chapter 39
Avira
Every Christmas our whole family gathers at Pa’s house. I used to wait for that day when I was living there. Only on my birthday and Christmas would Zoan come there. This year, though, he didn’t come on my birthday.
Now Leo, Zoan and I are going there in the chopper. I tug on Zoan’s forearm, he leans closer to me.
“Why didn’t you come on my birthday this year?” I ask.
“Because he was afraid you would see the Romeo leaking from him,” Leo replies.
I look at Zoan. He shakes his head. “Your condition was not good, so I was afraid I would not be able to stop myself from bringing you along.”
“Same thing,” Leo yawns.
“And why did you used to stay only for two hours?”
“Do you have to ask all these stupid questions in front of me? I’m feeling embarrassed for you.”
I glare at Leo. But he’s looking out the window.
Zoan leans close to my ear. “I was not capable of keeping control for more than two hours,” he whispers.
A smile tugs at my lips. He kisses under my ear.
“God, why do I have peripheral vision?” Leo mutters.
I narrow my eyes. He is such a mood killer. Zoan sits up straight in his seat.
Leo looks between us lazily. “Practice staying at arm’s length at least for today. I don’t want my Christmas decorated with family drama.”
“Leo, whose side will you take once our family finds out about us?” I ask.
“I don’t take sides. I’ll enjoy watching Uncle beat Zo, and then I’ll take him to the hospital.”
I roll my eyes at his bullshit. He’s only saying this now, but everyone knows when Zoan gets hit, he loses his shit.
I hug Zoan’s arm and rest my head on his shoulder. Maybe I can take a short nap. He kisses the top of my head, making me smile.
How could I even think about taking a nap when Leo is here?
“It’s on New Year’s Eve. Want to participate?”
I open my eyes and see a car race poster or something on Leo’s phone, which is now in Zoan’s hand. I lean in to peek at it properly. It’s organized along with a New Year’s party. I look up at Zoan, he meets my eyes.
“Can I also join you for this party? I’ve never attended a normal people’s party.”
All the parties I’ve attended in my life have either been at our house or at our relatives’ houses, and in those parties, I always spent my time with my girls.
We live in our own bubble, away from the public, dancing, singing, and talking in our private space, far from the crowd.
Our families always arrange a private room for us where no one else is allowed.
We can meet other people if we want, but that’s the point—only if we want to.
“Alright,” he says.
“What do you mean alright? You can’t say yes to her every demand. Have you forgotten there’s a man out there who wants to torture her?” Leo gives a big mocking smile at his last sentence.
“It’s in San Diego, and she’ll stay with me the whole time,” Zoan replies calmly.
Leo shrugs. “I’m just reminding you. Don’t come crying to me later when someone steals your dove.”
Zoan glares at him.
“He won’t come after me.” Both of them look at me. “The kidnapper. I don’t think he wants to kidnap me now.”
“And why do you have such optimistic thoughts?” Leo asks.
“Because that’s how it works. He kidnapped Wen, didn’t like the results, so he won’t kidnap me.”
“Stupid as always,” Leo mutters.
I kick him.
He makes a fake shocked face. “Oh, does that mean he’ll kill you directly then?”
I glance toward Zoan’s darkened face, my eyes widening in realization. I narrow my gaze at Leo.
I rub Zoan’s arm softly. “He’s just provoking you. That man won’t do anything to me.”
I now understand why Daddy calls Leo a master manipulator. He has his own way of making people do what he wants, by hook or by crook. And right now, he wants that man dead. Who better for the job than Zoan?
Zoan places his warm hand over mine. “Don’t worry, I won’t kill him.”
I release a breath of relief. But this asshole brother of mine clearly has other plans.
“Just because Wen has a Stockholm-syndrome crush on him,” he says, raising a brow, “you can’t be so sure he won’t kill you.” He sighs, his tone almost pitying. “I know you girls are stupid, but that doesn’t change the fact that he wants revenge. And he wants to use you for it.”
I grit my teeth. “Don’t disrespect Wen’s love. And we are not stupid.”
He rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”
I hate this cocky behavior of his. I ignore him and look toward Zoan. His emotionless face gives nothing away, no hint of what he’s thinking. But now, it’s getting hard for me to believe that he’ll really let that man go. Something tells me Zoan silently agrees with everything Leo just said.
But he promised me he won’t kill him.
My inner voice screams inside my head, there are thousands of ways to hurt someone without killing them.
A chill runs down my spine when I look at Zoan again. He promised not to kill that man… but he never promised not to torture him.
We reach Pa’s house around noon. As we walk inside, the sound of chatter and laughter flows from the living room. We head there and greet everyone. I sit beside Wen.
She clears her throat, eyeing me with a knowing smile. “You’re glowing.”
