26. Grant
TWENTY-SIX
GRANT
JANUARY, FOUR SEASONS AGO
Me
Secret of the day?
AG
I sucked my thumb until the 4th grade.
Me
Wow.
AG
Too much information first thing in the morning?
Me
No way. Just trying to process how your teeth look so good despite gnawing on your appendages until you could practically drive.
AG
I hate that I laughed at that.
Me
Happy to be of service :)
AG
What’s your secret? Please make it good.
Me
I own four crop tops.
AG
That… is fascinating
Do you have a picture?
Me
Hang on. Let me put one on.
*Attachment: 1 image*
AG
I don’t mean this in a creepy way, but you pull that look off really well.
Me
I thought I did, but I wasn’t sure.
I’ve never worn them out of the house.
AG
When summer rolls around, you should. The tie-dye is especially charming.
Me
Thrift store, baby.
Probably for a woman, but oh well.
With your stamp of approval, I’m going to wear them all the time.
Just have to suffer through winter first.
AG
In two months, seasonal depression will be gone.
Me
Free the crop tops!!
AG
I ran drills with the guys on the team, and I’m going to be sore for a week.
I forgot how exhausting vigorous skating is when you haven’t done it in a while.
Me
I bet you kicked their asses.
AG
I gave them a fair shot.
How are you?
Me
I’m great! We have four days off!!!
AG
How did you all swing that?!
Me
Perks of being a Stanley Cup champion ;)
I’m doing another sign language lesson with Hudson right now!
AG
I know I said it before, but it’s worth saying again.
It’s really special that you’re learning sign language too.
I think that’s the coolest thing in the world.
You’re so interesting.
Me
Interesting is always an ambiguous compliment.
AG
I meant it in a good way. I promise.
You’re an onion. Lots of layers to you, Everett.
Me
I’m more than a pretty face who can hit a hockey puck really well, Green.
AG
Yeah. You are. Especially in your crop top!
What else are you doing with your days off?
Me
Not a lot on the agenda, which is fine by me.
I could use the rest before the last part of the season.
I’m grabbing dinner with Hannah tonight. I haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks, and it’ll be good to catch up.
Where are you today? Wait. Charlotte, I think?
AG
Yeah. Game here tonight, then we have a game in Baltimore on Sunday.
We get in Saturday morning…
Me
I can read between the ellipses, Amelia.
You want to get sandwiches, don’t you?
AG
I mean…
The meatball subs are going to be RIGHT there.
Me
Text me when you’re at the hotel. I come grab you :)
“You’re in a good mood.” Hannah pushes her empty plate away and stares at me. “And you keep checking your phone. Is there any particular reason why?”
“Besides the fact that I’m with my favorite sister?” I tease.
“I’m your only sister, dude.”
“And you’re still my favorite. Things are just good right now, to be honest. I signed that contract extension in the offseason.
I’m playing well and hanging out with the guys when we’re not on the ice.
I get to go to All-Star Weekend next month.
” I take a sip of my beer and set the bottle down.
“It’s nice to have some time away from hockey.
I love what I do, but people only see the glamorous side of my job.
No one talks about the travel, the time away, the lack of sleep and the mental capacity it takes to stay engaged for nine months out of the year.
It’s a lot. Add in the pressure of being the reigning championship team, and everyone has an opinion about what I should be doing with my life. ”
“I understand.” Hannah dips her chin and twirls her hair around her finger. “Permission to be totally real with you for a second without it sounding like I’m complaining?”
“Shit, Han.” I frown. “You can tell me anything. What’s going on?”
“Nothing that I can pinpoint exactly. No injuries, no bad skating. I’m just not all there, and I can’t figure out why.”
“When’s your next performance? Sorry.” I hold up a hand. “I mean competition.”
“June, so I have some time without feeling too much pressure on getting things right.”
“That’s months away. You could channel some energy into other parts of your life. Maybe painting or pottery? I’ll come with you. I’d rock the shit out of a pottery class. Imagine me with a fucking kiln.”
“A kiln would make you happy? You’re so weird.” Hannah laughs and lifts her gaze. “You’re also a great brother. Thank you for letting me vent and being willing to make a fool of yourself in an art class on my behalf.”
“I’m always making a fool of myself. The social media team asked me to do some trend for a video the other day, and I was so lost. But I’d definitely make a fool of myself for you.
” I grin. “Family is important, and with Mom and Dad in Florida, we’re all we have.
I’m here if you ever want to talk about anything.
Skating. Friendships. Your personal life.
Are there any new guys hanging around? You haven’t mentioned anyone lately, but I know I’ve been shit about keeping up with things. ”
“No.” She lifts her glass and takes a sip of wine before talking again. “There aren’t any new people around. It’s just me, and I’m content with that. I used to think an intimate relationship was imperative to happiness, but I’m not sure it is.”
“The youth are so insightful these days,” I muse, chuckling when she kicks me under the table.
“I get what you mean. I’m in a weird spot.
A lot of my teammates are in serious relationships, and I’m going to charity events alone.
I love my life, but I also… I don’t know.
