19. Willow
Willow
My heart is racing, and I have no idea why. I’ve been alone with Beck a hundred times before. I know nothing can happen. He’s made it very clear that I am and always will be in the friend zone. But still…
My stupid heart hopes for more.
I busy myself with cleaning up the board games from earlier.
I’m worried that if I don’t keep my mind focused on something else, all I’ll feel is how much it hurts that I can’t have Beck.
And earlier? What the hell was I thinking, taking my clothes off in front of him?
Yeah, it felt good to have his eyes on me, but all it did was tease us even more. It was stupid of me.
“Willow?” Beck’s voice breaks through my internal spiral.
“Hmm?” I keep my focus on stacking the cards and putting them back in the box.
“You don’t have to clean that up.”
“I know. I just…” I trail off, not knowing what to say.
“Willow. Stop cleaning. You’re off duty now. Relax,” he says.
My shoulders slump, and I stand from the floor and sit on the couch. I plop down and pretend like I’m completely unbothered by sitting here in the dark with the man who has been haunting my dreams since I got back to Blue Haven.
“So, what are we supposed to do now?” I ask.
“We could just… talk. Do you want a beer?”
Talk? He wants me to sit in the dark and talk to him? For what? So I can fall even more in love with a man I can’t have? Great.
“Sure, I’ll take one.” Although I’m not sure drinking and being alone with Beck is a good idea. At least it’ll give me something else to focus on.
He hands me the bottle and sits on the chair next to the couch, putting as much space between us as he possibly can without sitting in another room entirely. If I weren’t so nervous, I would probably laugh. It’s as if he’s scared to be too close to me.
“So, what do you wanna talk about?” I ask.
“Are you excited to go to Italy?”
Ok, easy topic. Keeping it neutral. I can do that.
“So excited. I’ve always dreamed of going to Europe, so when this popped up as an option, I jumped on it. It’s even better that I get to go with my best friend.”
“Do you know what you’ll be doing there yet?”
“Kinda. Since we’re education majors, we’ll be spending a good amount of time working on teaching English.
There are still a few parts of our schedule that are being finalized.
I was able to send in my final payment this week, though.
I can’t thank you enough for hiring me and for keeping this a secret from Sawyer for now,” I say.
“No need to thank me, Wills. You’re doing me a favor. You’ve been so good to Jade this summer. She’s going to miss you when you leave. I’m going to miss you when you leave.”
As much as I would hate for either of them to be sad, I’m happy that Beck will miss me. I hope he does.
“It’s been a fun summer. Just what I needed, honestly. I’ve been so consumed with school and living my best life at college and staying as far away from this place as possible that I forgot that I actually do kind of like it here,” I say.
“I didn’t realize you wanted to leave so badly,” he says. I guess I kept it mostly to myself. Sawyer knew. I assumed he would’ve told Beck, but maybe he didn’t.
I nod. “Yeah, just… too many bad memories, you know? I always thought that I would leave and never come back, but being here… I don’t know. It’s different seeing this place again after being away. I think I appreciate it more now.”
“Do you think you’ll come back after you graduate?” he asks.
I shrug; the question has been on my mind a lot lately.
If you had asked me a year ago, my answer would’ve been a quick “no.” But now, I’m not so sure.
I like being close to Sawyer. And being in Blue Haven reminds me of my parents, for once, not in a bad way.
I feel closer to them here, and it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.
While I know I don’t have to live in the city my parents chose to build their life in, I can’t help but admit they picked a good one.
“I don’t know. I’m not opposed to it. I guess it’ll really depend on the job market,” I say, going with an easy excuse.
He nods. “Makes sense.”
“What about you? Will you ever leave Blue Haven?” I ask.
“Nah, I doubt it. This is all I’ve ever known. I’ve never had the itch to leave.”
“You think you’ll stay at Moonlight?” I ask, taking a big sip of my beer.
“I think I’ll be here as long as Brooks allows it. I couldn’t ask for a better job, and this place feels more like home than anywhere else.”
I can totally see that for him. Beck belongs here. He belongs with the horses. It wouldn’t be Moonlight Ranch without him.
“Ace asked about you today,” Beck says, but he sounds annoyed by it.
“Oh yeah?” Ace is a nice guy, but I can’t say I’ve thought of him once since that night at Roadside. When I used him to make Beck jealous. Not my best moment, but I did what I needed to do.
“Yeah, he asked if he could ask you out.”
I chuckle. “Why’d he ask you?”
“Dunno. Maybe since you’re watching Jade? He wanted to make sure I was cool with it.”
“And are you?” I shouldn’t ask because I know the answer will just hurt my feelings.
