Chapter 18 #2
Jesse looked past me, and I realized Finn had woken up. He stood silently a few steps behind me.
Jess made a noise and raised their hand toward him.
“I thought you were dead,” Finn choked out, his words garbled as he began to cry.
“Oh, son,” I breathed.
Jesse opened and closed their hand at him, gesturing for him to come closer.
“Careful,” I warned gently as he raced toward the bed.
When their hands met, Finn let out a wail that seemed to echo and pushed between Jesse and me. His arms curled against his chest as he pressed in beside them, getting as close as possible without pressing against Jess at all.
My eldest’s arm wrapped around their brother, and their fingers slid through the hair at the back of his head.
“We’re all okay,” I told them both roughly, rubbing Finn’s back as I met Jesse’s gaze.
Our little trio sat like that for a long time.
* * *
“You said you’d let me know when they woke up,” Curtis said a couple of hours later, stopping me in the hallway. “What the fuck, Teddy?”
“It was early,” I replied, shaking my head. “I thought you might be sleeping.”
Curtis glared. We both knew that neither of us would be sleeping anytime soon. The excuse wasn’t even thin. It was transparent.
“I’ve been waitin’ all fuckin’ night to hear,” he said, staring at me in frustration. “You couldn’t text me?”
“I thought there were no phones in ICU.”
“Draco’s got my phone, and he woulda come to get me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, glancing at Jesse’s room. “Have you been in yet?”
“I just got here,” he said, letting go of my arm. “Charlie let me know that Jess was awake.”
“Yeah, she’s been in here a few times.”
He looked at me for a long moment and then gestured for me to precede him.
Inside, Draco’s Grandma Brenna was sitting with Jesse, telling them some kind of story.
Before the previous day, I hadn’t spent much time with Brenna.
She’d been nice every time we spoke, but she and Dragon were a little more reserved than the rest of Curtis’s family.
I’d realized the second time she came to check on us that Brenna may not have had the outgoing personality of Farrah, who’d welcomed us loudly, but she was someone who was absolutely solid in a crisis.
Calm and strong, she seemed to anticipate people’s needs before they even realized they had them.
Being the old lady of the president probably had a lot to do with that.
If Dragon was the backbone of the club, Brenna was the heart.
Finn was back by the window, fast asleep. He’d stayed awake as long as he could, but when he’d fallen asleep on Jesse’s bed, I helped him move so he didn’t hurt them by accident.
“Hey, Jess,” Curtis said as he entered the room. “How you doin’?”
Jess shrugged as he went to them and leaned down to kiss the top of their head.
“I’ve been in with Dylan,” Curt said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “They’ve lowered his meds, and they think he’s gonna wake up soon. You got any messages you want me to deliver?”
Jess said something garbled and pointed to their mouth, rolling their eyes.
“We need to get you somethin’ to write with,” Curt said with a soft smile. “You must be goin’ crazy.”
Jess nodded emphatically, groaned, and nodded more cautiously.
“Hey, careful,” Curtis warned. “You’ve got a concussion. Gonna be sore for a while.”
Jess pulled back their lip and pointed at their missing molar.
“I heard you lost a couple. Sucks, but easy to fix, yeah.”
Jess nodded again and raised their arm, flexing their biceps. “Strong,” they said through their teeth.
“Understatement,” Curtis replied, his voice a little choked. He glanced over at Finn. “All three of you.”
“Where was Finn?” Jess asked, surprising me.
I’d told them very bare-bones details since they’d been awake. They knew that I’d followed them and Dylan to the hospital, and they knew that Curtis had stayed behind to find their brother, but they hadn’t really asked any questions.
“He hid under the Chevelle,” Curt said, glancing at Finn again. “We were lookin’ for hours before we found him.”
“Good,” Jess replied. The words were slow and labored as they tried to enunciate. “Told him to hide if anyone ever broke in.”
“You did well, Jess,” Curt breathed, his voice thick. “You and Dyl did exactly right.”
“Tried,” Jess said, tears welling up in their eyes. “Hard.”
“I know you did,” he replied. I swallowed back the sob rising in my throat.
“Dylan?” Jesse asked, raising their eyebrows. “Hurt bad?”
“He was,” Curtis said, nodding as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “But the doctors fixed him up. You’re both gonna be okay.”
“I tried,” Jess said, trailing off, wincing. “Help.” They shook their head a little. “Tried.”
“I know you did, sweetheart,” Curtis said, reaching out to gently cup their face. “You two were still holdin’ hands when we got there.”
Jess rolled their eyes. “Don’t tell Isla.”
Curtis let out a surprised chuckle.
Finn woke up a little while later, and Brenna walked him down to the cafeteria to get some breakfast while I sat quietly, listening to Curtis and Jesse talk.
