Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
Reegan
“He’s coming over,” I told Ashlyn as I set my phone down.
“Good. You need to talk. Find out if he’s been avoiding you because of the no kids thing or if it really has just been a busy two weeks.”
“I know,” I whined. “I just…”
“You’re scared. I get it.”
“Yeah,” I said as Josh knocked on the door and let himself in.
“Hey.”
I smiled, my heart kicking into another gear with him in the room. God, I loved him so much. It almost hurt how much I loved him. I loved Landon, but I always held a part of myself back with Landon. I didn’t do that with Josh. I let him see all of me. Now that I’d confessed I didn’t want kids.
But I wasn’t sure if it was enough for him. If I was enough for him.
“Hey,” Ashlyn said when I didn’t answer.
“Hey. Hi.”
He glanced at Ashlyn, then approached me. He leaned over me on the couch, kissing me softly before he sank to the cushion next to me. “Thanks for letting me invade you guys tonight.”
“Long day?” Ashlyn asked.
Josh nodded. “I just dropped Evie off at college. It was…”
“Harder than you expected?”
He nodded again, resting his head against the back of the couch. He rubbed his fingers over his eyes, like he was trying to stop tears from falling.
I grabbed his other hand and rubbed my thumb over his knuckles. Ashlyn hit play on the movie. The three of us sat there, not speaking, just being together.
After thirty minutes, Josh exhaled a long breath and squeezed my hand. I looked over at him, but he was watching the movie. I squeezed back, making sure he knew I was there and I cared.
I cared so much. He’d wrapped himself around my heart when I wasn’t paying attention.
I never expected to meet someone while I was visiting Ashlyn, and he snuck up on me.
He made me believe in something I never thought I’d have.
Something that felt more real and more important than anything I’d ever experienced before.
If he didn’t feel the same…
I told myself I wanted to move to Amethyst Bay to be near Ashlyn. To make a home for myself in the town that I’d fallen for just as easily as I’d fallen for Josh. I still did, but if he didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him, it was going to be hard.
None of us spoke as the movie played. We laughed at the characters and sighed at the happy ending. Ashlyn stretched and stood as the credits rolled.
“I’m going to bed. Are you staying here tonight, Josh? You’re welcome to.”
He looked at me with something dangerously tempting in his gaze. “If you’re okay with that, yeah. I don’t want to be home tonight.”
I nodded, and he grinned at me.
“I’ll lock up then,” Ashlyn said to herself, since we were mostly ignoring her. “Good night.”
“Good night,” we repeated.
Ashlyn snorted as she walked down the hall. A second later, her bedroom door closed.
“Thank you for letting me crash your night,” Josh said softly.
“You’re not crashing.”
He smiled, looking sad. “I haven’t been around for the last two weeks, and now I’m showing up and invading your night. You’re being nice.”
“I am nice.”
He cupped my jaw. “Oh, sweet honey, I know you are. It’s one of my favorite things about you.”
“Yeah? What are some of your other favorite things?”
He grinned and moved closer, his lips bypassing mine. He nipped my jawline. “That little sound you make when I kiss you here.” He pressed a kiss to my neck, and I hummed. He growled in response. “And the way your fingers curl into my shirt, like you want to pull me closer.”
I realized I was gripping his shirt in my fist and released it.
He chuckled. “And the way you care about the people around you. Make everyone feel special.”
“It’s the teacher in me. I know everyone has something to offer, something special, and it’s my job to find it and make sure my students see the good in themselves.”
“And that’s one more thing I lo—like about you. You’re always finding the good in others.”
Was he about to say love? My heart skipped at his hesitation.
“Should we go to bed?”
“I don’t have any condoms,” I blurted. “I kept meaning to buy some, but I never did.”
“We don’t need condoms, Reegan.”
“Yes, we do. Sorry, but it’s… I…”
“I’m not saying because of that.” He pulled back. “Although I feel like we need to talk about it.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. We don’t have to talk.”
He exhaled a laugh. “Despite my efforts to get Evie ready to go, the last two weeks were chaos. I swear there were a hundred things she needed to get. I thought I’d have more free time. I haven’t been avoiding you. I know it seems like I have.”
“I didn’t think that,” I lied.
