Chapter 20 #2
I follow Aleks to his room, a battle raging in my head.
A part of me recognizes we’ve always had a ticking clock on us.
Anya only served to bring it to the forefront of my mind and expedite our end.
The other part of me can’t stomach the idea of going back to my dark room by myself, of falling asleep alone between sheets that smell like citrus and clove.
Aleks turns shrewd eyes on me as we step into his room, his door shutting loudly behind me. “You’re upset.”
“I…don’t know what I am.”
He takes a step forward, helping me slip my tennis bag off my shoulders. His hand hovers over my hip. “How was your day?” he asks quietly. “I heard you hit with Anya.”
My shoulders slump at the mention of her. It’s like a wooden sign directing me out of his room. “Did you know? About what she said yesterday on the Tennis Broadcast? And that we’d be hitting together?” Karolína and Pen decided without me; it wouldn’t be crazy to think they told him before me.
“Not until Karolína texted me you’d be angry during cooldown today. And Anya…”
“What did she say?” I half demand.
He sighs. “Enough to know it probably didn’t go well.”
Anger flares through me. “She spends so much time trying to get into my head, it’s a wonder she has any left to actually train.
She spent the entire hour hitting balls to the far corners so I couldn’t get anything back.
” I pause. “Then she had the gall to talk about my parents. I wanted to punch her right then and there, but the whole point of the session was to prove to the world that we don’t hate each other. ”
Aleks watches me, his eyes drifting over my features. I remember again, suddenly, that this is his youngest sibling, the baby of his family. That, at the end of the day, she is his blood, and that means he will always side with her.
He glances away. “That’s shitty, Nic. She shouldn’t be talking about your parents. I’m sorry.”
I blink at his apology. “What?”
“It’s not right that she acted that way.
I’ve talked to her before about the way she treats you, and I’d do it again if I thought it would help.
I imagine she’d use my weakness for you to make it worse.
Especially since she’s mad I left her team to train you.
” Aleks sits on the armrest of one of the couches, gazing up at me.
“That said, she’s not…she’s not the villain you think she is. You two, you’re not so different.”
I scoff. “You just admitted that what she did was shitty.”
“And I stand by that. But you have to remember she’s only twenty-two an—”
“I didn’t act that way at twenty-two.”
“She’s not very mature. My parents baby her a lot, and despite the immense pressure she’s under, she gets what she wants more than the other three of us.”
“So she’s spoiled, and that’s supposed to make it okay?”
“No, no. Nic, that’s not—” He cuts himself off with a groan.
“I’m trying to explain to you why she is the way she is.
Yes, she’s spoiled. She believes she should have whatever she wants, even if getting it means being shitty to people, including her family.
But she’s under immense pressure, more so than Natasha and Dima because she’s the most likely to end up in the Hall of Fame.
” He notices my expression. “I’m not saying she’s doing the right thing, I’m just saying she’s working hard to be where she is.
Like you. And the way she’s treating you, I think, is a product of the way my parents treat her.
She wants to be the best, like you, and she considers you one of her strongest competitors. ”
I take a few steps away from him. This is now the second time he’s equated the two of us. Anya, who the world loves. Anya, who tennis fans would choose to support over me. Anya, whose brother admitted she was shitty to me while also humanizing her.
There it is. He is on her side. It was stupid of me to believe he’d set aside a literal blood bond for some person he trains.
“I should go.”
“Nic, wait. I’m not taking her side, okay? It’s not that black and white. I’m trying to help you see all the factors. To help you understand.”
Pasting on a fake smile, I nod. “And I completely understand.”
Aleks stands, reaching a hand out for me to take, trying to bridge our gap. But I’m angry and my bra is digging into my skin and I don’t want his fingers on me right now, so I step further out of his grasp.
He deflates. “I don’t think you do.”
“Of course I do. She’s your sister, Aleksandr.” He flinches at the use of his full name, and immediately, I regret it.
I know I’m lashing out. And I know it’s stupid.
But this is all proof that we shouldn’t be doing this.
The sex was supposed to last until it got complicated and, damn, has it gotten complicated. “I get it.”
“This isn’t…Nic, my sister made your day shitty, and I want to help. Let me do that for you, please,” he begs. “You were right before. Let’s go back to not talking about her. Because I can’t change who I’m related to, and right now, I just want to make you feel better.”
“Aren’t we being stupid to ignore that glaring issue?”
“I don’t care if it’s stupid. It doesn’t change what’s going on between us. They’re separate entities.”
Separate until they’re not. Separate until we’re playing a match in a major and he has to choose a side.
Separate until it matters most, and then I’m no longer his priority. Alone again. I must be tired, because all of these concerns come out as a tiny, plaintive “I don’t want to be alone,” and though it sounds like I’m talking about right now, Aleks finds the true meaning.
“I’ll never leave you alone. For as long as you want me around, and probably longer, I won’t let you be alone.”
This time, when he holds out a hand for me, I don’t back away.
I pull my offending bra off through my T-shirt sleeve and toss it onto the couch, cracking a smile when his eyes widen at the motion, then slip my hand into his.
I’m still angry, more at the situation than at him, but I’m exhausted, tired of fighting whatever my feelings for this man are.
So I stop fighting them, allowing him to curl around me. And when he whispers a promise of breakfast in bed before pressing kisses to my hair, I sigh, happy in his arms once more.