13. Stella
Chapter 13
Stella
I was so mad; I swear there was fire coming from my ears. He knew that asshole was coming here. He knew what he’d threatened me with the last time. After he’d beat the crap out of me. He knew. He had been there. He’d seen it all. Motherfucking men.
“Stella, wait!” I stopped in the hall and sighed.
My fingers curled into a fist on my good hand. If he came closer, I was going to either punch him in the face or junk-punch him. “Not now, I need some time.”
When I heard him moving away, I finished my trek to the back of the house. I scrubbed the back of my neck and stopped in the kitchen. No one was there. I sighed and went on through the open door and out onto the back porch. Doc G sat in his rocking chair, his eyes on the field behind his house. Ethan was sound asleep against his chest. I couldn’t help but smile.
“Come take a seat, Stel,” he invited, nodding to the chair beside him. I did, without question.
“Is he okay?” I asked. The kid was totally out for the count. If a bomb went off right now, I didn’t think he’d wake up.
“He’s fine, sweetheart. We got him cleaned up, I gave him a bottle, and he’s been sleeping since I came outside. He’s a good baby.”
“He really is. I like most kids, but there’s something special about him.”
My gaze went up to my daddy’s when he came out and sat down beside Doc. He was here for support. I saw it in his eyes. I loved that man so much.
“I believe things happen for a reason. People come into our lives when they’re supposed to. They’re meant to help us in some way.” Doc smiled.
“What’s a baby meant to teach me?” I asked, confused. Daddy and Doc shared a look, but it was Doc who answered me.
“Well, that could be many things. He came in right after you’d found out you’re going to have a baby. Do you remember how upset you were? The freak-out I heard about was—destructive.” He chuckled.
The old man had jokes.
“Ugh…” I grumbled.
“He’s the one to show you that you can do it. I mean, you’ve already had experience here. He’s just going to show you that you can be a loving mother. He’s a precious gift for us all. All babies are.” Doc shifted the little bundle and smiled at me again.
“I love being with him. He’s good for my heart.” I ran a finger along Ethan’s little cheek; watching him sleep was so therapeutic. “I don’t want to give him back to anyone. Is that wrong?”
“Of course, it’s not. He’s a sweet baby. I wouldn’t want to give him back either,” Daddy said, looking over at me with a knowing smile.
“Can I do it? That’s my question. Can I really handle an eleven-month-old and a newborn? If I keep him, I mean. Will Trace be okay with keeping him? I know he wants kids…”
“Princess,” Daddy stood up and moved to sit in the chair beside me, “talk to him. I’m sure he will be right there with you if that’s what you really want to do?—”
“I do. I just…” I met his gaze. “I can’t explain it. It’s a feeling.”
“I’ll support you in whatever you want to do. I’ll always be right here with you. You need to talk to Tracey though. I know you’re upset that he didn’t tell you what he was thinking. How was he to truly know that someone was going to come down and try to hurt you? You and I both know he’d never intentionally let you be hurt. If he had, he wouldn’t be standing in that waiting area, and I’d be behind bars. I don’t take this situation lightly. I understand his hesitation to say anything. Why worry you when he didn’t have to? No one could have predicted this happening.”
“I was attacked on the street. If—fucking hell, man. If I’d had any idea that monster was on the hunt, I’d have left the baby with Dani Lynn. I could have taken him down right then and there.”
“Princess, I see your point, but again, he wasn’t sure. He honestly tried to message you the moment he figured it out. You know things happen for a reason. We all believe that. You learned a valuable lesson today.”
I glared at my father. “What in the name of all that’s holy did I learn today? Other than not using a stroller was stupid. As stupid as trying to shoot a monster when you can’t see, having a screaming baby in your arms...” I trailed off, wiping tears from my face.
“You learned that you’re more than your weapons. You held your own while injured, in pain and bleeding. You fought a man twice your size with no weapons and still protected this sweet baby.”
I stood, gesturing toward myself in a half-ass wave. “Look at my face. Does this look like I did a good job?”
“Stop being a brat.”
“Father—” He scowled at me. And yes, when I’m mad at him, I call him father. He knew it. He hated it. He wasn’t getting it. I wasn’t prepared for what happened today.
“Stella Grace, you can’t choreograph every day of your life. Shit happens. When it does, you either roll with it or slide through it. Stop acting like some big injustice happened to you. You had something bad happen, I’m not taking that from you. I’m not, but I’m saying it’s not all you should focus on.”
“Well,” Doc interrupted our conversation. I looked down to meet his kind eyes. “Not that my two cents matter here, but I’m going to give them to you anyway.” He reached out and patted my hand as I flopped back down. I wished I hadn’t when my sore ribs protested. “In life, when something bad happens, you have two options: You accept it or let it eat you alive.”
“I’ve heard that a lot in my life,” Shelby said, coming out onto the porch. Her smile was warm as she leaned down to kiss her grandpa’s cheek. “He makes you think, doesn’t he?”
I nodded. “I know I’m being a nut job—I’m hormonal, and it’s adding to my already in-place imbalance.” I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. “I’m being a neurotic fool…again.”
Daddy laughed. “No more than normal.”
I scowled.
“We love you no matter what. But you have to start thinking before you react. Things are changing. It’s going to be scary, intense, and completely overwhelming sometimes. You have to be okay with that.”
I swallowed hard and looked down at the floor. I didn’t like being scared. It wasn’t an option for me. I couldn’t let that vulnerable girl out. She’d driven me nuts as a teen. I shook my head.
“That’s it!” Dani Lynn’s voice had my head coming up. “You got scared and that set you off. I’m not judging, I get it. I react the same way. Being scared makes me a royal bitch.”
“Is everyone standing at the fu—freaking door listening or something? Sorry for the cursing, Doc.” Seriously?
