Chapter 33 Andie
Thirty Three
Andie
My days without Noah are filled with both longing and glee.
Longing because I earnestly miss him, and I hate that he had to go away for a week for his games. Even the nightly phone sex isn’t enough to carry me through. That actually makes me miss him even more, knowing that I can see him, but not touch him. That he’s sleeping in a bed that’s not mine.
Glee because I can’t stop replaying his words over and over again.
“It’s never a choice with you, Andie. I only ever want to be by your side.”
I don’t know what exactly that means for us. But I do know that I mean something to him. That’s enough for now.
I stop typing and squeal into my hands for the hundredth time. He may have gone away for a week, but he’s given me enough swoon-worthy material and motivation to finish my manuscript.
Not sure if and when it’ll see the light of day, but I know I want to finish this manuscript. I want to pen down everything the characters are screaming at me, spinning a tale I relate to.
So, for the last few days after school, I’ve been working on it. I stopped believing and writing it altogether when one of my ‘friends’ read a short story I had written.
One day, I accidentally took my journal to college, and when it slipped out of my bag, she picked it up, read it, and scoffed at it—called it a ‘silly pipe dream’.
‘It’s not even good,’ she said.
After already being called out for my increasing weight, I believed her. I believed that nothing I wrote was worth anything. That nothing I wrote would matter.
When you’re told something enough times, you eventually start to accept it as the truth.
I shoved away all my desires and dreams in a box and stuffed it in the deepest trenches of my heart. I didn’t pick up a pen for the longest time.
Then something happened—I met Noah, and suddenly I found myself hoping again.
He didn’t do anything differently. He behaved exactly how he does with everyone else—grunted as a response to almost everything, took care of people around him, and treated me no differently than he would any other person.
It’s his natural way of looking at the world around him and valuing the people in his life that makes a difference. His attention makes you feel like you can be anything you want, and anything you do or say won’t be subjected to ridiculous judgment.
He makes you want to be yourself.
He makes you want to be the best version of yourself. Because he’s always doing his best.
So with a determined nod, I go back to writing.
It’s much later in the evening that Millie finally breaks my concentration, milling between my legs.
I shock myself when I see that I’ve been at it for at least a few hours, and not once did I feel the need to stop. The knowledge makes me happy.
Pushing my chair away from the table in the corner of my bedroom, I stretch my body as a yawn slips past my lips, my muscles feeling the strain of sitting for hours on end. But I don’t feel tired for a second.
Elated and with a smile on my face, I bend down, pick up Millie, grab my phone, and head for the living room.
Setting the fur baby down, I give her head a few scratches and prepare a meal for her, taking out her can of cat food.
I was so happy when Noah asked me to look after her while he was away. My heart sings for him when I remember what he said while dropping off the kitty at my apartment.
“Are you sure you want me looking after your cat?” I asked.
He gave me a deadpan look, making me feel ridiculous for asking the lame question. “I distinctly remember you saving this hellcat.”
“And?” My brows furrowed.
He sighed, shaking his head like he was done with me. “Millie always belonged to you, you crazy woman.”
“She did?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “For fuck’s sake,” he murmured under his breath. Stepping right into me, he tilted my chin up to look at him and whispered against my parted lips, “Everything you see is yours.”
My breath hitched. “Even you?”
His lips turned into the most blinding of smiles. “Especially me.” And he seared his words into my soul with a toe-curling kiss.
I fan myself just thinking about it. When I bend down and keep Millie’s bowl of food in front of her, she looks at me like she can’t decide whether she wants to laugh or cry at my absurdity.
“You think I’m crazy, too, don’t you, Millie?” I speak in a baby voice as I sit down on my haunches, the smile not leaving my face.
She huffs as if to say, “Dang right, I do,” and goes back to her meal, completely ignoring me.
I chuckle in the empty apartment, save for Millie, and slump on the couch. Powering on my phone, I dial Ezra. His game must be over by now.
He picks up on the third ring. “Hey, kid,” his voice lacking his usual spark, and that’s weird because he just got engaged to the love of his life.
That can only mean one thing—they lost today’s game.
“I’m sorry about the game,” I say, folding my legs and pulling them to my chest as I burrow myself deeper in the couch.
