Chapter 24
Ryan had been riding the empty, winding roads outside Haven for hours, trying desperately to calm the chaos tumbling around in his brain. After Trent left, he’d called the Lamars to let them know what had happened, and Kate had promised to stay in touch when she heard from him. At least Ryan was finally on speaking terms with them. That had to count for something. Ryan gunned the engine and let the beast beneath him roar. As he rode by Emma’s apartment for the third time, he realized he had a problem.
The fourth time? He had identified the problem. It was Emma, but she wasn’t a problem. She was the solution to his problem, and he’d been too stupid to see it. He hadn’t been with another woman, hadn’t even looked at another woman in almost a year. Emma had been in his head almost since he returned to Haven, long before he slept with her. He kept pushing her away because of the promise he’d made Derek, but he’d also promised to look out for her, and what better way to look out for her than to be with her?
Before he realized where he was headed, he found himself parking the bike in front of the town commons. The flowers Emma had planted rippled in the breeze, their vivid red color muted to a steely gray under the cover of night. He walked to the memorial and stood there, squinting to pick out Derek’s name on the darkened stone surface, illuminated only by the faint glow of a nearby streetlight.
“Wish I could have this conversation with you in person,” Ryan said. More than anything, he wished he could get his buddy’s blessing on what he was about to do. “But I need to believe that you’d be okay with this because I promise you I’m going to do anything and everything I can to make Emma happy if she’ll give me another chance.”
He stood there with his hands shoved into his pockets, staring at Derek’s name on the memorial. The memorial that Emma had designed. She’d brought so much color, so much life, to this formerly barren part of the commons.
So much color to his life.
Ryan had no fucking clue how to make a relationship work, let alone a relationship with a woman as incredible, as sweet and funny and vibrant and beautiful, as Emma. She was leaving town in a few days, but it didn’t matter. If she was willing to give him a second chance, they’d find a way to make this work. Hell, he loved riding his bike. He’d ride to Georgia once a week if he had to, just to see her.
He stepped closer to the memorial, touched his fingertips to Derek’s name, and took a silent oath to make his buddy proud, to take care of Emma the very best way he knew how. Then he strode back to his bike and pointed it toward her house.
This time, when he rode by her place, he pulled into the driveway and parked. He checked the time on his phone and cringed. It was one thirty in the morning. On a Monday night. As usual, his timing was all wrong.
So he just sat there staring at her front door, wondering what she was doing. Sleeping, no doubt. In the buff? In some kind of sexy nightie?
In answer to his question, the front door opened, and she appeared in the doorway, squinting out at him. She wore short pink sleep shorts and a matching tank top, her hair wild and messy around her face as if she’d just rolled out of bed.
He’d woken her in the middle of the night. He was such an asshole. He ought to leave now. Instead, he took off his helmet and swung off the bike.
“Ryan?” She blinked at him as if not entirely sure she wasn’t dreaming.
“Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t realize how late it was.”
She scrunched her nose, looking adorably confused. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve been riding. Thinking.” And hell, there was no going back now. “Can I come in?”
She pulled herself up taller, crossing her arms over her chest, a wary look in her eyes. “No.”
He dragged a hand through his hair. “Fair enough. I have a few things to say if you’re willing to listen.”
“I don’t know, Ryan.” She stared at him, her blue eyes full of hurt and distrust. “I think…I think I’m still too angry.” Her voice caught, and he felt like someone had just stomped on his chest.
He’d done this to her. Goddammit. “I came to apologize.”
“It better be a good one.” She planted her hands on her hips.
“Christ, Emma.” He fumbled his helmet, and it hit the pavement with a crash. He was absolutely terrified he was going to fuck this up and lose her forever. Maybe he already had. “I’m going for the biggest apology of my life here, up to and including begging. Groveling. Whatever you ask, I’ll do it.”
Her eyes widened. “Okay, come in.”
She turned, motioning him to follow her inside, and staggered slightly.
He grabbed her shoulder, steadying her. “You okay?”
