36. Rae
RAE
My whole body trembled. It was a different sort of cold than before.
Not the kind that came from your life fading, but the kind that came from shock, trauma.
But still, I moved forward on my own two feet toward the huge bathroom.
There was no more room for freeze. Not even flight.
Until I knew more and understood how to escape this land of nightmares, there was only room for fight.
But first, I had to gather my strength.
So I kept on walking. The bathroom had the same gothic-castle feel as the bedroom: large, arched stained-glass windows, stone walls, and dark wood beams. But the fixtures and appointments were more like something you might see in an expertly remodeled house back in the human realm.
The shower was massive, with stunning stonework; the sinks looked like they were set in dark marble. And the tub? It looked big enough to fit six, the circular shape carved into that same dark rock. Everything had golden faucets.
Kian slowly released his hold on my arm as if checking to see if I could stand on my own.
I steeled my shoulders. “I’m not going to pass out on you.”
He studied me for a moment longer. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did. These past few days have been a lot.”
I had the urge to laugh, but I knew if I did, I might never stop. Maybe they’d lock me up in some castle dungeon. The poor little witch girl who’d lost her mind from the stress of it all. “I’m not going to crack either.”
I wasn’t sure if I said it more for Kian or for me. But he still lifted his chin in acknowledgment before crossing to the tub. He began filling it, and the scent of lavender and jasmine filled the air.
A longing took root in my chest. I wished I could lose myself in the pathways of the botanical gardens near campus, drown in all its scents. It had always been one of the places I went to when the stresses of life got to be too much.
It was comical now, the things that had caused that stress: an average grade on a test, balancing work-study and classes, worrying about my leaky faucet. Things that seemed so very normal and not stressful compared to what I faced now.
My eyes burned. There were only two people I wanted to talk it all through with. My parents. The ones who had raised me. But even if I had been able to get back to the human world, they were gone.
“What is it?” Kian asked, suddenly in front of me. “Are you hurting?”
I shook my head. “I miss my parents.”
He frowned. “Do you want to go see them? We can stop on our way to the next House.”
“Not them,” I whispered.
“Oh.”
“The parents who raised me.”
“Ah,” Kian said quietly. “We might be able to work something out. Eventually. So you can see them.”
The way he spoke the words, I knew might was a stretch. “It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled.
He frowned as he rose, crossing to me. “Of course it does.”
“They’re dead.” My voice sounded numb, even to my own ears.
“Rae,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. What—?” He stopped himself from asking the question, but I answered him anyway.
“Killed by a home intruder who left with nothing more than a television, a tablet, and some costume jewelry,” I said, the words carving into my chest. The sight would never leave me.
Coming home from a late study session, stepping inside and seeing all that blood… Not unlike tonight. I shivered at the memories trying to break free.
Kian wrapped his arms around me. “I’m so sorry. Those words aren’t enough, but they are the best I have.”
“Thank you,” I rasped. I didn’t want to make things harder for Kian. He was trying. He was being kind. It was more than I could say for my other fated. With my luck, my other two mates would be serial killers.
Kian held me for a long time before finally letting go. He lifted a hand to cup my face, staring intently but not saying a word. His gaze held so many unspoken promises and comforts.
He cleared his throat as he dropped his hand. “Do you need help with your, um, dress?”
I’d barely managed to zip the thing up before the feast, and now my shoulder ached from where I’d hit the stone floor. I guessed that while a Nocturnae’s blood healed, it didn’t ease all pain. I swallowed hard. “That would be good. There’s a corset thing under it, too.”
Kian nodded his head in a rough jerk and stepped behind me. Ever so gently, he swept my hair to the front of one shoulder. I felt his warm breath on the skin of my neck. Even just that had Kian’s unique buzz taking flight beneath my skin, those tiny pinpricks of sensation rising.
His knuckles grazed my flesh as he grabbed hold of the zipper, and I sucked in a sharp breath. “Okay?” Kian asked.
I nodded. “Yes.”
Slowly, he lowered the zipper as I held the garment to my chest. Then, he began loosening the corset. The moment the strings gave way, air rushed into my lungs. Yet I was still dizzy.
“I don’t think I should do any more. I might see more than I should.” There was a gruffness to Kian’s voice as he spoke, his words vibrating with restrained power. “I’ll leave you to your bath.”
“Would you stay?” The words were out before I could stop them. A tiny, betraying weakness. I didn’t want to be alone.
Kian was quiet for a moment. “Of course. I’ll just turn around until you’re in.”
My cheeks heated, even though he couldn’t see me. I hurried to drop the dress and undergarments to the floor. Most of it was ruined from the blood.
I crossed to the massive tub and stepped in. The water was the perfect temperature—the kind that would soothe muscles but not scald. As soon as I lowered myself, I turned off the tap and adjusted the bubbles. “I’m in.”
My words felt barely audible, but Kian still turned, taking me in for a moment before moving. He crossed to a stack of towels and plucked up a washcloth, then walked toward the tub and lowered himself to the stone floor. Holding out the washcloth, he asked, “May I?”
I didn’t answer right away.
“You’ve got a little blood here.” He motioned to his neck. “And here.” He gestured to his mouth.
Embarrassment flooded me. “Of course.”
Kian dipped the cloth into the soapy water and lifted it first to my face. Everything about him was a study in opposites. Strength and gentleness. Anger and kindness. He carefully ran the fabric over my cheek and chin with tattooed fingers.
