Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cassie
If Parker doesn't feel the same way, it's okay. I know it's not outright rejection, but that doesn't mean I can have this conversation lying down with my tits out.
Nudging Ripley off me, I ignore his grumbled protest and climb so I'm sitting on my knees. Shirt in place, I study the tense expression on my blond biker's face.
Parker looks particularly uncomfortable and stressed. This is the last thing I want for any of us. Pressure to feel more than we are or push ourselves past what's comfortable is not what relationships are built on.
I fear he's moments away from telling me he loves me only because he feels like he needs to. His emotional struggles stem not from trust issues or being hurt in the past, but because he loves so fiercely that something bad happening could break him.
That is a characteristic of a man who truly shouldn't be forced into something so monumental if he's not ready. Resentment has no place in a healthy relationship.
As badly as I wish to touch him, I keep my hands to myself. Not only is he emotionally vulnerable, but his dick is still out. "Parker, you don't have to—"
"Do you remember that night in the kitchen?" Parker murmurs, staring at the wall now. "You told me you were happy. That you were feeling like you were close to living your dream. Did you mean that?"
Gulping, I fidget, remembering that odd conversation. That was the first time I got a glimpse of the real Parker. "Yes. I meant it."
"Instead of asking about your dream, I told you about my nightmares." His chuckle is humorless. "And do you remember what you said?" I frown, trying to recall the specifics, but he continues on a roll now. "You flipped my script effortlessly. When I told you my greatest fear, you heard my dreams."
"Your dream, one of the things that matters most to you is ensuring your loved ones are safe and live full lives."
"Of course I responded like an ass, yet you wanted to know what makes me happy because your happiness confused me that night."
I nod, bits and pieces of details coming back to me. "A foreign concept."
"The only thing that confused me that night was how in the hell you could feel any joy with me around.
But that's not the point. Come here," he whispers, leaning back against the headboard.
I don't hesitate to climb onto his lap and straddle his thighs.
"You see the light in the dark. I was an ass complaining about my nightmares, and you had me listing off all the things that make me happy in under a minute.
You're my sunshine. That was the moment I fell in love with you.
It was then followed by immense guilt because I sent you to your room. "
"You did do that..." I murmur, playing with the collar of his black tank top. "I left because this is your home and your safe space."
His large, warm hands cradle my cheeks, pulling me close so our noses are mere millimeters from each other. "And now, Sunshine, this is your home. Your safe space. Because ours is no longer within these walls. It's you."
Jesus. Sniffling, I glance over my shoulder at the other three and see Parker's sentiment reflected in their eyes too. More tears fall and my damn bottom lip wobbles. "That—" I sigh, trying to gain some composure. "That was really good."
Parker scowls, pulling me back in and notching his erection at my pussy.
"It may have taken my mom scolding me, my dad making awful jokes, and my club brothers staring at you to make me realize I love you, but I'm here now.
And for the fucking record, that was the best speech you'll ever get so it better be more than good.
I'm fucking you bare by the way. We were tested recently.
So if you have any problem with that, I'm gonna fuck a baby into you. "
"Parker! Jesus, I have an IUD." I huff, seating myself on his cock for the first time. "Oh, and by the way, I love you too. No matter where I am, how far away I am from you, I love you. That's what you hold on to."
I cut his response off by clenching my pussy and bouncing on his dick like I've wanted to do for weeks. He's a hot steel pipe that's practically begging to split me open.
Warm hands grip my hips, the calluses reminding me of Ripley's appreciation for a sharp knife. "I want in too, Pet. Will you let me have this ass?"
Before I even respond, a cap of lube pops and slick fingers probe my back hole. The sheer excitement that races through me forces my walls to suck Parker in as far as I fucking can.
"More. More."
"What does my sweet girl say?" Maddy growls, coming to stand beside the bed near me.
Parker spanks my ass to get my attention. Because his cock inside of me isn't enough. "Make it kinky, Sunshine."
Grinning from ear to ear, I look over my shoulder at Ripley and bat my eyelashes. "Pretty please, will you fuck my ass, my love?"
I barely have the question out before Ripley's fingers are stretching and scissoring me open so I can take him. He grunts and works me to the edge while I gently rock on Parker beneath me.
"Baby, it's going to be a tight fit," Koa murmurs, coming to kneel beside me. His concern is sweet but unnecessary.
Biting back a moan, I explain, "Maddy trained me to take a cock in my ass and a dildo in my pussy. Now I understand he was getting me ready for you guys. I'm going to love it, Koa. Now let me touch you."
Koa moans out a curse and whips his dick out of his black jeans. Just as I'm about to grab it, Ripley presses my chest to Parker's and tells me to relax. The first stretch of him in my ass burns, but Maddy's immediate praise makes it so fucking sweet.
"Look at you take them, Cassie. You were fucking made for us," Maddy snarls when Ripley bottoms out with a thunderous groan.
"Move. Fuck. Please move," I beg, the pressure becoming too much to handle without the drag of their cocks sending me sky high. And damn do they fucking send me.
I've barely let my first scream out before Maddy's grabbing my jaw and guiding his throbbing cock down my throat. Seesawing in and out of me with bruising grips and my juices dripping onto the bed while my other two men fuck the daylights out of me. One thing's missing though.
Reaching blindly, I grab hold of Koa and try to fuck him with my hand. The feeling of being so small and well-loved between my men lasts for a few thrusts before I lose myself to the pleasure of being used so beautifully.
