Chapter 5 #2
“I’ve handled worse,” he said, forcing himself back onto his feet. He swiped his hair out of his face and sat the stupid shoes on the shelf. “Please go, Arden. This is your night. I want you to enjoy yourself.”
No one had ever said that to me before. Not without meaning something transactional by it.
“Arden! Where are you?” Heath shouted.
I bit my lip and Alexander shooed me away.
Hesitant, I hurried out of the aisle of shoes and found Heath at the fitting room.
Mickey and Monty were dragging chairs over from the thrifted furniture section, settling in as Heath draped clothes throughout one of the fitting rooms. She stepped aside as Alexander took the stool next to Mickey.
“Alright, here’s the drill,” Heath announced. “We’ve got fancy on the right and casual on the left. You will try on everything and show it to us. Everything.”
I scanned the clothes, my eyes landing on a pile of lingerie. My face heated.
“Okay maybe not those,” Heath said in a whisper loud enough everyone could hear, Mickey and Monty chuckling.
Then, less jokingly, she actually lowered her voice.
“Also don’t worry—those aren’t secondhand.
They just get donated by the bigger stores when they have a surplus.
Do you want me to help you change? I can stay,” she offered.
I shook my head. “I can dress myself. Thanks.”
“Sure.” Then she closed the curtain shut.
I stood awkwardly scanning all the clothes for a second.
I decided to start simple and take off what I had on.
Doing so, however, meant exposing myself to the mirror.
I sucked in a deep breath seeing myself naked.
It had been a long time since I’d seen myself fully.
I tended to avoid most mirrors. Shame filled me as my eyes scraped over the brutal scarring from my old burn wounds on my thighs and hands.
Several other nicks littered me but my gaze fastened to the Creed and Doll ink on my forearm.
I covered it with my palm self consciously.
“You okay in there, Arden?” Mickey called.
“Yeah,” I answered quickly, grabbing the first thing on the closest hanger and tugging on lingerie. I couldn’t exactly try all those clothes on nude. The lacy underwear and bra were both black and stupidly revealing. I hated them, but they got the job done.
I put on jeans next and a long sleeved, striped shirt. It dipped low, showing my cleavage and tugging down on the hem only made it more revealing. I sighed and rolled my shoulders back, trying to feel confident before I drew back the curtain. “Ta-da,” I mumbled.
A round of whoops and applause immediately erupted. “Those boobs! See I told you she has great fucking breasts,” Monty hollered.
Heath twirled her finger. “Let’s see that ass.”
Grinning a bit, I held out my arms and turned slowly.
“Great ass,” Mickey said, winking at me as I blushed.
All their eyes veered toward Alexander, waiting for his input. I found myself waiting too, wanting his opinion. He straightened, rubbing his jaw and looking me up and down. “Nice,” he said, offering a small grin.
“Nice? She looks hot,” Heath scoffed. Then she went into the fitting room and selected the next thing she wanted me to try on.
We continued like that for the next hour until I was genuinely laughing and smiling along with them.
Monty and Heath began trying things on too, Mickey ordering the girl at the front counter to give him pen and paper.
He proceeded to rate our outfits, his expression pinched and serious.
“Nah, it’s a miss, I’m afraid,” Mickey said to Monty, cringing at her boa, plaid button up, cowgirl boots and booty shorts combo. “Negative one.”
“You cannot give us negative scores, Delgado,” she complained.
Heath laughed and grabbed Monty and Mickey by the wrist. “Let’s go get some liquor from the shop across the street.
” She turned to Alexander and me. “We’ll be back soon.
” They yelled over one another about their outfits and scores, Mickey trying to referee, as they left the store throwing a wad of cash at the cashier as they passed, still in their get-ups.
My eyes drifted to Alexander’s. Our gazes caught, his skin clammy as he remained hunched on the stool. I cleared my throat. “Well,” I said with a chuckle and made sure to give him my worst look of seduction, “you’ve got yourself quite a set of assets, Alexander Creed.”
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Another joke? It must be my lucky night.”
I went into the dressing room, closing the curtain and fiddling with the awful lime green dress I had on. “Maybe in another life I would’ve been a comedian,” I said, my nose wrinkling at the thought. I craned my arm over my shoulder, trying to get the zipper and letting out an aggravated grunt.
