Chapter Twelve
Beck
As I lie here staring up at the ceiling, Kelsey asleep in my arms, my mind drifts back to memories from our past. When she asked me to tell her something else I remembered about her, I’d said the first thing that popped into my head, probably the single greatest night of my life.
“Tell me something else you remember about me,” she’d whispered.
I smiled. “The night I took your virginity,” I said.
“Beck,” Kelsey said, lightly whacking me on the chest.
I grabbed her hand, holding it in mine as I said, “No, Kels, it’s not like that, baby.”
“What is it like then?” she asked.
I lifted our joined hands to my mouth and pressed a kiss against her knuckles.
“It was the first time you told me that you loved me,” I whispered.
“And the first time I’d admitted out loud that I loved you.
” Kelsey had snuggled closer then, understanding what it was about that night that I was talking about.
“And everything that came after was so much better because of it,” I said, kissing the top of her head.
“Yeah,” she’d said, her mouth on my chest as she straddled my hips and kissed her way to my mouth to remind me all over again. “It was.”
And as I lie here with her in my arms now, her body still hot, but her soft, slow breaths letting me know she’s asleep, I can’t help but admit it again. Admit what I’ve been fighting for the last ten years, what seeing her again has finally forced me to acknowledge.
“I love you, Kels,” I whisper, knowing she’s already asleep and probably won’t hear me.
But it doesn’t make the words mean any less and it doesn’t mean I’d take them back if she could hear me.
I’d wake her up and tell her right now if I could just figure out a way to make what I’m feeling be enough.
But despite everything that’s happened between us, the amazing night and day we’ve just spent together, nothing has changed.
I still have a life in Boston, and Kelsey still has her life here in Rockport. And I know none of the things that were between us ten years ago have changed. If anything, Ryan coming up here now has only served as a reminder of all the things that are still waiting for me.
“Fuck…” I breathe out, my arm tightening as Kelsey stirs in my arms.
If only I could find a way to make this work.
The next morning I wake early. Kelsey is still fast asleep and she looks so peaceful, I decide to leave her while I wander into the kitchen to make coffee.
As I’m sitting out on the front porch with Bella, sipping my first cup, Ryan drives up.
When he gets out of the car, he looks like he hasn’t slept for days and he’s wearing the biggest shit-eating grin I’ve ever seen.
“Guess you had a good night after all,” I say, laughing.
Ryan grins as he walks up the path to the house. “A gentleman never tells, O’Loughlin. You’d know that if you were one.”
I practically spit my mouthful of coffee out. “Since when the fuck have you ever been a gentleman?” I ask.
Ryan slaps me on the shoulder and then pats Bella before walking into the house. “Fucking always,” he says and I stand and follow him in.
“Bullshit,” I say as we walk into the kitchen and I pour him some coffee. “But if that’s the shit you’re spinning, I’ll just get Kels to ask Erin,” I say, smiling as I hand him the cup.
Ryan leans back against the kitchen island and an image of Kelsey bent over it while I fucked her from behind yesterday morning, pops into my brain.
I have to shake my head to clear it before I leave Ryan and my coffee and go back into the bedroom and wake my girl up instead.
Ryan smiles at me, but doesn’t say anything.
What the fuck happened last night with him?
“Okay,” I say, forcing the thoughts from my head. “You don’t want to spill the beans, fine. How long are you hanging around for?”
I watch as he runs a hand through his hair. He’s still in his suit, although his jacket and tie are missing. “Gonna head back tomorrow,” he says. “Just a quick stop to fill you in on what’s happening with the case.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “Could have done that over the phone, Summers.”
“Could have, yeah,” he says, grinning at me again. “But then I wouldn’t have met your girl or her friend now, would I?”
I shake my head at him. “You’re fucking hopeless.”
Ryan laughs. “Like you can talk, you’re so fucking pussy whipped, it’s not funny. No wonder you’re sticking around up here.”
A jolt hits my stomach, although I don’t fully understand where it’s coming from.
He’s partly right, I am pussy whipped. I always have been with Kels and I’m not embarrassed to admit it’s true.
The things that girl does to me, I don’t think I could ever get enough of her.
But it’s more than that. It’s everything else we still share too, everything else we could have if I just stuck around.
