Chapter 44
I stood by the riverbank for a long moment, staring after the space where Fenn had vanished. My heart twisted into a painful knot as I battled between chasing after him and fleeing into the forest.
So, instead, I lingered in between, my feet rooted to the spot. My chest heaved with heavy breaths, my face on fire from our dance and from--
From Fenn. He elicited such an intoxicating heat from me. The way his hands held my hips, guiding me in our dance, and the way his nose brushed my cheek as he whispered in my ear…
Why couldn’t I go after him? What was stopping me?
I huffed a laugh at that. Everything was stopping me. This bargain between us. The situation with my kingdom. His volatile mother.
There were a hundred reasons why I should let him go.
Then why was I staring after him, longing for him to come back to me?
I rubbed my arms to ward off the chill that tingled along my skin as the heat finally left my body. The dancing couples around me slowly glided away, leaving me alone at the edge of the forest. The soothing sounds of the river mingled with the muffled music floating across the water.
It was strangely calming, this sense of solitude. I gazed upward at the glittering stars in the sky and the inviting crescent moon. With the braziers lit, casting a bluish glow on the grass, it was hard to believe it was the middle of the night. When I had pictured the Midnight Court, I had envisioned utter darkness. Not… this.
I found myself smiling as I drew closer to the sparkling waters. The stardust sediments glimmered under the surface. I recalled what Fenn had said when I’d shown him Kellen Falls: I felt a sense of peace while I was there. Something I’ve only ever felt next to the Celestial River.
A startling realization hit me: I felt the same sense of peace here, too. This place, this river, was as comforting to me as the rushing waters of Kellen Falls.
A surprised laugh bubbled up in my throat, and I found myself unable to stop smiling. Fenn and I, we were the same. Two souls bound to one another irrevocably, despite our differences, despite our warring kingdoms.
I had never felt this way with Tyrone or even Callan. Never had I felt so drawn to another soul, so inexplicably tethered.
My feet moved of their own accord, guiding me across the bridge and toward the crowd dancing just beyond the courtyard. I had to find Fenn, to tell him...
Tell him what?
I wasn’t quite sure. I just knew I needed to find him.
I strode past dancing courtiers and laughing ladies, a pair of women locked in a passionate embrace, and a couple making love along the riverbank. Echoes of the upbeat and vibrant music floated through the air, growing louder as I drew closer to the mass of people.
When I reached the courtyard, I climbed the steps to get a better look at those dancing in the field, my eyes scanning for a sign of Fenn.
Be with me, I wanted to say to him. Love me. Touch me. I want all of you, Fennick. All of you.
I was breathless, my heart drumming an erratic rhythm in time to the music around me. When a servant offered a tray of sparkling fire water, I took a flute and downed it in one gulp. The drink quite literally burned my throat, and I belched. Smoke unfurled from within my mouth, and I gasped, choking slightly.
The servant chuckled. “It gets easier the second time.” He offered me another .
It was probably unwise of me to take it, but I did. As I downed the wine, this time, it didn’t burn as much. But that was probably because the inside of my throat was completely past feeling. The drink spread warmth through my entire body, all the way down to my toes. Courage and confidence swelled in my chest, and I suddenly felt the urge to join in, to dance with these strangers, to share in their merriment.
But no. I needed to find Fenn. I could dance with him. I could push myself up along his body, writhing against his hips, and?—
My thoughts stuttered as my eyes latched onto a pair of dancers in the center of the field. The woman was thin and wore a black slip-of-a dress that barely covered any skin. The skirt came just above her rear, exposing most of her thighs, and the neckline plunged low, all the way to her stomach, the thin strips of silk barely containing her large breasts.
And her dance partner was Fenn.
He was laughing, his smile wide, revealing his teeth as he swayed with the woman, guiding her hips to his as they moved to the rhythm of the music. The woman draped her arms around his neck, her face close to his as she whispered something in his ear that only made his grin broaden.
The sight of them made something roar inside of me. Heat and rage and bloodlust surged, coiling so tightly in my chest I wanted to scream. No, I wanted to plunge my dagger into the woman’s throat.
I wanted to plunge my dagger into Fenn’s throat. What the hell was he thinking? Wasn’t this fete meant to celebrate our engagement? And here he was, dancing with someone else. I wasn’t sure who she was, but she certainly didn’t look like a courtier.
I was striding down the steps of the courtyard before I realized what I was doing. My gaze never strayed from Fenn and the woman as I weaved through the crowd, making my way across the field to the dancing couple.
Fenn noticed me first, his eyes meeting mine over the woman’s shoulder. And he winked at me. The bastard actually winked.
The woman turned, a lazy smile on her face, her eyes glassy. “Join us!” she cried out, waving a hand toward me .
I ignored her, focusing all my wrath on Fenn. “No thank you. I need a word with my fiancé. ” I spat the word.
How could I ever think we could be together or that he could change? He was nothing more than the arrogant asshole I always believed him to be.
“Aurelia—” Fenn said, but I was already tugging his arm, pulling him away from the crowd. He stumbled but quickly righted himself as he followed me.
When we reached the bridge, I whirled to face him, snarling, “What the hell are you doing?”
