Chapter 32
Varius gave me a moment to don my cloak and boots. I discreetly tucked Wraith Killer inside one boot for good measure.
Ramia was waiting for us in the hall. I quickly explained where the king and I were going, and she insisted on coming with us.
“It isn’t safe,” she hissed, her gaze darting to Varius and back to me.
He stood a few paces away. He could most certainly hear our whispered conversation, but he was polite enough to pretend he couldn’t.
“It’s still dark out, and I don’t feel comfortable with you being outside the castle. Not with those shadows nearby.”
“I’ll be safe,” I said quietly. “Varius won’t let anything happen to me.”
Her lips thinned as if she doubted this.
I wasn’t sure why I was so certain of this statement. But something about the manic fury I witnessed from him earlier—when he thought something had happened to me—told me he would do anything to keep me safe.
“We won’t be long,” I assured her.
Varius drew closer and glanced between us both. “Are you ready, Sybelle? ”
I nodded. Ramia crossed her arms and gave the king a stern look.
“Your Highness, I trust you’ll make my lady’s safety your top priority?” she asked.
I raised my eyebrows at the demand in her tone. I had to admit, Ramia was bold. Though Varius towered over her like a giant, she didn’t even flinch. She met his steely gaze with her own, unafraid of the terrifying unseelie king.
Varius bared his teeth, revealing his lower set of fangs. Behind him, his wings twitched, flicking outward to cast a shadow along the hall. “There aren’t many creatures who are foolish enough to cross me. I will protect her with my life.”
Ramia nodded stiffly, and heat spread through me at the conviction in Varius’s voice. He couldn’t lie… so I knew he meant it.
A mixture of warmth and shock suddenly made it difficult to breathe. Over and over, those words repeated in my mind.
I will protect her with my life.
How had this happened? How had we reached the point where the Shadow King would die for me?
And… would I do the same for him? If his life were on the line, would I risk mine to save him? I wasn’t so sure, and that knowledge filled me with a shame so potent that it blotted out any sign of warmth in my chest. All at once, I felt cold and hollow inside.
I felt like a monster.
He would die for me.
But I would not be so quick to do the same for him.
Varius extended his elbow to me, and I gave him an odd look.
He shrugged one shoulder as if to say, Why not?
I chuckled—the sound halfhearted as the conflicted emotions continued to war within me—then laced my arm through his.
It seemed oddly formal, given that, only hours earlier, I’d been sitting on his lap and writhing against his body .
My face flushed from the reminder. Stones, that damned diamond tiara had made me behave with such reckless indecency. Just the thought of the things I’d said and done made me want to crawl in a hole and hide my face for a week.
Varius seemed to notice the stiffness of my arm in his. He cast a quick glance at me. “Are you well?”
I wanted to say, I’m fine , but that would have been a lie. Instead, I said, “It’s been a long night.”
He nodded as if this made sense. He guided me down the hall to the next available door. When he pulled it open, the darkened training yard greeted us. I suppressed a shiver, remembering Warwick’s threats when I encountered him here.
“Are you sure about this?” I muttered.
“Not at all,” he said before steering us over the threshold.
The cool early morning air nipped at my skin. With my free hand, I tugged my cloak tighter around myself. Varius pulled me closer to him.
I glanced at him, noting the tunic open at the chest, and the short sleeves along his muscled arms. “Does your skin provide its own heat?”
He smirked. “No. But my body runs warmer than most.”
I could tell as much. Through the fabric of my cloak, I could feel that warmth seeping from his arm to mine. It was quite pleasant. A bolder side of me yearned to wrap both my arms around him so the left half of my body could enjoy the heat, too.
Ridiculous, I chided myself. You are sleep deprived, and your brain is addled.
That, and I couldn’t shove the memories of the revel from my mind. His shadows driving into me. The way he hardened under my touch. The way his hips met mine as we’d danced.
That dark and heady look in his eyes when he’d stared at me…
I swallowed hard, shoving the thoughts away.
“Your pulse is racing,” Varius noted. “Are you afraid? ”
“No.” My voice was a bit breathless. Changing the subject, I said, “What exactly are we looking for?”
“I’m not sure,” he admitted, scanning the massive training yard. We weren’t far from the spot where the castle had deposited us before. I wondered if that was significant.
I squinted, trying to make out the details from far away. The castle entrance doors were up the hill. I remembered racing toward those after my encounter with Warwick. A quick glance over my shoulder told me there was a forest nearby.
