to have me killed, and he would have killed me tonight if Rian hadn’t saved me, but he was my father, and now he’s gone. I’m an orphan with no family left, and that’s stranger than I would have thought.
“The guy who’s alive…where is he?” I ask Rian as we go into the house.
“We have him. Conan and Finan will question him tonight, and then we’ll take it from there.”
Question him…hurt him…torture and then kill him. But then, that man would have killed me tonight too. That’s what I have to remember.
“I’m going to call our doctor to make sure you’re okay,” Rian says.
“What? Why?”
“You were drugged tonight.”
“Hours ago. I’m fine.”
“I just…”
“I’m fine, Rian. I’m a doctor, remember.”
He nods but doesn’t look convinced, so I change the subject.
“Do you think they believed us?” I ask Rian as we go into the house.
At first, the police hadn’t wanted to let him in at my father’s house, but Rian has a way of making anything possible if he wants it enough.
That’s what I keep telling myself about this whole situation.
It is all convoluted as hell to me, and somehow, I feel like something is going to go wrong… but I trust him.
“It’ll be okay,” he says.
“What if you coming tonight makes them look into you for some reason and…”
“And they won’t find anything. I didn’t kill your father. I don’t know who did. We’ll be fine, pretty thing. Come upstairs with me.”
I follow Rian. There’s nowhere I won’t follow him. When we get upstairs, he goes into the en suite and runs a bath.
I lean against the bathroom counter as he begins stripping me out of my clothes, kneeling to take my shoes and socks off, just…taking care of me, in this way no one has ever done for me before.
“Will you get in with me?” I ask. The tub is huge. It might be a slightly tight fit with both of us, but we can make it work.
“Couldn’t keep me out if you tried.”
My muscles immediately relax. I’m not sure why. It’s not as if I expected him to say no, I just…need to be close to him. Need to feel him. There’s this pull inside of me to Rian that I’ve never been able to describe, and all it does is get stronger and stronger.
He removes his own clothes before the two of us climb into the tub.
He sits behind me, with me between his legs, my back against his chest. The press of the cross necklace he always wears and the dusting of chest hair feel just right against my skin, and all I want to do is burrow in deeper, get as close to him as I can.
He reaches around me, runs one hand up and down my torso, the other cupping my pec, playing with my nipple.
“How did you find me?”
“I put a tracking device in your watch,” Rian admits.
My whole body stiffens. “That’s why you gave me the watch?”
“No. I gave it to you because I wanted to buy you something, but yes, I did also have ulterior motives. I put it in without telling you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
No, no, he shouldn’t have, but…why is there a part of me that likes it?
How can I know it’s obsessive, know that he should have told me, and that many people would run because of something like this, but like being wanted this badly by him?
I want to be loved by Rian in every shade that he loves, because they’re all beautiful.
“I’m yours,” I say. “In every way. I want to feel your love every way you give it to me.”
He growls deeply in response, burying his face in the side of my neck, his facial hair scratchy and welcome. “Don’t tell me that. I’ll never let you out of my sight.”
“You’ll have to for some things,” I say. His body goes rigid beneath me. “I’ll be fine, Rian.”
“How do I know that?”
“How do I know you will be?” I counter, and he doesn’t have an argument for that.
“Okay.” He kisses me. “I trust you…and I might stalk you.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I’ll also expect you to have a driver, at least until this is all figured out…and a bulletproof car and—”
“Shh. That’s enough. I don’t want to talk about that right now,” I say, then fall into silence.
“Do you want to talk about your dad?” He wraps his arms around me.
Maybe I should want that, but I don’t. Maybe I’ll want to later, but I don’t think that will be the case either.
There’s a part of me that wants to know why, but unless we have that answer, there’s nothing else that’s important to me.
Not anymore. “When I came home…from the cabin, he called within twenty-four hours. I should have realized something was up. He didn’t notice the whole time I was gone, but called as soon as I returned.
