Chapter 15
Jeremiah was still passed out on the sofa and I’d fallen asleep on the bed sideways. Natasha was in a guest bedroom, sleeping off her night of drinking and dancing as well.
I tiptoed out and onto the back porch, not wanting to wake Jeremiah. I set aside the oversized beach towel I’d brought and stepped out onto the dew covered grass. It was cold under my bare feet, but refreshing. The lake appeared calm for the most part and I was thankful for that. I needed to expend excess energy.
I waded in from the sandy portion of the private beach section. The water had bite to it, making me shiver. I kept going. The one-piece swimsuit I wore was cut in a way to allow for maximum speed swimming, not sunbathing.
I dove under and proceeded to do laps, changing up strokes. I wasn’t sure exactly how many laps I did between my dock and the peninsula that sat on the other side of Landry’s property. Something white flashed and I stilled, floating in the water, watching as a good sized boat approached. When I was able to get a better look at it, I groaned.
It pulled near me and stopped. Its driver stepped out, wearing sunglasses and looking delicious even with his split lip.
Water lapped up and over me from his wake. I glared at him. “Are you stalking me now, Phil?”
He crossed his arms over his chest and motioned with his head towards his parents’ home. “I might have spotted you coming out this morning. I figured it was a perfect morning and I know you, Mer, you can’t resist swimming when you’re close to water. First thing in the morning is your favorite time.”
He did know me.
He leaned, putting his hand out to me. “Can we talk? Please.”
“You do realize I’m likely to pull you in here with me, right?” I asked, smiling slightly.
Phillip caught me off-guard when he tossed his sunglasses aside, peeled off his t-shirt, kicked off his shoes and dove in, jeans and all. He surfaced next to me and snaked his arm around my waist. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered. “I hate that I hurt you.”
I pushed on his chest. “If you can see me from your parent’s house, so can your father. Doesn’t he have some sort of clause in his contract with you? Won’t you have to give back the money if he sees you and me like this?” I let sarcasm coat my every word. “I’d really hate for that to happen.”
Phillip didn’t back down. “Dammit, Meredith, I was young and I fucked up. I love you and I’m sorry.”
“No. It was painfully clear to me the morning I woke up to find a note from you, sorry, your father, along with annulment papers that you don’t love me. You never really have.”
We went under as a small wave passed. As we surfaced, Phillip shook his head. “That’s not true and you fucking know it. I have been in love with you since I was fourteen. I had an error in judgment, Mer. I made a mistake. Don’t pretend you haven’t ever made any. Need I remind you that your mistake cost someone his life? Huh? Or do you like to pretend your bad judgment didn’t leave you losing control of that car and killing my son?”
The minute it left his mouth, his eyes widened, and I knew he wanted it back. It was too late. The damage was done. I pushed free of him and swam fast toward the shore. I knew I’d beat Phillip there.
I made my way out of the water and sprinted toward my back porch. Unfortunately, on land, Phillip had the advantage. He grabbed me around the waist and tackled me, taking me down with him, but doing so in a way that didn’t hurt me. I knew I was crying, but I didn’t realize, at first, that I was screaming at him as well.
He shushed me, holding me tight. “You’ll wake the entire town.”
I stiffened, my tears coming faster as I lay on the ground, my back to his front. “Let. Go. Of. Me.”
“Shit, Mer, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. It’s not your fault.”
I lay there, bawling, hating myself.
Phillip kissed my shoulder and neck, holding me tight. “I’m sorry, Mer.” From the sound of his voice, he was crying too. “I was hurt. I spoke without thinking. I know it was an accident. I do.”
I continued to cry.
He smoothed my wet hair away from my face and kissed my cheek. “Shh. I don’t blame you about the baby. I don’t. It wasn’t your fault. It was a freak accident, Mer.”
“Damn straight it wasn’t her fault,” Jeremiah’s voice boomed around us.