He kissed me softly. “Yes, you did,” he whispered against my lips. “And I’m sorry.” He sat back, giving me space but not letting go of my hands. “I was a little unsure what to say when you told me you don’t want kids. I always assume everyone does. And that’s on me.”
I shook my head. “It’s a normal thing.”
“Normal is something we say to hold everyone else to the standards we set for ourselves. That doesn’t mean it’s the right thing.”
I tilted my head. No one had ever given me the space to feel like my choice was okay.
“I know you’re leaving. And I guess I never really thought about kids with you because of that.
But I also never really thought about kids because Evie’s almost an adult.
When she was younger, I wanted more kids.
I was an only child, and I wanted siblings, so I wanted my daughter to have a sibling.
That wasn’t in the plans, but it also wasn’t a good reason to have more kids. ”
“True,” I agreed.
He exhaled a laugh. “At this point in my life, I’m not looking to start over. If you wanted kids, and we were planning a life together, then I wouldn’t say no, but that’s not the case.”
I swallowed roughly. There were so many things about what he was saying that I needed to tell him. Would he change his mind if he knew I was thinking of staying? If he knew I’d spent the last few weeks researching schools in the area and applied for a bunch of jobs?
There was a big difference between the theoretical I don’t want kids and the reality of the person I’m with doesn’t want kids so I can’t have kids. I didn’t want him to resent me. To regret being with me.
And I didn’t want to resent him.
“I am enjoying being with you, Reegan. More than you know. More than you can imagine. I am not going to push you into staying here or having kids or anything else. I… It’s going to hurt like hell to say goodbye to you, but for tonight, I don’t want to think about that.
I want to worship your body and make you come so many times you can’t think about leaving just yet.
But we don’t need condoms because I want you to feel good. My clothes are staying on.”
“That’s not fair,” I protested.
“It’s the only way, beautiful. I would never do anything that risked putting you in a position you didn’t want to be in.”
Emotion backed up in my throat. I felt like I was choking on it. I wanted this man. I wanted a life with this man. He was going above and beyond to make sure I was okay.
How could I not love him?
“I can go if you want me to, but I’m hoping you’re willing to let me make you feel good.”
“How can I say no to an offer like that?” I teased.
He smiled at me. “I was hoping you wouldn’t.”
I stood and led him down the short hallway to the bedroom I’d made my own. I turned on the light, then pulled Josh into the room and closed the door behind us.
He spun us and pressed me against the door, covering my body with his. He cupped my jaw, teasing me by keeping his lips off mine. He nuzzled my throat and inhaled deeply. He licked a path across my skin to my ear, where he bit my earlobe.
I groaned in frustration, and he chuckled.
He ground his erection against me, reminding me how much he wanted me. How much he was holding back for me.
Tears welled in my eyes. Gratitude, love, peace. This man was it. He was the one I’d been waiting for my entire life. I knew that as well as I knew he’d never let anything happen to me.
Unaware of the emotions racing through me, Josh dipped his head, nibbling his way to the collar of my shirt.
He bunched the fabric in one hand until he could jump the gap and kiss along the swell of my breasts.
He abandoned my shirt, leaving me to whip it off, and brought my breasts to his face, capturing himself between them.
I unhooked my bra and let the straps fall until he stepped away. His hands were waiting for my breasts as soon as my bra was out of the way.
He nibbled both nipples, sending shocks of pleasure through my body. Then he dropped to his knees and worked my shorts and panties down my legs, exposing my entire body to him.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Reegan. Every time I see you, I wonder how in the world I got so lucky to be with you.”
Before I could reply, he pressed his nose between my thighs and inhaled deeply. His tongue snaked out, licking my inner thigh before he bit down on the tender skin. He slicked his tongue over the bite, then did the same on the other side.
“On the bed, beautiful. I don’t want you to get hurt, and I don’t intend to stop once I get my mouth on you.”
He surged to his feet, lifting me off mine. He kissed me hard as he spun, carrying me to the bed. He lowered me down slowly, not breaking the kiss until I was on the mattress. He grabbed a pillow and dropped it next to the bed, then sank to his knees on it.
“Old knees,” he said with a wink. “I’m going to be here a while, and I don’t want to have to stop because my knees don’t like to be on a hard surface.”
I chuckled, a reply ready on my lips, but he pressed my thighs wide and pierced my channel with his tongue, claiming any thoughts I had.