Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Cassie
Ithought the dam of misery had dried up before the video. That was a damn lie. I don't think I have ever cried so fucking hard in my life. Now my whimpers have run dry and the salty water from my eyes has turned to vapor in the awakening of my fire.
I'm out of tears but not short on motherfucking rage.
He sent it. I was forced to watch that horrific video before he hit send. And to Koa. My gentle, silly Koa.
Watching myself get beaten as I'm coughing up blood immediately after will go down as the worst thing I've ever experienced. Worse than the beating itself.
I'll never be able to scrub those sounds or jerky movements of getting the shit kicked out of me from my mind. I had to watch the piss run down my leg before I could even register the smell.
And what did he do before he left? Victor untangled me from the chair and left me to kneel in my blood and urine.
Yet, as fucked up as it sounds, all I can wonder is what my men thought when they saw me like that. Because when I watched it, I didn't even recognize myself.
The sight of me dangling from a dirty fucking ceiling while that prick sliced lines into the bottoms of my feet with a nasty grin on his face was...hell. I'd rather he beat me a hundred times over than have to see that video even once.
I'm scared Maddy will look at me differently. Will Parker smile ever again? How will Ripley view himself in the mirror after seeing me in his own device? Will Koa still crack jokes and make us all laugh?
Who will I be after this? If there is an after. Every sickening drop of blood that splatters by my knee snuffs the energy out of me. Each slow blink is like a slideshow of smiling faces I'm afraid I'll never see again. My body is broken and my heart is weeping.
What would my men say if they knew my faith was dwindling?
As my protector, Maddy would be hurt. I'm sure Koa would have something ridiculous to say to distract me. Honestly I’d love to hear Parker call me naughty for thinking that way; maybe that would get through the murky fog.
I know Ripley wouldn't say anything. He'd just grab me and hold me together himself.
Where are you?
I'm pretty fucking sure my lips are on the ceiling too. They're so chapped and dry that I imagine them flaking away into dust. My tongue is close to doing the same. Literal sandpaper stuck to the roof of my mouth.
I doubt I've been here more than a day, but something about bleeding and crying constantly really parches me. Is it universal? Ripley would know. Surprisingly, that doesn't bother me.
Do the other guys do what he does? Rip people apart? Maybe they help or just support?
Should I feel disgusted after having the same thing done to me that he does to others? Yes. But I don't. I want my Ripper to charge down here, tie Victor up and peel the skin from his twisted bones.
One eyelid droops, and the other follows. The longer I fight unconsciousness, the heavier my body feels.
I'm at the point where just being awake is sucking the life out of me, but I fear the darkness and desperation of my mind. My injuries might not be life threatening but the exhaustion weighing me down feels like it could be.
I don't want to give up. Mentally and emotionally I haven't, but my body has. Fighting my eyelids is not how I thought I would go down. But I might...
I have no clue how long I’ve been down here anymore. The party still rages on upstairs and has become quite soothing. Like a sound machine lulling me into the abyss where nothing would hurt.
I could just let go...Everything might be easier then...
A scream doesn't rouse me from my pathetic drooping state. Not even the shattering of glass or thundering of footsteps interests me.
I simply wish for the pain to end.
The sharp pinch between my breasts expands, shoving me further away from reality. A cinder block of epic agony pressing me down and keeping me from the future I've always dreamed of.
Even now, knowing how dangerous and fucked up the MC life could be, all I want are the Shadows. One stray drop of sadness tickles my cheek in a final soothing gesture as I mourn the loss of a life I never got to live.
I'm going to die knowing I almost made it. Almost.