47. Rae
RAE
“I’m leaving Pax on the door. If he hears anything, he will be inside before the little witch can blink.” Rhys leveled me and Kyrie with a stare that should’ve had us backing up a step.
But I was getting used to the grumpy Nocturnae’s glowers and threats. And the events of the day had me fighting a migraine on top of it all, so quite frankly, I didn’t give an F.
“Rhys?” I asked sweetly.
He reared back as if I’d grown two heads. “What?”
“Go suck on a lemon and then sit on a cactus.” With that, I slammed the door to my bedroom in his face.
Kyrie dissolved into giggles, and I didn’t miss Pax’s low chuckle from the other side of the door. Kyrie shook her head as she took in the room. “I’ve gotta give it to you. I might be a little scared of the Dark King and the Cruel King, but you show no fear.”
I crossed deeper into the room, lowering myself to the couch. “I’m pretty sure that’s you. Did you ride all the way here on your own?”
Kyrie shrugged as she moved around the space, taking in every decorative item on display. “It was only a day’s ride.”
I studied her for a long moment. She wasn’t in a dress, opting for an outfit similar to what Rhys had given me—one fit for riding. Her long, dark-brown hair was pulled into a braid and then wound into a bun. Dirt streaked her pants and tunic.
“Why are you really here, Kyrie?” The question slid out before I could stop it.
She froze mid-wandering, then slowly turned, her mouth pursed into a tight line. “They talk about you like they know you. Like they know what you want. Everyone’s fighting about what you should do. What they should do to convince you of their plans for your life.”
My stomach pitched at the idea of a whole group of people planning away, stealing my choices yet again.
Kyrie picked up a tiny crystal statue, turning it over and over in her hands. “It’s kind of always been like that, actually.”
I didn’t move, afraid she wouldn’t keep talking if I did. “What do you mean?”
Her amber gaze lifted to mine. “You were like this ghost I lived with every day. For Izzy and the rest of them, it was different. They at least knew you as a little girl. For me, you were always this hazy image that my mind conjured up from their stories and a constant reminder of how I was falling short.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “Given that you just took on a Nocturnae King, I highly doubt you could fall short of anything.”
One corner of Kyrie’s mouth kicked up. “It’s weird. Mom, she’s mad at you but in awe of you. It was always ‘Rae had this mastered by age five’ or ‘Rae could harness so much more light by now’ or ‘Be focused like Rae.’ I just… It was never enough to just be me.”
Guilt slid through me like an oil spill on still waters. “You realize that is very much a her problem and not a you problem, right?”
Kyrie set the little statue down. “You sound like Grams.”
“Olympia?”
Kyrie nodded. “She always says I’m perfect just as I am.”
A little of that sick feeling abated. “I’m glad you have her.” I traced the seam on the arm of the couch. “I remember bits and pieces. Mostly Imogen being a grade-A bitch. So you’re not alone there.”
Kyrie let out a sound that was half snort and half laugh.
“But I remember Olympia, too.” A memory of me calling for Grams as we baked cookies flashed into my mind. “I remember kindness. But everything else in that household, it was just so…”
“Harsh?” Kyrie supplied.
“That’s a good word for it.”
“Izzy just bows to it,” Kyrie muttered. “Falls in line with whatever Mom and Dad say. But I never can. It’s like I have this thing inside me that won’t let me. I wondered if you had it, too. I wondered if we were alike, when I feel so different from the rest of them.”
I pushed to my feet then. It didn’t matter that my whole body was exhausted beyond measure or that it felt like a battle was taking place inside my skull. I crossed the room to Kyrie and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with them alone.”
“Not totally. I’ve had Grams and Kian. Even Cal.”
My stomach twisted at the name of the man I’d supposedly been engaged to. Though the idea of an eight-year-old being engaged was all sorts of problematic in my book. “I’m glad for that.” I took a deep breath. “And I’ll tell you something. I’ve never felt like I completely fit in either.”
Kyrie looked up at me. “Was your family in the human realm awful? They always tell us that world is full of violence, disease, and pollution.”
I shook my head. “My parents were wonderful people. They were very kind to me. Encouraging. Supportive.”
Kyrie’s expression shifted, wariness edging in. “Were?”
That familiar wave of grief began to build, the one I knew was capable of taking me out at the knees. I shoved the sensation down as hard as I could. “They were killed in a home robbery gone wrong when I was sixteen.”
“Rae,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
I swallowed hard, trying to keep the grief at bay. “Thank you. As much as I can, I try to remember everything they gave to me, all the beautiful memories no one can ever steal. Even when it hurts to remember, it’s worth it.”
Kyrie’s hand curled around mine. “I’m glad you had them.”
“Me, too.” I was starting to realize just how lucky that twist of fate had been.
My sister studied me for a moment. “Did you ever know? That you had magic? Did you feel it?”
That startled a laugh out of me. “No. Not even a hint.”
“Really?”
I shook my head. “I always felt…different. I guess because I was. But I chalked it up to being a bit of an oddball.”
She took those words in, seeming to consider them. “But you don’t feel like you fit here either?”
So wise for someone so young.
“No,” I admitted. “I kind of feel like I don’t fit anywhere.”
Kyrie wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me tight. “You fit with me.”
My eyes burned. “I do, don’t I?”
“We’ll make our own family.”
Oh boy. I had a feeling the teenage runaway didn’t want to return to the Luminaries and our family.
“I think we already have,” I said, booping the end of her nose.
She laughed. “Can I ask you a favor?”
“Sure.”
“Can I use your shower? I’m gross from riding all day.”
“It’s yours. I think there are some extra nightclothes in there, too.”
Kyrie released me, already heading in that direction. “Thanks, Rae.” She paused. “I’m glad you’re not a no-feeling zombie like the rest of them.”
I let out a soft chuckle as she slipped into the bathroom.
Just as the water turned on, a quiet knock sounded on the door. I sighed. “Come in, but only if you promise not to try to kill me or reveal any life-altering news and agree not to be a raging asshole.”
A laugh rumbled through the space as the door swung open and Kian appeared, holding a tray laden with food. “What if I bring snacks?”