29. Millie
Millie
As they travelled to Cornwall in the blacked-out four-by-four Cam had dropped off, Millie tapped the new phone he’d left for her.
She needed to speak to her family, but she couldn’t get past the barrier of actually sending them a message.
She was the worst counsellor, always making people face their past while she hid from hers.
“Do you remember the song ‘Toothpaste Kisses’?” she asked as memories dogged her.
“You’re asking if I remember our song, Mixie? The song I found for you after I stayed at yours late enough to chat while you cleaned your teeth?”
She dropped her head, her cheeks heating. “Yeah, that one.” She pushed her glasses up. “It was weird that sometimes you’d stay late enough to join me in the bathroom and clean your teeth with me.”
“Weird and totally coincidental that I had my toothbrush with me.” He chuckled as his phone rang.
“Morning, bud,” Bear said through the speaker. “You good?”
“Yep. We’re on our way to the house. Any news about the shooter?”
Millie stared at the beauty spot near Strike’s ear and the stubble lining his jaw. How could a man who resembled a mountain be so adorable? Shit. She was romanticising again. She needed to send this message.
Bear shared his update softly. “Casey’s still investigating. There doesn’t appear to be a leak in the police department. No one knew about it apart from her boss, and our team is solid, which leaves us with—”
“The lawyer,” Millie said absentmindedly.
“Yes,” Liss said.
Strike side-eyed Millie. “When did you work that out?”
“About one minute ago. I was distracted.” She peeked at his lips. His thick thighs were wide, and he’d pushed his sleeves up, revealing the veins cording across his forearms. “But it was obvious. Didn’t you think about him?”
“Of course.”
“When?”
He hesitated, and she smirked at his pout. “About five seconds ago.”
“We can’t all be as smart as me.”
“Whatever, Doc,” he replied. “I may not be as clever as you, but I’d beat you at an arm wrestle, especially because I know your ticklish spots.”
“Want to put that to the test? I know yours, too.”
Liss gasped. “Oh my god, Bear, they’re flirting.”
“Shush,” Bear replied.
Strike grumbled.
“Shit, we sound like teenagers, don’t we?” Millie giggled.
“You do. I sound like a bad-ass robot,” Strike replied.
“Is he smiling?” Liss chattered. “I love it when he’s cute and smirky.”
“Back to business,” Strike said sullenly. “Cam must be devastated the lawyer told the shooter. His brother referred him.”
“He is,” Bear replied. “He learnt ten minutes ago that the lawyer isn’t squeaky clean. He has a history of hiding money for rich people.”
“That could be his connection to Hugo, although I can’t imagine Hugo keeps his money long enough to hide it,” Strike mused. “I’ll call Cam and ease his worries. Are they investigating provable connections between Hugo and the lawyer?”
“Yes,” Liss replied. “I’m going over all the detailed information Millie sent us about Hugo’s previous workplaces. I can’t find anything yet, so Casey can’t bring the lawyer in for questioning, either.”
“Then we wait,” Strike grunted. The sound thrummed through Millie’s body, and she stared at the green fields they passed to hide her surprise. One night with him and her hormones were all over the place.
“I don’t remember anything about a lawyer in his companies, either,” Millie explained. “I was waiting on a couple of callbacks, but I’ve got a new number now. Look at the spreadsheet I sent. There’s a tab with people I was going to call again. Start there.”
“Great plan. Thanks, Millie. You’ve saved us so much time already,” Liss said.
“She’s brilliant, isn’t she?” Strike praised.
“The best,” Bear agreed, making her cheeks warm. “Get yourselves safely to Cornwall. It’s a waiting game.”
Millie opened her socials account and found a message from her friend.
Rylee: Are you doing okay? Everyone’s missing your book updates.
Millie smiled. It was nice to be missed.
Millie: I’m travelling. I lost my electronics.
She sent Rylee a photo of the tree with her and Caleb’s initials, which she’d taken as Cam and Strike were packing the vehicle.
“One last thing,” Bear said.
“Stop gritting your teeth,” Liss replied. “You’ll hurt your jaw.”
“But I don’t want to tell them.”
“Bear?” Strike growled.
“Fine. Stal needed a good cover story for his neighbours in Cornwall, who call him Jonah. It had to be something to convince them that you two needed to be left alone, but nothing suspicious. He’s not slept much because of Jenny, and he’s watched a lot of late-night television, which included Say Yes to the Dress, the wedding dress show.
And your mum was next to him, giving him ideas, so when his neighbour—”
“Stop rambling,” Strike demanded.
“So there’s this thing that if you think about it doesn’t—”
“Bear,” he snapped.
“He told them you and Millie are honeymooners. You just got married.”
“What?” Millie stuttered, imagining the level of intimacy she’d need to feign in public to convince strangers they were in their honeymoon period.
“We’ll let you go,” Bear replied. “Sorry.”
Strike rubbed his face as he stared at Millie. He was resetting to robot mode. “We’ll make something work, and I’ll call Cam and check he’s okay.”
Strike hung up the phone and stared at her. “I’m kind of freaked out, too. Talk to me.”
“Nothing. It’s just... My head is really fucking messy, and I’ve only just started to be comfortable around you. What if I freak out like I did in the lake and blow our cover?”
She scratched at her arms. Strike gripped her shoulder.
“Stop that. It hurts you. Use your fidget tool or swear at me.” He hesitated, probably giving her space to respond.
But she didn’t know what to say. “We won’t have to pretend much.
