58. Rae
RAE
I sat frozen, petrified into some unknown substance, as Rhys’s words played around and around in my head. “I will never love you.”
Each syllable was a stab to the heart. Except I couldn’t say why. I hadn’t asked for his love. I hadn’t demanded it, had been forced into this arrangement just like he was. Yet here he was, throwing cruel barbs as cowardly parting shots.
“He can fuck his hand for the rest of time for all I care,” I muttered as I slammed the history book closed.
Bandit let out a chattering noise.
“Sorry, buddy.” I scratched under her chin. “You’re the hero of the night. Saving me from momentary insanity.”
She pressed into my hand, seeking more contact, but I couldn’t stay sitting any longer.
My muscles were twitchy, craving movement and the burn of exertion.
It wasn’t my magic starting to overload, thank goodness.
That had been quieter lately. Olympia thought it might be because of all the physical training I was doing.
So I could keep myself from some sort of magical explosion if I just worked myself to the bone until the end of time. Great. Still, I found myself walking toward the training facility with Bandit on one side and Odin on the other.
I muttered under my breath, cursing Rhys’s name. He might’ve saved my life, but he was determined to destroy my heart. And that wasn’t something I was down for.
As I got closer to the gym, the telltale sounds of bo-staff sparring filled my ears. It was late—later than people usually frequented the facility. So I slowed my steps and hovered just outside the doors.
Peeking into the room, I nearly swallowed my tongue.
Kian moved around the mat with panther-like grace.
He was shirtless, wearing low-slung pants with wide legs.
His chest glistened with sweat, making the inky designs there stand out all the more.
I couldn’t help tracing them with my gaze, trying to make out the images etched on his tanned skin.
There were stars along his collarbones, cascading around words. Duty on one clavicle. Honor on the other. They fit him. The way he held himself. The goodness that seemed to be carved into his very being.
Only after minutes of staring did I recognize Kian’s opponent: Calloway. He, too, was shirtless, but there was no ink on his tanned skin. His blond hair was damp with sweat, and I saw a viciousness in his blue-green stare that wasn’t usually there.
It was the viciousness that had me staying back, watching.
The two men moved with a speed that certainly wasn’t natural in my experience, but it was beautiful in its own way—a dance that held to a tempo far faster than any human could keep up with.
Cal swung his staff up, nearly clocking Kian in the face. The only thing that saved him was that speed, where he had an edge. Kian bent backward in some sort of Matrix move.
He grunted as he straightened, immediately back in a fighting stance. “What happened to no head shots?”
Calloway brought his staff down hard, his form looking a bit sloppy, even to my inexperienced eyes. “What happened to not creeping on my future wife?”
Kian spun away from the brute-force attack, bringing his bo up with a muted blow to Cal’s middle. “You know this wasn’t something I chose.”
Hurt flickered somewhere deep. Was this my destiny?
To be constantly rejected by the people I felt inextricably drawn to?
It was worse hearing this from Kian because he was always so kind and understanding.
And also because a part of me was falling for him in a way that felt so natural and real, not like some magic-manipulated haze.
Calloway jumped back and then brought his stick down with all the force he could muster, narrowly missing Kian. “And tell me, would you take it back? Would you sever that bond if you could?”
Kian stilled on the mat, breathing heavily. He dropped his bo staff to the floor, leaving himself wide-open for attack should Cal choose. And when he spoke, I knew why.
“No. There’s nothing in this world that would make me choose to sever the bond. I will always choose her.” Kian spoke evenly. He didn’t shout or whisper, just spoke as if the words were an undeniable truth.
And they had a flicker of hope taking root in my chest. Hope for what, I didn’t know. Maybe that I could find my way with Kian. That maybe we’d been such close friends in childhood because we’d always felt this pull to each other.
Calloway threw his staff to the side, the wooden stick landing with a harsh clatter. “You’ll ruin her. Are you really that selfish?”
Kian stared back at his best friend. “Yes.”
Cal’s jaw hardened to granite as he met Kian’s gaze for a beat of one, two, three. Then, he turned on his heel and stalked toward the door.
I rushed into a tiny alcove and pressed myself against the cold stone wall, the animals at my side. Bandit looked up at me excitedly, thinking it was some hide-and-seek game.
When Cal’s footsteps grew softer, I slowly inched toward the door again. Kian stood in profile, staring out into the moonlit dark. Something about his stance made my heart ache.
“I can scent you, Butterfly.”
The use of my nickname almost hurt because of its heaviness. Taking a deep breath, I moved inside and closed the door behind me. “What is it with all of you smelling me all the time?”
Kian’s mouth curved the barest amount. “Your scent was meant to call to us. To drive us wild.”
I stopped just steps from Kian, with Bandit and Odin curling up by the door. “What do I smell like?”
He turned then, pain carved into the beautiful planes of his face. “Like jasmine. Black currant. And something that feels like coming home.”
My breath hitched. He’d put words to the sensation I always felt when his juniper-and-mountain-air scent enveloped me.
“Oh,” I said quietly.
Kian took a single step toward me. “Oh.”
I took one toward him. An invitation.
He lifted his hand and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, letting his fingers linger there. “Where have you been?”
The question felt like he meant so much more than just tonight, but I kept my answer simple. “The library.” I blew out a soft breath. “Fighting with Rhys.”
Kian watched my expression carefully as his hand slipped beneath my hair and kneaded my neck. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry you fought with Calloway. I’m sorry I’m hurting that relationship.”
He shook his head. “It’s never been what I thought it was. It’s just taken all of this to make me realize it.”
The pain deepened. “Just because you’re a Nocturnae.” He’d tried to explain it once before. That Cal saw him as part of a bastard species, even though they’d been lifelong friends. But I didn’t think I’d ever understand that.
My words weren’t a question. Still, Kian gave me more. “Cal only wants to be my friend when I hide who I am, when I pretend to be someone I’m not. None of my Nocturnae traits can shine through, or I become disgusting to him. I’m tired of hiding.”
Agony pulsed in my chest as I moved closer to Kian. “You should never hide who you are.”
He shrugged, his fingers trailing lower to my back. “I can be monstrous. I kill. I exist on blood.”
“I exist on chocolate and carbs of any kind. Maybe that makes me a monster.”
Kian let out a low chuckle. “Most adorable monster I’ve ever seen.”
My brain struggled to find something that would assure him that he didn’t need to be perfect and polite with me. That he could simply be himself. “Will you show me?” I whispered.
His brows pulled together. “Show you what?”
“Your fangs. They’re part of you, but I’ve never really seen them.”
“Rae—”
“Please.”
Kian’s eyes searched mine as if looking for something. Then, his lips parted. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back. When he straightened, there they were. Two stark-white, pointed teeth. While I knew they could kill someone, I didn’t find them scary.
I lifted my hand and traced one with my finger, gently pressing the pad of my pointer to the tip.
“Careful, Butterfly. You’re far too tempting for your own good,” Kian growled.
I pulled my hand back. “What would happen if you drank from me?”
Kian’s breath caught. “It would further our bond. Drinking from your fated…it’s an intimate experience. It deepens the connection. It would also strengthen me, my abilities.”
Fascination took root in my scientist brain. “Your magic would grow because of my blood.”
He nodded.
“I want to know what it’s like,” I admitted. I hadn’t stopped thinking about it since the ball at Rhys’s castle and seeing all the people writhing in pleasure.
Kian cursed. “Maybe Cal’s right. I am going to ruin you.”
I sucked in a breath, summoned bravery, and pressed myself against him. “Maybe I need to be ruined.”