“No need to be sorry, sweetheart. I’ve been known to say a few of those words in my time.” He winked, causing me to grin.
“To answer you, heifer, it was just us. You’re still under doctor’s care as it is,” Dani Lynn said, grinning.
“Where are Trace and the boys? Did they leave?” I asked, frowning. I was already tired, but I’d have to go talk to him. Clear the water. Eat my words.
Shelby and Dani Lynn shared a look before they looked back at me. “Well, they’re out front. Drew and Jacks joined the group too.”
“What aren’t you saying? Why are you out here and everyone else is out front?” I stood and balled my fist. Something was up. I was gonna kick someone’s ass. I watched Dani Lynn; she was chewing on her lip. “Dani Lynn, what’s going on?”
“For fuck’s sake,” she muttered. “Carter got upset—” I didn’t let her finish. I had a bad feeling in my gut.
Carter and Trace had already had one face-off after the truck incident. I didn’t want that again. I moved through the house and office quickly, which my body protested, but it was needed. I pulled the front door open, and it was like a battlefield. But not. Trace stood on his crutches letting Carter chew into him. I felt really bad now. This was my fault.
“Carter Wayne Malone, shut your mouth right now!” I moved down the stairs, bile rising in my gut. I hated seeing this. I got in his face. “What in the hell are you doing?”
“Defending you! He let you get hurt.” He jerked in Peter’s grip. “He let you get hurt again !”
I sighed. “This isn’t his fault. I tried to make it his fault, but it’s not. No one could have predicted that would have happened.” I hid my face in my hands, careful to not touch my cheek. “I swear to all that’s holy…” I dropped my hands and turned to face Trace. I felt tears stinging my eyes, but I ignored them, letting them fall. “That attack wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’d say it’s the baby’s fault, but that was all on me. Hormones aside, it was on me. I got scared. I was afraid I wasn’t enough to keep me and the babies safe. I took that fear, turned it to anger, and took it out on you. That’s not fair to you. I’m sorry.” His arms opened, and I leaned into him, letting my tears fall harder.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you the second we figured it out this morning.”
He’d tried, though. It really wasn’t his fault. “He was already here.”
“I know, but if we’d have acted faster, you wouldn’t have been alone for a moment. He wouldn’t have been able to get to you.” His arms tightened around me. I squeezed my eyes shut and winced at the pain raging in my shoulder. I ignored it. It reminded me that I was alive. I just let the tears keep falling.
I was turning into such a girl with all of this crying.
“You’re letting him off the hook?” Carter sighed behind me. I turned, wiping my face, cursing when I hit my cheek. Fucking hell, that hurt. I stood between him and the other two Malone boys.
“It’s not his fault. I should never have blamed him. I see that now after talking to Daddy and Doc G. I was projecting my fear into anger, and he was the one to bear the brunt of it. That makes me the asshole here, not him. Just like you’re doing now. You alone, I might add. You want to protect me, and I love you for it, but it’s unjustified in this situation. Trace wasn’t the one who attacked me or caused me to be attacked. If he had, do you think he would still be alive?”
“Dad would have torn him in half if he had,” Trevor said, nodding his head.
Peter nodded and added, “Fish food for sure. There’s a lot of him. He’d feed the whole lake.”
I snorted.
His grin told me that was what he wanted.
“I’m sorry, everyone. This cluster of fucks is all mine. I just…I don’t even know.”
“You need to learn it’s okay to be scared. You don’t have to be the big, mean badass all the time.” Dani Lynn approached and hugged me. “Even Superman needed a day off every once in a while.”
“I know, it’s just hard giving that up. It’s not me.” I pulled back and rested my hand over my stomach. I had lots of reasons to let fear make me its bitch, but I had just as many reasons to not let it. Chaos. Utter chaos was now my life. It was time to pass that baton back to someone else. I didn’t want it anymore.
“Well, let me let you in on a secret. It’s what moms do. We hide that fear deep in our souls and do what we need to for our babies. I’m fucking proud of you. You kept yourself and that baby in there,” she pointed to my stomach, “and that little one up there,” she pointed to the porch where Daddy and Doc G stood, “safe. So you got a few bruises and a bullet wound. Big deal. You’ve had worse. That’ll all heal, and the scar will remind you that no matter what, you’ll find a way through the shit that comes at you. That little boy up there is alive because of you. If you hadn’t seen him that day, so many things could have happened. You’re standing on two feet, even if they are a little unsteady, because you did some quick thinking. Never doubt that you can do anything. I know you’re too stubborn for anything else.”
“I’m sorry, man.” I turned to see Carter giving Trace his hand. The big ape pulled Cart in for a massive hug. The kid grunted, and I snorted again. Served him right.
“All right.” I turned to face them. “Carter, let’s get this out in the open. Trace will crush you. I love you, kid, but let’s face it, if he hulks out, your skinny ass is cat food. Let me handle my shit. I can beat his ass if need be.” I winked at Trace. “Now, my freaking face hurts. I need ice and food. Lots of food. I’m starving. Who’s coming?” I moved up on the porch and took Ethan from Doc G. I was a little unsteady, so I had to take it slowly. Nothing in this world would make me drop him.
“Thank you, both of you.” I gave both Doc and Shelby a one-armed hug.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t do it out of the kindness of my heart. You’ll get a bill in the mail.” Shelby wasn’t even done before she was laughing. Everyone was a comedian today.
“Funny.” I laughed as I went back to where the others were. “Let’s go see Mrs. Nettie. A few racks of ribs and a steak the size of my face will make me happy.”
“Jesus.” Someone laughed.
“She’s not joking,” Carter stated, also laughing.
“Hope you have your wallets. I don’t have mine, and I’m not paying.” I grinned as I walked out through the gate, Ethan cuddled into my chest.