Chapter Twenty-five #3
On their own, my eyes move from the can and to her now, head in her hands, her blonde bob falling over as if it could shield her from my gaze, from the stare I now penetrate her with.
“I was the first person to be placed on that altar. Me. I was still a virgin.” She laughs at that word, but it's tight and curt. “Virgin, because they’d do everything else to me, so I’d be pure.
” She air quotes the word pure. “I lost my virginity at fifteen to my father and all his friends, all the while, the boys of theirs stood in a crowd watching. Learning the lessons their fathers were teaching them, at my own demise. To watch what they would soon become. The masters waiting for their time to reign.” Cathrine lifts her head, fixes her hair and looks at me.
“I never wanted to hurt you, Rowan. I fought them. I was hurt for it, but they had my sister.”
My eyes bug out when she says that. She’s the reason her sister was there in the first place. She drugged her own sister. She did all that to Clover.
“You think you know, but you don’t. You only know what they and everyone else wanted you to think you knew.”
My legs shake as I stand there dumbfounded, berating myself for even second guessing what I know.
I look at the door, but Niko speaks, “If you leave, there isn’t coming back when your mind starts to spiral and you need to know if she’s telling the truth or not.
This is your one last chance. Her last time speaking of this.
” He scoots up on the couch, placing his elbows on his knees, watching me intently.
Pursing my lips, I look to the oversize chair next to a full bookcase, deciding to say fuck it and stay.
My body feels like there is an electrical current running through it as I take the few steps to the chair, eyes never taken from them.
Sitting down, I empty the beer in three gulps, needing the alcohol.
Breathing deeply, I look at Catherine. “Then talk.”
Niko squints at me, and I give him a tight smile. He can fuck himself.
“Where do you want me to start?” Her voice carries to me.
I have so many damn questions. “Why are you telling me all this?”
“Because you deserve to know, and I’m not that person anymore…I wasn’t ever that person; that was someone molded and forced to be.”
I laugh because she could have gotten help.
She could've got help for herself. Hell, she could have got help for any of the women that followed. “I don’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth, Catherine.” Holding up my hand, I wave it around the room.
“Is this supposed to be the new you now? Vintage and thrift stores, not Prada and fucking daddy’s credit card.
You.” I point my finger at her. “Served me on a fucking golden platter and served me to them. You, the person who I thought was my best friend. All I want to do in this moment is come over there and put my hands around your goddamn neck. This is the healed version of you. Well, here is the not healed version of me.” I stand and in moments I’m to her.
Her scream brings joy to my ears. Her body scurries back before I can make contact; Niko is between us.
“Sit the fuck down,” he roars out. His eyes wide and wild.
I open and close my fist over and over again. Yearning to feel her pulse stop under my palms.
“All I wanted to do when she was brought here was give her pain, make her cry and beg to die. And guess what? That’s all she did.
She didn’t want to live. She wanted to die.
You knew the Catherine that she wanted you to know; I know the real Cat.
” His hand reaches out and pets her hair; she melts into his touch.
“I’m being kind letting you come here. For giving you.
You!” He points at me with his black chipped nail. “This chance.”
His face becomes cast in a shadow, a shadow of his true self.
“When I could have just let you live your life like you have been, but I can’t.
Not for you, but because of Luca. I know the shit you’re putting him through, and I’m hoping this will tame whatever is inside of you down.
Like you need to be.” He spits those last words at me.
“Now sit down and listen and ask what you want to know. But this bullshit.” He motions between Catherine and me.
“Will not happen again.” His face is but serious and scary looking.
The eyes he had for Catherine earlier are gone; now they’re full of capable evil, and for me and only me.
I position myself back in the chair, crossing my legs, one eyebrow arched.
“Don’t fuck with me Niko, I don’t give a fuck what you do for Luca or Matteo, you’re just like all men, thinking you can over talk and run a woman.
I’m here because I want to be. Because now my interest has peeked.
Not because of you.” I shake my head and look at Catherine.
“Talk. I’m all ears now.” The thoughts of me setting this fucking wooden shed on fire with them both inside makes me giddy.
I wouldn’t think twice about fucking doing it either.
I can feel Niko’s eyes boring into me, like he knows what is on my mind. But I keep my focus on Catherine.
Me sitting here with the woman who fucked me over royal seems like a dangerous move, but I know this is probably my one and only chance to hear what she has to say.
This was our plan all along; Rowan and we didn’t even have to sneak to get it done.
It came willingly. I remind myself of those words that were spoken.
“Nothing is ever what it seems. No matter how much you try to make it fit. That I can promise you. If you get one thing out of this, trust that.” Catherine wets her lip, her pink tongue slightly peeking out, before Niko reaches for her bottle of water, handing it to her.
She holds it but doesn’t take a sip. “What I did to my sister is the worst thing one could have done. But I knew her being in the basement was the safest bet for her. I didn’t want to do it, but I couldn’t think of living in a world where Clover wasn’t in it.
She didn’t conform to my parents’ world; she was ready to run, and they knew it.
He was going to kill her, Rowan.” She pauses, her mouth quakes, and I’m on bated breath.
She doesn't need to elaborate on the he. I know who he is—Briggs.