I looked up at him and he seemed angelic. Putting my arm out, I reached for him and he came quickly, pulling me free of his cousin’s embrace. He held me to him, hugging me as he spoke to Phillip. “How dare you show up here and start with her? I told you she was moving on, not so you’d come here and ruin it for her, but so you’d do the same.”
I shook, partially from being cold and also from my emotions. I couldn’t seem to stop crying. Someone was suddenly there, wrapping my towel around me and easing me from Jeremiah’s arms. I was so upset that I paid little attention to who was holding me. All I knew was that he was buff and smelled good. He wore black, cotton pajama bottoms that fit his body just right. He also held me like I was the most precious thing in all the world.
Phillip snorted. “You live next door to her? You’re kidding me?”
It hit me then.
Landry.
Looking up, I met his chocolate gaze head-on. I tried to back away, but he kept me close.
“I’m not going to fight with you again, Phillip, but that’s only out of respect for Meredith. She’s more important than me wanting to wring your fucking neck.”
“Got yourself a real winner there, Mer,” Phillip bit out. “Bet he can make sure you never have to worry about anything. I’ve heard the diner business is extremely lucrative.”
Landry snorted. “Please, asshole. Don’t open your mouth. You have no clue who I am, so don’t go assuming anything.”
Phillip mumbled something under his breath that I didn’t catch all of, but what I did infuriated me. I spun out of Landry’s arms and went at Phillip, knocking him backward as I slapped him across the face. It was Jeremiah who caught me around the waist, lifting me up and off my feet.
I glared at Phillip. “You can show up here saying whatever you want about me. I deserve it and more. I messed up, Phil. I know what I did was wrong. I was upset that night and it was raining too hard. I shouldn’t have been driving. I know what it cost me.”
“Us,” he amended.
“There was no us. You and your five million George Washingtons saw to that. All I had left in the world was that baby. Do you think I’d ever give that up willingly? Do you?”
He closed his eyes, tears easing down his cheeks. “No.”
“Mer?” Natasha asked, running out of the house. She wrapped a robe around herself tighter, her gaze flickering to Phillip and then me. “What happened?”
“I just wanted to talk to Mer,” Phillip said softly, hanging his head. “I didn’t mean to say what I did. I was hurt and lashed out.” He looked at me. “I’m sorry. I know the accident wasn’t your fault and I don’t blame you for the baby.”
Natasha’s eyes widened. It was her turn to go at Phillip and go at him she did. She struck him in the chest over and over again, pushing and shoving, even managing to escape Jeremiah’s attempt to grab her. He finally got hold of her and lifted her.
“Natasha.”
“Put me down,” she said, kicking and thrashing. “I’m going to kill him! Do you know what she went through? She was in that car, hemorrhaging, stuck, waiting for them to be able to get to her and pry her from that vehicle.” Tears and emotions choked Natasha up for a moment. “I was the one who was close. I drove past the accident and, when I realized the car was Meredith’s, I turned around and was literally there when they managed to get her out. Do you know what she was whispering the entire way into the ambulance?”
I closed my eyes.
“Save my baby. Whatever you do, save my baby,” Natasha said. “Meredith was covered in blood, clutching her stomach, begging them to pick the baby over her. I’m the one who was with her when she came to and they wheeled her in to sit by Matthew’s incubator and say her goodbyes. Samson, her father, and Jeremiah were too distraught to be allowed around her.”
I looked up to see Natasha still being held by Jeremiah as she pointed at Phillip. “I was there when they told her she couldn’t touch him. That his skin was too fragile.” She closed her eyes. “Her baby… She couldn’t hold her baby.”
Jeremiah hugged her.
“I was in that room with Meredith when Matthew left us. It was like he waited until he could say goodbye to his mommy before going to be with God. Meredith screamed and screamed for that little boy. I do mean scream. They had to sedate her, Phillip. I can promise you this, Meredith loved that baby. It was the only light she had during a dark period. When he was gone, I honest to God thought the Mer we knew would be gone too. That she would never laugh or smile again. Why do you think I talked her into moving to the city and living near me?”
Phillip didn’t budge.
