Chapter Fifteen
Kelsey
Why did he have to say it? And during a moment when things were good. No, not just good between us, but great, really fucking great. I was even beginning to think Beck might just stay with me, leave his life in Boston and come back to Rockport for good.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m living in a fucking dream world if I actually believe it will be different this time. But when he uttered that line, that stupid fucking line, I was hit with a heavy dose of reality.
“I don’t think, babe. I know. I promise.” I’ve repeated that phrase in my head for the last ten years. I wasn’t enough to make him stay then, I don’t know why I think I will be this time around.
Running my hands over my face and up through my hair, I feel the exhaustion take over my body. My shoulders are sore, my body aches and all I want to do is sleep.
I strip off my clothes and climb into the bed.
Although comfortable, it’s not my bed; it’s not my home and in this moment, I wonder if I will ever feel normal again.
In the darkness of the room, with Beck’s words still floating around in my head, Jason’s relentless stalking still gripping me, I allow it to take control of my emotions. I allow myself to cry.
Sniffling and wiping my nose on the edge of the sheet, I feel sorry for myself, wondering just how I ended up in this fucking mess in the first place. Not just the mess with Jason, but also this mess with Beck, too.
For some reason my sadness turns to anger when I realize that Beck would never have come back if it hadn’t been for this problem with Jason. He would’ve just stayed, living his new life in Boston as if Rockport never existed, as if I never existed.
The more I think about it, the angrier I become, because I once again, allowed myself to fall for him. Nothing has changed, everything that haunted us from the past is still there, hidden beneath the surface just waiting to remind us of why it didn’t work out in the first place.
I’m wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand and cursing Beck as I hear the key slip into the lock and the door pop open.
“Kels,” he whispers. “You sleeping.”
“No,” I answer back, my voice devoid of any emotion.
I hear Beck shuffle in the darkness, making his way to the bed as he removes his clothes and climbs in next to me. His hand searches blindly for my body and when his fingers brush my stomach all I can say is, “No.”
“No?” he says gruffly. “What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m not doing this anymore. It means you can go back to Boston guilt free and I can go back to my life here in Rockport. We both know how this ends.”
“What the fuck, Kels?” he asks, frustration and anger filling the room. “Is this about what I said in the tub?”
I roll over so I’m facing him and although I can barely make out his face in the darkness, I don’t need to.
I know his expression right now better than I know my own.
He’s trying to figure out how to make me believe he didn’t fuck up, he’ll call me baby and run his hands down my arms. His eyes will be filled with sadness, but it’s a scam and this time I know it.
“Yes, Beck, it’s what you said in the tub.”
“Baby,” he whispers and it makes me want to slap him across the face.
I flip the bedside light on and sit up in bed and Beck does the same, his eyes boring into mine. My fingers tighten around the duvet wondering if I just might crack him across that beautiful face.
“Don’t fucking baby me. Goddammit, Beck!
Can’t you see nothing has changed?” Angry tears sting my eyes as I look away from him.
“You said it then and three months later you left me. You fucking left me while my mom was dying. I needed you more than anything then and you still left. You can’t come back here now and act like it didn’t happen.
You’re going to fucking leave me again!”
By now I’m sobbing, deep, guttural sobs, the kind that make your head hurt and your body ache. I’m not making any sense, my words falling from my mouth in no order, nonsensical and mindless.
I shove at his chest with my hands, wanting to hurt him as much as he’s hurt me, but he doesn’t move. Just a few hours ago I was screaming his name for a different reason and now I’m just screaming at him.
“She was like a mother to you, you fucking asshole and you didn’t even have the balls to show up at her funeral.
” Ten years of hurt is suddenly spewing from my mouth as Beck sits on the bed and takes it.
“Everything you’ve ever said to me meant nothing.
It was all a lie, Beck. It was all a fucking lie. ”
I lunge for him again, but this time he wraps his arms around me; thrashing and pushing against him, I try to break free of his hold.
“I’m sorry, Kelsey. I’m so fucking sorry, baby,” he says as my tears run down his bare chest. “I was selfish, but nothing I ever said to you was a lie. I meant every word I said and I still do.”
My body begins to relax as I come down from the adrenaline rush that was coursing through me. Each ragged breath that I take in makes me realize how tired I am. I don’t have the resolve to fight with him.
Beck runs his hand up and down my back and shushes into my hair. The worst part of all of this is that I still need him. As much as I’ve tried to convince myself otherwise, I’m not sure I can live without him.
I remember him leaving ten years ago and the painful fog I lived in for months afterward. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to wake up in the morning, but it hurt the most to dream about him and remember what we once had. I can’t imagine doing it a second time.
As if he can read my thoughts, Beck whispers, “Kelsey, you are my everything. I loved you back then and I still love you now. I promise you, we will make this work. Just please give me a chance to make it right again.”
Without thinking, I nod against his chest, because right now, I need to hold on to the false hope that maybe things might work out in the end.
Beck pushes me away, his eyes wide and his face questioning. “Really?” he asks as he looks at me hopefully.
I nod again and Beck begins to kiss me all over, whispering, “I love you,” each time his lips touch my body. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I take his face in my hands as I whisper back, “I love you too.”
Still nothing is resolved, but I find peace by just being near him and right now that’s enough for me.
