Chapter 10
I could still smell the human’s fear long after I’d stepped through the door, which transported me back to my chambers. The moment the door snapped shut behind me, I shed my shadow shield and began pacing the wide length of my room, fingers curled into fists.
I had thought I could do this. I had thought her disgust and horror would not bother me.
My eyes closed as I ran a hand down my face, biting back a growl of frustration. A fire crackled in the hearth in front of me, and I slowly approached, my gaze fixed on the rippling flames as I waited for my pulse to slow.
Behind me, a knock sounded, and my eyes shut again. “Do not disturb me.”
“Your Highness, please.” Clermont’s voice was agitated.
I gritted my teeth but twisted my wrist, flicking my fingers toward the door behind me. A tendril of shadow curled forward, tugging on the door handle to let Clermont in. Once he was inside, my shadows pressed against the door so it shut loudly behind him.
I could sense Clermont flinching, even without looking at him.
“What,” I bit out, keeping my eyes on the fire. If I looked at Clermont directly, I feared my shadows might inadvertently strangle him. Which was exactly why I had told him not to disturb me.
“Is this really wise?” His usual formal demeanor was gone, which meant he was addressing me as a friend and not as my steward.
“Is what wise?”
“Storming off like that. Refusing to show your face. Avoiding the consummation. Varius, this is not?—”
“Not what a normal king should do?” I spat.
“Tell me, Clermont, what about my situation is normal ?” I huffed a bitter laugh and shook my head before bracing my arms against the walls, flattening my palms against the black marble.
“Every second I stood alongside that human, her putrid fear stung my nose. I couldn’t stand it.
And my shadow shield was necessary. You saw how terrified she was, even with my shield in place.
I imagine she would have shit all over herself if she’d seen my true form. ”
“You don’t know that.”
“What I do know is how many brides tried to flee.” I slowly turned to face Clermont, unable to hide the torment from my gaze.
“How many of them screamed and fought, even at the altar. I refused to let that happen again. She might have feared me and my shadow shield, but at least she didn’t try to run.
If I am to break this curse, I need at least some hope that she will look on me with anything but disgust.”
Clermont sighed, his yellow eyes sharp as they appraised me. “And the consummation? You cannot put it off forever. It is a necessary step.”
I clenched my teeth. Mother of Shade, if the human bride was afraid now , then she really would shit herself if I took her to bed.
Shadows pooled on the floor around me, spreading across my room until they obscured the floor from view. With a sharp jerk of my head, they receded back into me, my body absorbing them. My temper was a constant weakness I needed to control. My shadows often reacted to it, and this was no exception.
“No,” I said at last. “I refuse to force myself on anyone. Even a human. We will consummate when she is ready.”
“And what if she is never ready?” Clermont challenged. “Will you make our people wait, make them suffer, all because of this girl you don’t know? This is what’s done , Varius. Royals do not marry for love. She is expecting this. She may not like it, but it is her responsibility as your wife.”
I cut him a lethal look, my nostrils flaring. Each word was sharp and forceful as I repeated, “I will not force myself on her.”
Clermont’s lips thinned. “And what of an heir? If you die, the kingdom will have no leader. The curse?—”
“I refuse,” I seethed. If I had a child, the curse would pass to them as soon as I died. Just as my father had passed the curse on to me.
But I would not allow it. It would end with me.
“I refuse to burden an innocent child with this wretched curse,” I said. “And I will not force anyone into my bed just to prolong a curse that will doom our people again and again.”
Clermont’s face paled. “But Varius, if you die...” He trailed off, unable to finish.
“Generations of kings have failed to break the curse,” I said. “If I can’t do it, then… it’s likely it can never be broken. If I die, then it means our people must abandon this land in search of a new home. The council can rule without me.”
“Varius, you can’t . Your father?—”
“I am not my father,” I snarled, stepping toward him.
Shadows exploded from my body, darkening the room and coiling around Clermont.
To his credit, he staggered backward, eyes flared wide.
“Do not compare me to him. His methods failed, and the curse claimed him, too. So do not dare to question me again, Clermont. Now leave me before my shadows choke the life out of you. ”
Clermont’s eyes flashed, and for a moment, he looked as if he might argue.
But my shadows darkened until they were black as night, swarming and twisting until they clouded the room, blocking the light of the moon from the windows.
With my fae sight, I could still make out Clermont’s form before me, but it was faint.
His voice was low and calm as he said, “Yes, my lord.” He had returned to my dutiful servant. My friend was gone.
Had my shadows chased him away? Or my temper? Perhaps it was both. Either way, I could only watch as he left the room. As soon as the door closed, my shadows vanished, leaving me feeling cold and empty.
Clermont did not deserve that. But I was spent. My body was still recovering from the events of the full moon, and my emotions were chaotic since meeting the human bride.
Sybelle.
That was her name.
As far as humans went, she was certainly quite lovely.
Long, wavy chestnut hair, warm caramel-colored eyes, and a proud chin that spoke of the stubbornness that often came with royalty.
Her skin had been a sickly pale color, and her diminutive stature made me fear she would break at any moment, leaving us doomed to the fate of the curse.
But there had been moments when I’d sensed fire in her spirit. A fire that drowned out any fear or disgust on her face. A fire that spoke of strength and a willpower stronger than most humans.
Hope rose within my chest, but I slammed my fist against the wall and shoved it away. This meant nothing. All it meant was that she would fight me, just as the other human brides had fought. It did not mean she was the key to ending our suffering.
Hope was almost more dangerous than my temper.
With a weary sigh, I ran my fingers through my dark curls and shed my waistcoat.
Clermont and his staff had taken such care to dress me in the ceremonial attire, and it had all been for nothing.
I hadn’t decided until the moment I appeared in the courtyard to summon my shadow shield.
I had seen the back of Sybelle’s head, and I had just known she would scream when she saw me.
Why does it matter? I asked myself. You are indeed a monster. It is better that she sees who you truly are from the beginning.
It didn’t matter if I terrified Sybelle or not. What mattered was if she possessed the strength to overcome that fear, to be the savior our people needed.
All that mattered was breaking the curse.
She didn’t need to love me. Hell, she didn’t even need to like me. Those weren’t required to break the curse. I could endure her horror and loathing for now, as long as, eventually, she could overcome it and save my kingdom.
I stared into the fire once more, my heart rate slowing and my breathing becoming steadier. “I will conquer this,” I vowed to the flames. “Even if it kills me, I will find a way to end this.”