He sighs over the phone, his breath causing a crackling noise. “It’s fine. Shit happens.”
He says that, but I know my brother, and I know he’s probably taking their loss the hardest, especially when they’re so close to the end—they can practically taste their season win.
“Stop blaming yourself,” I say, trying to sound stern but failing.
He chuckles roughly. “Yes, ma’am.”
“I’ve been asking him the same for the last hour, babe,” Kaeli joins in the conversation. The phone must be on speaker, as it always is with them.
“He probably just needed some tough love,” I say with a smile, though she can’t see it.
She scoffs, “He sure did. He can be bullheaded sometimes. Don’t know what I was thinking agreeing to marry this guy.”
“Hey! This guy is right here, ladies!” Ezra yells over us, making us chortle. “And you, Feather, weren’t thinking anything; you were so blinded by your love for me,” he says with a dramatic flare in his voice.
“Lucky you,” she huffs in pretend annoyance.
“Awww!!! Stop it, you guys! You’re so stinking cute!” I giggle over the phone, both their laughter joining me.
After a breath, Ezra speaks, “Hey, kid. So, why’d you call?”
“Oh yes! So, as you—”
He cuts me off. “Shit. Sorry, Andie. Someone’s at the door, give me a second, would you?”
“Sure,” I nod as if he can see me, and the sound of rustling follows as he opens the door.
“Oh, hey, man. Come in,” he greets whoever it is. “Give me a second, let me talk to my sister.”
My lips automatically lift into a small smile. I love how he has his priorities set.
“Yes, Andie. What were you saying?” His voice cackles through the speaker of my phone.
“Well, I know it’s a long shot, but I really wanted to invite you to the year-end event I’m organizing tomorrow.” I chew on my bottom lip, waiting for an answer.
His sigh is an answer enough before he even says the words. “You know I wish I could be there, kid. But we have a game tomorrow, and it’s nearly impossible to reach your school in time.”
I do understand where he’s coming from. Now, he can’t just not show to the game. I knew it was a long shot, so I don’t let his response dampen my mood. “It’s okay,” I say in a cheery voice.
At least, I hope it sounds so.
“I’m sorry, kid,” he apologizes sincerely, even though there’s nothing he can do.
“We really wish we could come, Andie,” Kaeli comforts me, hoping I’ll understand.
“I know. It’s alright! See you when you guys come back. Good luck with the game tomorrow,” I ramble and hang up the phone before they hear me choke on a sob.
The high I had been experiencing all day comes to a sudden low. I know where they’re coming from.
But I really wanted them to attend. I’ve worked day in and day out on this event, and it’s the first chance for me to prove not just to the world, but also to my family and me that being a teacher was my calling.
I understand, but I don’t have to like it.
I angrily swipe at the tears. Millie hops on the couch and snuggles into my chest. Needing emotional support, I grab her and bury my nose in her fur, sniffling into it as I let out a tired breath.
The sudden ache to hear Noah’s deep and soothing voice blooms viciously in my chest. I consider it for all of two seconds before I discard the idea.
They have a game tomorrow, and I can’t just call him because I’m tired or emotional. He must be tired too. It’s not easy stopping all those pucks that rain at him at hundreds of miles per hour.
Consoling myself and seeking comfort with Millie, I try to remind myself that it’ll all be okay, and my parents will be there at least. And I know they’ll be immensely proud of me, and that’s enough.
My parents, though, were uncertain about my dropping out of law school and studying to become a teacher; they have never tried to influence my decision, or fallen short in their support or love for me.
But it was your Brother who stood by you, loving you unconditionally.
My mind whispers, and I can’t deny that him not being there would hurt me. Someone missing out on a mere elementary school event may not be an issue for some, but it meant a lot to me.
There’s no reason for me to be a baby and be upset about when it can’t be helped, though. So, be a big girl and do your best tomorrow, with an ever-present smile on your face.
I sleep with a mantra playing on a loop in my mind.
You’re enough.
It’s only when I wake up next morning with Millie snoring beside me that I realize that I missed a call, or so the notification on my phone says.
Missed call from Daddy Noah.