Desire
Creed
I sat back in the chair and laughed. “You finger fucked your cousin?” I was visiting Patrick at his apartment above the bar. We were waiting for Darren and Tanner to discuss our safety plan for the funeral. It had been three days since Morgan got so damn drunk. I spent those three days in misery. The pull I felt toward her only grew stronger and it was getting harder to fight.
“The whole family made an oath never to tell that story. I met the girl on the other side of the park at the concession stand. I never saw the girl in my life. I can’t believe Morgan told anyone. I was only fourteen and she came on to me, not the other way around. I guess the bright side of it all was that I’ve learned the safety questions I should always ask before taking a chick to bed.”
I laughed. “So, you ask all of them their family history?”
“Shit yeah I do. We live in a small town, you never know. It’s just as important as asking if they have tested for diseases and if they have any latex allergies. I am so pissed at her.”
I decided not to ask about the whole latex thing. I was sure there was a story behind that as well. “Oh, let her be. She was stressed out and grieving. She deserved a night out and didn’t mean any harm. We probably should have told her you were thinking about prospecting.” I still couldn’t look at him without fighting off a laugh.
He shook his head. “It was at the state park. We were like a mile away from where the family reunion was being held, but I should have asked questions when I asked her if I could walk her to her own family reunion. I got all turned around and didn’t notice my own family when we went into the bathroom. Then of course my aunt Sally figured out there was two entrances into the bathroom. There I was, fourteen years old, and had my own cousin in the shower stall. I’ll never recover from that shame. I threw up on the girl and she acted like it was no big deal. I avoid all family gatherings that include extended family now. I seriously had nightmares for a long time after it happened. I mean dude, they had a huge family meeting about us and her dad tried to kill me.”
I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t laugh. I was saved by the knock when Darren and Tanner showed up. I explained everything and Darren was fine with the Fallen Angels MC. They weren’t into drugs. Their thing was strip clubs, prostitution, some shady shit with some mafia families, and illegal gambling, so Darren just let it go. I didn’t think he was aware of the shadiest shit though. I ordered several leather cuts, and the Fallen Angels sent me their patches. I had Felicity and the girls working on them so several of my operatives could blend in with their MC. It wasn’t huge news that we had a motorcycle club because we built bikes. What we didn’t want is certain members of my community being seen by the media and recorded as members of Creed’s Lake. Quite a few were considering under cover work and the Fallen Angels were allies. They helped give certain operatives their start in the motorcycle gang world. It also wouldn’t have been suspicious that the Fallen Angels were helping. They did that sort of thing at funerals for members of other MC’s and Callie was involved with the Devil’s Rejects. They also weren’t enemies with the Rejects, in fact the Rejects were patrons of their clubs. I served with the son of the Fallen Angels President, and it wasn’t unusual for members of an MC to have served. We just needed their help for the numbers. We knew the paparazzi would try to attend and we were still on the hunt for Sniper.
There was another fact I needed to face. Nicole would be learning of my whereabouts. It wasn’t like it was a secret, but I didn’t ever want her to grow curious. I knew she was trying to drag me into her family drama, I didn’t have any doubts she would show up at the front gates of Creed’s Lake.
Morgan finally returned Jake’s calls, but he was already in Corbinville and planned to attend the funeral. There were no indications that he would recognize me, but his parents certainly would, and they were coming with him. I saw Kenny and Allison at my father’s funeral years ago, and I had no doubt they would recognize me. I remembered their apologies, but it really didn’t mean anything. I lived my entire life without that family and didn’t miss it. You never miss what you never had. Then again, they might have been apologizing because my mom left us for a man they knew. Mom went for a visit when Kenny was attending some kind of awards and that’s when she met her new husband. Honestly, they did me a favor.
When the meeting was over, Tanner pulled me aside in the parking lot to thank me for all the help. I felt a tad guilty over all the filthy thoughts I had about his daughter.
We still hadn’t heard anything about the death certificates. Callie and Shane were both taken to Louisville for their autopsies and Mr. Rhys, the funeral director, hadn’t gotten the call yet to pick them up.
Every single day that went by was hard on Morgan. Addie was still with strangers, and she hadn’t been able to see her yet. Stephanie helped her pick out clothes, a bedroom set, and all her bed linens. We agreed on neutral colors. Addie wasn’t a prissy girl, but she also wasn’t a full blown tomboy. Morgan did get her a few toys made for girls, like a few princess outfits and a little vanity set, and I got her a few toys geared for boys, which included a battery operated kids side by side, a t-ball set, and a backyard play set. The guys were coming over later to help me build it. I figured once Addie left I could add it to the playground equipment at the community center. I also planned to install an alarm for the lake. I couldn’t have Addie wondering out there and drowning. There was also a few new life vests in my boathouse for Addie and Morgan.
As I rode my bike toward the shop, I thought about Morgan. I was always thinking about Morgan anyway, so it wasn’t anything new. But what was new was how early I was ending my days. Putting more responsibility in capable hands so I could get home early enough for dinner with Morgan.
Two days prior, all the Originals came over to hang out. Stephanie and Morgan were growing closer and the guys enjoyed Morgan’s company. Well, not just her company but her baking as well. The night prior, it was just the two of us and we spent it watching a movie. She made homemade pizza, and we watched Saving Private Ryan. She took me off guard when she cried at the end.
I stopped at the shop to check on things, then went to the check up on the construction of the medical center. Axton met me there and I wasn’t expecting his line of questioning. He had his truck and pulled down the tail gait for us to sit and watch the construction, then gave me a beer from his cooler.
“You need to face the facts.” He said out of the blue.
“Which facts? There’s a lot of facts to know about this place if you haven’t noticed.”
