Chapter 5
Five
Noah
Andie hops down from the counter and makes her way into the living room, my t-shirt swallowing her whole, her milky white thighs peeking from under, teasing me and daring me to lose the control I pride myself on.
The dejection on her face tears open my insides, but I can’t help it. Staying away from her is the right thing to do.
Even if the hurt in her voice begs me to slay all her demons and bury all the dickheads in the ground forever for making her doubt her self-worth.
The only truth that rings loud and clear, though, is that there’s no universe where she can be mine.
I shouldn’t even want her to be mine. If Ezra ever got a whiff of the thoughts that run rampant in my head about his baby sister, he’d fucking skin me alive. And honestly, if I were him, I’d do the same, worse even.
Though all those thoughts of staying away from Andie and maintaining my distance turn to dust the moment the words that make my ears bleed, and heart burn, escape her mouth. “I’ll find someone else who’s more willing.”
Like hell she will!
Without even having the opportunity to process my following actions, I’m bolting toward her, grabbing her waist and picking her up to make her sit on the kitchen counter, positioning my hands at her sides so she doesn’t try to run away from me again.
Her doe eyes widen as she releases a squeak, her fingers clutching my forearms. “I fucking dare you to say that again,” I growl, my heart hammering at the possibility of her with someone who is not me, exploring all the ways sinning could feel like heaven on earth.
If I thought Andie would cower, I was wrong. She looks me dead in the eyes, her nails digging into my skin, sending a delicious burn skating through my body as my sweatpants feel two sizes too small.
“You can’t have it both ways, Noah,” she grits, annoyance lacing her voice. I see what she’s hiding behind those words, though—a truckload of pain and rejection. And I’ll fucking die before I ever make her feel unwanted.
A few minutes pass before I finally speak, knowing full well it might blow up in my face and destroy one of my most cherished friendships. Ezra is more than just a friend—he’s family, he’s my brother.
What gnaws at my conscience, though, is that I can never see his sister as mine, even if he threatens to cut off my balls—which I desperately hold dear.
“Fine,” I whisper, my head falling between my shoulders as I glare at her feet, cursing the day when my dick and heart decided to fantasize about the only woman so fucking far out of my reach, so fucking forbidden.
“W-What?” comes her hesitant voice.
Taking a deep breath and mustering all my courage—which I seem to do a lot in her presence—I look straight into her eyes. “I’ll do it. I’ll teach you all there is to know about sex,” I say with a finality I honestly don’t feel in my bones.
I can’t believe that these words are leaving my mouth. But Andie seems to when she claps her hands, an electric smile instantly covering her face. “Fantastic!” she exclaims, clearly too excited for my demise. “When do we start?”
“It’s not a game, Andie,” I remark, my knuckles whitening as they hold on to the kitchen counter for dear life. “We need to set rules.”
Her luscious lips curve into a smirk, and I already know she’s going to sass me. “Don’t all games need that?” Her eyes twinkle with the devil that sits on her shoulders, enticing me with everything she does.
“Fuck,” I chuckle. “You know what I mean. The first and most important rule, no one can know about this, especially Ezra.”
She rolls her coffee eyes, making me wonder how far I can make them roll.
You’ll know soon enough.
Jesus Christ, I will, won’t I?
“I don’t go around advertising my sex life to everyone, Noah. Especially not to Ezra,” she snarks, and damn, I’m not sure how to feel about the fact that I’m imagining my best friend’s baby sister swallowing my cock with that smart mouth.
“We also won’t be seeing other people for the length of time we are doing…this,” I state, pointing between us with my index finger. I want her to agree to it because I don’t know if I can handle her being with someone who’s not me.
“Done,” she nods her head, agreeing in an instant as a few strands of hair fall free from her messy bun, framing her stunning face.
I clear my throat because the next question might make her feel uncomfortable, and that’s the last thing I want her to be in my presence. “So, how far have you…” I drawl, unable to put such an intimate question into words.
Andie gets the hint regardless and answers, “Umm…I’ve never gone further than k-kissing,” she reveals.
My eyes screw shut. “You’re killing me here, Andie,” I mutter under my breath.
How on God’s green earth is it possible that no man or woman has ever wanted to take it further with her? I’m literally grasping at straws here and thanking my lucky fucking stars to even be in the same room as her, let alone have the chance to help her explore her sexuality.