“Because I knew if I let her stay here, in this town, she’d never again find herself. I knew she needed a clean slate. Brice has his faults, but that man is key to getting Meredith back to living again. He has no idea what she went through or why Meredith takes the same day off each year,” Natasha said. “Do you know what day that is, Phillip? I do. It’s the day she lost that precious little baby. And do you know what she spends that day doing? I do. She spends it at the cemetery, crying. Oh, you wouldn’t know that because you don’t bother showing up there on that day to visit Baby Macy’s grave.”
Jeremiah set Natasha down. She didn’t attack Phillip. She did continue to point at him. “It’s been four years and do you know that she has never dated another man aside from Landry, which I’m not even sure what the hell is happening there? That in her mind, she’s not worthy of love, of real happiness? That when you took that money and walked away, you took her future with you?”
Phillip looked at me, tears dripping down his cheeks.
“Natasha, take Mer inside. I’ll help Phil get his boat back and then get it and him to his parents’ place.”
I glanced out at the lake to see Phillip’s boat drifting.
He didn’t seem to care. He looked up through wet lashes at me. “Today marks four years, Mer. Four years exactly since I left.”
I thought about what he was saying and winced. He was right. It had been four years since he’d walked out on me.
“Four years ago, I had a wife and a baby on the way. I’d have you, I’d have Matthew, and it would be me standing there holding you right now. Not another man,” he said softly. “I have nothing now. A wise girl once told me that money doesn’t equal happiness,” he said, his gaze on me. “I thought she was crazy back then. Now that I understand she truly is insane, I also know she was right. If I could do it over again…”
Putting a hand up, I stopped him. “You can’t. Neither can I. All I can do is move on with my life.”
He motioned to the house. “You’re moving on with our life, Mer. The life I wanted for us.”
“I didn’t intend for it to happen. Landry knew this place was for sale and he thought of me when he looked at it.” I stood my ground. “He must have been right, since you thought the same thing at one point in our lives. I am who I am, Phillip. I’m still the same girl you knew before.”
“No,” he stated. “You’re not. She would have accepted my apology and welcomed me back with open arms.” He exhaled slowly. “She thought I walked on water. The you before me now came out of the other side of it all jaded and cynical.”
“I’d be lying if I said I was sorry for that, for finally growing up and realizing you are not my world.”
“But you’re mine,” he said, a deep sadness in his voice. “I love you.”
“I think you should go now.”
“Because you want me out of the picture so you can replace me with Landry?”
I stepped free of Landry and snorted, wiping my tears from my cheeks. “No. He has never in my eyes been a replacement for you. Why would I want a version of you again? A man who loves money more than me? He has always been Landry to me. Not Phillip’s replacement,” I said. “I don’t know the hows or whys it is that I clicked with him when I’d not clicked with anyone like that before. Not even you.”
“Bullshit,” Phillip said. “We were together for…”
“I know. I was there,” I replied. “Time doesn’t mean chemistry. While I loved you, I really truly did, even we didn’t have the ability to fall into sync like he and I do. It doesn’t matter. I don’t have it in me to hand my heart over to another man again. Landry wants fast and easy women. Not ones that might mean forever. I get that. I can’t fault him for it, but I also don’t have to accept it. I’m a big girl. I can stand on my own two feet regardless what anyone thinks.”
Phillip clenched his fists as he fought his emotions. “We clicked, Meredith. Don’t tell me we didn’t. We were inseparable.”
“That may be so, and I’m not denying I loved you with all of me, Phillip. I’m trying to stress that at no point has Landry ever been a replacement hitter for you. Regardless how hurt and angry I am with him, I won’t let anyone try to make him think I didn’t see him for himself. That I don’t love him for who he is.”
Natasha and Jeremiah looked past me, their eyes wide.
“I can’t help that I fell for him. I didn’t mean to. I tried damn hard not to. That one is on me.”
“Come away with me, Mer,” Phillip said. “I’ll take you somewhere exotic. Somewhere no one knows us or our past. Somewhere we can be together and work through everything.”
