Chapter 21
EMMA
Instead of logging into my show, I ended up sitting my my bed, staring at my computer. Something wasn’t sitting right with me.
It was similar to that feeling one would get after leaving a conversation about a topic they thought they understood, but once they had a chance to think about it, they weren’t so sure. Like someone had just finished walking circles in your brain.
I was sure Vahn and I were on the same page when I walked in the apartment. Then I replayed the conversation in my head, going over everything that was said. I couldn’t pick anything out in particular. There didn’t appear to be any hidden meanings.
All of Vahn’s responses were fairly clear. But I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was missing something. That’s why I was sitting here, ten minutes later, staring at the same spot on the wall.
“Okay,” I told myself. “Let’s break this down.”
I popped out my forefinger, counting the first point in our conversation. “I asked if I did it right.”
It was my first professional shoot. I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss any cues or other things. Plus Vahn was the only guy I’d done anything sexual with, so there was unease in that department. For some messed up reason, I was worried he didn’t like it, but to be fair, I didn’t remember much.
Second finger. “He said I was fine, which of course never means fine.”
It also didn’t sit well with me. If I was going to do something, I was going to do it to the best of my ability.
“I asked for clarification.” I said while popping out a third and fourth finger. “He said he couldn’t tell me, he had to show me.”
Okay, there was nothing odd there. Some things couldn’t be explained.
Fifth finger came out. “I had to push a bit to get him to agree to show me—not surprising when it came to Vahn Kessler.” I rolled my eyes and muttered, “Asshole.”
“Then I got out of the car, Vahn smirked and said…”
Wait, did I just agree to have sex with Vahn? No, he didn’t say anything about that, did he?
I looked down at my second hand and the finger indicating the sixth point of our conversation, and muttered, “Son of a bitch.”
That bastard manipulated me. Why else would he suggest doing a show? He didn’t teach people in any of his shows, he fucked them. Why did I ever agree to that? Did orgasms make people dumb?
Well, I wasn’t trapped in the hazy fog of euphoria anymore. I had a perfectly good hand that I could slap him with, and I intended to use it.
I got up, marched out of my room and right into his.
Vahn wasn’t there, but something else was.
My eyes locked on his open laptop. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Tinker Toy was Vahn? My best customer, who I’d done quite a few private shows for, was Vahn fucking Kessler. Oh, I was going to do a lot more than hit him.
“Aw shit,” Vahn walked in the room and sighed, “well, I guess that cat’s out of the bag.”
Really? He was going to stand there and act like this was some minor oops? “What the hell Vahn?”
“Oh calm down, Parakeet.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s not that bad.”
Not that bad? “What did you do, sit in here and laugh at me while I put on a show for you?”
I was so embarrassed.
“No I didn’t laugh at you, I jerked off.”
That didn’t make it any better. I was so mad at him, that I couldn’t see straight. “What the fuck is wrong with you.”
“You have no idea.” He blew out a breath and raised a bottle of beer to his lips.
It was like I was seeing him for the first time.
The aura of extreme arrogance that rolled his shoulders back, the spark of darkness in his eyes that I hadn’t noticed before.
He wasn’t the least bit apologetic about invading my privacy.
Did I know him at all? Even the way his throat bobbed when he swallowed felt unfamiliar.
“Why would you do this to me?”
“I don’t know Emma,” he glared down at me. “Why did I do any of it.”
There was more?”
“Why did I watch you sleep, or follow you around campus. Why did I beat the fucking shit out of every guy that talked to you. Oh and you’ll love this one,” I backed up when he stepped closer. “Why do I have a stash of your panties in my room?”
Was it wrong that a part of me was flattered? Vahn Kessler was that guy. The cocky asshole who girls like me didn’t have a chance of getting. Was he messing with me? Because I was pretty sure that he hated me. He acted like he did.
“I don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand?” Vahn continued pressing in on me with steady strides, until my back hit the wall. “That I can’t stop thinking about you…” His arm slammed down on the wall next to my head. “Or that I want to fuck you so bad that it hurts.”
I didn’t know what to say or do. So I nodded at the bottle in his hand. “Can I have a drink of that?”
My throat suddenly felt parched.
Vahn lifted the bottle, using two fingers to dangle the neck, and held out for me.
I didn’t say a word. I just took it and poured some in my mouth.
The liquid burned down my throat. Not because of the alcohol, but because of the way Vahn was staring at me with sin and darkness in his eyes.
The more I swallowed back, the darker his stare became. As if my drinking was getting him off.
And damn it if a part of me didn’t like the way he was looking at me. Vahn Kessler and his domineering stare was messing me up. Drinking a beer should not make my core clench like this. It was also the only thing that made me feel like I had some distance from Vahn.
As long as that bottle was pressed to my mouth, I wouldn’t think about the heat coming off him in waves. That worked until Vahn’s hand grazed over my leg.
“I like these shorts.” He tugged on the hemline of cotton wrapped around my thigh, making me choke on the mouthful I was swallowing.