“Alright, so we need a safe word? Know what that is?” I say, my voice hoarse with the weight of it all.
“I’m a virgin, Noah, not oblivious. Of course, I know what a safe word is.”
“Good, so we’d need one. If I’m doing this, I’m doing it the right way. We’ll take it slow, and if at any point you feel unsure about something, you let me know,” I tell her.
“Sure,” she says, playing with the hem of my t-shirt she’s wearing.
I grasp her chin and make her look at me. “I’m serious, Andie. You have to know I’d never do anything to make you feel unsafe.” I need her to understand that she’s the one in control of everything we do.
A gentle smile grazes her lips as she looks between my eyes, squeezing my bicep in assurance. “I don’t feel unsafe with you, Noah. Never have.”
My shoulders sag. I didn’t even realize they were coiled with tension until she said those words. All I can do is nod at the trust she’s placing in me.
“What’s next?” she voices, her hand falling back into her lap, and I instantly miss the heat of it.
“No kissing.”
Her brows draw together, not expecting that. “I’m sorry, what?”
I swallow before speaking, “I said we can’t kiss.” It’s clear from her expression that she hates it, and I can’t blame her for that. But I need to establish a safety net for myself. I can’t let it get too far, not more than it needs to.
I grab a kitchen stool and lower myself into it to come eye level with her. “Andie, this needs to be totally physical. You understand that, don’t you?” I say the words even though they burn like acid on my tongue.
She refuses to meet my eyes, her gaze fixed on something visible outside the floor-to-ceiling wall of my apartment. I let her think it through. I realize this is not a small decision to make.
A few minutes later, she nods to herself and seems to conclude her next step. Her head swivels to me, and she opens her mouth. With bated breath, I realize that I desperately want her to agree.
I’m the worst fucking best friend, and there’s no redemption for me.
“I’ll do it.” She shakes her head, correcting herself. “I mean, I won’t do it. I won’t kiss you. I agree to all your terms.”
When those sweet words leave her mouth, I also realize that I don’t fucking care if I can’t redeem myself because sinning with Andie is where my salvation lies.
“Good girl,” I mutter, my voice hoarse.
She squares her shoulders, her arms crossing over her chest. “I have a rule, too.”
My brow cocks at her sassy tone. “I’m listening.”
“You can’t go falling in love with me,” she huffs, her tone dead serious as she blows a rogue lock that slips over her eyes.
I bite on my bottom lip to keep a smile from my face because God, she’s fucking cute with all that sass and attitude, wanting to put me in my place.
I clear my head when she looks at me expectantly, “No danger of that, I assure you.” My hands raise at my sides. The word feels like excessive salt on my tongue, but I can’t let her know how I feel, or she might run the other way.
It’s not a complete lie either. I don’t think I’m capable of something as complicated and selfless as love. Feelings have never come easy to me. Not like I had a good example growing up. All I feel for her is attraction, which I shouldn’t.
She’s in it for purely physical reasons, too. And there’s no chance in hell she can ever know the thoughts in my head, even if it kills me to hide them all from her.
It’s for the best. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.
“Right,” she whispers, seeming to ponder over something.
Not particularly liking the expression on her face, I stand up and clasp her chin, tilting her head so her vision is filled with nothing but me.
“You should know one thing, Andie,” I begin, my voice low as if I’m letting her in on a secret, “there will be no lovemaking as you so eloquently mentioned earlier. Because I don’t make love, Andie.
I fuck. And I promise to fuck you good,” I whisper, moving closer so my mouth is an inch away from hers, the warm breath blowing lightly on her hair.
I find intense satisfaction when her eyes widen, and pupils dilate. That’s the only expression she should be wearing. I’ll make sure of that.
After pulling herself together, she clears her throat and sticks out her pinky finger. “Deal?”
My gaze flicks between her face and hand, perplexed at her action. When she jerks her chin at her finger, wiggling it in front of me.
“Deal,” I scoff, my own finger curling around hers. The vast difference between our sizes doesn’t escape my notice.
As soon as the word leaves my mouth and a smile blossoms on Andie’s face, I seal my fate with the devil.
Because I just agreed to fuck my best friend’s sister.