TWENTY-SEVEN
The wave of sadness at Kross’s departure catches me by surprise. It takes me a few seconds to collect myself and head to my apartment.
Jamir straightens from the sofa at my entrance. My lack of joy proves how badly I want Kross to be here instead of him.
“What’s up, baby?”
“Nothing.” I close the door, place my clutch next to the pink and cream orchids on the island, and remove my coat.
“You look nice. Where’d you go?”
“Out,” is all I say, hanging my coat.
He sniffs. “Where did you get orchids?”
My heart skips at the question, and I glance at the flowers as I lie, “From work.”
“Huh. Didn’t know you liked those.”
“They’re my favorite. You don’t pay attention.” Kross does. He remembers details.
Jamir rubs his forehead. “Sorry. I know you’re upset about earlier. It was work. Try to understand.”
“I’ve been understanding. I’m exhausted.”
“Hey.” He reaches for me. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“Hearing that so much these days,” I grumble.
“Davia.” He kisses my cheek. “It’ll get better.”
“Sure.”
“Listen, I’m heading to Philly in the morning with my parents for my uncle’s sixtieth. I wanted to come by and apologize for ruining another date night.”
“So I’m not even invited on your trip.” I lower my eyes to the hardwood. “Do you want to be with me?”
“The fuck kind of question is that? Of course, I want to be with you. I love you.” He cradles my face. “Don’t ever ask me that again. It’s you and me. Always.”
I’m unsure about that when every part of me yearns for Kross.
“Can I make love to you before I leave?”
I writhe away from him. “So that’s why you came.”
He twists his face. “D, come on. I’m leaving for the weekend.”
“Safe travel.”
“You’re shutting me down again?” he asks in dismay.
“I’m not in the mood.”
“Right. Okay. I’ll see you on Monday.” He marches out of the apartment and slams the door.
Locking it, I lean against the wood and stare at the orchids. I have to resolve the situation and put an end to this conflict. However, I’m worried I’ll make the wrong decision.
My thoughts kept me tossing and turning all night. It’s a wonder how I made it through Pilates.
I notice Trishell watching me out of the corner of my eye as we walk to our cars after class.
“What’s up? You barely said anything all morning and brushed me off all week. Didn’t want to meet after work either.”
Sighing, I place the mat on the backseat and lean against my car. “I saw Kross again.”
“Seems you can’t stay away from the man, huh?”
“It’s so hard, Trish. I don’t even know what I’m doing with Jamir anymore.”
“Has he brought up marriage?” she asks.
I shake my head. “I’m not sure I want that.”
“Oh?” She tosses her mat in the car and folds her arms. “So what do you want? Phone sex with Kross?”
“Not funny,” I hiss.
“All right, sorry. I’m listening. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
“Conflicted. I don’t want to hurt Jamir or Iree.”
She scowls. “What do you mean? Isn’t Iree the chick you work with?”
“Yeah, Kross grew up in the same house with her and her big brother. She told me she loves him, Trish. Confessed the night before we left Paris.”
“Oh shit,” she sputters. “Does Kross know?”
“Iree asked me not to say anything.” I flick my nails. “I’m wrestling with my feelings. It’s driving me crazy.”
“You need to be honest with yourself,” she advises. “Do you want to stay with Jamir? Or do you want something fresh with Kross? You have to consider it carefully. As for Iree, I understand she’s your friend, and you don’t want to hurt her. But it’s you who Kross wants. She’ll understand eventually. You need to decide, though. Cause you can’t be out here sneaking around like a ho.”
“I know.” I bite my lip. “Kross makes me feel things beyond sexual.”
“Damn, cuz,” she mutters while shaking her head.
“Last night, we went for a drive, and it was so relaxing that I stopped thinking about Jamir and told Kross to take me home.”
“To fuck?” She dips her head and peers up at me.
“For something,” I breathe out. “But Jamir came by, and things became complicated again.”
Her eyes widen. “Was there a confrontation?”
“No, Jamir didn’t see us together. And Kross got upset because I didn’t ask him to stay. He wanted to have lunch with me today but changed his mind, and I’m mad about that because…”
“You want to spend time with him,” she discerns.
“Yes. Fuck!” I massage my temples. “I don’t know what to do.”
She reaches out to rub my arm. “Like I said, consider things carefully and make a decision.”
“Can we talk about you now?”
“Fine.” She smiles. “Reeve asked me to fly to Jamaica to meet his family this July.”
“That’s nice, cuz. You going?”
“I want to. We became more serious. That man has my heart in his grasp.”
“Aww, girl,” I giggle. “You in love?”
“My ass fell hard after three months. Hope he doesn’t hurt me cause I might go crazy on him.”
“Reeve seems like a standup guy. I’m rooting for y’all.”
“Thanks, girl.” She ducks her shy smile.
“Um, speaking of relationships,” I mutter. “My mom’s seeing someone.”
“Not another felon?” Trishell scoffs.
“She says he’s legit.” I pause before adding, “She’s six weeks pregnant.”
“What?” she yelps, covering her mouth as people walking by look over. “Shit. You’re so far apart in age.”
“I know. According to my mom, this is her do-over.”
“Damn.” She drops her head to the side. “Aunt Tanya is something else.”
“Don’t tell anyone. Mom wants to do it herself.”
“You know I won’t. My lips are sealed.” She squints at me. “Girl, those sad eyes tell me you want to see Kross. Call him. See if it’s real.”
My heart accelerates at the thought. “What if it is? Jamir and I have five years. Is it foolish to throw that away?”
“You can’t force yourself to want something it no longer wants.” She pats my hand. “I have to go to the firm. See you tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
I watch her drive off, lingering in place with my gnawing thoughts until they overpower me. I climb into my car, take out my phone, and call Kross.
He picks up immediately. “Sup?” His voice doesn’t sound happy. It’s flat.
“Uh, hey. You busy?”
“On my way to the gym.”
“Okay,” I murmur, tugging at my tights
“What’s going on, Davia?”
I frown. “Why are you calling me that?”
“Well, isn’t that your name, Davia Sinclair?”
“Stop.” I suck my teeth. “What was I supposed to do last night, Kross? Bring you into my apartment so you and my man could fight?”
“He’s still your man?” he rasps. “Even though you don’t want him? Even though you want me?”
“Kross…” I squeeze my eyes shut and grip the steering wheel.
His frustrated rumble reverberates through me. “There’s that longing again. Davi, invite me over.”
I tighten my grasp. My heart’s pounding so hard it feels like it’s about to break through my chest. “I can’t.”
“Then come see me.”
Oh, Lord . I’m too scared to speak because my body wants him desperately.
“I’ll text you my address,” he says. “We don’t have to do anything but talk. I’ll be waiting.” He hangs up, and the phone buzzes with his text right after.
You know what? Since Jamir’s away, I’ll use the time to sort my emotions. I’ll see if what I’m feeling for Kross is real.