Chapter 1
One
Andie
“Go get yourself a dick that knows how to give orgasms and makes you forget your own damn name until you settle down, baby,” the ‘Always Pleasure First’ podcast host blares from my phone’s speaker.
If only.
Snorting at her enthusiasm, I let the last of the curls drop on my shoulder, switching off the curling iron.
“It doesn’t matter what the world thinks if you don’t even recall when you fall asleep at night. They’re just jealous because all they have is their hand to keep them company,” the woman continues as I wonder which side I lie on: the one getting the action or the one getting jealous.
Probably the latter.
“Amen,” I mutter under my breath as I give myself a once-over in the vanity mirror. The teal dress flaring below my hips as I smooth it down with my hands, sucking in a breath and hoping it’d make me take up less space.
I shake my head and let out a sigh. It’s been a bad habit of mine—worrying about my weight and how curvy I look.
I haven’t always been like this. However, after I entered college, I began to gain weight, and my once lean figure transformed into a curvier one.
I was even removed from my cheerleading squad for that very reason.
That, too, in front of a guy I had been dating for a month.
It’s safe to say that he found a leaner girl within the next hour.
I’ve spent countless hours crying and in therapy trying to make myself understand that it’s okay if I’m fat, if I take up more space, if I’m not what society labels as the ‘ideal’ woman. However, one comment, made in passing, undoes all that progress.
Most of the time.
I’m getting better now. I recite affirmations to myself in the mirror every day.
And right now, when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel beautiful.
A smile takes over my face when my best friend, Aurelia’s voice, rings in my ear.
If she were here to see me, she’d say, ‘Chin up, girl. Look at you being a woman on a mission to wipe out the world with your sexiness.’
The smile turns into full-blown laughter when the podcast host continues to say, “Smother yourself in balls or pussies for all I care. But don’t forget you gotta keep feeding your couchie at all times.”
“Damn, I love her,” I mumble to myself as I grab my phone to leave before I overdo fashionably late.
I wish I were this confident. Switching the podcast off, I tuck away my phone in my purse, but not before taking a selfie and sending it to Aurelia and Kaeli in our group chat.
Kaeli Reed, my brother’s fire-spitting and boss of a girlfriend, has been such a great addition to our circle. I love her. Though Aurelia and Kaeli have yet to meet face-to-face, they’re already hitting it off in the texts.
With a final glance in the mirror, I’m out the door of my two-bedroom apartment and in the elevator.
I could never afford to live in Central Boston with my elementary school teacher’s salary.
I even lived on the outskirts for a few months.
But that proved too difficult for me. The travel alone consumed so much of my time and energy that I couldn’t focus on my students.
So, when Ezra, my brother and captain for the Boston Bandits, offered to buy me a place closer to my school with his hefty NHL salary for the umpteenth time, I couldn’t deny it. I’m saving up money to buy this place from him one day; he doesn’t know it, though. He’d burst a vein if he found out.
The elevator opens on the first floor, and I walk out of the building into the pleasant spring night. The cool air winding my dress. I love spring—the start of something new and beautiful. It’s like everything comes to life.
When I glance up at the sky, it doesn’t feel like it’ll rain, so with a hopeful smile, I head over to the restaurant where I’m meeting my date. Thankfully, it’s just a fifteen-minute walk.
I love living in Boston. The hustle and bustle of the city makes me feel less lonely. The people walking past with their own complicated lives.
I know I have a lot of people in my life who love me and are rooting for me, but my inner voice has a tendency to win. It drowns me in a sea of self-loathing I don’t particularly enjoy.
So, I remind myself to focus on the date ahead and enjoy the night. Soon, I find myself in front of the Italian restaurant. It’s the one I’ve been dying to try out since it opened.
Just as I’m about to cross the busy road, I spot an old lady struggling to walk over to the other side. The cars rush past her, not giving her a chance to make it to her destination. Annoyed that some people could be so careless and unkind, I walk up to her.
“Hello, ma’am. May I help you?” I offer her with a polite smile, bending down at my waist to look her in the eyes.
She looks up at me with a relieved look. “Yes, you may, dear.” With that, she slides her free hand into mine, and I help her cross the road, not caring about the dudes honking incessantly.
“I’m sorry, dear. It’s not easy to walk fast at my age,” she apologizes as she leans on her cane for support.
“Please, ma’am. It’s the people who should be apologizing for being so thoughtless.” I shake my head, annoyed.
She lovingly pats my head the moment we reach the other side. “Thank you so much, dear. This old heart wishes the best for you. May you find a man who understands you the way you understand the world around you.” With that, she takes her leave.
Her words are both an ache and a balm over it. Who knows when I’ll have that, and my past experiences have done nothing to assure me either. But the love that I saw my brother find with Kaeli gives me hope to keep believing that there might be someone out there for me.
The ding of my phone has me pulling it out of my purse. My lips stretch into a smile seeing Aurelia’s over-the-top reply to the picture I sent her.
“Slay the man, girl! You’re too good for anybody!”
Kaeli’s response soon follows. If I weren’t straight, I’d be all over you!!! Your brother could’ve waited for his chance.
A laugh bubbles out of my mouth at that. I can already imagine the scowl Ezra would be sporting after seeing this text.
Their texts calm my nerves a little bit, and with that belief and a deep breath, I climb the stairs of the restaurant. “You can do this!” I whisper under my breath.
I feel a prick of awareness at the back of my neck. But I rub the spot and step inside. The hostess greets me. I give her my name when asked and follow after her.
