Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
Cassie
There's a tension that goes beyond the dull throbbing in my entire body. It wakes me with dread, like a weight pressing down on my chest.
I can almost hear the sirens warning me that something is amiss in my surroundings. After such a short amount of time with my guys, it's amazing I can feel the shift in them before I've fully woken up.
I just know...nothing will be easy for a long time.
Blinking my eyes open, hoping it's not as bad as the unease twisting my gut, I suck in a shuddering breath. Scared to face them, I keep my eyes aimed at the ceiling and catalogue everything else first.
Must be midday judging by the sunshine hardly being blocked by the curtains. My throat cries out for water, but my roiling stomach denies it. Definitely can't eat. I must be on a lot of drugs if the odd lack of excruciating pain is anything to go by.
No matter how long I blink blearily at the ceiling, I can't ignore the overwhelming urge to seek them out. I know they're here. Parker, Koa, Ripley, and Maddox won't be far.
I doubt I'll be able to leave their sight ever again, which I don’t mind. But what if...they view me differently after seeing—after seeing that video and me passing out? I don't know if that's something I can deal with.
Will I need to prove myself all over again? Somehow I don't believe surviving that hellhole will be enough for them to let me live my club life the way I want to.
Will I be a new kind of prisoner with them? Is that something I would enjoy or will it be suffocating?
If Maddy pushes me away after this, who knows how I'll be able to go on. This has all been too much, and if I come out the other side only to lose them anyway...
I need to know.
With my heart beating wildly in my throat and my body limp on the hospital bed, I flick my eyes to my doom. Immediately, I stifle a gasp and clench my jaw to hold my sob in. The feeling I woke up with makes sense. There was a change I couldn't comprehend until I faced it.
Ripley.
He embodies a shadow. Dark bruises beneath his eyes, an odd tilt in his posture, chin lowered, large frame poised for anything, he hovers at the foot of my bed and stares. Not a word or a gasp spills from his lips. His rumbly growl is locked away too. Is he even there?
The jump of his Adam’s apple is the only indication that he's not unaffected. Over and over again he swallows as we watch each other, but it seems neither of us is ready to brave the future yet.
It takes me four seconds to note that Koa and Parker are sleeping on the couch and Maddy's in the bathroom. Four seconds for Ripley to release his possessive grunt that gives me so much hope I feel like I can take my first real breath since the accident.
He still wants my attention.
He wants my eyes open and on him. Ripley needs to know I'm alive. That I can speak.
"Tell me." My voice is hardly more than a cracked plea, but it makes him jolt all the same.
A feminine gasp comes from the hospital door. Before I can comprehend what's happening, Parker's mom is shoving a straw in my mouth and whispering something about water. I don't fight her, but I do narrow my eyes at Ripley.
Pulling away from the drink, I ask again. "Tell me, my love. Please?"
The tears I was holding on lockdown slip free one by one. Bless her heart, Mom just wipes them away silently, allowing me to have this awful moment with one of my men while she comforts me.
"Too many lacerations to count," Ripley begins.
His voice is devoid of emotion but so scratchy I fear he's on the brink of losing his voice.
"Six on your thighs needed stitches. Four bruised ribs, a broken nose, infected cuts on your feet and knees, stitches above your eyebrow where the doctors believe you hit your head on the steering wheel. Bruises everywhere. And—"
His hesitation makes my gut swirl with dread. After that awful list, what could he still be scared to tell me?
Ripley swallows. He's so tense I can see his muscles bunching under his shirt and in his neck as he battles the stress of telling me. "When your shoulder dislocated, the stretch tore a ligament."
I frown, not sure what he's so hesitant about. It makes sense to me. The horrific snap and pop of my bone separating from where it should be was awful. Of course something else got fucked up.
"Everything else will heal simply with care and a few weeks for the most part, but your shoulder..."
"Ripley!" Parker hisses, jumping from the couch, eyes wild looking between the two of us like we're a bomb about to go off. "What are you doing?"
Ripley isn't finished, and I don't ask him to stop. I need to know. "What would normally be six to twelve weeks for someone else's shoulder, will likely take you six to twelve months."
Oh. My EDS.
"Even then, you'll most likely live in constant discomfort or pain due to the severity of the injury."
Parker grabs Ripley's arm and tugs him away from me. "That's enough. She just woke the fuck up and you’re already dumping this shit on her?!"
Koa wakes with a groan, groggy until he notices me watching the other two square up with each other in horror.
Please don't fight. Stumbling over a duffle bag to get to me, Koa slams to his knees beside the bed and stares at me wide eyed, hands fluttering around like he's scared to touch me. Scared or doesn't want to?
