4. Stella
Chapter 4
Stella
My mind raced, replaying the look of worry clouding Trace’s eyes when he’d closed that car door. He hadn’t even tried to come with me.
What did that say?
Was what I’d done…did I ruin what we had?
I was such a fucking idiot.
Shelby was talking to me. I heard Dani Lynn say my name too, but I couldn’t focus on any of that now. I’d hurt Trace. I’d hurt the man I loved simply because I couldn’t handle the news that we were going to have a baby. News that, if I were a sane person, would be great news. To me—it felt like a death sentence. It sure as hell had been for my mother. I bit down on my bottom lip harder, trying to get my head wrapped around all of this. I knew I’d hurt him; I’d seen it in his eyes. That dam closing put a wall between us.
He deserved better than the likes of me. I was just a crazy girl who had apparently lost her damn mind. Yelping, I pulled my hand away from Shelby. It felt like sandpaper was scraping across my open palm.
“What the fuck, heifer!” Realization slammed back into me when I looked around the exam room.
Oh, yeah. This place again.
“Sit still. I need to look at your wounds. Dammit, Stel! You’re a mess,” Shelby scolded. Worry was written all over her face too. “Dani Lynn, grab that suture kit from the cabinet, please.”
“Do either of you plan on filling me in here? What the hell happened to set you off, Stel? You trying out to be the next Sarah Conner, or the Terminator?” Dani Lynn asked when she came back with a small package wrapped in blue. She, too, looked worried.
Before I could answer her, the exam room door opened, and Carter flung himself at me. “Sissy!” A grunt escaped me as his arms locked around my sore body. Helpless tears started again, and I let him squeeze the air from me as I cried against his shoulder.
My little man.
“Hey, bud, she needs air,” Dani Lynn said gently, squeezing his shoulders. “Come on. She’s okay, just a few cuts.”
He was crying, his eyes bloodshot. I’d only seen him this way a few times. The last was when our dad had been hurt while on a camping trip with Robert and Gabe. That had been a very hard time for all of us. Having the men of the family lost for a time, only to find them hurt and broken—It had been gut-wrenching. I’d been part of the team that had gone in and helped to take down the assholes responsible. It had felt good to deal out some good ’ole revenge—justice.
Dad had come out of that encounter no worse for wear, with only a few bruises and a broken hand. His ego was fully intact, though. Those asswipes had no idea who they were messing with. It wasn’t that easy for the family, though. We all processed the incident in our own ways. Carter, who had been part of the team to go in and search for the dads, had completely lost his shit when they were found. It’s been a year and a half, and we were still coping. Dad had flashbacks at times, which put us all on edge. He was adjusting with the help of a doctor who dealt with PTSD. I’d never wanted Carter to experience something like that again. Now I’d done the same to him. I’d made him worry only to come in and find me a bloody mess. Fuck!
“I’m sorry,” I apologized, kissing his head. I squeezed my eyes shut so the tears stayed in. “I’m gonna be okay.” I couldn’t let him go yet. I just needed to squeeze him a little more.
“What happened? Who hurt you?” he asked, venom coating his words. I shook my head. He pushed back from my tight grip and frowned. Always ready to kick ass for me. Trevor and Peter had taught him well, for sure. I really did love my brothers.
“No one; I did this,” I started. I couldn’t tell him why, though. “It was an accident.” Not the full truth, but not really a lie, either. I hadn’t meant to hurt myself.
“What? How is that even possible?” He wiped at his face, glaring at me. He didn’t believe me. I wanted to laugh, but it wasn’t funny. I couldn’t tell him why I’d done what I did. No, he didn’t need that stress in his life.
“Stella, fuck, baby. Are you okay? Tell me what in the hell was that about?” Trace came in, all but pushing Carter to the side. The kid glared at him, but he didn’t see it. Trace cupped my face in his big hands. “I don’t know whether to kiss you right now or spank your ass.”
“Don’t you threaten her, you big goon!” Carter shoved at Trace, who didn’t budge.
Shiiit!
“Did you do this to her? I’ll kick your ass, man!”
“Carter. Stop. He didn’t do this. I told you, it was an accident. I did it.” The kid looked torn. He didn’t want to believe me, but he knew, deep down, that Trace would never hurt me. I’d cut his dick off and choke him with it if he tried. Suddenly, my stomach started to roll, and I thought I wasn’t going to make it off the table. Ya know, I was going to run to the bathroom, and everything would be fine. Nope. That’s a big negative.
I slid off the exam table just fine; it was the buckling of my knees that did me in. I tipped forward, and the sudden motion gave my stomach permission to shove itself up my throat. I heaved and tossed my cookies over three pairs of boots.
“Oh, Stella.” Shelby was by my side the second I sat back and closed my eyes, hoping that helped to keep me from tossing my cookies again.
“What’s going on here?” I knew that voice and its tone very well. Somebody had called my daddy. His was one of the sets of boots I’d just decorated with my breakfast. I grimaced. Fuck!
“Daddy, I’m okay, just a little?—”
“I got a call that you were smashing up a truck at the bar. Then, when I get there, someone tells me you’ve been hurt. I come in, find you bloody, and now you’ve puked on my boots. That’s far from okay, Stella Grace. Start talking, now!”
Oh yeah, he was pissed—I was toast.
“Everyone out!” Shelby barked. “I need to assess her injuries, and in order to do that properly, I’ve got to get her out of this bloody top. Out, the lot of you. Grab a towel and wipe your boots down too. I don’t need that vomit everywhere.” She and Dani Lynn helped me up. I raised my head and met Carter’s worried gaze, my daddy’s pissed off scowl, and Trace’s semi-pissed/semi-worried face.
