chapter 32
Zloban
She picks up my call on the second ring. “What do you want?”
“Go inside. It’s about to rain,” I tell her, glancing out the window of my car.
“Do you have nothing else to do other than stalking me?”
“It’s a necessity, not a choice.”
“Ahh, how could I forget? If it were a choice, you would have gotten rid of me by now. Whatever. I’m not going anywhere. I would have gone inside on my own, but now that you’ve said it, I’m not leaving.”
She cuts the call. The patter of rain hits my car window.
I turn on the camera footage again, watching her stubbornly standing on the rooftop in the rain. Wen had left her to go meet Leo half an hour ago, and since then she has been sitting there, watching the ocean.
All the staff had left early today because of the heavy rain alert. Weather disturbances are happening all around the world at this time. I tell my driver to drive quickly. This is very immature behavior on her part.
I reach the building in three minutes and sprint to the rooftop. She is completely drenched, shivering in the cold, and still standing there.
I take her hand and turn her around. She watches me, her eyes fluttering open and closed against the rain. I bend and grab her thigh, lifting her over my shoulder.
She starts kicking her legs, shouting, “Put me down!”
I take her inside, closing the rooftop door and heading downstairs. Not for a second has she stopped hitting me with her fists, calling me names.
I slap her ass, loud and hard. She cries out in pain.
“You bastard! How dare you hit me?” she shouts.
I hit her other cheek even harder. She yelps.
“Shut your mouth or you’ll get more hits,” I growl.
I take her straight to her room, into the bathroom, and place her under the hot shower. She pushes at my chest. “Stay away from me!”
I catch her wrists and pin her hands behind her back, holding them there with one firm grip. With my other hand, I fist her hair and tug her head back, forcing her to meet my gaze.
“Don’t behave like a stupid brat,” I hiss.
“I hate you, Zloban!”
“Has hating me made you lose your mind?” I move my mouth closer to hers, releasing her hair only to clamp my hand around her neck.
“What is this, Dove? Standing in the rain just to go against me? What are you trying to prove by harming yourself?”
“I’m following your philosophy, Zoan. What did you use to think about proving when you used to hurt yourself, when you planned to kill yourself?”
“I never hurt myself to prove a point.” My grip on her neck tightens as my jaw clenches. “It was always the consequence of losing control over my anger.”
“And what about killing yourself?” she lifts her chin, forcing me to look into her eyes. They shine under mine, glistening from the steam.
“I can’t live without you. I can’t breathe without you, and that’s not a choice.” I speak through gritted teeth, each word dragged from somewhere raw inside me.
“If you had a choice, you would’ve already gotten rid of me,” she tries to pull away but I give her no space, pressing her back against the cold tiles.
“This is the second time I’m hearing this bullshit, Dove. Let me make this clear to you once and for all.”
My voice drops to a husky rasp.
“I never had a choice, nor did I want one. The moment my eyes landed on you, the choice of loving you or not stopped existing. I didn’t even know what love was back then, but I knew that what I needed was with you.
Now that love has consumed my life and replaced it with itself.
It has no limits, no boundaries. And I’ve let it take this shape, where I’ve made you the reason I live.
I don’t even want to call it love anymore. It’s far uglier than that.”
She presses herself closer to me, shivering under the spray. “Then why did you want me to marry someone else?”
“You are not a lost case like me. I thought you would live happily with someone who would keep you away from the mud of a relationship with me.”
She laughs, bitter and sarcastic. “You thought my love was something that could be here one day and gone the next.”
She grits her teeth, her voice trembling with fury and pain. “I should have never loved you.”
Her words pierce through me, tearing at my heart. But the hurt reflected in her eyes is more painful.
“I’m sorry.” I finally let her go.
“Get out of here. Leave me alone!” she shouts in her broken voice.
I stay rooted to the spot as she hits my chest, sobbing uncontrollably.
“You thought my love was flimsy. You thought I would feel nothing if you died. Why, Zoan? Why did you never accept that I could love you more than anything?” She slides down the wall, collapsing onto the floor. “Why did you never believe in my love?”
I tilt my head back under the shower, letting the water hit my face, washing away my restraint.
“Do you know what my name means?” I ask, my voice low.
She looks up at me, stopping her crying, shaking her head.
“It means… malice.”
I sit down on the floor beside her. “My mother gave me this name. She used to say I’m a malicious curse who ruined her life. Every day for nine years, she told me how despicable I was for being born and how I deserved only hatred. She made me believe no one could love me.”
“But we all love you,” she whispers.
I press my head against the wall. “My brain rationalized all that love. To me, Mom’s love was generated from guilt and pity, Dad loved me because of Mom. It took me many years to see beyond it.”
“What about me? How did you rationalize my love?”
