Chapter 5 The Current
Chapter five
The Current
Sunday brunch was a once a month thing for Paris, London, Nel, and me.
We had run through all the local spots so lately we had been hosting at home.
This month it was my turn. I made a French toast casserole, laid out fresh fruit drizzled with lime and honey, and pineapple mimosas that had everybody’s lips moving before the food was even touched.
We sat on the back patio, plates full, going over the Tulum itinerary.
“Nel, you want to do a sound bath with me?” I asked my twin, who was into healing, yoga, and all that jazz.
“Huh?” He was picking at his nails, his eyes somewhere else entirely.
I already knew something was off. Nel always led the itinerary conversation. He lived for trip planning. The fact that he hadn’t said a word about the excursion schedule told me more than his silence did.
“Sound bath,” I repeated.
“Yeah, whatever you want to do.”
I set my fork down slowly. “Boy, what’s on your mind?”
He glanced at London. She gave him a small nod, the kind that meant they had already talked this through before they got here. The two of them worked together at her bakery Butter Dreams and moved like co-conspirators. Whatever this was, they had rehearsed it.
“Nique,” Nel said, finally looking at me with that look. The one that meant I wasn’t going to like what came next. “London and I have been talking about the guest list for Mexico.”
I stopped mid chew. “Invitations went out months ago. What’s there to talk about?”
London reached across the table, her usual bubbly energy replaced with something careful and heavy. “There’s an addition… I invited Stella.”
The name landed in my chest before it registered in my ears.
Stella. Nel's and my egg donor. The woman who used Grandma Anne like free daycare our entire childhood.
The woman who was supposed to go off to college for four years and come back for us.
She never did. She built a whole other life instead and sent money on birthdays like that was the same thing as showing up.
“You did what?” My voice came out low and shaking.
“You know she’s been trying to connect with us for years,” Nel said, steady, even though his jaw was tight. “Tulum is known for healing. I think it’s time.”
“Time?” I let out a short laugh that had nothing funny in it.
“It’s been years Nique. She’s been reaching out since you got shot. That was almost twelve years ago.”
“Only because she thought I was going to die,” I said. “Her conscience couldn’t handle losing one of the kids she abandoned. That’s not love Nel, that’s guilt.”
“She tried before that too,” London said softly.
“It was too late.” I kept my voice even because if I let it go, I was going to say something I couldn’t take back.
“I needed her when I was a child. Not when I was almost grown. She used to pop in and out of our lives like a visiting auntie, bringing gifts and money like it could replace her. It never could.”
“I’m tired of carrying this Nique,” Nel said, reaching across for my hand.
I pulled back. “Then put it down. Nobody is stopping you.”
“We’ll be thirty this year. Don’t you want to know our siblings? Whitley and Wendell? They didn’t do anything to us.”
Stella’s other life flashed through my mind. Her husband. Her house. Those two kids growing up with the version of her I used to pray for at night. A mother who stayed.
“I don’t have anything against those kids,” I said carefully. “But I’m not ready to vacation with the woman who chose them over us and pretend we’re family.”
“Dominique.” Nel only used my full name when he was done being patient. “I’m ready to reconcile with our mother. I need you to respect that.”
“And I need you to respect that I’m not.” My voice cracked on the last word and I hated it. “Every time you smile in her face, you’re telling ten-year-old me that none of it mattered. You’re telling her it was fine to leave us as long as she shows up eventually.”
“Nique please,” London said. “It’s my wedding. I want the whole family there.”
“I’m not family to her,” I said. “I’m a mistake she finally decided to stop hiding. I can’t do this right now. I need y’all to go.”
“We aren’t trying to betray you,” London said. “This trip could be the beginning of something healing for all of you.”
“If Stella is on that island, I won’t be.” I told them and meant every word.
London’s eyes filled. “You’re really going to miss my wedding over this?”
“Not everything is about your wedding Lonnie. If you knew me at all you would have talked to me before you sent that invitation.”
“Everything isn’t about you either,” she said, her voice breaking. “Your twin is telling you he’s ready to heal and you’re choosing to stay stuck.”
Nel stood up. He looked at me for a long moment like he was waiting for me to say something different. I didn’t.
“I’ll be in the car,” he said to London, and walked out through the side gate without looking back.
London looked at me one more time before she picked up her purse. “Grandma Anne used to say hate is too heavy to carry. It’ll wear you out faster than it hurts them.” She paused at the door. “Your power is on the other side of this Nique. I hope you find your way there.”
Then she was gone too.
Tears hit my dress before I even felt them coming.
Paris stayed seated. She hadn’t said much the whole time, which was very her. She reached over and covered my hand with hers and we sat like that for a minute without speaking.
“You want help cleaning up?” she finally asked.
I shook my head no.
She pulled me into a hug that I didn’t deserve after the way I had just acted and held on longer than necessary. “I hope you change your mind,” she said against my hair. “The trip won’t be the same without you. Don’t let Stella keep stealing from you.”
I didn't respond. Paris knew me well enough to know that I needed space. Once she left, I broke.
I cried for little girl in me that stood in Grandma Anne’s kitchen gripping that corded phone with both hands, waiting for Stella to tell me it was finally time to come home.
I could still hear her voice, flat and distracted, telling me no like she was declining a charge on her card instead of her own child.
Nel was the only other person on earth who knew exactly what that felt like. We had survived it together. Now he was ready to move on, and I didn’t know how to follow him there without feeling like I was abandoning the little girl who was still waiting by that phone.
I washed my face, changed my dress, and sat on the edge of the bed staring at nothing for a while.
Eventually I picked up my phone and called Kel. She had stepped out to give us space to do our cousin thing. I needed her voice to calm me like it usually did. Unfortunately, the call went to voicemail.
I checked her location out of habit.
Tresses by Trisha.
I stared at the screen. Trisha was her ex.
Kel still got her hair braided there and I had never said anything about it because I trusted her.
I wasn’t going to be that woman. The shop was closed on Sundays.
I knew that for a fact, and Kel not answering her phone made my stomach turn in a way I didn’t like.
I picked up my keys off the nightstand.
I was already cracked open from one kind of loss today. I prayed to God I wasn’t about to walk into another one.