4. Beck
Beck
I’ve lost my mind. That’s the only thing that can explain this insanity.
I worked late into the night cleaning my house, making sure it was in tip-top shape for today. Why? Because my best friend’s little sister is coming over, and I’ve got some unexplainable need to impress her.
I wiped down all the counters and tables and swept and mopped the floors. I did the best I could at organizing Jade’s toys. My house has never looked so clean.
Even when I went to bed later than usual, I still got up with enough time to fold the blankets I had drying overnight, put the dishes away, and get a big pot of coffee going.
This is absurd. Willow probably doesn’t care about any of this.
I don’t even recognize myself. Willow definitely noticed something was off yesterday, too.
Even after three years, she still knows me.
But I couldn’t very well admit it’s because it felt like I was seeing her for the first time.
She’s an adult now, and she’s absolutely stunning.
Even her smile looked wider and brighter than I remembered it.
Like she’s let go of the heavy weight sitting on her shoulders.
Getting out of Blue Haven was good for her.
I can’t be attracted to her, though. Or I suppose I can be attracted to her, but I sure can’t do anything about it. All this is going to do is torture me.
I shake the thought from my head. I’ll make myself move past this. I can be attracted to someone and not act on it. It’ll be fine. It’s only for the summer anyway.
There’s a soft knock on the front door. I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans and head to open it.
Willow greets me with a sleepy smile. “I don’t know how you do this every day.”
I chuckle. She looks so cute this morning with her tired eyes and sleep-flushed cheeks. “Well, it’s not every day, but I guess you get used to it after a while.”
She lets out a sleepy groan as she walks past me and into the house. She’s wearing cotton shorts today and a plain, pale yellow T-shirt. Her hair is down and a little messy, and I try my absolute best not to get a whiff of it when she passes by me, but the floral scent floats to my nose anyway.
“There’s coffee in the pot if you want some,” I offer.
She puts her bag down by the couch. “Mmm, yes please.”
She walks into the kitchen and finds the cabinet with the coffee mugs on the first try. I’m surprised she remembered where they were.
She pours herself a mug before opening my fridge and pulling out the creamer.
“So, do you have anything planned for the day?” I ask her, keeping my voice low so I don’t wake Jade.
“I thought I would see if Jade had anything she wanted to do first. If not, I’ve got some crafts in my bag that we can do. I also brought my bathing suit in case she wanted to go swimming.”
Willow in a bathing suit. Nope, not going there. Thank god I’m busy today so I won’t be anywhere near the pool. The last thing I need is to feed this sudden attraction by seeing her in a bikini.
“I’m sure Jade will love that. She should be up within the hour. There’s plenty of breakfast stuff, so she can just pick what she wants. Do you still have my number in case something happens?” I ask.
“It’s the same as before, right?”
I nod. “Yep.”
Willow and I used to communicate every day.
Not in a friendship sort of way or anything, but in case she needed a ride somewhere or food on days Sawyer was working late.
After Jade was born, she’d ask me to send pictures occasionally.
All very normal conversations. But once she moved away for school, there wasn’t really a need for us to text other than a few check-in texts during her first year away.
She was busy. I was busy. We just drifted apart.
We drifted so far apart that I didn’t even think about her turning into an actual adult woman now. A very beautiful woman.
“Then, yes, I’ve got it. But I’m sure everything will be fine,” she assures me.
She smiles from behind the coffee mug, and I have to look away. Because I’m a fucking loser checking out a woman twelve years younger than me.
“Alright, well. I guess I’ll get going then.” This is weird. I’m making this so awkward.
“Have a good day, Beck.”
I grab my coffee and my lunch from the kitchen table. “Yeah. You too.”
Then I book it out of my own house, needing desperately to get out of there. My house that I built, my house that I love and have made a home, suddenly feels too small for me and Willow to both be in.
Once I’m able to clear my head, my day goes by very uneventfully. My first order of business is to take care of the horses. My stable hand, Carson, helps with cleaning the stalls, then we get started on trail rides for the day. We’re fully booked up today, so even Brooks does a few rides with us.
By the time four rolls around, I’m exhausted and covered in sweat and dirt.