“I’m sorry, but no. I will forever know that money was more important than me to you, and you’ll forever look at me with a tiny piece of you hating me for what happened to Matthew. I saw the nursery you did, Phillip. I know a piece of you wanted a family. That you really wanted the house, the wife, the children, and the family dog, but in the end, you opted out. I wanted to hate you. I did. But I don’t have it in me. I spent too long loving you to hate you, but I don’t love you anymore. Not the way I used to. I will forever worry about you and want to know you managed to find some sort of happiness, but I won’t ever love you like I did.”
Phillip tipped his head down. “I meant what I said, Mer. You’re not to blame and I do love you.” With that, he walked toward the beach.
Jeremiah followed close behind, going into the water with his cousin and swimming out to the boat.
I turned, and Landry was there with my towel again. He wrapped me in it and bent, his kiss chaste, and exactly what I needed. I sank against him, allowing him to lead me into my house. Natasha came in as well, shadowing us. She instantly launched into making me tea mode.
“Honey, I’m so sorry,” she said.
“It’s fine,” I responded, feeling numb from the inside out. I sank into a chair and shied away when Landry attempted to touch me again. My thoughts went back to the rainy night that I’d lost control of my car, taking the one thing I loved most in the world with me.
Natasha said something to me, but I paid little attention.
“It’s fine,” I said again.
Landry spoke, his voice sounding like white noise as I remembered the instant I knew my child had passed.
“It’s fine,” I said yet again.
Natasha was there, in front of me, cupping my face. “Meredith, look at me. This is far from fine.” She looked at Landry. “For the love of God, hug the woman, you know you want to.”
He wrapped his arms around me, and I tried to get them off me. Shaking my head, I pushed on them more. “No. Stop. I can’t do this with you. You’re not ready for this and I can’t keep letting you in only to have you pull back. I’d rather be with Phillip. At least I know from the start where I stand with him. Second to his money. Not second to the town fucking whore.”
Landry eased off me.
Natasha sighed. “She’s upset and lashing out at you because of it.”
“No,” I said, slamming my fist down on the table. “I’m furious. I’m sick of men toying with my emotions. I’m sick and fucking tired of being a game to them. All of them! To Phillip, I was there until he was forced to pick money or me. To Brice, I’m the woman who didn’t fall for his charms. It’s all about the thrill of the hunt. To Landry, I don’t know what the hell I am. All I know is that in one breath he tells me he can’t be with me, and in the next he’s there for me. I’m tired, Natasha. I’m exhausted and I don’t want it in my life anymore.”
“I can’t really blame you,” she said.
“Can I speak now?” Landry asked.
I grunted. “Sure. Whatever. You swore off me. You can’t stomach the idea of long term, and I freak you the fuck out. There. That sum it up? The door is over there. I’ll return your towel later.”
He bent, looking me in the eyes. “Want to know what you are to me?”
Did I?
He cupped my face. “You’re the woman who swept in out of nowhere and snagged me from the very first time you collided with me in my diner. You’re the woman I’ve been terrified of meeting. The one I can picture spending my life with. The one I can see myself filling a house with little ones with.”
I remained silent.
Natasha looked stunned.
“Mer.” Landry continued to hold my face. “You’re the woman I love.”
“So much that you were making out with the town slut?”
“She caught me and pinned me to the counter. She kissed me, and as I pulled my head back, there you were, seeing it happen. Dammit, Mer, don’t make me say it all again. I love you, and you can be damn sure that has never fallen out of my mouth to any woman other than my mother. God rest her soul, but she would have adored you to no end. And I’m fairly sure she’d have slapped the living hell out of me by now for trying so damn hard to resist the pull to you. Had I not, I’d have taken you away with me about an hour after I met you and you’d be my wife.”
Natasha sobbed openly, tears of joy. She shut the tea water off and looked lost as to what to do with herself.
Landry glanced at her. “If you don’t want to be here when I take Meredith upstairs and prove just how much she means to me, you’re welcome to go over to my place.”
Natasha bent and kissed his cheek quickly before rushing out the back door.