34. Grant
THIRTY-FOUR
GRANT
APRIL, FOUR SEASONS AGO
Me
Hey! How was your flight?
Are you excited for your first game in DC as an associate coach?
AG
I always forget how long it takes to get anywhere on the East Coast. Colorado is FAR.
But it was good. I slept most of the time, there was no turbulence, and I’m finally on the ground! I’m also very stoked to win on your ice tomorrow.
How’s your afternoon going?
Me
Damn, Green. Coming in hot with the confidence. I like it.
My afternoon has been decent. I got my ass kicked at practice, had lunch with a couple of the guys, and now I’m sprawled out on the couch playing some video games.
Do you have dinner plans?
AG
Nothing beyond the team dinner in the hotel which is always pretty underwhelming.
Me
Want to grab some Italian?
The place is close to your hotel. Or I could order takeout and we can hang at my apartment.
This is all a platonic hang out, by the way!
AG
Happy medium?
Something to go that we eat outside? It’s warm enough.
Me
I like that idea. Meet me at the Washington Monument at 6:30. I know a secluded spot.
That’s supposed to sound non-murdery, by the way.
AG
You’re not making a very good case for yourself.
Me
Guess you’ll just have to trust me!
Puck Kings
Me
Has anyone ever had a picnic before?
Mavvy
Uhhh. No?
Huddy Boy
I have. My mom and I used to have one once a month when I was younger.
Easy E
Jesus, Huddy. Now I’m sad.
Huddy Boy
Sorry. Just answering G’s question.
Mitchy
I have, but I don’t know if I like them? The grass is itchy. There are bugs. How do you eat without making a mess?
Me
A blanket is required? Got it.
Easy E
Who are you going on a picnic with?
Me
Why are you so interested in my personal life, Ethan?
Easy E
You’re the one who brought it up!!!
Are you going on a DATE?
Me
It’s not a date. It’s a picnic.
Mavvy
No arguing, children. You’re going to make grandpa leave the chat again, and you know how worked up he gets about that.
Sully
You do realize you’re older than me, right, Miller?
Mavvy
Well, well, well. Look who finally has something to say.
*Sully has left the chat*
*Easy E has added Sully to the chat*
Easy E
Come on, grandpa. Let’s get you to bed.
I’m running late.
The restaurant was backed up with orders, it took an extra twenty minutes to get my food, and I hit every red light on my way to the Washington Monument. By the time I jog up to the landmark, I half expect Amelia to have left.
“You’re still here,” I say, out of breath when I spot her sitting in the grass. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”
“I would do a lot of unspeakable things for food.” She stands and looks at the bags in my hands. “Can I help you carry something?”
“I got it. We’re going to follow the Reflecting Pool to those trees over there.”
“Speaking of Reflecting Pools, remember when you saved me from falling in?” Amelia grins. “Feels like yesterday.”
“Just doing my part as a concerned citizen.” I match her smile. “My hands might be full, but I’m ready to catch you again if needed.”
We talk on the short walk. I listen to her share about their practice earlier this afternoon, and I mention I’m sore from our weightlifting session. We find the spot I like and I set the bags down, unfolding the blanket over the grass.
“I’m surprised you’re comfortable going out in public like this,” she says. “You’re a Stanley Cup champion in a city that loves hockey. Aren’t you afraid someone is going to recognize you?”
“I have my hat and sunglasses, and I don’t wear any Stars gear.
It also helps that I’m on the shorter side without any noticeable tattoos.
” I put a rock on each corner of the blanket to keep it from blowing away with the spring breeze.
“I’m good, but I’m not a superstar. If someone saw me, I’d be a double or triple take kind of person.
The ‘huh, why does he look familiar?’ guy. ”
“Then it hits them that you’re Grant Everett, the hockey player, not some C-list celebrity hoping for his fifteen minutes of fame.”
“Exactly.” I sit on the blanket and gesture to the empty space across from me. “I like being on the cusp of anonymity. I can go places without being noticed while Maverick and Liam get mobbed whenever they’re in public. I can’t imagine how exhausting that must be.”
“In a few years, that will be you.” She peers in the bag and pulls out some items. “Holy crap. You went all out.”
“Overboard for sure, but there are worse things in life than having too much pasta.”
“Carbs are my love language.” Amelia unwraps the garlic bread and pulls off a piece. “I’d hate to ever give them up.”
“What about the idea of pasta bread?” I steal the loaf from her and take a piece for myself. “You bake the bread with a serving of pasta on top of it.”
“I’d be in heaven. How do we patent this immediately?”
