Chapter 16
Teddy
I was pulled to them like we were connected by an invisible tether.
I’d carried neither of them in my body, but they were inexplicably tied to me in a way that surpassed muscle and bone and blood.
They were shielded by the first responders who’d converged on our house, but I knew where they’d fallen, and I moved straight to them.
I’d known the moment that Curtis turned to look at me that I would be right where I was in that moment, falling to my knees next to Jesse as the paramedics strapped a collar around their neck.
I would’ve known them anywhere, but their face was so swollen and mangled that they were unrecognizable.
One paramedic cut Jesse’s T-shirt off and then their binder, unconcerned with the flesh he was exposing in his determination to check them for injury.
Beside them, another set of paramedics worked on Dylan. He was already stripped to the skin, and his pale face was almost gray as they spoke words that I didn’t understand, their hands working in frantic tandem as they stanched the bleeding from three different wounds on his torso.
Where was Finn? I looked around frantically.
The paramedics rolled Dylan like he was nothing but a doll, first onto his side and then onto his back, where they strapped him to a flat board.
“Any allergies or medications?” one of the paramedics asked. I wasn’t sure if he was there for Dylan or Jesse.
Where was Finn?
“No, none,” Curtis answered, his voice raw.
Jesse gasped in pain as the paramedics lifted Dylan from the carpet, tearing their intertwined hands apart.
Where was Finn?
“Where are you takin’ him?” Curtis asked frantically. “What hospital?”
I didn’t hear the answer because my eyes were on Jesse’s face as they tried to say something.
“Don’t try to talk,” one of the paramedics soothed. “It’s okay. Help is here.”
My child’s gaze was terrified and frantic as it met mine.
“You’re okay,” I soothed, my voice so raw it didn’t even sound like my own. “You’re going to be okay. They already took Dylan away. He’s with the other paramedics. They’ll help him.”
They tried again to say something, but it was so garbled that there was no way to decipher it.
“Where’s Finn?” I asked, my voice cracking. “Do you know where Finn is?”
Jesse nodded, their gaze trying to tell me something. For the first time in their life, I had no idea what they were trying to say.
“We need to get her to the hospital,” one of the paramedics told me, kind but firm. “Please move back.”
“I’m right here, Jess,” I said, sitting back on my knees so they could do what they needed to. “I’m right here. You’re okay.”
Jesse let out an incoherent wail as the paramedics gently turned them the same way they’d done to Dylan.
I scrambled to my feet and stumbled back as they lifted Jesse from the floor. Familiar hands caught me before I fell.
“You’re gonna be just fine, Jess,” Curtis said, reaching out to grip their hand. “Everythin’ is gonna be okay now.”
I knew he was lying.
I wondered if Jesse knew too.
Where the hell was Finn?
“Not she,” Curtis said as I lightly ran my fingers down Jesse’s arm, like I’d done for them when they were a toddler and having a hard time falling asleep. “They’re nonbinary. Jesse prefers them.”
“Got it,” the paramedic said as they quickly carried Jess away.
I stood frozen for a moment before I spun, wrenching myself out of Curtis’s arms.
“Finnegan?” I called, running toward the kitchen. He wasn’t behind the island or in the pantry. He wasn’t in the laundry room or the coat closet. I took the stairs two at a time.
“Finn! Mom’s here, son. Where are you?” I checked the bonus room.
The linen closet, even though I knew he couldn’t fit there.
Dylan’s room and closet. Under the bed. Under Jesse’s bed and inside their closet.
The bathroom, throwing open the curtain to check the tub.
Finn’s room, and under his bed. The closet. My bedroom, closet, and bathroom.
“He’s not here,” Curtis said as I screamed Finn’s name again, his arms wrapping around me from behind to stop my frantic movement. “Teddy, he’s not here.”
“He has to be,” I argued. “Finn!”
Only silence answered as Curtis practically carried me back down the stairs. He set me on my feet at the bottom and led me back toward the destroyed living room, carefully helping me around the bloodstains on the hardwood.
It was splattered on the walls. I looked away, my stomach in my throat.
“I have a son,” I told the first policeman who came into view.
“He’s ten. Slender with light brown hair and brown eyes.
He was wearing—” I closed my eyes and tried to remember what Finn had been wearing when we left the house.
He’d just changed because Curtis had sprayed him with the hose. What shirt had he put on?
“Red Spider-Man shirt and black basketball shorts,” Curtis said, his voice rough.
“Right,” I said, glancing past the cop to try to see Jesse or Dylan. I looked back. “Have you seen him? Has anyone seen him?”
“No,” the policeman said, glancing over at another cop in plain clothes. “The two being transported were the only ones in the house.”