He was telling them about when he’d found and restored the Chevelle, and Jess was hanging tiredly on every word.
Their eyes drifted shut and then opened again, clearly fighting sleep, but Curtis just kept talking, his voice getting lower and lower until Jesse was out.
“What’s goin’ on with you?” he asked me, turning his head to look at me for the first time in an hour.
“What do you mean? Nothing.”
“Somethin’ is. You haven’t been up to see Dylan again. You didn’t call me when Jess woke up. You’ve barely said a word since I came in here.”
“I was letting you two visit.”
“Bullshit.”
“They weren’t really talking to me before you came in,” I admitted. “I was just trying to stay out of the way a little bit.”
“Why the hell would you do that?”
I shrugged.
“They’ve been wakin’ up from surgery, and they have a concussion,” Curtis pointed out logically. “They probably haven’t been sayin’ much because they were still groggy.”
“Maybe.”
“No maybe about it.”
“Or maybe they blame me,” I said, the words tumbling from my mouth before I could call them back.
“What?” he whispered, jerking back like I’d hit him. “Why the hell would they blame you?”
“Because I’m responsible for all this,” I replied, gesturing around the room.
“You’re not responsible for any of this.”
“How can you say that?”
“What the fuck are you even talkin’ about?” he asked, rising to his feet. He didn’t look away, like he was afraid I would bolt or something.
“I moved them up here,” I said flatly. “I put them in this position. I put you and Dylan in this position. God, I put your child in danger, Curtis.”
“You didn’t do shit, Teddy,” he argued, rounding the bed.
“Keep your voice down,” I ordered, glancing at Jesse.
“You’re not responsible for the shit Granger pulls.”
“I’m the entire reason that David Granger is a part of our lives,” I countered. “I knew he would be pissed when we moved. I knew he would pull something.”
“You knew he was gonna do that?” Curt asked, pointing at Jesse.
“Not that,” I replied, swallowing hard. “But I knew he wouldn’t let us go easily. I should’ve planned better. I should’ve moved further away. I knew better, but—”
“But you thought I would protect you,” Curtis said, crouching down in front of me. “I told you I would protect you. Made you promises that I would. Told you the club had you covered.”
“No.” I shook my head. “That’s not—”
“And I didn’t,” he said. His jaw flexed as he ground his teeth. “Didn’t put a rod in the slider like I knew I should because I kept forgettin’ about it. Took you to the club and left the kids at home. Boys down south watched for a while but grew lax when nothin’ was happenin’.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I pressed. “Of course it isn’t. I brought this shit to your doorstep. I almost got your son killed, Curtis.”
“Thought he was ours,” Curt replied quietly. “That’s what you said, right?”
“How can you even look at me?” I asked around the lump in my throat, gesturing to the open doorway. “How can any of you look at me?”
“We can play the blame game for the rest of our lives, Theodora,” Curtis said, rising.
He gripped my hand and pulled me to my feet, his hands immediately coming to rest on the sides of my neck.
He leaned down so our noses were just inches apart.
“I learned a long time ago that’s fucked.
No one is responsible for this shit except Granger and the fucks he sent to do his dirty work. ”
Wrapping my hands around his wrists, I closed my eyes as his thumbs brushed over my jaw.
“Go up and see Dyl,” Curtis ordered, brushing his lips over mine. “I think you need a reminder that our boy is gonna be fine. I’ll stay with Jess.”
“You’ll let Finn know when he gets back?”
“Of course.”
I nodded and left the room, my hands trembling as I fiddled with the bracelet on my wrist. I wasn’t sure what to think about all that Curtis said, but I knew deep in my gut that the fault lay with me alone.
I’d made the decisions that led to Dylan and Jesse being hurt.
My responsibility went all the way back eleven years when I’d started hooking up with Mike, even though I knew he was bad news.
The consequences of my bad decisions had followed me to Oregon, and this time I wasn’t sure I could bear it.
When I got to Dylan’s room, Cam and Trix were there, speaking quietly.
“I’ll give you some time,” she said as she rose to her feet. “Since we can only have two people at a time.”
“Oh, I don’t want to kick you out.” I took a step backward.
“I need some coffee anyway,” she replied kindly. “I’ll be back later. This is a marathon, sweetheart. Not a sprint.”
She said sweetheart the same way Curtis did.
“Take a seat,” Cam greeted with a small smile. “How’s Jesse doing?”
“Good,” I replied, sitting across from him. “They woke up earlier and just fell asleep again, listening to the sound of Curtis describe how he’d restored his car.”
Cam laughed lightly. “That’ll do it.”
“How’s Dylan?” I asked.