“Make love to me,” I murmur, as I pull Beck on top of me. Hitching my leg around his hip, he slides inside me causing both of us to gasp out loud.
Beck’s cock is already hard and my pussy is already wet with desire at just hearing him tell me he loves me. It doesn’t matter how angry I was, because in this second it all melts away.
Slipping in and out in a slow rhythm, our hips meeting each time, Beck’s cock brushes my clit and it makes me moan out loud. I need more.
I press my hands to his chest and he slips out of me and rolls on to his back as I straddle his hips. Fisting his hard, wet cock in my hand, I place him at my entrance and take him inside me, slowly, one inch at a time.
My mouth is parted as a small gasp leaves my lips once he’s settled fully inside me. Beck’s eyes are closed and I run my nails down his chest making him look up at me.
“Watch,” I tell him, my eyes hooded as I look down at his cock buried inside my pulsing pussy.
“Watch as my pussy rides your cock. Watch as I take you inside me, watch while your cock makes me come.” Beck groans loudly, his fingers gripping my hips so hard I feel like I might bruise. I hope I do, I hope he marks me.
“Start moving, baby,” he tells me and I lift off his shaft and slide down so slowly it’s almost painful. Leaning back, I begin to move faster; Beck’s hard cock slipping through the wetness of my pussy, each pass coating his long, firm shaft.
His eyes are watching as I take him and I can see the desire that forms on his face as my pussy swallows his cock with each pass.
Beck sits up, his mouth sucking at my breast roughly; he bites down leaving teeth marks and causing me to cry out loud. He does the same to the other, this time biting and sucking until my breast is left with swollen red welts.
“Oh my god,” I call out and Beck grips my ass with his fingers. “Mark me,” I moan as I continue to ride his cock, each pass growing harder with need.
Beck lifts me from his throbbing dick, stands and bends me over the bed, his hand on my back, and my ass in the air.
I can feel my wetness running down my inner thighs when Beck groans in appreciation.
His hand connects with my ass; a loud slapping sound echoing in the room as he growls, “I love the way my handprint looks on your perfect ass.” And I gasp, loving the thought of him marking me.
“I can’t wait to watch my come drip from your sweet pussy after I finish fucking you. ”
“Do it, please,” I beg, my fingers finding my clit and I begin to rub frantically as I try to find my release.
It’s in that instant that Beck thrusts inside me, his hands holding my hips as he pounds into me.
I feel my release build and my legs begin to shake as my pussy pulses around his hard cock.
When Beck calls out my name, we come together, both of us longing for release and getting exactly what we need.
Beck collapses on top of me, his chest to my back; he scatters a series of soft kisses down my spine, before lifting off of me.
He steps back and groans as I feel his come seep from my pussy and down my thighs. I look at him over my shoulder, his eyes on my ass and thighs, staring intently.
“I’ve never felt so possessive over someone in my life,” he says, this time, his eyes meeting mine. “And right now, looking at your beautiful ass in the air, your cheek still pink with my handprint and my come dripping from your pussy, I know you’ll always be mine.”
Most women would be disgusted by his words, but not me. The tone of his voice and the assertiveness I hear only makes me want him more.
I turn over, taking my breasts in my hands, pushing them together as I ask, “What about my tits? Are those yours too?” Knowing they’ve been marked multiple times by his mouth.
“Mmmm,” he says, sensually. “Those sweet tits were mine when you first let me suck them behind that sand dune when you were fifteen. You had perfect tits back then and nothing’s changed.”
Stalking over to me, Beck picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist as he walks us both into the bathroom.
After a nice long shower, we’re lying in bed sated and quiet. The room is dark, but neither of us is sleeping when I ask how things went with Finn and Ryan.
“Ryan’s heading back to Boston tomorrow morning and he’s going to do another sweep of that fucker’s place to see if anything was missed the first time around.
” I feel Beck tense against me as he talks about Jason and I don’t want to ruin the feeling that both of us currently have, so I change the subject.
“I think someone’s going to be pretty disappointed that he’s leaving.” I giggle just thinking about the massive crush Erin has on Ryan.
“Oh, I don’t doubt that and I don’t doubt that Ryan’s going to miss the shit out of her too. I’ve never seen him like this before.”
“Never seen her like this either. I think they just might be perfect together.”
Beck laughs and responds with, “Don’t tell either of them that. I think they’re still in denial.”
The room falls silent again and Beck quietly says my name, but something about it is different and I know what he’s about to tell me is something he’s struggling to get out.
“What is it?” I ask, almost fearful.
Beck takes a deep breath before saying, “Finn and the guys found twenty video cameras in your house.”
“Oh my god,” I stutter out as I feel the bed begin to spin and vomit rise up in my throat. “Twenty?” I whisper.
“Yeah,” Beck spits out and I hear the hatred weigh heavy in his voice. He pulls me closer to him and kisses my hair a few times before assuring me that there are no more.
“The damage is done, Beck,” I say and I feel my body shudder. The thought that he has videos, hours and hours of video, of me in my home, doing god knows what, is far more disturbing than anything he has done so far.
I curl my body around Beck’s, but I know nothing will ever be able to remove the images I have in my head, I can only hope that my nightmares are worse than the reality.
“Baby,” Beck says, his voice coated with sympathy, but he says nothing after that. I close my eyes and pray for a restful night's sleep.