Chapter 1
Chapter One
DECLAN
The bar is packed, music thumping, and everyone shouting congratulations. Someone shoves another beer into my hand. I don't even remember finishing the last one.
I shouldn’t be drinking. Coach would have our asses if he knew we were partying this hard.
But what did he expect—we kicked ass. Our first game of the season, and we killed it. We were all riding the high.
"Speech! Speech!" Crew yells, and suddenly everyone's chanting my name.
I climb onto a chair because apparently that's what you do when you're a little buzzed and riding the high of the best game you've ever played.
"To the best damn team in the country!" I raise my beer, and the place erupts.
The scout found me after the game. Lee Morrison is the Pacific Northwest's head talent evaluator. He shook my hand with a grip that could crush bones and said five words that changed everything: "We need to talk soon."
Not "maybe." Not "we'll see."
We need to talk.
That's as close to an offer as you get before it's official.
I should be ecstatic. This is everything I've worked for my entire life. Everything Dad's pushed me toward since I could walk.
So why do I feel hollow?
Bree appears at my elbow, giggling and hanging off Holden's arm. She's been extra loud all night, making sure everyone knows she's here. Making sure I notice.
I don't care. The only person I want to see isn't here.
Sutton disappeared after the game. I meant to find her right away, pull her into my arms, and kiss her in front of everyone. But Dad cornered me first, then the scout, then Coach, and then my teammates dragged me here.
I pull out my phone to text her, but Pierce snatches it away.
"No drama tonight! We’re celebrating!"
"Give it back, man."
"Five more minutes. Then you can be whipped."
Five more minutes turns into twenty. Then forty. Then I lose track entirely.
Pierce challenges me to a round of pool. I win. Then another. I'm invincible tonight. Can't miss.
"Another beer for the MVP!" Holden shouts.
"I really should go," I say, but someone's already putting a fresh bottle in my hand.
"One more! Come on!"
The thing is, I'm having fun. Real, actual fun for the first time in weeks. The pressure's off. The game went perfectly. My dad is happy—for once.
For tonight, I can just be a college kid celebrating with his team.
I'll deal with the rest tomorrow.
Bree keeps trying to insert herself into conversations, laughing too loudly at jokes that aren't funny. At one point, she touches my arm, and I move away without even thinking about it.
"What's wrong?" she pouts. "I'm just trying to celebrate with you."
"You're with Holden. Go celebrate with him."
"He's busy." She steps closer. "Besides, we have history, don't we?"
"We have nothing." I spot Holden across the room and gesture for him to come over. "Your girl needs attention."
He grins and pulls Bree away, unaware of her annoyance.
"Dude, you're cold," Pierce observes.
"I'm taken. She needs to get that through her head."
"Where is Sutton anyway?"
"Good question." I check my phone—no new messages. "I'm going to head out. Find my girl."
"No way!" Ashton blocks my path. "We're going to the diner. Team tradition after the first win."
"I really should find her. She should be here."
"Declan Hayes, don't make me pull captain rank on you. Team. Tradition."
I sigh. "Fine. But just for food. Then I'm out."
The diner is loud and chaotic. We take over half the restaurant, push tables together, and order everything on the menu. The waitress looks overwhelmed, but she's smiling, probably calculating her tip.
I order Sutton's favorite—cheese fries and a chocolate shake—thinking maybe I'll bring it to her as a peace offering for disappearing.
"Who's that for?" Crew asks, nodding at the extra order.
"Sutton."
"Aww, that's actually sweet." He makes a kissing sound, and I flip him off.
By the time we finally leave the diner, it's after two in the morning. The adrenaline is starting to fade, replaced by exhaustion and a growing unease.
I should have texted Sutton hours ago. Should have found her right after the game.
But I got caught up.
The house is dark when the Uber pulls up, except for one window.
Sutton's room.
Relief floods through me. She's awake. I can give her the now-cold cheese fries, tell her about the game, and apologize for not coming home earlier.
Maybe she'll understand.
I take the stairs two at a time and knock softly on her door.
"Sutton? You awake?"
Silence.
I knock again. "I brought you food. Cheese fries. They're probably gross now, but—"
The door opens.
My smile dies.
Her eyes are red and swollen. Tear tracks stain her cheeks. She looks devastated.
And absolutely furious.
"Seattle," she says. Her voice is flat. Dead.
My stomach drops to my feet.
Shit.
“You know,” I say.
"Your dad's been talking about it for weeks. Everyone knows but me."
Shit. Shit. Shit.
"I can explain."
"Can you?" She laughs, but there's no humor in it. "Because I'm dying to hear the explanation for why your father was bragging to everyone in the stands about your basically guaranteed offer to a Pacific Northwest team while I sat there like an idiot having no idea what he was talking about."
"I was going to tell you."
"When? After you signed? After you packed your bags?" Her voice breaks. "Or were you just going to ghost me?"
"That's not fair."
"Fair?" She steps back into her room, and I follow, closing the door behind us. "You want to talk about fair? You begged me to trust you. You promised no more secrets. You made me feel crazy for being insecure about Bree when this whole time you were planning your exit strategy!"
"I wasn't planning anything! I don't even know if I want it!"
"Bullshit! I watched you play tonight, Declan. You were playing like your life depended on it. Like hockey is the only thing that matters."
"Because it's my job! It's what I'm supposed to do!"
"And what am I supposed to be? The girl who waves goodbye and wishes you luck?"
"I didn't know how to tell you!" The words explode out of me. "I didn't know how to tell you I might have to choose between hockey and you!"
"Might have to choose?" She stares at me. "You've already chosen. You've been choosing for weeks. Every time I asked what was wrong, you said, 'nothing.' Every time you shut me out. Every time you lied."
"I didn't lie."
"Lies of omission are still lies!" She's crying now, angry tears streaming down her face. "You let me sit there tonight thinking we were building something real."
"Sutton, please—" I reach for her, but she jerks away.
"Don't touch me."
"Just let me explain."
“I can’t believe I was stupid enough to fall for your bullshit twice."
"You're not stupid."
"If I were important, you would have told me!"
"I was scared!"
"Of what?"
"Of this!" I gesture between us. "Of you looking at me exactly the way you're looking at me right now! Of losing you!"
"Well, congratulations. Mission accomplished."
The words hit like a physical blow.
"Sutton, don’t. Don’t do this."
"Get out."
I don’t move.
"I said get out!" She moves to the door and yanks it open.
I don’t know how to fix it. Can I fix it?
"Just go, Declan. Please."
The "please" destroys me. She's not even angry anymore. She's just tired. Defeated.
I walk to the door. Turn back one more time.
She's standing there with tears streaming down her face.
"I love you," I say quietly.
She says nothing.
The door closes in my face.
I stand there in the hallway, the sound of the lock clicking like a gunshot.
Through the door, I hear her sob.
I go to my room and collapse on my bed.
I pull out my phone and start typing. It’s silly to text someone when they’re twenty feet away, but maybe she’ll listen.
Me: I'm sorry.
Me: Please let me explain.
Me: I love you.
Me: I was going to tell you.
Me: I'm so sorry.
The messages sit there, unread. Three dots never appear.
I did this. I destroyed the best thing in my life because I was too much of a coward to be honest.
I think about knocking again, begging, and breaking down the door if I have to.
But I don't. I'm going to respect what she wants. Give her some time to cool down.
And then I’ll grovel.