I love that the restaurant has a classy and romantic ambiance. The warm, yellow lights cast a soft glow on the assembled round tables covered with a white cloth. The jazz playing in the corner enhancing the mood as other patrons dine in and enjoy their evening.
I find my date already seated. Sean, the man I was set up with, sits with his back to me. He’s not what I expected. Still, I walk over and introduce myself with a smile. “Hey, Sean. I’m Andie.”
My hand hangs in the air as he takes his time to look up from his phone, the light of the device reflecting on his glasses. My stomach churns at the image of women in bikinis.
Am I mistaken? Is he not Sean?
“I’m sor—” I begin to apologize, pulling my hand back, but he cuts me off.
“You’re Andie!?” The man, who looks at least ten years older than I do, asks.
“I-I am,” I say, unsure of what he means, my hands curling in a nervous fist.
“You’re not thin,” he muses so carelessly as if he didn’t just obliterate all my confidence with three simple words.
My stomach drops at his words, self-loathing and self-doubt creeping in faster than Usain Bolt ever reached the finish line.
He stands up unceremoniously, the chair stumbling back. His rough action has the patrons peering at us. “Fuck, how can you even think I’d want a date with someone like you? You’re so fat,” he sneers, the anger in his condescending tone sending a wave of embarrassment through me.
I teeter a couple steps back, wanting as much distance as possible from him. “I…” I stumble on my words, not really sure how to answer that. None of my previous therapy sessions could’ve prepared me for such a public humiliation. It’s college all over again. Worse, actually.
My face burns with what the people must be witnessing—a helpless woman who can’t even stand up for herself.
God! They must all be agreeing with him. What was I thinking? That someone could ever like me? Date me or be seen with me? What a joke!?
No, Andie! Try to remember what Dr Laura taught you. Take a deep breath and don’t ever question your self-worth.
Before I can compose myself, his words ruthlessly shoot that attempt down.
“God, you’re a waste of space!” He spits and kicks the table so hard that the edge just about hits me in my knees, making me gasp.
But it doesn’t.
Not because it didn’t reach me.
But because someone intercepted it.
He intercepted it.
I don’t know how he’s here or even why.
But I’ve never been this happy and embarrassed, simultaneously, to see someone.
“Who the fuck do you think you are, asshole?” Noah growls, his tone has anticipation curling up my spine.
Sean scoffs. “Me? Who are you?”
My eyes pop out at his ludicrous question. He’s one of the best NHL goalies out there. A snicker slips out of my mouth.
Sean turns beet red, and his eyes cut to me. “What’s so funny, bitch?”
Before I even have the time to react to his awful words, Noah hauls him by the collar of his shirt and knees him in the balls. Sean’s face scrunches in agony, so does mine.
“Let’s skip the introductions, shall we?
” Noah speaks low enough for only us to hear, and the hair on my arm rises.
He doesn’t care that the staff and guards are trying to pull them apart.
Neither does he care that every single set of eyes is trained on him.
His hawk-like eyes are trained on him and only him.
Sean grunts in pain at how tightly Noah is holding him.
“You should’ve thanked your lucky stars that she even agreed to a date with you. Because a woman like her is really fucking hard to find. And if you can’t see her real value, then I fucking pity you.”
Every word out of Noah’s mouth is surreal. I can’t take my eyes off him. And I know…I know that I shouldn’t find any of this even remotely hot.
But God, I can’t help that I do.
Even in a plain tee and faded jeans, he’s far more attractive than any man in this room. Though that backward cap does absolutely nothing for me. Not even a thing. It doesn’t even add to his ruggedly handsome aura. Not even a little bit.
Oh, cheese cake on a bag of crackers! Who am I kidding!?
It absolutely does!
Noah Miller, my brother’s best friend and teammate, is undeniably the hottest man I’ve ever seen.
And so out of my league, it’s laughable.
His words bring me out of the lustful haze I’d been dipping my entire body in. “I pity you,” he repeats, “but not enough to not fucking give you a shiner.” With that, Noah sends him sprawling on the shiny wooden floor with a punch to his guts.
My eyes practically bulge out as I cover my mouth with my hands, another gasp falling free.
The chatter in the restaurant grows louder, and I know that it’s time for us to leave.
Sean cries out in pain from where he’s lying, making me direct my attention from an enraged Noah to him.
Noah stalks forward and leans dangerously close to him. “Talk about Andie like that ever again, and I’ll skin you alive. No woman is your fucking servant.”
His words shouldn’t be arousing, but I can’t help but rub my thighs together. God! Having him defend me is a turn on I didn’t realize I’d have.
But then I soon realize why he’s defending me, and that single realization douses every other feeling.
All he sees when he looks at me is his best friend’s little sister—Ezra’s little sister. And with the seven-year age gap, it wouldn’t be a surprise if he saw me as his, too.
Annoyed, confused, and upset with everything that’s happened in the last 5 minutes, I leave the men and rush out of the restaurant in a hurry. The people whispering make it hard for me to raise my head as I angrily wipe the errant tear that slides down my cheek.
The chilly air provides little respite to my burning face. Today couldn’t have gone any worse. I hate that I needed anyone, especially Noah, to defend me.
I’m a self-made and independent woman. I shouldn’t need anybody to defend me, or witness the humiliation enough to last a lifetime.
God! How will I ever look him in the eyes ever again?
Noah’s voice rings behind me as he tries catching up to me on the sidewalk, making me take longer steps.
“Andie, wait! Andie….”