I laugh and pull out two entree dishes. “Fettuccini Alfredo for you. With extra parmesan.”
“Thank you very much.” She discards the plastic top and lets out a low groan I do my best to ignore. “My life is now complete.”
“Don’t eat all of it. I want a bite.”
“Stick to your spaghetti and ranch, you weirdo.” Amelia slurps down a forkful of noodles. “How are you feeling about the end of the season?”
“There’s a lot of pressure on us to repeat as champions, but we’re staying in the groove and focusing on what we can control.
” I take the top off the plastic container housing my ranch dressing.
I bite back a grin when she wrinkles her nose.
“One of these days we’ll go against y’all in the playoffs. ”
“Maybe this year. Maybe next year. Maybe not ever. When we do—and the Goldminers win—I hope you’re prepared for me to brag for ages.”
“She becomes an associate coach, takes her team on a nine-game win streak to end the year, and gets cocky all of a sudden. Whatever happened to that humble woman who had some self-doubt?”
“She’s gone.” Amelia pauses, her fork halfway to her mouth. “You helped with that.”
“I did?” My eyebrows pull tight, and I frown at her. “How?”
“You encouraged me. You showed me that men outside of my very close circle can and will support me. You make me feel valued and worthy, and your friendship means a lot to me.”
Compliments are a natural part of being a professional athlete.
When you get your ass kissed enough times, you start to think you’re a god.
I hear it from all sides—Coach Saunders; my teammates after I make the extra pass to set up a goal; Hannah and my parents; my agent, who sees the sponsorship opportunities that come in.
Amelia is different. She always has been. There’s no bullshit with her. If she says it, it’s true, and I didn’t know how much I was missing out on until hearing what our friendship means to her.
But, fuck.
Friendship is hard.
I’m trying to be on my best behavior. I’m not letting myself look at her for too long.
I’m not touching her in the ways I dream about, and it means I get to keep her in my life.
It means she sticks around, and imagining a world without Amelia Green sitting across from me on a blanket, sauce on her chin and her hair in a tangled bun on top of her head, hurts too fucking bad.
I want her so much, and I’ll never be able to have her.
It’s the worst feeling in the world.
“You are worthy.” My voice is lower. Deeper too.
It always is when I’m trying to show her I’m being honest, when I want to convey a point she won’t forget.
“I’ll spend every second of every day from now until eternity convincing you.
You know you’re a badass, Amelia, but I’m here whenever there’s a sliver of doubt and you need the reminder. ”
“Grant,” she whispers, and I don’t like how she says my name.
She’s avoiding my gaze. Her shoulders curl in, and her lips part with a long exhale.
“I-I appreciate that. So much. But I also want you to know nothing has changed for me. I’m still…
you’re still just a friend. And with the next month being the playoffs then the summer, maybe we need to…
to pull back a little. Not talk so much. ”
“You… you don’t want to talk to me?”
“I do. Just… it’s… confusing. You’re confusing. Confusing me,” she amends.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No. Of course not. You’ve been nothing but wonderful. I’m the one who…” Amelia trails off. Sinks her teeth into her bottom lip. “Some space as we finish out the season might be good for us. We can put our focus on hockey and not… other things.”
“I’m sorry.” I hang my head. “It’s too much.
The texting, the hanging out. The fucking picnics.
” My laugh is humorless. I’m too much. Too sensitive, in too deep.
What the hell was I thinking? She’d fall in love with me over goddamn pasta in the park?
“Noted. We’ll keep our communication to a minimum for the next few weeks and reevaluate in the summer after some time apart. ”
“A little bit of distance. Not an ocean. Just… a river. So I can…” Amelia pauses. “You haven’t done anything wrong. Really.”
The switch has flipped so quickly. It means I’ve gone past her comfort zone, and I don’t know how to find my way back to it.
We finish our meal without another word. With a quick hug and a smile that tells me she’s holding so much back, Amelia walks away. She leaves me alone with a half-eaten baguette and a shit ton of regret.
The next night, I score two goals and assist on two more. It’s the best game of my career. We stomp the Goldminers 6-1, but it feels like my heart is the thing that’s getting stomped on.
There’s no encouragement from Amelia, no sly maneuvering to come find me after the game. She walks off the ice with her coaching staff, stopping to shake Coach’s hand before disappearing down the tunnel without a backward glance.
In the locker room, my teammates douse me in champagne to celebrate our top spot in the East, but I’m the furthest thing from happy.
How can I be excited when it feels like I lost the most important person in my life?