It would be nice to have someone by my side every now and then. ”
“Wait a second. I didn’t even know you wanted to date someone! You haven’t in so long. Not ever, really. Besides that one girl in college.” Hannah squeals. “This is so exciting!”
“Marcy? She was nice. I know I haven’t dated a ton.
I went from college to the NHL, and I lost a lot of my free time.
Relationships took a back seat to bonding with the guys and learning to balance a schedule more intense than bio classes and three practices a week at FSU.
” I pop a fry in my mouth and wipe my hands.
“I think I’d be a good boyfriend. I read a lot of books, and that helps with understanding relationships. ”
“Tell me what you’re looking for in a woman, and I’ll see if I know anyone.” She pauses, glancing at me. “It is women, right?”
“Yeah. And you don’t need to play matchmaker. I have specific qualities I’m looking for if I were to put myself out there.”
“I’m afraid to hear them.” Hannah sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. “If you tell me it’s all about her ass, I’m going to hurl. Mom raised you better than that.”
“Looks are the last thing I care about.” I fold my napkin in half at the corners to give my hands something to do.
“I’ve learned I like older women who have more life experience than me.
I know I’m young, but I think it’s sexy when a woman is sure of herself.
She’s confident and not afraid to ask for what she wants. ”
“So that’s why you always went to Peter Wilson’s house. Because you liked his mom.”
“Fuck you. I went to his house because he had a pool.” I roll my eyes. “Which, yes, they conveniently reference in that song, so please don’t start singing the lyrics. She didn’t walk out in a towel or anything like that.”
“Peter isn’t nearly as catchy as Stacy.” With a smirk, she puts her elbow on the table. “This is the most I’ve ever heard you talk about dating, and I’m using it to my advantage. What else are you looking for in your dream woman?”
“She has to care about hockey. I don’t mean that she has travel to every away game, but she’d need to understand the pressures of my job. She’d have to know there will be stretches of time when I won’t be able to talk to her as much as I want.”
I take another sip of my beer and rub my thumb over the label while I think about the other things I’m not saying: She has to be tall.
Taller than me is just fine. She needs to be sarcastic, funny, and not afraid to call me on my shit.
I was serious when I said looks are last on my list, but I do like nice thighs and strong arms.
The longer I think about it, the clearer the vision of my dream woman becomes.
Amelia.
She has to be Amelia.
Am I ever going to get over this crush?
“You could join a dating app,” Hannah suggests, and I grimace. “Don’t turn your nose up at that! You can use an anonymous profile so people don’t know who they’re talking to. You’d know they were being authentic.”
“Leave it to my younger sister to give me advice.” I laugh. “I don’t want to download an app. I like meeting people in person and building a connection with them face to face over online conversations they might be having with eight other people. I don’t like to share, I guess.”
“In person? I can help with that! There’s a woman at my rink who is in her thirties. She has beautiful dark brown hair, is super tall, and is literally gorgeous, Grant. No kids, but she’s great with kids. You want kids, right?”
“Yeah. That’s on my list too.”
“Perfect. We’re making headway already.” Hannah brightens. “Want me to give you her number?”
Saying yes is the right thing to do.
I’m sure she’s lovely. A woman whose company I’d enjoy during coffee dates and dinners at our favorite restaurants.
But there’s a lump in my throat. A roadblock that stops me from agreeing, because how unfair would it be to sit across from someone and pretend to be interested while all I’m thinking about is her?
“Not right now,” I say. “I’m busy. I want to give her my attention while I get to know her, and that would be close to impossible with the All-Star Weekend coming up. Add in the road games on our schedule, and I’ll be in different time zones for like, a month straight.”
It’s a goddamn lie.
The most painfully obvious reason I’m brushing off the incredibly kind invitation to set me up with someone is because no matter who I get dinner with, she’s never going to be Amelia.
And that’s who I want.
The only person I want.
“If you say so.” Hannah narrows her eyes, but her attention shifts to her phone when it lights up. “It’s Tierney. We have plans to see a movie after this.”
“You should be doing more things away from the ice, Han. It’ll help settle your brain. Go to your movie. Order a jumbo popcorn. Stay until the end of the credits to make sure they don’t sneak in an extra cut scene. I’ll handle the bill.”
“Are you sure?” she asks. “I have thirty minutes before I need to be there.”
“I’m more than sure. Tell Tierney I say hi.”
“You’re the best, G.” She pops to her feet and moves around the table, giving me a quick hug. “Thank you for listening to me and understanding where I’m coming from. I’m glad I have you in my life.”
“It’s a good thing the Great Barbie War of 2003 didn’t have any lasting impacts on our relationship that followed us to adulthood.” I bark out a laugh when she pinches my side. “I was only trying to give them better haircuts!”
“You ripped off their heads!”
“And I’m still apologizing to this day.” I put a hand over my heart. “Go enjoy your movie, sis. Be safe. Text me anytime.”
“Love you, doofus.” She ruffles my hair and skips to the restaurant exit. “And stop being afraid to put yourself out there!”
I drum my fingers on the table, deep in thought.
I wonder if I should put myself out there, not because I’d enjoy it, but because it would finally get the constant thought of Amelia out of my head.