Chapter 21
CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE
I t was our second year of college. We’d been to a house party, for Halloween, I think? Or maybe it was just a random Fall party? I forget. If it was the former, we were too cool to dress up, I don’t remember any weird costumes. So maybe not Halloween.
It’s not important. What is is me and Cal spent the whole night together. We’d not seen each other all week, too busy with our coursework and classes. It was the longest time we’d spent apart since we met in that first year. And it was an absolute rager, so we were absolutely blasted off our faces.
Sometime after midnight, we decided to head home. Cal was staying a few stops away, so I insisted he stay the night at mine. He was too wasted to travel, I told him, and he laughed, poking me and telling me I was wasted too. He was right, but I wouldn’t admit it, holding my head up high and proving (badly) that I could walk in a straight line.
We crashed into my place and I shushed him through giggles. We snuck off to my room, not wanting to wake up my roommates.
We lay in bed, talking for hours, laughing and joking, acting like it had been years since we’d seen each other and not just a week.
Time went on, and we lay there, getting quieter, conversations broken by yawns we failed to stifle.
It was snuggly, so we snuggled up. He tucked into my arms, his head resting in the crook of my neck and shoulder, his huge dark eyelashes tickling against my neck as his breath rolled hot across my Adam’s apple.
Our legs were in a tangle, still fully clothed and overly warm, despite the cooling weather, but we didn’t mind. We were cozy and peaceful and happy. For once, my mind felt…quiet, I think?
The quiet filled the room too, the sounds of us breathing all I could hear. And then Cal pulled back, looked up at me, as I gracelessly looked down at him, probably pushing my head back and making so many folds in my neck, but we just stared at each other.
I don’t know who moved first but all of a sudden we were kissing. Fierce, fast and hard, our breath running ragged in each others mouths, my neck and face flushing with heat. I remember my hands running up and down his torso through the light black sweater he was wearing, loose and wooly. I don’t remember feeling muscles, just him as he pushed back into me.
We must have been rolling back and forth on the bed like that for ten whole minutes, feasting on each other like we were each others last meal, one that we’d somehow waited so long to eat but now were let loose.
And then we started giggling. Into each others mouths, which prompted us to pull apart and break into full on guffaws at the ridiculousness, the absurdity of it. This was Callum! What were we doing?
We laughed and laughed, tears streaming down our faces at the stupid actions the drink had led us to.
As the laughter cooled, we just smiled at each other, and I kissed him on top of his head. He poked me for taking advantage of his stature again, and then pushed up and kissed my forehead. And then we settled. In each other’s arms, we fell asleep.
The next day was fine. Not awkward, not weird. We didn’t talk about it, because we didn’t need to: it was just dumb, horny, gay college kids shit. It didn’t mean anything, and our friendship was too important to screw it all up with sex.
I remember thinking we dodged a bullet, because if we’d had sex, I’d have ruined it, or he wouldn’t like it with me, and then he wouldn’t like me, and then he’d leave me and I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t ever want him to leave.
Because he’s Cal. He’s my best friend. I could never ruin such an amazing friendship with something like that. And he must feel the same way, right?
And we didn’t. Our friendship has been amazing. We’re always there for each other. We make each other better. He calls me on my bullshit and I call him on his and oh. Oh.
Oh my god.