“No,” I hissed, the word broken. “No, he was here. He was here when we left. He has to be here.”
“We searched the house when we got here,” the other policeman said, moving closer. “Are there any hidey-holes you think he’d go to? Whatever happened must’ve been scary, yeah? Can you think of anywhere he would go?”
“I—”
The lights and sirens of the ambulance pulled my attention to the street, and I couldn’t breathe.
They were taking Jess. They’d already taken Dylan. Finn was somewhere, but he wasn’t here.
It felt as if I were being torn apart. I couldn’t be with all of them at once.
Everything inside me went quiet as I began to shake.
I couldn’t choose one child over the others. It was impossible.
A scream built in my chest.
“Look at me,” Curtis ordered, his voice low and firm. He gripped my chin roughly and leaned in until he was all I could see. “You go to the hospital. They’re takin’ the kids to Portland. Already called a helicopter for Dylan.”
“No,” I replied, the word coming out so low it didn’t even sound like my voice.
“Listen to me,” he said, his hand tightening on my face. “Are you with me?”
I nodded, even though I didn’t think I was. My body was there, but the rest of me, the parts deep inside that made me who I was? It was gone. In the back of an ambulance on its way to Portland. In the air above Eugene. Somewhere frightened and waiting for me to find it.
“You go to Portland. I’ll find Finn,” Curtis said, his gaze burning into mine. “I’ll find Finn.”
“He’s scared,” I told Curtis, the words torn from me. “If he saw what happened, he’s really scared.”
“I know that, baby,” Curt said softly, his thumb sliding along my jaw. “He won’t be once I get him, yeah?”
“David—” I stopped speaking when his index fingers came up to press against my lips, and he gave his head a small shake.
“You go with Jess and my boy,” Curtis said. “I’ll find yours.”
I jerked my head out of his grip, the words like a jolt of electricity scorching through me. How dare he say something like that?
“They’re both my boys,” I replied hoarsely. “They’re all mine.”
Curtis froze, and then his eyes fell closed as his hand lowered to his side. After a moment, he looked at me again and nodded.
“I need my keys,” I announced, looking around blankly. “Where are my keys?”
“You’re not drivin’,” Grease announced. I hadn’t even realized that he was in the room.
I turned to find the Aces had somehow held back the police and crime scene guys so that Curtis and I could have a moment. Everyone was watching, waiting for us to make a decision.
“I need to—” I couldn’t even say the words. I couldn’t acknowledge verbally that I was leaving one of my children behind.
“Brenna, Callie, and Farrah are waitin’ for you outside. They’ll drive you to Portland,” Grease said.
“But I—”
“Come on,” Curtis ordered, taking my hand.
The crowd parted as he led me out of the house, lining up along the walkway outside the front door.
My mind raced.
“Teddy,” Curtis’s dad called, jogging toward me. He met us at the sidewalk as we reached the SUV waiting at the curb. “Boys are talkin’ to the neighbors.”
“Anyone see anythin’?” Curtis asked.
“Not so far,” he answered his son. Then he looked at me. “We’ll find him.”
“I should call David,” I said quietly. “He—I don’t think he’d hurt Finn.”
“We’ll deal with David Granger,” Cam said darkly. “You just take care of my grandkids, yeah? We’ll handle everything else.”
He watched me for a moment, and then I found myself in his arms. His hand cupped the back of my head as he kissed my forehead.
When he passed me to Curtis and drifted away, I took a shaky breath.
“Go take care of our kids,” Curtis said, leaning down to brush his lips over mine. He opened the passenger door of the SUV. “I’ll call as soon as I can.”
“We’ve got her,” Farrah said from the driver’s seat. “Go. Do what you need to do.”
I felt numb as Curtis helped me into the seat and closed the door between us. I watched him through the window as we immediately pulled away from the curb. Turning sharply, he jogged back toward the house where Draco was waiting next to my truck.
“They’ll find him,” Curtis’s grandma, Brenna, said from the back seat as she reached up to set her hand on my shoulder. “Trust Curtis.”
“Seat belt,” Farrah ordered, glancing at me as she rolled through a stop sign. “No use givin’ the cops a reason to pull us over.”
I nodded, and as I pulled the strap over my shoulder, I noticed my bag on the floorboard. Someone must’ve gotten it from Curtis’s saddlebag.
“Dragon asked them to bring the kids to the same hospital,” Brenna said, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “They said OHSU. That’s good. It’s an excellent hospital.”
I didn’t think she expected a response, and I didn’t give her one.
“Charlie is with Jesse,” Brenna informed me quietly, making me jolt in surprise. “No one could ride with Dyl, but Charlie’s in the ambulance with Jesse.”