Chapter 21 #2
"And you would have done what?" Yasar asks. "Accepted it? Worked with me to find a solution? Or would you have done exactly what you're doing now—looked at me like I'm a monster to be destroyed?"
He's not wrong. Which makes everything worse.
"Elcin." I turn to my cousin, who's been watching this exchange with a warrior's assessment in her eyes. "You've been researching. You said you found something about the binding."
She nods slowly, sheathing her blade but keeping her hand near the hilt.
"I've been studying binding magic for months.
Ever since this started." Her gaze shifts to Yasar, calculating.
"I suspected something was wrong with the energy flow.
The binding was too efficient, too elegant.
Erlik's work is usually brute force and malice. This was refined. Purposeful."
"Can you break it?" Kaan asks bluntly.
"Maybe. But not safely." Elcin moves to her pack, pulling out a leather journal covered in notes. "Breaking a siphon binding like this is like cutting out a parasitic vine that's grown through vital organs. You can kill the vine, but you might kill the host too."
"So we're back to impossible choices," I observe. "Let the binding continue draining me until there's nothing left, or break it and possibly die in the process."
"There might be a third option," Elcin says carefully. "If we could reverse the flow. Force the stolen magic back through the binding and into you, while simultaneously severing the connection—"
"That would kill him," I interrupt, looking at Yasar. "Wouldn't it? All that twilight magic flooding back at once through a breaking binding. It would tear him apart."
Yasar meets my eyes, and for the first time, I see genuine calculation there. Not fear—evaluation. "It might. Or it might just hurt unimaginably and leave me powerless." His jaw tightens. "Neither outcome particularly appeals to me."
"Then why tell us?" The question escapes before I can stop it.
"Because keeping it secret serves no purpose now that Banu's revealed the truth," he says, voice steady despite the blade at his throat and the shadows coiling with killing intent.
"And because I'm a survivor, Nesilhan. I always have been.
If there's even a chance I can come out of this alive and free of Erlik's control, I'll take it.
" His gaze holds mine without flinching.
"Kill me if you want. But you'll lose the only person who understands how this binding actually works.
The only one who might be able to help you break it without dying in the process. "
But Kaan is looking at me, waiting. Because this isn't his choice to make. It's mine.
I study Yasar—really look at him for the first time since this nightmare started.
Past the careful mask, past the hunger and the calculation.
What I see is someone who's chosen survival over morality at every turn.
Someone who's made deliberate, calculated choices to save himself, no matter the cost to others.
He's not a victim. He's a collaborator. And the binding gives him the perfect excuse.
"No," I decide. "We're not killing you. Not yet."
"Nesilhan—" Kaan starts.
"No." I hold up a hand. "Not because he deserves mercy. But because he's right—we need him. He understands this binding better than anyone. And I'm not throwing away our best chance to break it just for the satisfaction of watching him die."
"Even after everything he's done?" Kaan's voice carries disbelief.
"Especially after everything he's done." I turn back to Yasar.
"Because you're going to help us. You're going to tell us everything you know about Erlik's plans.
Every detail. Every secret. And then you're going to help Elcin figure out how to reverse this binding.
Not because I forgive you. Not because I trust you.
But because it serves both our interests to break free of Erlik's control. "
Yasar's expression shifts—surprise flickering across his features before settling back into that calculated mask. "Pragmatic."
"I learned from watching you," I say coldly. "You chose survival over honesty. Fine. Now you get to choose survival over loyalty to Erlik. Help us break this binding, and maybe—maybe—you walk away from this alive and free. Refuse, and I let Kaan get creative."
"Good." I turn away from him, dismissing his crisis.
"Banu needs rest. We all do. Kaan, work on slowing that poison.
Elcin, keep studying the binding. And Yasar?
" I don't look back. "Stay where I can see you.
If you try anything—anything—I will let Kaan have you.
And trust me, his imagination for torture is impressive. "
"Noted," Yasar says quietly.
I make my way back to Banu, who's watching me with glassy but aware eyes. "Thank you," she whispers. "For listening. I know it hurts."
"Everything hurts," I tell her, settling beside her and Elcin. "What's one more truth to add to the pile?"
She manages a weak smile.
I take her cold hand again, and this time I channel some of my light magic into her. Not much—I'm too drained for grand gestures—but enough to ease her pain. To remind her that she's not alone.
Through the binding, I feel Yasar's reaction to my magic use—hunger and guilt warring in equal measure. I ignore it. He doesn't get my attention right now. He doesn't get my pity or my rage or anything else.
He gets to sit with his choices and their consequences.
Kaan settles beside me, his presence solid and dangerous and exhausted all at once. His shadows wrap around us like a protective blanket, and despite everything between us, I lean into his strength.
"We should talk about this," he says quietly. "About the binding. About what it means."
"Later." I close my eyes, suddenly too tired to process anything else. "When Banu's safe. When we're out of immediate danger. When I have enough energy to be appropriately furious."
"That's fair." His hand finds mine, fingers intertwining. "For what it's worth, I would have chosen differently. If it were me in Yasar's position, I would have told you immediately."
I want to believe that. But trust is complicated when it's been shattered so many times.
"Would you?" I ask. "Would you really sacrifice your own survival to protect me from an uncomfortable truth?"
He's quiet for a long moment. "I don't know," he admits. "I'd like to think I would. But I'm selfish when it comes to you. I always have been."
The honesty hurts more than a lie would have. But at least it's honest.
"Get some rest," he urges. "I'll keep watch. Nothing gets through those shadows without going through me first."
I nod, too exhausted to argue. Beside me, Banu's breathing evens out into something closer to natural sleep. Elcin shifts position, still clutching her journal, still looking for answers in notes and theory.
And across the cave, Yasar sits alone with his eyes reflecting firelight and his hunger still waiting, patient as death.
The binding pulses between us—weaker now that I know what it is, but still present. Still feeding. Still slowly devouring what makes me powerful.