Chapter 8 Confession #3
I hesitated but followed him. Thorne and Kane took turns bringing me with them any time we needed to split up, keeping me away from Rafe.
It was unspoken, but they all knew I couldn’t be alone with him.
Everything was too raw, and especially now with Leah…
I didn't know if I’d be able to resist Rafe’s pull and I needed to protect myself.
“Goddamn,” Kane muttered as we opened the door to what had to be the main bedroom.
A huge bed dressed in black sat in the center of a room boxed in by glass.
Another fireplace was in the corner, fresh roses in a black vase on its mantel.
There was a wraparound balcony that, once we pulled open the balcony door, led us to another door for a second bedroom, and then around to the main deck with the pool.
Kane and I stood at the edge of the water, looking up when Thorne and Rafe appeared on the other end.
“Two rooms on this end,” Thorne announced. Rafe stood next to him, his hands shoved in his pockets, and his dark eyes burning into me. I refused to meet them.
“Two on this end, as well,” Kane answered. He rubbed the back of his neck. “One for each of us.”
“Is it at all possible this is some kind of test?” Thorne asked. He kicked his dress shoes through at the top of the pool water, causing it to ripple. He looked incredibly awkward, but then again, that was the first conversation any of us had really had in months.
“Better question,” Kane countered with a cocked brow, “do we care? Also did anyone check the kitchen for food?”
All of us perked up at that. We trekked to the kitchen, letting Kane lead the way. He pried open cabinet doors that turned out to be a hidden fridge.
“Fuck me,” Kane whispered, the fridge fully stocked.
He immediately grabbed a beer, mumbling, "Fuck me sideways, front and back—God just fucking get inside me," as he cracked it open and guzzled it down.
He let out a groan, stumbling back and leaning against the cabinets, with his eyes hooded and small grin on his lips.
My heart leapt at the sight of pudding cups. Viktor used to serve pudding to his Buyers. Leah and I had been working the kitchen one night and gotten to steal some. At the thought of her, I took a small step back, even as my stomach clenched with the need for food.
“Alright, get those veggies out,” Thorne pointed to the vegetable drawers and crossed to another cabinet, tugging it open and finding the pots and pans. “I’m makin’ soup.”
“Soup? Brother, there’s fucking steak in here,” Kane said, holding up the packaged meat and shaking it in victory.
“We haven’t eaten solid foods in a year. What do you think will happen if we suddenly scarf down steak?” Thorne asked.
Kane’s shoulders slumped, and Rafe gave him a small pat on the back. “Maybe we could just cook one? Cut it up between all of us?” he pleaded. “Thorne, who knows the next time we’ll be in a place like this. I’m fine with a stomach ache.”
“Fine. But just one,” Thorne conceded with a tired smile.
Kane popped his shoulders a few times, doing a weird half-dance and prying open the steak packaging like a rabid dog.
The three of them crowded the stove, chucking different ingredients into a pot, and I leaned on the counter, watching them bicker.
My eyes welled again, watching them be so normal.
I wanted that for them. Of course, I did.
It was just hard to see them be normal after Leah’s death.
I know they didn’t know her like I did, but I was too fucked up in the head to celebrate with them.
I backed out of the kitchen without a word, trekking down the hall and slipping my heels off as I went.
I wandered until I found a bedroom and chucked my bag and heels onto the comforter.
I unhooked my pearls and slid out of my jacket, gloves, and dress, moving into the attached bathroom.
It was beautiful. Dark marble and a huge tub.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gotten to bathe myself.
All the showers at the compound were spray downs provided by guards, and there was never any privacy.
I turned on the faucet and placed down the plug, exploring the cabinets while the tub filled.
Just like the kitchen, the bathroom seemed to have everything anyone could possibly need from extra toilet paper to razors.
Finding salts and bubbles, I decided to add them to the water, not even realizing I was crying again until I saw a few tears splatter on the tub edge.
I sighed and curled down into the water, closing my eyes as the water slowly rose over my stomach.
I don’t know if it was the warmth of the water or the fact my mind was finally cataloging everything that had happened in that one horrible fucking year, but a strangled, choked sob stabbed out of me.
It jerked me to my side, forcing me into a fetal position, my good ear thrust into the water and my mouth slightly submerged.