We’re barely leaving the house, and when we do, we’ll avoid people for safety.
But this will stop people from getting in our faces.
I promise not to make you uncomfortable. ”
Strike’s phone rang again, but he continued to glance at her.
“You should get that,” she stuttered. “It might be important.”
She’d hidden her sexual side for so long, only able to be intimate with those on an app that she could shut down when it got too much.
Could she really pretend to be a honeymooner with a person she’d once loved? A part of her craved that, and more, with Strike, but there was so much terror there as well.
“Hey, Strike, I’m at the London office. Luke is with me,” Cam said through the speaker, cutting through her thoughts. “Am I on speakerphone? Can Millie hear?”
“Yes,” Millie bleated. She gripped her burner tighter. Was this about her phone?
Strike side-eyed her, but she refused to meet his gaze.
“Fantastic. I spoke to my sister, Ava, this morning. I told her she was doing well and asked general questions about her rather than telling her what to do. She shared lots. It was the best chat we’d had in ages. Thank you for your advice.”
Millie shoved her glasses up her nose as she said, “I’m glad it helped. Keep chatting to her like that. The more you do, the more she’ll tell you.”
“Is that what you do with your family?”
“God, no. They’re so overprotective. But I’m one of those typical counsellors. I’m great at dishing out advice and helping others, but I’m shit when it comes to me. I’m riddled with issues I won’t deal with,” she said, faking a smile.
She could feel Strike’s eyes on her as she typed her family’s numbers from the piece of paper she’d written them on into her new phone.
“What are your issues?” he asked.
“You’ll crash if you keep staring at me.”
She side-eyed him until he looked back at the road.
“Hey, boss,” Luke said. “I wanted to update you about Millie’s phone. It’s messy. It’s not an easy fix.”
Millie let out a breath. She needed to give the video to the police and get away from Strike, but she hated the idea of him learning about the app. She had no reason to be ashamed, yet it still crept across her skin like ants in a line across warm concrete.
“Keep at it,” Strike replied. “We want access to that video. I need Millie safe, and that’s the best way at the moment.”
“I won’t sleep until it’s sorted.”
Strike replied quickly, “You will sleep, Luke, because you need to be safe.”
“Alright, boss,” Luke joked. “I’ll be in touch.”
Strike hung up, and they drove in silence. His fingers twitched as he gripped the steering wheel. Millie pushed her glasses up her nose as she made a new family group chat.
“When will we get to Cornwall?”
“Hopefully by late afternoon. I want to take a longer route to avoid roads with cameras.”
She dragged in a breath and typed out a message to her family.
Millie: It’s Millie. Another new number. I’ve spoken to Caleb. I know you’ve all been lying to me for years. I need to speak to you later on today. Early evening, my time. If you don’t get in contact, I’ll know all I need to.
Her finger paused on the send icon. It was forthright and unlike her when it came to her family.
“One of my issues is that I’m scared of believing you and learning my family shamelessly lied to me all this time,” she admitted as she stared at the message.
He yanked the car to a layby. The sudden movement winded her as the seatbelt dragged her back. He reached for her, but she pulled away. Her lips trembled.
“I never wanted to ruin your relationship with your family. Do you wish I’d not told you?”
She scraped her teeth across her lower lip. “I needed to know. I think never knowing why you left stopped me from really living. But I’m not sure I’m ready to be the person I’ve been scared of becoming.”
“There’s no rush to be anyone. How can I help you?”
“I’m not sure. I’m worried about speaking to my family,” she said on a breath.
“I wish I had some wisdom that would make this easier, but I don’t.” He gripped her hand. “Just remember, if you speak to them, you will cope with what they say. You’re stronger than you think. You’re a fucking queen.”
Thoughts whirled like a hurricane, drawing more of her past in with them until they were turning into a storm within her brain.
She slammed her finger against the send icon.
“Whatever you decide after you hear what happened, I’ll keep you safe. If you need to press my buttons or piss me off, it’s okay. I can keep control so you can express whatever is going on in your head.”
She grabbed her fidget tool and twisted it in her hands. “You’re good at that.”
“Keeping control? I’ve had to be so I can manage the pain that’s dogged me for years.”
“You’ve been in pain for years?”
“Every day for the last ten years. I’m not saying you haven’t.
But it’s okay that you’re not fully comfortable around me.
We’re still strangers, to some extent. I don’t know who or what you’re scared of Luke finding on your phone, or how you’ll react when we get to Cornwall and have a bit of space and can actually process everything. I don’t know.”
He stared out the windscreen as if the clouds and blue sky were all that mattered, but his knuckles were white from how tightly he gripped the steering wheel.
She cupped his sharp jaw. “You do know me. I have secrets, but I’m still the same woman who watched movies with you and the same person who you kissed hard enough to leave marks on her soul.”
“Then what are you hiding on your phone? How messed up is it that you won’t tell me? I thought you were perfect, Millie.”
“I’m not perfect.”
“You are to me. I don’t expect you to have lived the life of a monk over the past years, even though I hate that anyone got to be with you when I didn’t.
And yes, I sound unhinged, but with you, I am unhinged,” he growled.
“You can ask me anything about my past experiences. I don’t want to hide anything from you. ”
Her skin crawled at the idea of hearing him talk about his conquests. “Let’s get to Cornwall. The sooner we’re there, and can hide away, the better.”
He pulled the car back onto the road. “And no matter what, I’ll keep you safe.”