“Something wrong?” Alexander asked outside.
“No,” I grumbled. “I just can’t reach the zipper.” I tried again and failed. I dropped my arm in defeat, peeking out through the curtain sheepishly only to lurch back in surprise, finding Alexander already there. “Gosh.”
“Sorry,” he said with a small laugh. “I wasn’t peeping. I just figured you might need help and you drew the curtain back before I could ask.”
I nodded and let him step inside the fitting room, the curtain falling shut as he did.
“Thanks,” I said, lifting my hair and turning away from him.
“It just zips down if you could get it started for me.” I glanced into the mirror, my eyes meeting his when I did.
His mouth was pressed into a slim smile, a damp sheen to his forehead, and I immediately regretted asking.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I said. “Sit back down. I’m so sorry. I keep forgetting that you’re in pain.”
“Arden,” he muttered. “Shut up.”
I frowned.
He gently took hold of the zipper, tugging it down slowly.
“I want you to try something for me,” he said.
“For the foreseeable future, particularly in my presence, never apologize for simply existing. You’re not a burden, not a waste of space, not any other thing I know you’ve got running around in that head of yours.
” He met my eyes again, his look stern. “You’re beautiful,” he said softly, “and worth every ounce of space you take in this life and the next.”
I didn’t believe him. But I wanted to. “Alexander…”
He matched my frown and tugged the zipper down a little more. “Call me Alex. My family calls me Alex. Always.”
“Alex.” I swallowed. The nickname felt wrong in a way, like I was betraying Creed.
So I immediately corrected myself, straightening.
“Alexander, that’s enough. I can get the zipper now.
” Being alone with him like that felt… intimate in a way I didn’t have language for.
It wasn’t sexual. I remember very distinctly that there wasn’t any hidden sexual charge between us.
It was more like a platonic need, like pieces from the same puzzle trying to slot together and lean on one another.
And I couldn’t fathom that, having the desire to care for someone like I did with my little family of Creed.
He halted, his eyes slowly drifting down to my back as if he’d forgotten what he was doing. His throat worked, and he stilled. He looked a little bit horrified by the act of touching me, and I recalled how he’d told me from the beginning that he didn’t want to.
“Thank you for tonight,” I said, softening my stern tone slightly and drawing his attention back to mine in the mirror. “I probably would’ve sat in my room crying all night if it weren’t for you all.”
Alexander smiled a genuine smile. “Happy wife, happy life, right? Isn’t that how the saying goes?”
“I think so,” I managed.
His smile wobbled, some semblance of pain crossing his features. I hated that he hadn’t told his friends, his family. They deserved to know. I opened my mouth to say as much, but—
“He’s doing well,” Alexander muttered. “Rafe. I thought you’d want to know.”
My heart squeezed. The fact that he’d remembered, thought to tell me, mattered more than I wanted it to. I took in a deep breath. “Good,” I said. “He was expensive for a reason. You’ll want him anywhere with guns.”
Alexander nodded. “Thorne and Kane have settled into their new roles. All three of them ask about you daily. Mickey sends them updates. Thorne said he hoped you got your hands on a bike. I’ll have to rectify that for you.”
I shut my eyes and let the words wash through me like warm water.
Relief was a treacherous thing. It always came with teeth in my world.
Even there, surrounded by dresses and fluorescent lights and the ridiculous normalcy of trying on clothes, my body kept waiting for the catch—for the part where the air shifted and everything went wrong.
But there wasn’t a catch. There was only Alexander’s voice and the knowledge that my family was free somewhere because he’d made it so.
I hated how quickly gratitude made me feel small.
How it softened me in places I’d spent years turning to stone.
“Kane’s taken well to the fight scene in London, so much so that Buyers have come to me asking to purchase him.
Don’t worry, I turn them down, but a couple times Kane’s agreed just to get more information on S.I.N.
I refused, of course. I never send a Raven back in like that.
So he’s safe and he says he misses you.”
I smiled softly and clutched my hand over my heart. “I miss them too. So much.”
“Rafe’s been quiet,” he admitted, “but he finally started working with the foster homes. Matthias says he’s adjusting. The kids fucking love him. He’s been teaching them how to defend themselves, and at a few homes there’s been deaf kids that he’s teaching ASL.”
I sniffed, tears welling.
“He says he hopes you’re happy too.”