52. Rae
RAE
I stared up at the ceiling of my bedroom, tracing the white stone arches with my gaze as Odin snored softly beside me.
It was the first night in what felt like forever that I was alone.
Nyx had assured everyone that his familiar was also a trained guard, who would rip out the throat of anyone who got too close.
There were a dozen guards at the opposite end of the castle, where the Luminaries were being housed.
Yes, Luminaries. Plural. It wasn’t just Olympia and Kyrie who had stayed.
It was also Calloway and Izzy—or Isadora, as she kept insisting I call her.
Cal said he was staying to make sure Olympia and Kyrie were protected.
And I was pretty sure Izzy would follow Cal into an inferno.
So they all stayed. And tomorrow, Olympia would help me with my magic. I hoped she could.
I should’ve been resting, shoring up my strength for tomorrow’s events, but even with how exhausted I was, I couldn’t get my mind to turn off. And it didn’t help that an anxious hum buzzed beneath my skin.
I could’ve gone to Kian. Knocked on his door and asked him to calm my blood.
But I wasn’t sure I was up for the conversation that would inevitably come with it.
Because Kian cared. He’d want to know why I was anxious and ask to talk about it.
I wasn’t ready for yet another chat about my failure or abnormality.
Sighing, I threw off the covers and sat up. Odin was on his paws in a flash, letting out a sound that resembled a very human grumble. I reached up and scratched under his chin. “Sorry, buddy. How about we go for a little walk?”
He cocked his head to one side and then the other. The moment the words seemed to land, he launched himself off the bed, panting happily.
“Not a pet, my ass,” I grumbled as I slid my feet into slippers and reached for the thick robe someone had deposited in my room. “You’re just as much a doggo as the rest of them.”
As I crossed to the door, I held my breath. It was probably stupid to roam the halls of a vampire castle in the middle of the night alone. Except I wasn’t alone. I had Odin. And if someone attacked me, I was fairly certain my magic would respond and shock them into another world.
I let out my breath and twisted the knob on the door, then opened it. Silence. Nothing at all. No faint music or voices. Not even the sound of breathing.
Slipping into the hall, I shut the door softly behind me. I wasn’t sure where I was going until I got there. The glow of the conservatory spilled out into the hallway.
This. This was what I needed. A little time with my hands in the dirt. To be among the beings that were never cruel or judgmental, merely accepted you for who you were.
My fingers sifted through Odin’s fur as we stepped inside. The glass-enclosed room was warmer than everywhere else in the castle, the air a little balmy, as though we were in the tropics. Taking another step, I came up short.
Because I wasn’t alone.
A tall wooden table stood halfway down the aisle, with lights hanging overhead. A man stood by it, bent over as he worked on something. It looked like he was repotting a seedling. His long, blond hair was tied back with a piece of leather, and wire-rimmed glasses were perched on his nose.
He looked so different. Not just because of the glasses or the fact that his sleeves were rolled up to reveal muscular forearms—ones that carried the same scars as his face—but his entire demeanor.
How gently his hands moved as he deposited the tiny seedling in its new home. How almost relaxed he seemed.
“I can scent you.”
I braced, waiting for him to yell at or insult me, but neither came.
A hint of bravery surged, and I started down the aisle full of plants that had exploded from my magical outburst the other day. I shuffled in my slippers until I reached the table. I’d been right about the seedlings, but I’d never seen anything like these. They were tiny little ice plants.
“They’re beautiful,” I said, stroking the top of one of the leaves.
“Careful,” Nyx warned. “They look innocent, but their leaves are razor-sharp.”
I took a closer look, bending down to the plant’s level. I could see it then, the sharp edges of those adorable-looking leaves. “Seems like that’s everything around here: looks beautiful but could kill you.”
Nyx let out a soft grunt as he gently pressed the new plant into the soil. “You’re not wrong.”
We were both quiet for a moment. Until I felt brave again. “Can I help?”
His gaze flicked up. “You know what you’re doing?”
“I was getting my master’s in botany back home.”
Nyx studied me for a moment and then slid one of the larger pots toward me. “But it wasn’t your home. Not really.”
My fingers moved deftly, easing the seedling out of its casing. “It’s what felt the most like home.”
Only I wasn’t sure that was true. Not anymore. It wasn’t as if Lumaria felt like home, but the longer I was here, the less I felt like I belonged in the human realm.
“What do you miss most about it?” Nyx asked as he worked.
I thought about it as I readied the seedling for its new home, Odin settling at my feet.
“I miss…my parents—or where I have the most memories of them. My friends. My classes. I miss… chocolate milkshakes from this little diner just outside of campus and peanut butter. I miss how uncomplicated my life was.”
“But it wasn’t.”
I looked up from my pot. “What do you mean?”
Nyx didn’t meet my eyes, just continued his task as he spoke. “You thought your life was uncomplicated, but it was simply that you couldn’t see all the pieces on the board. That doesn’t mean they weren’t there.”
He had a point. I’d been blind to this whole other part of me. “It’s weird that, all this time, there was a part of myself that I didn’t know. Couldn’t see. It makes it feel like I’m a stranger in a way.”
This time, Nyx’s ice-blue gaze lifted. “We all have parts of ourselves we don’t want to admit exist, pieces of ourselves we don’t like to see. You’re not alone in that.”
“What don’t you want to see?” I asked before I could stop myself.
I thought for sure he wouldn’t answer. That he’d bite my head off. But Nyx surprised me. “I don’t want to see any weakness. I want to burn it out of me.”
“Weakness makes us human,” I said softly.
One corner of his mouth tugged up. “But I’m not human. I’m a monster.”
His words startled me, making my hand slip on the plant. I cursed at the slight flare of pain I felt on my pointer finger. Nothing more than a paper cut, but Nyx’s gaze went straight there.
“I told you to be careful,” he gritted out.
“I’m fine. I—”
Nyx grabbed my wrist, not harshly but not gently either. Slowly, he brought my hand closer to him, his gaze not losing me for a moment. He didn’t look away as he bent his head, and his lips closed around my finger.
I gasped, a wash of sensation crashing into me, a buzz lighting not just in my finger but between my legs. “Nyx,” I breathed.
His eyes went from ice-blue to pure black. He released me in an instant, gripping the edge of the table and cracking the wood down the center. “Return to your room.” His chest heaved as he spoke, his fingers digging into the table. “Do not run, Little Doe. If you run, my beast will give chase.”
My heart hammered against my ribs as blood roared in my ears. What had I been thinking? How could I have forgotten for a single second what he was? What they all were.
Ever so slowly, I backed away. Odin lumbered to his feet, retreating also but putting himself between Nyx and me. Because Nyx was the predator now. And I was the prey.
“Slow. Go slow.” I chanted the words to myself over and over in a whisper as I backed down the aisle. I continued it as I slipped from the room. It was a vow to myself. To Nyx.
But when I reached the cross-section of hallways, I bent, slid off my slippers, and then broke into a run. Odin was right with me.
I swore I heard a snarl and a crash in the distance, but I didn’t look back. I didn’t dare look back.
I ran until I reached my room, slipping inside and slamming the door behind me. I locked the deadbolt and the chain. My chest heaved as I turned, leaning against the wood.
Sliding down, I tried to catch my breath and failed. Nyx’s eyes danced in my mind, as did the feel of his lips on my skin.
What was worse? That Nyx had that in him, the need to hunt me? Or that I wanted him to catch me?