That buzzing was back, but stronger this time. All of me reacted. My nipples pebbled, and I barely resisted the urge to press my thighs together.
Kian trailed the cloth down my jaw to my neck. He worked in circles, and I couldn’t help the way my back arched and my breathing sped up. It was as if every contact was amplified. Waves of those ministrations coursed through me as if his fingers were everywhere.
Kian froze, his nostrils flaring. “Rae,” he rasped.
My gaze snapped to his, taking in that purple fire. “What?”
“I can scent you,” he growled.
It took a second for my brain to compute what that meant. “Scent me?” I squeaked.
His breaths came in ragged pants now as he forced his eyes closed. “I’m not trying to, but you smell too damn good.”
I bit the inside of my mouth. “Sorry?”
Kian’s eyes flew open. “You don’t have a thing to apologize for.”
“I’m not usually…this reactive.”
“It’s the bond,” he explained. “You’ve suffered trauma, and your body is looking for a release, a way to deal.”
“So I get extra horny?”
Kian choked on a laugh. “There could be worse things.” He studied me for a moment. “Will you let me help you?”
My jaw dropped, and I felt my mouth form a perfectly shocked O. “I, um… What would that mean?”
“Lie back. Close your eyes. I’ll ask before I touch you anywhere.”
Hesitation warred with need, but I was so tired of feeling afraid. Of feeling sad. I wanted to feel anything but what I was right now. So I slid deeper into the water and let my head fall back. I stared at the ceiling for a moment and then took the next step, closing my eyes.
“Here?” Kian asked, his voice growing rougher as he trailed the washcloth over my jaw and down my neck.
My breath hitched. “Yes.” There was only me, the water, the cloth, and him. I was lost in the sensations. The fabric was the softest I’d ever felt yet somehow managed to send tiny vibrations coursing through me.
The warmth spread across my skin as if Kian were touching me…everywhere.
“And what about here?” he rasped as he dragged the washcloth lower, tracing my collarbone until he reached the mark that was just for him.
I gasped, sucking in air as my core spasmed and my eyes flew open. It shouldn’t have been possible, but it felt like there were a million nerve endings in that one spot.
Kian’s violet eyes sparked and swirled, a hint of mischief there. “Your marks will always be sensitive to your fated’s touch.”
“Please.” The word held a desperate air, but I felt no shame—because I needed the release Kian had suggested.
I needed to let go of the pain and fear, every unknown.
Like the fact that I had somehow magically shocked a man who’d been attacking me and how people might want to kill me for what my blood contained.
“Focus on me,” Kian commanded. “Nothing but my hands. This cloth. Nothing else exists.”
I forced my eyes to stay open because I needed to see him. Needed the sight to consume me. To drown out all the anxiety and worries. My gaze collided with his violet one, and neither of us looked away.
Kian trailed his hand lower, the fabric curving around my breast. It and his touch felt heavy, and my nipple pebbled. Before he could ask, I spoke. “More.”
It was both a plea and a demand. Kian’s eyes flashed, sparking in that otherworldly color that hypnotized.
I watched it dance and swirl, even as the pinpricks of our connection followed the same pattern beneath my skin.
I saw it then, the bond. Those magical bands of light that connected us like irregular DNA strands.
It burned brighter as my breaths came quicker. Kian swirled the cloth over my nipple, and my back arched, instinctively reaching for more contact. My hands curled around the edge of the tub as he dragged the cloth lower, not caring that he was soaking the rolled-up sleeve of his button-down.
The path he took as he dragged the fabric down lit like someone had tossed a match onto a gasoline-covered trail. Everything inside me was aflame.
“Tell me I can set you free, give you this release.” Grit clung to each of Kian’s words.
My body answered him before I could, my hips shifting, desperate for more. “Yes.”
It was the only thing I could say. Because some part of me knew it was the only thing that could help me let go after tonight.
All of a sudden, the water between my thighs began to move. My eyes went wide. “Wha—?”
A smirk teased Kian’s beautiful mouth. “My gift is air, remember?”
I felt it then—him but also not. Or maybe it was the most magical part of him. My mouth fell open in a silent cry as invisible fingers stroked my slit. My breaths came quicker as the force parted me to circle my clit.
My eyes closed as I tried to take in every sensation, each moment that told me I was alive. I wanted to drown in it all and never reemerge. My hands curled around the edge of the tub as those magical fingers slid inside, pumping in and out as another teased that most sensitive part of me.
“Eyes on me, Butterfly. Let me see you. Let me watch while I give you what you need,” Kian growled.
My knuckles bleached white as I gripped the marble, my mouth opening in a silent cry as he moved those invisible fingers faster. Every part of me buzzed. My ears rang, and my body spun tighter and tighter.
And then Kian pressed down, air hitting that bundle of nerves as he stroked my mark with the cloth. Suddenly, everything stopped.
For one single second, the world froze. There was no sound, no breath, no pain. I was free.
And then, I shattered. Every worry, pain, and fear exploded outward, and Kian gave me the release I so desperately needed. He moved in tiny ministrations, pulling out every last shred of emotion and sensation.
My breaths came in ragged pants as I slowly returned to myself. And then, the panic set in.
What the hell have I done?
Kian seemed to read my mind because one corner of his mouth quirked, and he leaned in to press his lips to my temple. “I’ll always give you what you need. And there’s never anything wrong with asking for it.”
I wanted to believe him. But I also realized that a man I’d never kissed, didn’t even really know, had made me come in sixty seconds without ever truly touching me.