Unable to keep up with Koa, a hand bats me away and takes over. My belly coils tightly, and my thighs burn with an intensity only explained by a whole fucking body orgasm ripping through me at warp speed.
Maddy comes at the exact moment I'm shot through the fucking roof, gagging me on his cum which heightens the experience. Pulses and waves of my walls draw ragged screams out of Parker and Ripley.
The life-altering orgasm comes to an end when my saliva drips from my chin to the tip of my nipple. Shivers erupt, making me tremble and flinch at the chilly contact.
One moment I'm pressed between four men and the next, Maddy sits me on the toilet while he runs a warm bath for us. Lucidity fades after doing my business and Maddy comes to pick me up.
I'm not sure how long I doze against his chest or soak in the water. When I come to, my big, burly bossman is watching me with so much feeling in his heart that the pieces he broke mend themselves fully.
"There you are. How are you feeling?" Maddy whispers, petting my collarbone while his other arm holds me around my stomach to keep me from slipping beneath the surface.
Wiggling to test out the soreness, I shrug, playing it off like my neck isn't tweaked and my hips aren't screaming. "Satisfied and sleepy."
He kisses my temple. "Good. That means we did our job."
I hum, enjoying the close quietness with him. It's been way too long since he's cared for me this way. Maddy always loved running baths for me and washing my hair.
"What are you thinking about?"
I close my eyes and wiggle back against him. He's hard again, but we both ignore it. "How much I've missed this. Missed you."
"Cassie..." I can practically feel his guilt and turmoil. I'm just not going to fix it for him. His choices are what's hurting him, and it's not for me to carry. "I'm so sorry. So goddamn sorry. I'm afraid if I explain why I did what I did, then it will sound like excuses."
"Then can I paraphrase and we move on?" I ask, wanting to hash this out one last time. I need closure for this conversation so I don't hold on to it and let it damage what we're building. We've been apart for way too long for this to hold us back any longer.
Humming, he tickles his beard across my cheek and nods. With a deep breath, I gather my thoughts in an attempt to control some of the overwhelming emotion that this man brings out in me.
"We were together officially for a year before you became president of the Shadows.
Which is when it became apparent that you had a really big, dangerous issue—Victor.
To protect me, your pea size man brain thought it was best to push me aside, but you know, fuck me once in a while because that's smart and healthy. "
His grunt jolts me out of my rising anger at his stupid ass decisions he made for me. "Sorry. But it's true."
Another kiss on my neck this time helps me relax again. "Yes, it is, sweet girl. But please don't say that around Koa. Next thing I know, he'll be calling everything about me small."
"Anyway. You pushed me too far while you were trying to get club shit figured out, and I forced your hand. So you kidnapped me because of course your enemy was here when I was ready to rip your balls from your taint for not loving me properly."
Oops.
"No need to tense up, Cassie. You have every right to be angry with me."
Pushing up and away from him, I ignore his sudsy bare chest and glare.
"But I don't want to be angry anymore, Maddy. I want to belong. Honestly, I never expected you to apologize. All I've needed is for you to include me and be honest with me. Like about the guys. If you would have told me when we were dating that you had three smoking hot men at home, I wouldn’t have minded.”
Now he’s the one to tense but his hand on my cheek is gentle.
“Do you believe I was cheating on you? I don’t know why that never fucking occurred to me.
God, I’m such an asshole. I was living in two different worlds.
Cassie, you really shouldn’t fucking forgive me.
Force me to apologize. Something. Please! ”
Lord give me patience. Knocking his hand away, I slap my hands into the water, splashing him with my frustration. “I just told you I don’t want to be angry anymore. If I felt like you had cheated on me, I would have actually removed your balls as soon as the thought hit me.”
“They knew about you but you didn’t know about them,” he argues, trying to dig himself an early grave.
I fight not to growl. Maybe I should be pissed, but it’s hard to view his behavior as cheating because the moment I found out I knew the others were mine too. Hell two of them stalked me all that time too.
This needs to be put to rest. I can’t keep fighting the same point for the rest of our lives.
“Stop Maddy. Don’t act like I don’t know my own feelings.
Trust me when I say it didn’t bother me when I found out and it doesn’t upset me now.
As soon as I realized, I felt like they were mine the entire time too.
Well, except for Parker, but we’re good now. ”
When Maddy opens his mouth and his brows furrow, I snap.
“Maddy I swear to hell. Let. It. Go. I don’t feel like there’s anything to forgive on the relationship topic, okay?
I’m happy you had them. I love knowing they were mine before I knew them too.
This is all out of the ordinary, but I’m happy.
Please, believe me when I say this is what I want. ”
"Okay. Okay, Cassie," Maddy murmurs, reaching for me and tugging me back into his arms. "I hear you. For what it's worth, you've proved me wrong time and time again. You are meant to be one of the Shadows."
I push back again, needing him to know what I mean. "Not just as your old lady. I don't mind being referred to as Property of the Presidents, it's hot, but I want to be one of you in my own right."
"If that's what you want, and you've thought about it, I'll support you. I trust you, Cassie. No more cutting you out or choosing your path for you," he states the words I've been desperate to hear for seven years. "I love you. Do you hear me?"
"I—" Damn it, no more tears. "I love you too, Maddy. Promise me this: what you guys have going with Victor will be over soon. I don't like you guys being in danger."
"I promise, sweet girl. Then it's the five of us and our club."
Our club. I love the sound of that.