It never made sense. I just thought…” Maybe part of me wanted to believe he just missed me. “No. There’s nothing to say.”
“Abbott…”
“I’m okay. I promise. I’ve always known he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. I have you now. A new family.”
“You do. And you will always be mine.”
“Why do you think he didn’t try to kill me again when I got home?”
“I don’t know, pretty thing. Maybe because they saw me coming around and wanted to see what was happening, maybe they had a plan we don’t know about yet.
I wish I had answers for you.” Something in his voice sounds off…
almost pained. Dread builds in my gut as I wait for Rian to continue, because I know he will.
“I have to tell you something… It’s not easy, and it’s going to hurt… but I think you need to know.”
“Can you wait? Until we’re in bed? I just want to enjoy this for a few more minutes first.”
“Yes. Of course. Anything you want.”
I relax against him again, feeling at home against Rian’s broad chest. He holds me, touches me, kisses me, washes me. He is always so gentle with me, even though I know the things he’s done to others. He would never hurt me, and just like last night, he will always be there to protect me.
Eventually, the water gets cold, and we get out. Rian dries me off, and just like earlier, I let him take care of me. I savor what it feels like to be so important to someone.
We don’t bother getting dressed, and before I know it, we’re in bed, under the blankets, and I ask, “You don’t need to work?”
“I’m not leaving this bed with you all day.”
I smile, thankful he’s not going to torture someone yet. “I like the sound of that.” Then I let him pull me close and add, “Now, tell me.”
But I think I know. If my father was willing to have me killed…
“Dean was able to dig pretty deep into your father. He has…had a lot of hidden accounts that go pretty far back.” Rian’s fingers slide through my hair, cupping the back of my head and massaging.
“There was a large payment made the morning your mom was killed…and another the next day to the same account. Usually, when people are paying to…have someone killed, they pay half before and—”
“Half after,” I answer, not needing him to continue.
I’m…heavy. My whole body weighed down and just…
hurt, broken. But not surprised. “Tonight…some of what he said earlier…asking why I was like her. Why I couldn’t mind my own business, some other things that made me feel…
like he was blaming her for something before she died, and he thought I was doing the same. The women…it’s bad, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” he answers honestly. “There have been women who say he assaulted them—they were drugged, lost hours of their lives, and woke up naked or in a completely different location than they were in before. There have been quiet payments made, accusations that are somehow getting buried. And there’s likely more going on than we know.
This goes deep, and I’m assuming last night happened because he became a liability. ”
My father was a murderer.
Even if he didn’t pull the trigger, she’s dead because of him.
Maybe she had evidence on him. Maybe she was going to turn him in.
Maybe it just became too hard to do what he wanted with a wife at home.
But he’s a murderer and a rapist, and who knows what else, and…
“I’m glad he’s dead,” I admit. “I wish you could have done it so you could have made him suffer.”
“Me too,” Rian answers, then pulls me so I’m on top of him, looking down into those beautiful green eyes of his. “But I promise you, I’ll find who tried to hurt you that day and make them pay. No one will ever hurt you again.”
A better man might tell him not to. I’d always considered myself a good man, better than this, but I want them to pay, if for no other reason than because the person who killed my mom never paid.
“I know.” I kiss him. “Do you think it went okay…with Cillian earlier?” I want to be part of every aspect of his life, want to belong with them all, in one way or another.
Rian smiles. “Yes. He likes you…and it felt good to see. I want you close.”
“I want that too.” And I want…him. I need him. Need to feel…grounded in this way that only Rian can give me.
I push his arm up, burying my face in his armpit, licking and sucking the sensitive skin there.
He moans, runs his fingers through my hair, tightening his grip on the strands while he lets me take what I need from him. The thing is, no matter how much I have, I know it will never be enough.
I don’t understand it, and I don’t want to. I just know that I was meant to love this man, and right now, I really need to feel how much he loves me too.
I want to forget anyone exists except us.