He exhaled a short laugh, running his hand through his hair. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m enjoying the fete.”
“With another woman?”
He sighed. “Really, Aurelia, does that bother you?”
“Yes!” I blurted out without thinking.
He arched a single eyebrow, his eyes flaring with irritation. “Let me get this straight. You do not love me. You do not intend to marry me. And yet, you have some claim on me that is meant to prevent me from dancing with other women. Is that right?”
I let my arms fall on my thighs, the wine making my head cloudy. “I don’t—That’s not—How do you think it looks to everyone, to see you grinding up against another woman’s ass? When, moments ago, you announced your engagement to me .”
“I think it looks like I’m a very typical courtier,” he said, his tone thick with amusement.
I shoved his shoulders hard. “This is not a joke, you bastard!”
My voice rang out, and several people turned to look at us in alarm.
Fenn’s smile vanished, and his nostrils flared. “You are making a scene,” he said in a low voice.
“Oh, you’ve already done that on your own with that sickening display.” I waved my hand toward the field of dancers.
Fenn grabbed my hand and tugged me across the bridge toward the Crescent Glade where we had danced. It seemed like ages ago, and yet it hadn’t even been an hour. Less than an hour since he’d held me close, making me feel like the only woman he saw, the only woman in the entire realm .
What a fool I’d been.
We reached the other side of the bridge, where only a few couples remained, lost in their own dance. Fenn led me into the Crescent Glade, away from any potential eavesdroppers, then turned to face me, his arms crossed. “Care to tell me what this is really about? Because I guarantee I’m not the only royal to be seen dancing with someone other than his betrothed.”
I rubbed my forehead, struggling to think clearly. “We had an image to uphold. Wasn’t it you who suggested we show the entire realm how madly in love we are with each other? Who is to believe that now?”
He shrugged. “Aren’t you leaving this court in a few hours? By the time gossip reaches anyone’s ears, our bargain will be fulfilled.”
I shook my head. “It isn’t fair that you can make demands of me , like I must share a room and a bed with you, but you aren’t expected to do the same.”
His brows knitted together. “What about this is unfair? Didn’t you dance with another man at the Equinox Ball?”
“Yes, but that was the king, not?—”
“So, how is this any different?”
“When I danced with the king, you made a show of kissing me on the dance floor to steer gossip away from it.”
“Is that so?” He inched closer, his mouth curling into that despicable smirk. “So, what will you do to me now, to fix the mess I’ve made?”
I groaned in frustration, turning away from him. “Everything is a game to you. You’re being ridiculous.”
“No, you are being ridiculous.” His voice rose as he trailed after me, wrenching my arm and whirling me to face him once more. His eyes blazed with intensity. “You turned me away, Aurelia. I offered you everything—my heart, my soul, my body—and you said no. ”
“You didn’t offer me anything!” I yelled. “You said those words to your damn mother, not to me.”
“Would it have made a difference? You would still have rejected me, looked at me with that sickening pity in your eyes as if I’m a forlorn puppy starving to death in the street, a helpless creature you can’t save. ”
Rage boiled my blood. “That is not?—”
“And now, when I’m trying to rid my mind of your infuriating presence, when I seek distraction, you still manage to insert yourself, blustering your way into my life.”
“This bargain was your idea! I’m not inserting myself anywhere.”
“Yes, the bargain was my idea, but falling in love with you was not!” he roared. “You latched your claws onto me and pulled me to you, and I was powerless to resist. And now, when I try to escape, you will not let me go. ”
I stared at him, chest heaving with my breaths, the fury spreading through me, making me see nothing but red. How dare he fling these accusations at me? As if I had a choice in the matter. As if I intentionally seduced him and took away his free will.
He was abhorrent. And I was ready to be done with him at last.
“Fine,” I hissed through clenched teeth. “You want to be rid of me? I’ll leave now. Just give me my stardust. I’ll send for Mal, and we’ll fly away within minutes, leaving you to as many waiting women as your heart desires.”
“Aurelia—”
I jerked my arm free from his grasp and stepped away from him. “Just give me the stardust, Fenn.”
A muscle worked in his jaw. “I can’t. I need to ensure the fire burns all night. We may have to add more stardust before the fete is over.”
I wanted to scream. I wanted to slap his smug face, to ram my dagger in his heart, to?—
I turned from him and let out a frustrated cry that echoed in the forest. “Now it’s you who won’t let me go, Fenn!” I faced him once more, wild with anger. “I didn’t ask for any of this. I thought I would have to pretend with you, wear a mask, and then it would be over. But you worked your way into my heart and you teased me, taunted me, made a game of it. I was nothing more than your conquest.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” He stomped toward me, his eyes blazing. “I love you, Aurelia. This isn’t some sick game to me. My feelings are real. I don’t want them, but they are real. I’m not pretending anymore.”
“Well, neither am I!” I shouted .
He blinked at me, his head rearing back. “What?”
“I love you, Fenn!” I cried, tears filling my eyes. “And to see you like that with her , when all I want to do is?—”
I didn’t get to finish. In a swift movement, he raised his hands, cupped my face, and brought his mouth to mine.