My seasonal stable hands, Trevor and Ace, take over for Carson and me so we can head on home for the day.
There were some days that I spent my entire day at the stables, sun up to sun down, and I loved it.
But on days like today, I’m run ragged, and I still have to get home to Jade.
This is the first and maybe only summer I’ll have her for the entire time.
I want to make sure that I get to spend as much time with her as I can.
I know she’s only six, but the years are flying by.
Before I know it, she’ll be a teenager who wants nothing to do with me.
I want to soak up these years while I can.
When I open the front door of my house, loud music assaults me.
And not just any music. No, it’s the Frozen soundtrack that has been on repeat in our house for the last six months.
The girls are both jumping around, singing at the top of their lungs.
I can’t help but smile as I slide my boots off by the door.
It takes me walking into the kitchen to put my lunch box down for either of them to even realize that I’m there.
“Oh!” Willow gasps when she finally sees me. She stops dancing and turns the volume down on the song. “Sorry, didn’t hear you come in.”
“Well, don’t let me break up this dance party.”
“Daddy!” Jade shouts and runs into my arms for a hug. I love that she doesn’t care how dirty I am; she always wants a hug from Daddy.
“Hey, Jadey Baby. How was your day?” I take her in from head to toe: her slicked-back princess bun, a full face of makeup, a princess dress, and her little pretend high heels.
“Awesome!”
“Really, what’d you do?” I ask.
“Well, Willow made us pancakes with lots and lots of syrup and even sprinkles!” Her eyes are so wide as she says sprinkles that I can’t help but laugh. “Then we made sand art. Don’t worry, I made you one, and we cleaned up the whole mess probably.”
“Probably?”
“Yep,” she says confidently and then continues with her day. “Then we painted our nails.” She shoves her hands in front of my face to show me the purple polish.
“Very nice.”
“Then Willow made me a turkey wrap. Did you know I liked turkey wraps?”
“I did not,” I confess.
“Me either. But I do now. Then we watched a movie. Then Willow did my hair and makeup to make me look like a princess, and we started our dance party. Do I look like a princess?”
“Definite princess vibes.”
She smiles widely, and I put her back on the ground before I look over at Willow, who is busy straightening up the living room.
“Sounds like a good day,” I say.
She nods. “I’d say day one was a success. Tomorrow, if you could leave her car seat, I think I’ll take her to the library. They have someone reading a book in the morning, and she can check out a few books to practice reading. She said she was learning sight words in kindergarten this past year.”
“Ok, yeah. That sounds great. I have a spare booster seat in the garage. I can put it in your car before I leave tomorrow.”
“Ok, awesome.” She turns to Jade. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”
Jade sticks her little lip out in a pout. “You can’t stay the night?”
Willow laughs, but my body tightens at the thought of her being here all night. There’s no way. I need as much space away from her as possible.
“No, I have to go back to my house. If we leave Sawyer alone for too long, he gets sad. We don’t want that, do we?”
Jade shakes her head.
“But I’ll be back bright and early tomorrow, and we’ll have tons of fun!”
My daughter smiles at Willow, and it feels like my heart could burst. Jade loves her already.
I know that I can’t let my stupid attraction get in the way of this.
I need Willow to be here for Jade, so I need to cut this out.
I can be around an attractive female and not act on it.
Hell, I’m around Harper almost every day.
She works side by side with Brooks at the Lodge.
I’d consider her attractive, but she’s one of my best friends, and I don’t feel the same pull toward her that I suddenly and strangely feel toward Willow.
Jade and Willow hug goodbye before Willow stands and directs her attention to me. I make eye contact with her just to prove to myself that I can do it without acting like a fool.
“See you in the morning?” I ask.
“Yes, sir. Same time?”
“You can come at eight tomorrow. Carson is on opening shift.”
“See you then.” She grabs her bag and gives Jade one last wave before leaving.
Once she’s gone, I focus on Jade. “So, you had a good day?”
“The best day, Daddy. We had so much fun. This is gonna be the best summer ever!”
I chuckle at her excited, makeup-covered face and wonder how I’m supposed to get all of that off her. “Good. I’m glad.”
I set her up to watch a movie while I shower. The whole time, all I can think is that this is going to be a long summer for one of us.