“I’m okay,” I stated as I wiggled back onto the exam table. “I’ll explain, I promise. Just…”
“We’ll be right outside, princess.” My daddy turned and cuffed Carter around the neck and pulled him out of the room. Trace didn’t say anything; he just nodded at us and turned to leave.
“Wait,” I said, softly. “Shelby, I need him to stay with me. Please?” I pleaded with her. I was scared shitless, but I knew he needed to be here. I had to tell him first. Tears started falling down my cheeks. The second his arms went around me and the exam room door shut, a sob wrenched free.
“Stel, baby, you have to tell me what’s going on. You’re making me worry here.” He sounded pained.
I took in a deep breath and spoke before I thought better of it. I could do this. I had to. He deserved to know. “I’m…I’m pregnant.”
A clatter filled the room, and I jerked up to see Dani Lynn, slack-jawed, her fingers still curled like she was holding the small kit that was now on the floor.
“Shit. Sorry.” She busied herself picking up the stuff she had dropped. Shelby bent down and said something to her that made her nod vigorously. I looked back at Trace, who had gone deathly still.
His eyes met mine, and a smile started to tip up his lips. Something in me eased. “Holy shit! You for real?” He sounded shocked but over the moon at the same time.
“Yes. Shelby told me this morning. I thought it was just bad chili...” The damn tears started again. Pregnant one day and I’d already turned into a water bag.
Jesus, help me.
“Oh, sweetheart.” He kissed my forehead and held me to his chest.
“Y’all, I know this is big news and all, but I need to get her wounds looked at. Tracey, glove up and help her get that shirt off. Stel, I need to give you something for the pain and something to help you calm down. I don’t want you passing out on us again. Nor do I want to be throat-punched when I start cleaning that hand and arm.”
“Okay,” I agreed, grimacing as my arms were pulled free of my shirt. Shelby pricked me three times with needles and stepped back.
“Give those a few minutes to kick in and then we’ll get her cleaned up. Stel, if you start to feel pain, tell me, okay?”
I nodded. “I broke my bat…” I whined.
“It can be replaced,” Trace said. I could hear anger creeping back into his voice. I hid my face against his chest.
“I know you did, babe. I’ll make sure you get a new one, or two. Okay? Just let Shelby get you cleaned up, alright?” Dani Lynn said, smiling.
I nodded. I’d broken my freaking bat! How could I be so stupid? My poor Louie. He’d been such a good bat.
And… that makes me sound like a total nutter.
“Relax, sweetheart.” Trace rubbed the back of my neck, and I couldn’t help but do just as he asked, until Shelby started working on my hand and arms. It wasn’t bad, pain-wise, but I did feel some of it. Guess that was my penance for being a total lunatic.
“I’m sorry, Trace. I’ll buy you a new truck. I was just…overwhelmed. I’m scared. What if I can’t do it? What if something happens?”
“Hey, don’t panic. We’ll figure this out. Shelby will make sure you and the baby are okay. You can’t predict what’s going to happen before it does. Right, ladies?”
I turned my face to see both Shelby and Dani Lynn. Shelby had already tried to tell me that. I still wasn’t sure I believed it. Dani Lynn gripped my good hand and squeezed, but it was Shelby who spoke.
“You know what I told you earlier. Becoming a mother is one of the scariest and most rewarding jobs you’ll ever get.” She went back to cleaning my hand.
“Trace is right,” Dani Lynn said. “I know you’re scared. We all go through that. The what ifs, and there are a helluva lot of them, will do your head in. Like Shelby said, no job in the world is bigger or more rewarding than being a mom. To hold those precious babies in your arms, to love them. It’s going to be hard. You’re going to have bad days. Hell, you’ve seen us all go through this a dozen times.”
“I’m so scared. What if—” I paused, chewing on my lip. “I don’t want to die and leave my baby and Trace alone. Mama did that and…Daddy still hurts every day.”
“Stel, I won’t say there aren’t risks when it comes to pregnancy. But something could happen to you any day of the week. Being pregnant isn’t the only way you can die. You chase down criminals daily that could take you out with one shot. You can’t let the what ifs bring you down. Look at this as the miracle it is. You’re growing a little human. Someone that will grow up with Trace’s smarts, your sass, and those green eyes you all sport. Grace would be so proud of the woman you’ve become. You can do this; we’ll all be here for you. You won’t be alone.” Dani Lynn leaned in and wrapped her arms around both Trace and me.
“I love you, heifer,” I replied, sniffling back more tears.
“I love you, too. Trace, you know we are always here for y’all.”
“Thanks, Dani Lynn. We know and appreciate that. I can’t believe it. I never thought we’d get to this place. She just needs to get her head wrapped around it. And talk to her daddy.”
I looked up at Trace. “You wanted kids? I didn’t…”
“I do, with you, but I wasn’t going to push you on the subject. I know how much you lost when your mama died. You’ve done a great job being a sister, aunt, and friend to your family. That was enough for me.”
“I love you,” I said, tugging him down so I could press my lips to his.
“I love you, too, sugar. Always have, always will.”
“All right, Stel, all done. I’m pretty sure all the glass and splinters are out of your hand and arms. You have a total of sixteen stitches between five different gashes. No getting them wet. Come in every day, and I’ll look you over and change bandages. I want to make sure you don’t get any soft spots; that would mean it needs to be opened again and irrigated. Foreign objects usually work themselves free of the skin, though. The stitches will need to be in for about ten, maybe fourteen days. But we’ll play it by ear.”
“All right. Guess I need to go face the firing squad.” I got off the table and wobbled when the world went ass-over-tea kettle. The next thing I knew I was curled up against Trace’s chest and closing my eyes. I guess walking was too much of a big ask right now.