His eyes meet mine, and even in the candlelight, I can see the intensity in them. “No, Willow, I’m not ok with it.”
“Well, I hope you didn’t tell him that. I can imagine the rumors now…”
Beck doesn’t say anything, which makes me nervous.
“Beck?”
“He might have taken my response to mean something more than how I meant it.”
“What does that mean?” I ask.
“He may think that I said no because you and I…” he trails off. He can’t even say it.
“Oh my god, Beck. You’re gonna get us in trouble when we haven’t even done anything wrong.”
“I know, I’m sorry, but he asked the question and it just pissed me right off.”
Beck’s jealousy is showing again, and I like it. “Why’d it piss you off?”
“You know why, Wills.”
“Just tell me again.” It’s selfish to make him say it, but I like hearing that he wants me. And I sure as hell like hearing that he’s as frustrated by it as I am.
“Because I don’t wanna watch you spend your last few weeks here with another man. I want you in my house, where I can keep my eyes on you. Happy?”
“Very.” I smile as I press the almost-empty beer bottle to my lips. “But you know it’s a little unfair. I mean, I haven’t gotten laid all summer, and now you just ruined my only chance.”
“Willow.” I can practically hear his teeth grinding together. I love teasing him. More than I should. His reaction makes it worth it.
“What? I’m just saying. A girl has needs. You won’t help me, and now Ace has been warned off. What’s a girl supposed to do?”
“A girl should take care of it herself like I do. In the shower. Almost every night.”
The image of Beck wrapping his hand around his cock and getting himself off pops in my head, and damn if it doesn’t make me even more horny. While I have been taking care of myself this summer, it’s certainly not the same and doesn’t even touch the ache I feel for Beck.
“Do you think about me when you do it?” I ask carefully.
After a long pause, he admits, “Yes.”
“What do you think about?”
He’s quiet for a second, and I’m sure he’s not going to answer, but then he says, “I think about you in that little bikini you wore to the pool. I think about what it would be like to slide the bottoms to the side and feel your pussy.”
Oh my god. My insides feel all warm and fuzzy.“Yeah? That all?”
He shakes his head. “No, but you don’t need to know the rest.”
“Oh, come on. I’ll tell you what I think about,” I offer.
“No, I don’t wanna know.”
I smile because I know he absolutely does want to know. “You know, now that you’ve got me thinking about what it would be like, I’m kinda horny.”
“Willow. No.”
“I can’t help what my body wants,” I tease. I set my empty beer bottle down on the floor and lean my back against the armrest of the couch so that my lower body is facing Beck. I let my legs fall open. I can tell he wants to look away, but he doesn’t.
“You know, I could just…” I slide my hand into the loose boxer shorts I’m wearing. “You wouldn’t even have to touch me.”
I run a finger through my wetness, lightly grazing my clit. He can’t see anything, especially since the power is still out, but I can tell he’s zoned in on what my hand is doing.
“Would you like to watch me, Beck?” I ask.
“I-I shouldn’t.”
“But do you want to?” I ask.
“Yes,” he admits, a little breathless.
That’s all I need to hear before I’m sliding the boxers down my legs. If I’m going to masturbate in front of someone, which I’ve never done before, I’m going to do it right.
“Willow,” he growls my name when I spread my legs wide.
“You can barely see me, Beck. And you don’t have to touch me. All you have to do is sit there and enjoy yourself.”
I circle my clit again and let out a quiet moan.
“I can hear how wet you are,” Beck groans.
“It’s all because of you.” I hardly recognize my own voice, it’s so full of lust.
“Fuck,” he says, barely above a whisper.
I slide my hand down and hook two fingers inside me. He shifts in his seat, and I wonder if he’s hard.
“You can join me, you know,” I tell him. It would feel much less awkward if I weren’t the only one doing this. I’m trying to be confident, but this is new for me and having someone stare at me so intently is nerve-wracking. Especially in this position.
“You want to see my cock, Willow?”
“Yes, please.” I want to do more than see it. I want to suck it. I want to feel it inside me. I want everything from him, but I’ll take what he gives me.
“Shit, this is such a bad idea,” he mumbles, but I hear his belt unbuckle and zipper go down.
I let out a small gasp when he takes himself out of his pants. Even in the candlelight, I can see how big he is. While I’m not a virgin, I haven’t been with that many people. I don’t have much to compare it to, but Beck is bigger than any other dick I’ve ever seen.
His hand moves up and down, which might be the hottest thing I have ever seen. I circle my clit, adding a little more pressure. I want this to last, but my body is begging me to come.