“Yep, just…still feeling the effects of girls’ night.” A smile flickered on her lips, and he realized she was tipsy, if not drunk. At one thirty on Monday night, or Tuesday morning, or whatever the hell day it was.
She stepped backward out of his grasp and stood there in the middle of her living room, just watching him.
“Emma, I sure as hell hope you’re sober enough to remember this because I have some pretty important things to say.”
She swallowed hard but said nothing.
“I’m so fucking sorry for everything I said the other night. I was a total asshole for taking my frustration with Trent out on you. You were right. I was too hard on him. He left. He’s moving back home with his parents.”
Her mouth formed an “oh,” and her eyes welled with sympathy.
“But that wasn’t why I broke up with you. I did that because I’m a coward. I was scared of what’s happening between us…and, Emma, I was terrified you were going to give up your dreams to stay here in Haven because of me.”
She opened her mouth to speak.
“Wait, let me get this all out before I lose my nerve.” He let out a rough laugh, scrubbing a hand over his jaw. His hands were all over the place. He had no idea what to do with them. And then he looked at Emma.
The expression on her face cracked his heart wide open.
He loved her. He’d always loved her. Granted, he’d loved her in a purely platonic way until recently, but now? Now he loved her with every fiber of his being, and there was nothing platonic about it. “So I’m here to beg for your forgiveness on the condition that you promise you won’t derail your plans for me. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, we’ll make it work, Emma. I’ll ride out to Georgia as often as I need to.”
Tears spilled over her eyelids, splashing down her cheeks. “You can’t derail my plans because I already did that myself. I’m staying in Haven. I’m taking over Artful Blooms with Mandy, and I’ll get my business degree online in the evenings.”
He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless, but she hadn’t forgiven him yet. “That’s amazing. You’ll be running your own landscape design firm four years earlier than you thought.”
“And I’ll be living out my dream right here in Haven.” She smiled softly. “So I’m staying, and it has nothing to do with you. Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?”
“One more thing.” He drew a deep breath and took her hands in his. “I love you.”
“What?” More tears were sliding down her cheeks now.
He had no idea if he was doing this right, but now that he’d said the words out loud, he’d never felt more exposed. He’d overheard her confessing her love for him, but she’d never said it to his face. “I’m in love with you, Em. I’ve always loved you, even when you were just Derek’s pesky little sister. You’ve always felt like a part of my family, in a totally non-incestuous kind of way—” He grimaced. Shit. He was terrible at this.
Emma dissolved in a fit of giggles, tears still pouring down her cheeks, reminding him that she was borderline drunk. Jesus.
“It wasn’t until a few months ago that I realized we could be more than friends, and Em, we are so much more. So damn much. You’re all I can think about. You make me laugh at the weirdest fucking moments. Like right now.” He choked on a laugh, his throat gone tight. “And when we’re making love. Nothing feels right when we’re not together. I can’t imagine ever being with anyone else. Please tell me we still have a chance together.”
She flung herself in his arms, her arms around his neck, laughing and crying, her forehead pressed against his. “I’ve always loved you, too, Ryan. Since we were kids. Never anyone else. You’re it for me.”
Relief pulsed through him, making him dizzy. “I am absolutely crazy for you.”
“And this thing between us is crazy-good.” She hiccupped, her chest heaving as she smiled through her tears.
“Yeah, it is.” He crushed his lips against hers, desperate to taste her after two long days without her. They kissed for a long time, and he felt whole in a way he never had before. He’d been a lone wolf for a long time, too fucking long. Now he had Emma, the woman he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He had Trent, because he was going to go after the cocky-ass kid and smooth that over, too. And he had the rest of their circle of handmade family. If this was what settled felt like, he wanted more.
“Will you stay?” she asked, her dewy eyes glazed with desire—and maybe still alcohol.
“I don’t see where I have a choice,” he said, fighting a smile. “In case you have trouble remembering any of this in the morning, I’d better be here to remind you.”
“I won’t forget. But I might ask you to tell me again in the morning just for fun.”
“Gladly.” He carried her toward her bedroom. He’d happily profess his love for Emma every day for the rest of his life.