I coughed out a, “They’re comfortable.”
That seemed like a stupid response after I said it. Not that Vahn cared. He was too busy looking down at the hand he was moving up my thigh.
“What do you have on under these?” he muttered, though I wasn’t sure he was speaking to me.
It was like he was in a trance of some sort.
I was afraid to move. There was this intensity coming off him that scared me.
At least that’s what I told myself. I was just as mesmerized as he was.
I couldn’t stop staring at the way he was watching me.
People didn’t look at me like that. I wasn’t that girl.
Maybe I was to him?
I tipped my head, “Vahn…”
“I’m gonna fuck you now Emma. You can fight me if you want…” his eyes rolled up to mine. “But I’m done waiting.”
That was when I noticed the strain on his face. Vahn was barely holding on, but he was fighting to keep control. Was he afraid of hurting me? Was that why he was fighting himself? His words from the shoot floated through my mind.
‘Keep your eyes on me.’
He didn’t do that because he wanted to get to work. He did it to comfort me, because I was afraid.
All the little things he’d said or done over the years came rushing back. The dinners he made when I forgot to eat, how he insisted on driving me certain places, and all the times he happened to show up when I was in trouble. Vahn was an asshole, but he always took care of me.
“You’ve been protecting me the whole time.”
“No, Parakeet, I’m no hero.” Vahn leaned in and growled in my ear, “I’m the bad guy.”
No he wasn’t. Vahn had a good heart, no matter how uncaring he tried to be. He cared. Maybe it was my turn to take care of him?
I gazed up into his eyes, pushed my shorts over my hips, letting them fall to the floor, and whispered, “I’m not wearing anything under them”
Whatever resilience Vahn had left snapped.
He scooped me up like I weighed nothing, and slammed his mouth down on mine. This kiss wasn’t like the last one. It was rough, hungry, and all consuming. I didn’t feel him carry me over to the bed until I was dropped on the mattress.
Things moved quickly after that. I had about a few seconds to breathe while Vahn stripped his clothes off, before he tore mine away.
Literally. The only thing left of my shirt was a tattered rag that hung limply on my upper arm.
It hurt a bit when the fabric bit into my skin, but I didn’t have much time to think about it.
Vahn’s tongue slithered through my folds, washing everything out of my mind. There were some things that I thought couldn’t get any better. This was not one of them. I didn’t know if he learned some new trick, or if he was holding out on me earlier, but I didn’t care.
“Oh my god.” I moaned as an orgasm seized my body.
When I came back down, he was no longer between my legs. He was hovering over me. There was something else between my legs. Something thick and very hard.
“Sorry, Parakeet, I can’t do slow right now, so this is gonna hurt.”
That was all the warning he gave me before his cock thrust in, tearing through my virginity. Hurt was a massive understatement. It was agonizing. The scream that came out of me felt like it was ripped from my very soul.
And Vahn didn’t slow down. He continued to bury himself inside me. I slapped his chest, trying to push him off me. When that didn’t work, I dug my teeth into his shoulder, biting down with all the pain he sent coursing through my body.
“Fuck,” Vahn grunted and snapped his hips forward, forcing the rest of his length inside me.
It felt like I was being split open. Thankfully, Vahn stopped, and gave me a minute to adjust. Eventually the pain ebbed into discomfort, which was when I was able to pull my jaw away from his shoulder. Left behind embedded in his skin was a bright red bite mark.
Did I do that? Oh no, that looked painful. I hope I didn’t hurt him.
“Hey,” Vahn placed a kiss on my forehead, and looked deep in my eyes. “You okay?”
Was I okay? He was the one who looked like he got attacked by a cannibal, yet he was worried about me.
“I’m okay.” I might never use my vagina again, but that was okay. I wasn’t really using it anyway.
“I’m going to move now.”
I nodded, giving him the go ahead.
Vahn moved his hips, thrusting in and out of me.
I thought oral felt good, but this… This made good look like shit. Slow, languid movements quickly morphed into a frenzied fury that had my toes curling. Vahn fucked me hard, and he fucked me fast. The pain was still there, but it was behind a blanket of sensations that lit my nerves on fire.
The orgasm that was tensely winding in my core was different than the others I’d had. It was more intense, and almost deeper. Two thrusts, and that cord snapped. I went flying off the edge, my vision and ability to breathe went with it.
When Vahn roared out his own release, I was starting to come down from that cloud of ecstasy. The sound of his pleasure sent me right back up.
I don’t know how long it took to come back down, but when I did, I was out of breath and exhausted. My entire body was limp. My limbs laid heavily on the mattress, while my eyes refused to open.
“I need a nap.” I yawned.
Vahn chuckled and kissed my head. “You better get some sleep, cause I’m gonna fuck you at least twice more tonight.”
Something incoherent was grumbled out of my mouth. I was too tired to care, or fight when Vahn flopped down beside me and tucked my small body into his.