“The fact that you want her more than anything, but that scares the hell out of you.” He took a swig of his beer and looked at the construction site.
“We are just fine as friends.” I denied my true feelings.
“You’re scared to death because you can’t have her and have an agreement. There’s nothing you can do to tie her here and she can leave you just like your mom did. Your money can’t buy her loyalty, and all you have to offer is yourself.”
I looked over at him. “Who made you the psychologist?”
“I don’t have to be a psychologist to see it. There’s something about the way you look at each other that tells me you both want it, but something is holding you back. Most guys would have had her in their bed by now, you know as well as I do that she wants you. So, what else could be holding you back?”
I ran my hand down my face then my beard.
He continued. “Come on now, Creed. She’s not just a great girl, she’s fucking gorgeous, and don’t think I don’t notice what you look like if one of the men as much as looks at her. You look like you’re about to snap any man’s neck that gets too close to her. The fact that she will never be one of your contract girls fucks with your head. You can’t dangle a carrot in front of her to make her stay. You have nothing to count on but faith that you’re enough. You are enough, by the way.”
I took a swig of my beer then looked down at my swinging feet. “There’s a kid involved.”
“Yeah, a kid you’d die to protect. Who else could protect her as well as you? I’m the last person that should give advice about women, but I had to say something. I’ve served with you for years and a few times I’ve seen fear in your eyes, but those times don’t even compare to the fear I see when you look at Morgan. I guess I’m trying to say that you’ll regret this someday if you don’t do something about it. You’re not the kind of guy that lets fear dictate him. You need to find some kind of bravery and get the girl.”
“Its not as simple as that, Axton. Morgan is a forever kind of girl, and she deserves to know everything about the man she gets involved with, but I don’t have the privilege of being honest about my entire life. Its one thing to go on missions for our business, but another to get called up for the military. I could be gone for an entire tour.”
He shook his head. “Its okay for her to know you were called back up. You just can’t get into specifics, and she should understand. But you’re right, she does deserve to know. You just haven’t told the community because it goes against our rules. We don’t accept current members of the military. You’re different though, you built this place, so you can’t exactly leave. I get it, you feel like a hypocrite because we haven’t been able to hire Gavin.”
Gavin was Chad “Denny” Dennison’s younger brother. Denny was the second operative we hired, right after Jenson. Gavin was still with Delta Force. He planned to get out as soon as his tour was over. The two brothers were attached at the hip and Gavin spent all his leave time at Creed’s Lake and was like family to us. He was also on a special project before that last deployment, and was based not far from us. He wanted to prospect before he left but we weren’t able to offer it quite yet. We didn’t need any problems with the military and they wouldn’t have been impressed if he had a contract with us at the same time he was still serving. He was currently on a tour and was due home for good in a few months. After that he was more than welcome to prospect.
It wasn’t like I didn’t consider Axton’s advice. Hell, I wanted to take it, but there were still other factors at play. For the safety of the community, we had to protect it from the media. Not only did we have people working under cover, we had enemies. We had put a lot of people behind bars, and we couldn’t have certain members recognized on camera. The last thing we needed was to bring the Cartel to Cold Springs. We were already taking one hell of a risk by allowing Morgan to stay at Creed’s Lake. At the time, she was the main focus of the media and the paparazzi. They were blood thirsty for not just an interview, but also photos. It wasn’t every day that an A-list actor was almost murdered in a Motel by a man she ended up killing. Not to mention the fact that she was about to adopt her dead best friend’s daughter.
When I arrived home, I was yet again greeted by a delicious aroma, but I didn’t see Morgan in the kitchen. I saw some crock pots plugged in, and upon further inspection, I realized we were having pulled pork, roasted potatoes, and asparagus. She must have been using the crock pots to keep it all warm, which was something I noticed she did from time to time.
“Morgan?” I called out to her but got no response. It wasn’t like her not to be home in the afternoon. I checked upstairs and downstairs, but I didn’t see her until I stepped out onto the back deck. There she was, sitting at the end of the dock looking out over the water. I went back inside, grabbed two beers from the fridge, and made my way down to the dock.
“What’s on your mind?” I sat down at the end of the dock next to her, and handed her a beer. She gave me a half hearted smile and thanked me. We let our feet dangle from the edge, but they didn’t quite reach the water.
She wiped away a tear. “Patrick dropped off my photo albums and a white board for me to make a memory board for Callie. I realized as I went through each album that Callie went from being bright eyed and smiling, to looking empty. She stopped smiling as much and I had to question for the millionth time why she stayed with Shane.”
“Some women are afraid to leave, and others simply don’t know any other kind of life.” I answered.
“I’m scared I won’t be enough for Addie. I’ve done some reading on raising kids, but there’s so many different opinions. There are no clear answers, and I don’t know what to do.”
I put my arm around her and gave her a side hug. She leaned her head against me and damn if it didn’t feel right. “I think you have two pretty good examples of parents. Tanner and Jenny did a great job raising all three of you.” I tried to comfort her.
“That’s the thing though, they had each other. I’ll be a single mom, and I have no plans to hire a nanny and have someone else raise her. She needs stability and love.” She sniffled.
“Then there you go, you’ve made your first parenting decision, and it’s a great one. You’re already off to a good start, and I doubt any books can prepare you. You both will make adjustments and do your best day by day. Isn’t there a chance that every child is different? You’ll provide her the life she needs to cater to her uniqueness, and I don’t think any parent is perfect. You’ll make mistakes along the way, but you’ll both learn from them. Maybe don’t think of it as a dictatorship, but more like teamwork. Plus, you have a great family to support you, and I don’t plan to abandon you. I’ll be around to help out whenever possible.”
She looked up at me. “Even when we move out?”
I nodded. “Even when you move out.” I kissed the top of her head and took in her scent.