She sits up straighter, fidgeting with her blue-and-white dress, rubbing out invisible wrinkles. “Clover will never forgive me. I’m a ghost to her, and that’s okay, because I know she’s still here.”
“She tried to kill herself, Catherine. Her wounds go deep, and that’s because of you.
Did you ever think her dying would have been the easiest way out?
But no, you didn’t; you were thinking about yourself.
You were being selfish.” My words affect her; I can see it on her face, but then she quickly wipes them off.
Her next words were ones that she knew would injure me.
“I met David before. He came to my father’s house.
I remember seeing him and thinking, 'Why would my father be around a man like that?' Then I listened in on their conversation and knew exactly why: they both had souls no one could save. They both freely gave their daughters away. That was the day your father gave you to mine. That’s the day their exchange happened, a few months before your freshman year of college. My father knew about you for a long time before that, but finally it was his time to get you.”
My eyes burn from the tears they want to shed, but I won’t let them.
I won’t let Catherine or Niko see how that punctured something inside me.
My mind flashes back to the picture I found at David’s house.
I don’t remember ever going to a place like that, but maybe David tried before, but for some reason, Briggs didn’t take the bait? “And where did you come into this?”
Catherine looks down at her black painted nails, picking at the paint, before Niko pops her hand, and she stops.
“Again, my sister…and I. The abuse never stopped; I was just passed to Colt, used and abused by him and his friends. I played a role in your undoing, Rowan, and that I can’t take back, but you deserve to know why.
My life was planned out for me; I had nothing to look forward to.
My hope when you were in the tomb, I hoped you would kill me.
I think that’s why I found you in the coffee shop that day.
If I could push the broken you to the breaking point, you’d snap.
” She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t have any genuine answers for you; I can just tell you my side and my whys.
But this all started for you because of David.
” She takes a breath. “My father always knew about you, but he likes to play the long game.
He was waiting for the right moment, and that moment came.
David once again showing up at my father's years later, you were their next pick, freely handed to them. With money, you can do whatever you want, and that includes getting girls where you need them. Getting them scholarships, having them befriended by the popular girl on campus. It all. All of it. And sometimes people will do what they have to do to survive.” Catherine smiles weakly at me, but I can see her hand trembling.
“So, what? Now you’re cured of being the most awful person in the world. No matter what, I could have never done what you did, Catherine. Never. But I think that’s the difference between you and me. I have a fucking soul.”
My eyes track Niko as he scoots closer to her, his hand rubs on her thigh.
“I’m not cured. Just like you’re not.” She laughs.
“Niko helps me face the demons I battle with every day. Helps tame them and allows me to keep wanting to breathe. See, the one thing you and I both have in common, Rowan, is that we’re both trying to heal.
Is this…” She motions between her and me.
“My healing? No, I just thought you should know some facts. My healing lies in Niko’s hands. ”
My eyes jump from hers to Niko, and I can see the way he’s squeezing her thigh, his nails digging into the dress and her skin that lies underneath. They’re both fucking weird. But at least I got some information from her. Is it enough? It’s never enough. But only David knows why he did what he did.
“I have one question: you never saw me before the day we met in college?” My stomach feels upset. I’m not sure if it’s from the beer or the fact that David tried to give me to Briggs when I was only a child.
Catherine looks at me. “I didn’t.”
Knowing I will not learn anything more than what I have, deciding it's time to leave, I look to Catherine. “You know the one thing you didn’t say?” I don’t even want to say it, but I have to. For my own piece of mind, I need to.
“What’s that?” Her blue eyes look deep into me for the first time since I entered their house. “You never said you were sorry.”
Her smile slowly forms. “Why would I say that? To say I’m sorry would be to say I’m sorry I met Niko. That I’m sorry my sister is alive, that I’m alive. I’m not sorry.”
I stand there dumbfounded by her words. “You’re still a fucking bitch,” I spit out to her. “You two weirdos deserve one another.” Hastily, I make my way to the door.
“Hey Rowan,” Niko calls behind me.
With the door open and halfway out, I look back.
“Can you put Catherine’s sheers where you found them?” He winks at me before I slam the door shut behind me.
With a yank, I pull the shears from my waistband, cutting my back in the process. The pain makes me close my eyes, hoping it didn’t cut deep, but enjoying the burning sting of the cut it created.
Standing in front of the perfect flower garden, wondering how her darkness doesn’t kill them all, I want to pull them all out.
Panning up, I look through the open window, seeing Niko standing up.
Catherine following his lead, but she gets on her knees in front of him, back straight, hands on her knees.
Niko slaps her face. Her head snaps to the right, looking back up at him with a huge smile on it, no fear in her eyes.
And my stomach drops. Knowing this is exactly what he was getting at in the car.
Letting my pain be inflicted by someone else… Luca.
I want to turn away and get to the funeral home as fast as possible, but I just stand there, watching.
Catherine undoes the button of her dress, while Niko bends down to grab the tapered candle on the coffee table.
Exposing her breasts, he pours hot wax on her skin, leaving droplets on his way to her nipples.
Her mouth falls open as if she's screaming, but I can’t hear her, and in that second, our eyes connect and she smiles at me, seeing Catherine from the tomb once again.
I take off running through the woods like I just saw a ghost. And I know with every fiber in me, she hasn’t changed a bit.