I look toward her. “I couldn’t rationalize it. But I always believed I don’t deserve your heart. That’s why I called you ‘Dove.’ So pure and untainted, someone I could only watch and never touch.”
“But you have touched me now,” she murmurs, shifting closer to me, hugging my arm and resting her head on my shoulder.
“Because I’m greedy,” I whisper.
“What can I do to make you believe I really love you?”
“I believe now,” I reply.
She looks up at me.
“Roxion told me about your plan of never marrying him.”
She pulls her arm away, sitting up straight. “I asked him not to tell anyone about it.”
“He’s not an idiot. He figured the person you love isn’t the son of our enemy but me. And you didn’t ask him to act in front of me to convince me, but to make me jealous.”
She purses her lips. “And he didn’t even tell me that he spilled the beans in front of you.” Her eyes widen. “Wait… now that Roxion knows about it, isn’t it a problem?”
“He won’t tell anyone. He’s not that type of man.”
She narrows her eyes. “So you believed that I loved you seriously only when you found out I was never going to marry Roxion? You didn’t believe it when I was falling into depression because of loving you?”
“I believed you when you said you loved me,” I answer quietly.
“But I didn’t know the depth of it. I wanted to remove that love from your heart so you wouldn’t have to experience the harshness of the world for loving me.
That’s why I proposed the idea of finding a guy for you to Dad.
But even when you had a man like Roxion for yourself, you didn’t stop loving me.
Instead, you used him to make me jealous.
And I understood you wouldn’t stop loving me until I did something to push you away from me.
And I can’t hurt you more than what I’ve already done. ”
She nods, then stands up. “It feels nice to hear your head is out of your ass. But I’m not done being mad at you, so you can get lost now.”
I get up as well and stand in front of her.
I lift my hand and brush her wet hair away from her neck.
“I decided that night when you called my name that I could never allow you to call someone else’s name in that way.
” I lean down and press my lips to her neck.
Her shiver travels straight into my spine like a live wire, making my pulse hammer.
“You were always mine, Dove, and you will always stay mine.”
“I haven’t said yes to that,” she mutters breathlessly.
I kiss just beneath her ear, my voice a low, possessive murmur. “Take your time and say yes. Because there is no ‘no’ in the option.”
Her head tilts slightly to the side. Her body welcomes me in the most beautiful way, like she was made for me. She is. Just like I am made for her.
I press my forehead to the top of hers. “I will wait for you,” I whisper, placing a gentle kiss on her head. “Desperately,” I murmur against her hair.
Avira
All I want right now is to walk out of that door in front of my eyes, take a left turn, open the door that will come after ten steps, enter inside, walk straight toward the man lying on the bed there and kiss him senseless.
I want to tell him I want to live with him forever, love him forever, and have fifteen children with him.
Okay, maybe not fifteen, but at least five.
But that would be a huge hit to my ego. I just told him less than an hour ago that I’m still mad at him. I should follow my words for at least longer than just an hour. A night will be enough, right?
No. I’ll make him suffer for at least a week.
At least I can think like that. Imagination doesn’t hurt.
Reality does. Like right now, my whole body is aching.
I’ve read about missing someone so much that you feel it in your body.
I guess that’s what they mean. But they never wrote about feeling cold as well.
I sneeze. “Fuck.” I sniff.
I’m sick.
I ask Veni to call Zoan. I’m sick, so he should be here taking care of me, or later he’ll feel guilt, and I don’t want him to feel that.
The voice in my head laughs, calling me a liar.
The call connects.
“I’ve got a cold,” I tell him, and the only reply I get is a beep.
He comes into my room in less than a minute, wearing a handsome frown. How much does this man love me? A grin spreads across my face.
He presses his hand against my forehead, the frown deepening. “You have a fever.”
I wipe my grin away and make a sad face, nodding.
He stands straight, pursing his lips—those beautiful lips. “This happens when you act like a brainless person. Now suffer.”
I curl my lips downward, scrunching my chin.
“I’m bringing medicine,” he says, increasing the room’s temperature, then walks out.
He returns with a glass of water and a box full of medicines prepared by Iselyn. Everyone here takes only medicines made by her. Before them, this strange family never really used medicine, may God give that girl a life of a thousand years.
He places the box down and takes out pills for my cold and fever. They won’t show their effect instantly, but by morning I’ll be better.
I gulp down the pills with water, then hand the glass back to him. He places it on the side table and tugs me under the covers.
“I won’t be able to sleep alone,” I whisper in a weak voice.
Whatever type of cold I’ve caught, it’s definitely not an easy one. The headache and backache have worsened sharply in such a short time.
He sits down on the bed and slides under the covers beside me, pulling me into his arms.
I press my fingers against my forehead. He starts pressing it gently, giving me kisses there occasionally.