My lips twitch. “I’ve always been a beauty, you know.”
She hums. “Now that beauty has enhanced. I guess getting fucked is really important.”
I chuckle with closed lips.
“What are you two whispering about, mouth to mouth?” Aunt asks with a teasing smile.
We both grin.
Aunt turns to me. “Avi, why didn’t you come here with Wen?”
“Zoan didn’t allow me, Aunt.” I bite my tongue to stop myself from grinning.
Everyone’s eyes shift to him.
“She’s been under too much stress lately,” Zoan says calmly. “I enrolled her for therapy in San Diego.”
My, my. This man is such a professional liar that even I find myself believing him. The way he speaks, with not even the faintest slip of emotion, it’s impossible to doubt him. And maybe I’m even more fucked up for feeling proud of my man’s talent.
Daddy speaks next. “Then you should have enrolled Wen too. She went through a traumatic experience.”
Wen chimes in quickly, “No, Uncle, I’m perfectly fine.”
Aunt sighs softly. “You’re not perfectly fine, baby. But I hope you will be soon. It’s normal to feel a little strange after such an experience.”
I lean closer to Wen and whisper, “Mama, I’m in love with a criminal, and this kind of love isn’t rational.”
She purses her lips, giving me a side-eye look, trying not to smile.
Aunt looks at Zoan, smiling. “But you did the right thing for Avi. She was showing signs of depression and mood disorder in the past, and recently she has been very distressed. It’s better to address it before it turns into a bigger issue.”
Mama nods with a worried face. “We also wanted to take her to therapy, but she refused. I’m glad she finally agreed now.”
Wen leans close to me, whispering with a faint smile, “Mama, please don’t cry. I’ll be alright. All reasons aside, I just can’t deny, I love the guy.”
Now it’s my turn to give her a look.
“Are you two singing?” Ma asks.
We glance at each other and then burst into giggles.
Ma shakes her head, smiling, as she stands up. “Let’s start lunch.”
We all head to the dining room. It’s only on occasions like this that we realize why the dining room, and the dining table, are so big.
On Christmas, all the staff goes on leave, so Ma, Mama, and Aunt cook the food themselves.
Ma serves everyone, it’s a kind of ritual in our family.
We eat lunch while exchanging small talk.
Ma looks around the table with a warm smile. “Next Christmas, we’ll have one more member joining us.”
“Who?” I ask, curious.
“Ah, you didn’t get the news yet?” Ma grins. “Leo is getting married.”
“Ohhh, I know about it. Iselyn told us.” And she also told us what Leo did regarding this whole matter. That girl is so pissed that she’s marrying him only to make his life miserable.
“What about you, Zo? When are you planning to get married?” Pa asks.
If I had taken even two seconds longer to swallow, my food would have been stuck in my throat. Now it feels like it’s stuck in my chest anyway.
“I will not marry,” Zoan says simply.
“This year, right?” Ma asks.
“Ever,” Zoan replies flatly.
Everyone freezes like they’ve just heard catastrophic news.
“And why is that?” Mama asks with a deep frown.
“He’s asexual,” Leo says seriously.
Ma, Mama, and Aunt’s jaws almost drop to their knees. Daddy, Uncle, and Pa are watching Leo and Zoan with heavy frowns, while Wen and I are struggling not to laugh.
“H—How? Why?” Mama stammers.
“Who knows.” Leo shrugs.
“Can’t we do anything about it?” Mama asks Aunt in genuine concern.
Aunt turns to Zoan with a serious expression. “Have you ever tried to get close to any woman?”
Leo answers again, “When we were in New York, a woman sat on his lap and he threw her away. I guess she broke her ribs.”
Aunt frowns. “What do you feel when a woman comes close to you?”
This time Zoan speaks, “Irritation.”
Aunt turns her head toward Mom. “It must be because of that bitch,” she murmurs in a low voice, but since I’m sitting beside her, I hear it clearly.
Aunt looks back at Zoan. “What about men?”
“I’m not gay,” he replies simply.
Aunt sighs. Mama looks visibly worried. I start feeling bad for her. She was worried about me earlier, and now she’s worried about Zoan as well. Both of her worries aren’t based on reality, but we can’t tell her the truth, it would just give her another reason to stress.
Everyone leaves the dining room with a heavy mood hanging over the table. Once the elders are gone, Wen and I burst into laughter, covering our mouths with our hands. Zoan and Leo approach us from around the table.
Wen whispers to them, “Did you two plan this?”
They shake their heads.
“Then how did you lie so smoothly?”
Leo leans casually against the table. “He had no reason to give, so I gave them the reason.”
“How do you know he had no reason?” Wen asks.
I wave my hand, smirking. “Don’t you know? They’re like two bodies, one soul. They don’t need words to communicate.”