9. Chapter 9 #3
“Where’s your boyfriend, and your mom?” I’d met both during the investigation.
Her tired gaze drifted to the forest. “I didn’t tell my mother, and I broke up with my boyfriend. It isn’t fair to drag them into this mess.” Heartbreak coiled around her like wisps of smoke.
We stopped, and I stared around at the complex.
It was tranquil and well-kept, but this place would always remind me of the day I stood outside the gates, barred from entering after Conall issued his interdiction.
No one tells you that when tragedy or heartbreak strikes, the pain and fallout linger long after the events are over.
“Let’s go feed the horses. They always make me feel better.” I held up a bag of baby carrots I’d swiped from the kitchen.
A few horses grazed peacefully. Ethel, one of Conall’s favorites, lifted her head as we approached, ears perked forward in curiosity. Daisy ambled over, her coat gleaming in the sunlight. She stuck her velvety nose over the fence, searching for a treat.
“They’re beautiful,” McKenna murmured as she fed Ethel. “Do you ride?”
“Not well. Why did you break up with your boyfriend? I met him during the investigation, and he seemed like a nice guy.”
She jerked her shoulder. “I don’t want to drag him into it, and I’m not the same girl he started dating.
God, it feels like another life. And I’m just so fucking angry.
Ty kept saying he wanted to be with me, to help me.
But he has no idea what happened in that place…
what that operative did to me. What they put inside my head. ” Her voice cracked.
“You’re protecting him.”
She looked out, unseeing, at the paddock. “He deserves someone whole. Someone who doesn’t wake screaming, or a girl who flinches whenever he touches her. I thought about ending it,” she whispered, her voice so low I almost didn’t catch the words. “Not just the relationship. Everything.”
My body locked as the statement hung between us, heavy and raw. The coldness receded, and sorrow broke free.
“McKenna—”
“I didn’t. I won’t,” she cut me off, her head bending. “Those fucking bastards aren’t going to win. But the thoughts come, especially at night. I can still feel their hands on me. And the pain.” She turned to face me, her eyes hollow. “Sometimes death feels like it would’ve been a blessing.”
I reached for her hand, ignoring the jolt of rage and despair that shot through me when I touched her. “I know. I understand.”
“Do you?” Her gaze met mine, searching.
“Yes.” I recognized the desolation in her eyes because it sometimes mirrored what lay buried inside me. “Your body was violated, but your mind is your own now. Dr. Tidwell removed your implant, but mine’s still there.”
McKenna’s face blanched. “Jesus. Why didn’t he take it out?”
Ethel walked back over, softly nickering, as if she sensed our distress. I absentmindedly fed her a few carrots.
“My insert was made of polycarbonate urethane. It’s biocompatible and started integrating into my brain.”
“Riley, I’m so sorry,” she choked out.
The horse nudged me for another carrot. “The Commander told me it was a special one, made just for me. It’s embedded in my cerebrum now, and removing it isn’t an option.” Something wet ran down my face, and I wiped at the tear. Maybe thawing the ice inside me wasn’t such a good thing.
“You’re an Alpha’s Mate. Your Pack can afford the best, most cutting-edge treatment. There has to be–”
“It’s never coming out.”
McKenna stared at me, then turned to watch another quarter horse named Daisy stick her head over the fence, looking for her treat.
“I have fourteen college credits left, but I don’t want to go back. My mother wants to baby me, and everyone treats me like I’m broken.”
I wondered whether she had family or another option.
The implant analyzed McKenna’s lack of options as a problem to solve, and a moment later, I had a plan.
“Hey, I have an Airstream trailer parked behind an old Western bar just outside Zion National Park. It’s small but private.
I’m moving into the new Pack house, so the trailer will be empty. ”
She turned to me. “Could I get a job there? I don’t have much money, but I want to pay rent.”
“No, you’d be doing me a favor, and I’m not kidding when I say it’s small. How about you try it for six months? If you want to stay, we’ll figure it out then. The bar can always use help during the tourist season, and there are a dozen other places that would love to have you.”
McKenna’s gaze drifted back to the horses, then she drew a deep, shuddering breath. “Why would you do this for me? We barely know each other.”
“We trauma-bonded by surviving that hellhole.”
She let out a sniffling half-laugh. “Are you sure your uncle’s okay with it?”
Parker would complain just to get under my skin, but he’d watch out for McKenna. “He’ll be happy to have you.” She studied me as a battle waged. I understood. It was hard for me to take help from people too.
“Okay,” she finally whispered. “Thank you.”
If it kept the Feds from brutalizing her all over again, it was worth it.