I frowned as I looked over the trees. “What’s in those woods?” I asked.
Varius followed my gaze. “That’s the Noxen Forest.”
My insides jolted with recognition, and I sucked in a breath. Had it really been right here this whole time? Somewhere within those woods was the enchanted rose I’d been looking for. I was only steps away.
“What is it?” Varius asked.
Damn. He could likely sense my pulse spiking again. I wasn’t exactly subtle in my reactions.
“I—I think I’ve been in those woods before,” I said vaguely.
“When?” His voice was sharp. “You shouldn’t go in there. There is dangerous magic in those woods.”
“Of course,” I said at once, then looked back toward the castle. “When do the soldiers begin their training?”
Varius continued to stare at me, his eyes practically drilling holes into my skull. Please let the subject drop, I begged. Please…
If he asked me directly about the rose, I would have to tell the truth. Guilt wriggled through me. I was such a hypocrite. I had just shouted at him for concealing the truth from me, and now I was doing the same to him.
After a long moment, Varius cleared his throat. “At daybreak. It won’t be long now.”
“And Warwick won’t be there because he’s in the dungeons,” I mused aloud .
“Right.” Varius rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh. “So, what does the castle want us to see? Why take us here before dawn?”
“Maybe we should ask the library,” I said, half joking.
He shot me a bewildered look. “What?”
My smile faded. “The… library? It gives you books based on what you request.” When he only gaped at me, I said uncertainly, “Does it not do the same for you?”
Half his mouth quirked in a surprised smile. “No, it doesn’t. The fact that it does for you is an anomaly indeed.”
My face heated. I wasn’t sure why that felt like a compliment.
A bell in the distance started chiming, the sound echoing across the yard. I jumped, and Varius stiffened, squinting toward something to the west. From far away, voices rang out.
“Damn,” Varius muttered.
“Alarm bells?” I asked in a whisper.
“No. Just the morning bell to signal the start of training. The soldiers will be here any moment. Let’s return to the castle. We can try to come back later.”
A wild and reckless idea came to mind, and I snatched his arm before he could turn away. “What if the castle sent us here to witness something important?” I asked, my hushed words coming out in a rush.
Varius’s eyes searched mine. I instinctively knew he was following my train of thought.
If the castle only wanted to warn us about Warwick, it had already done that. Which meant there was something else it wanted us to know.
The voices grew closer.
“Sybelle,” Varius said in a low voice. “You cannot be seen here.”
I kept one hand on his arm while the other sifted through the pocket of my cloak. The pouch of gemstones rattled, and I held my breath, thinking quickly.
This plan was dangerous. It required the use of one of my gems. Could I trust Varius?
I didn’t have to explain about my magic. I could just imply the jewels were magical and came from my kingdom.
Or I could claim the same thing he had about the shadows, and say I was bound by secrecy.
Either way, I resolved then and there to not tell him about my fae magic.
Once more, that same tendril of guilt worked its way through me. I was keeping secrets, too.
But this was different. My magic did not affect Varius’s safety at all.
The thought did nothing to ease the tense knots in my stomach.
“Neither of us will be seen,” I said to Varius. “But I need you to trust me. Can you do that?”
Varius’s brows knitted together, and he stared intently at me for a long moment. “Yes,” he said at last. “I trust you, Sybelle.”
The conviction in his voice sent another surge of warmth through my chest, followed by a twinge of regret.
Because I did not trust him.
More guilt. More lies. More deception.
It would never end.
“Come with me.” My fingers interlaced with his as I tugged him toward the forest.
At first, he resisted. “Sybelle…”
“We won’t go in the woods,” I promised. “But we need something behind us to provide camouflage.”
After a moment, Varius relented, and he let me lead him toward the forest. When we were a few paces away from the darkened wood, I crouched low to the grass, the morning dew leaving wet patches on my trousers and cloak.
As discreetly as possible, I tugged open the scaled pouch, making sure to keep it hidden in my pocket.
Going by touch, I ran my fingers over each one, searching for the topaz stone.
Its edges were slightly smoother than the others, and it was a rectangular shape.
There. As soon as my fingers closed over it, I felt the magic sweep over me. My other hand remained tightly enclosed in Varius’s. An icy tickling sensation crept from the top of my head and inched down my spine. Beside me, Varius drew in a sharp breath, and I knew he was feeling it, too.