"Sweet girl!" Maddy cries softly sitting beside me before I even realize he left the bathroom. Too much is happening. But I can’t have them blaming Ripley, especially not when it seems like his soul is fading before my eyes.
Ignoring the muttered curses about calling the nurse, I lock eyes with Ripley's dead ones. They remind me of Maddy's when he was trying to convince me he didn't care.
"Parker. Parker, stop!" I wheeze as loudly as I possibly can. Thankfully his name on my lips is enough to snap him out of his misplaced blame. With so much pain in his crystal blue gaze, he looks over his shoulder at me. "Please. I begged him to tell me. It's not—"
"Whoa, okay everyone, I need a lot less testosterone in the room!" A nurse glides through the main door with wide eyes and concern.
The four of them stiffen. Mom pats my hand, and I'm quick to shake my head. It hurts like hell, but they can't leave. "No!" A cough splits my chest wide open, freaking my men out to no end. "They stay. I need th-them!"
"Okay, okay, darling. I hear you," the nurse coos, raising her hands as her expression softens. "I do need them to give me some room to check your vitals and give you more pain meds."
Once again, Parker's mom comes to the rescue. "Move, boys," she says with a take-no-shit tone.
Maddy and Koa look like they're physically ripping their hearts out as they slide off the bed.
I'm pretty sure they don't so much as blink as they line up against the wall near my feet.
They can see everything. Each uneasy twist of my lips as the nurse explains the infection in my feet and knees.
I'm grateful they caught it before it became something more serious than a few days of antibiotics, but fucking hell.
Knowing it was my blood and urine that caused it...
I need a break. As the woman's voice and my men's rumbled threats to keep me comfortable begin to warp and fade, not everything ceases to exist. Fear tightens around me. Will I have nightmares?
"She'll sleep for however long her body needs. This is good. Cassie needs some peace."
I don't think it's going to be that easy. When will things get better?
Two days into my hospital stay and I’m beyond ready to go home. Just a few days left of the constant stares and vital checks.
Maybe it’s inappropriate to ask Parker’s parents for advice on the men, while snuggling Jake, but I’m at my wit’s end. Nobody fucking told me Parker was shot and Ripley was stabbed until I saw evidence of their pain myself.
Oh, the rage.
I don’t know what this place is doing to the five of us, but we aren’t ourselves here.
For one, I don’t like their protectiveness, but maybe that’s because I’m incapable of literally anything right now.
Everything hurts, this bed makes my back ache, and the pillow has given me a pinched nerve in my right shoulder blade.
I mean, what the fuck?
Then there’s the guys. None of them are sleeping. They don’t stop staring, and Violet had to forcefully drop food off for them because they were only ordering for me. Bless my bestie for taking care of them when I can’t.
Jake practically kicked the hospital door down the first night, too.
Almost sent my men into a tizzy, but he brought me chocolate and my smile softened their murderous instincts.
It’s been a struggle to get Jake to go home and sleep, but he does for our sake.
We need space to come to terms with everything.
“You know the main problem?” Jake murmurs, petting my head that’s on his shoulder. Still can’t believe Ripley and Parker let him in my bed. “Hospitals have shit security. Being here is like the bloody icing on the trauma cake.”
“Jesus,” Parker’s dad groans. “You can’t say shit like that.”
Mom huffs and waves him off. “Cassie’s fine. She’s stronger than I was.”
I frown, wincing at the pain in my nose. “All I can think about is them. I know exactly what they saw, and it was…horrific. Add on the fact that they’re not acting right and I feel like I need to knock some heads together.”
The older couple offers me sympathetic looks like they know what I’m going through. Which they definitely do. Jake’s feather light squeeze around my back is nice too.
Mom’s wisdom fills the quiet tension. “Can you be patient with them, Cassie? Those are four hard men who love deeper than anyone you’ll ever meet. Give them time to calibrate and lock their baser instincts away, okay? They’re still riding the adrenaline wave and need to get home as much as you do.”
Her perception settles something in me. I feel similarly, I suppose. I’m practically itching to get out of this bed to shower them with love and happiness.
With them being in the cafeteria, I’m finally able to talk to someone who doesn’t growl. Another thought slips free in the quiet of my hospital room. “I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but can they?”
Dad’s the one with the profound response this time. “Cassie, you are their light.”
“Our Starlight. Did the brothers not tell you your road name?” Mom asks. When I cock my head in confusion she glares at Jake.
“We’ve been a little busy,” my friend grumbles in reply.
I try the name out. “Starlight.”
She hums. “The light in the darkness. Honey, they already see the light. You. Just get home and settle into the family you’re all excited to become.”
They see brightness when they look at me. Not the dark hole I crawled out of.
Just gotta get home. Everything will be better then.