Days like yesterday, which was so fucking perfect could become regular days for us.
“So tell me about the case,” I say, not wanting to go down this path just yet.
Ryan takes a long sip of his coffee and runs his hand across his jaw. “Well, the fuckwit has decided to change his story. Says he’s not guilty after all, even though the DNA evidence all points to him being the one.”
“Fuck,” I breathe out, sure we’d gotten this fucker when we’d interviewed him last week. “But he gave us a signed confession?”
“I know,” Ryan says. “But now he’s saying we forced him into it.”
“That’s total bullshit,” I practically shout.
Ryan holds up a hand. “I know, Beck, I know. The DA thinks it’s an open and shut case; that he’s just stalling and trying to buy time. But,” he says, finishing off his coffee. “It does mean you’re going to have to give evidence in court when it eventually goes to trial.”
“Jesus christ,” I say, running a hand down my face.
This whole thing would have been a million times easier if this fucker had just stuck to his original story.
Ryan and I didn’t force him into anything, and he knows it.
All this little shit is doing is trying to find an alternative to the twenty years he’s likely to spend behind bars when he’s found guilty.
If only he’d given us a reason to put a bullet in him, we’d never have even reached this point and Jane Donovan still would have gotten some sort of justice for everything he did to her.
“I guess this means I’m going back to Boston,” I say, just as Kelsey walks into the kitchen wearing one of my t-shirts.
After Ryan and I make plans to meet up for lunch later on, I walk out of the kitchen and into the bathroom, where Kelsey is taking a shower. Stripping off my clothes, I open the door and step under the hot water, sliding my arms around her waist.
Kelsey stiffens in my arms and it makes my heart skip a beat.
I lean in and press kisses along her shoulder and neck, trying to get us back to where we were last night.
I know she heard what I said to Ryan about needing to go back to Boston; the look on her face said everything.
She hadn’t said anything though, just made some lame excuse about needing to go to work before she walked out with barely a glance in my direction.
As I pull her ear lobe into my mouth, Kelsey still doesn’t move. My hands are sliding over her wet, soapy skin and I’m desperately trying to think of something to say to reassure her that I’m not going anywhere.
“Baby,” I whisper in her ear. “Talk to me, what’s going on?”
“Nothing,” she says, her voice flat as she reaches for the shampoo.
I spin her around so she’s facing me before taking the shampoo bottle from her hand and returning it to the ledge. “Bullshit,” I say.
“There’s nothing to say, Beck,” she says, still not looking at me. “You have to go back to Boston. I knew it was coming.”
“Kelsey,” I say, my finger under her chin, forcing her to look at me. “I’m not going anywhere, babe.”
Kelsey rolls her eyes. “I heard you, Beck. I know you need to get back for the trial or whatever.”
“That isn’t going to be for months, babe,” I say, knowing it could be next week or even next year by the time it goes to court. “And besides I’m not leaving until this Jason guy is caught, I told you that.”
Kelsey stares up at me, her blue eyes filled with sadness. I can see the question she’s not asking. It’s written all over her face. It’s the same question I saw there when I finally walked back into her life. It’s the question I still don’t know how to answer, but the one I desperately want to.
What happens after that?
“Baby,” I say, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips now. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m here for you, I promise.” I kiss her again, my lips soft, but insistent, as I try and get a response from her.
“Beck,” she eventually moans, pressing her mouth hard against mine and silencing any more words between us.
I groan as I slide my hands down her body and under her ass, picking her up and backing her up against the cool tiles. As Kelsey wraps her legs around my waist, I slide into her, burying myself in her warm wetness.
“Fuck, baby,” I murmur, my mouth on her skin, licking and sucking. As my lips kiss up her neck and find her mouth, I pull out before slowly sliding back in. It earns me another low moan and I can’t help but smile as I repeat the movement, fucking her nice and slow against the wall of the shower.
The hot water continues to fall around us as Kelsey holds on to me, her legs tight around my waist. I thrust in and out of her and it dawns on me again, just how fucking perfect this moment and this woman is.
To be able to wake up next to her, every single morning.
To be able to walk into the shower and fuck her like this before we go to work and then to come home to her and do it all over again.
This is what I’ve been missing all these years.
Not the big city lights or the never-ending drama and frustration of police work in Boston.