I screamed. It tore out of me and bubbled out, part of it knifing through the entire penthouse.
I didn’t hear Creed come for me, but I felt their gazes.
Even with my eyes shut, one of the guys must’ve stepped in front of the tub, knelt and said something, but I couldn’t hear them.
I just screamed again and again, hugging myself.
I screamed until my throat was raw, and eventually, they let me be.
It was hours before I clawed out of the tub, shaking as I left the bathroom and crawled into the massive bed. I didn’t bother to dry off or change. I just curled under the covers, staring exhausted at the bedside lamp until I started screaming again, screaming myself to sleep.
Sometime in the night, the edge of the bed dipped and a hand brushed through my hair.
I peeled my eyes open, surprised to see Kane.
Of all of them, it was rare he showed me affection.
It just wasn’t really in his nature. He showed his love by joking around, trying to make light of the terrible things happening to us.
“Hey, Miss Creed,” he said, his mouth tilting up on one side. He was shirtless, wearing a pair of shorts, his CREED tattoo across his arm stark in the dim-lit room. “I have a request.”
My eyes narrowed.
He gave me a pointed look. “Get your head outta the gutter. I just want to go for a swim.”
I frowned. “Go with Thorne.”
“Nah, he passed out in the living room after he ate all my damn pieces of steak,” Kane said with a bitter expression.
I cleared my throat, my voice rasping from screaming so much.
I was embarrassed to have done so, but I needed to.
It was like I’d stored all my pent up rage, and I needed to let it out before I did something I could never take back.
Part of me worried I still would. “Rafe, then,” I said, barely getting out his name.
Kane noticed my wince. His shoulders stiffened a bit. “Nope,” he popped out. “He won’t look nearly as good in a bikini.”
“I don’t have a—”
He dropped a top and bottoms on the blanket. They’d been balled in his other fist. He smiled broadly. “Let’s go.”
“I just bathed.”
Kane sighed. “Arden Creed, get your ass out of bed. Now.”
“Kane,” I ground out, “I just lost Leah. This year has been hell. I just want to fucking sleep.”
“Alright. That’s it.” He ripped off the covers and wrenched me into his arms.
“Kane!” I gasped. I was naked, but that didn’t deter him as he lunged for the balcony door and ripped it open. The night air hit us, the wind thrashing. “Christ, fine! Let me put the suit on,” I demanded.
“Oh, goody.” He gently set me down and dangled the bikini in front of me, turning his back to give me privacy.
I shoved my legs into the bottoms, then pulled on the top, crossing my arms with a scowl. “Is there a reason you want to go swimming so badly? You do realize it’s just an overpriced version of The Tank, correct?”
Kane turned back and grabbed my wrist, dragging me toward the pool. “See, that’s where you’re wrong, Miss Creed. This, here, is a pool at a penthouse in Manhattan—not the compound. There are no guards, no commanders, no Halden, and no stupidly hot teachers.”
I lifted a brow and he rolled his eyes. “Florence was pretty,” I gave him.
“Fucking gorgeous,” he grumbled and stopped us at the edge of the deep end.
He cleared his throat. “My point is, we’re always going on and on about maybe in another life.
Well, this is it, Arden. This is our life.
We only get one. So we can treat our goddamn pool as a goddamn pool, or we can look at every body of water until the end of time as a form of torture.
Me? I’m choosing the first. Leah? She would’ve chosen the same. ”
I froze. “What?” I breathed.
“Yeah, I knew Leah,” Kane said, surprising me further. I blinked up at him, noticing the glassy sheen to his eyes.
“You did?” I whispered.
“Arden, of course I did. I went where Rafe went, and when he wasn’t sold to a Buyer, he was in that damn courtyard hoping to catch a glimpse of you.
When that happened, you were always with Leah.
You two were inseparable. It reminded me…
of Thorne and me.” His throat bobbed. “I don’t know what the fuck I’d do if I lost him, but I’d hope someone would remind me that my brother—before all the fucking shit we’ve been through—loved fast bikes and city lights.
I’d want someone to tell me to look at a pool and see a fucking pool; to stand in front of one of the most beautiful cities in the world and still see the beauty, because that’s how Thorne would look at it.
He’s my fucking anchor, Arden, just like Leah was yours. ”
Was. I choked, covering my mouth, and his grip on my wrist loosened.