Chapter 10 #2
“I figured as much,” I said, “I just wanted to check. I’m looking for something specific and can’t find it. I remember seeing it in one of the books, and it’s driving me nuts that I can’t find it.”
“Do you need help?” Millie asked. “I can help you search for it.”
“No, no, it’s late. It’s not that big of a deal.” I made a show of starting to stack my books on the nightstand. “I’ll look tomorrow.”
“I’ll keep my eyes peeled. Anyway, Silas will be back soon.” Millie tilted her head as if she could feel his approach. “I’m going to head to bed, but if you need anything, you know where to find me.”
As soon as Millie left, I heard the door open and Silas enter. I reluctantly shifted the rest of my books off to the side because Millie was right—it was late. I needed sleep. Silas needed sleep. Everyone needed sleep.
The thought of another day spent sitting in front of Seer Goddard was already exhausting, mostly because it felt like it took everything out of me just to figure out what the man wanted from me.
“You’re still up?” Silas asked as he entered the bedroom. “Everything okay?”
“Fine,” I said. “I could have sworn I saw the Triskelion Sigil in one of these books. Yet it feels like I’ve looked through every page in every book, and I can’t find a mention of it anywhere.
It’s not documented very well. Which I guess makes sense, seeing as you said the original meaning has been somewhat lost.”
“There are a lot of symbols in those books. It’s possible that your eyes were so tired they flicked right over it?”
“It’s definitely possible I missed it. My eyes are starting to cross.
I swear it was like a full-page illustration though, something that would be hard to miss.
I remember seeing it the other day, you know?
” I watched as he unbuttoned his shirt. “Anyway, it’s not important.
I’ll figure it out tomorrow. It’s not like I understood it the first time I saw it. ”
“I know it’s frustrating, but it’s late, and you should get some rest. You have another full day of training tomorrow.”
“Are you staying?” I asked, the hopefulness evident in my voice.
In answer, he came over and kissed me on the head. “Yes. I just need a quick shower.”
A few minutes later, freshly rinsed and smelling like clean soap and woodsy outdoors, Silas climbed into bed next to me.
I curled against his warmth, grateful to have him here.
Yes, I had Millie, and yes, there were strong wards in place.
But nothing could replicate the feeling of safety that came with being tucked into my mate’s arms.
“You don’t talk about your history much,” I said, tracing Silas’s bare chest. “Why not?”
“It’s complicated.” His voice was gravelly and faint. “It’s a very long history, and there are many parts I don’t enjoy discussing. What makes you ask?”
“I spent most of the night reading ancient Fae texts, wishing I knew more about my history,” I admitted.
“I mean, my real history. Not my New York history. I know more than I need to know about New York. I wish I’d grown up understanding more about the Fae Queens and the lore and magic associated with them.
It’s all so new to me, it’s like my history has turned into this void I know nothing about.
I feel like there’s so much knowledge I’m missing because I haven’t been a part of this world for long at all. ”
I could feel Silas smiling in the dark. “You’ve been here for the blink of an eye, Alessia. Especially when you compare yourself to someone with a lengthy history like mine. Give yourself time, and you’ll make your own history.”
“I know, but I can’t help feeling like I’ll never catch up.”
“I don’t know that you need to catch up.” Silas stroked my hair back from my face. “I think you start right where you are. Your other history, your New York history, counts too. It made you into who you are. It shaped you into the queen that you are, that you will be.”
“Maybe.”
“I struggle with my past sometimes,” Silas said softly.
“Sometimes I wish I could start fresh like you. I could spend years reminiscing on the darker parts of my history, but that wouldn’t get me anywhere.
The thing that gets me through the day when I remember some of those difficult years is that they led me here. It led me to today. It led me to you.”
I curled toward him, and Silas again smiled in the darkness, a soft, tender smile. He ran a hand over my cheeks and pressed his lips to mine. It was a tender, sensitive kiss this time. Needy, but full of heart, passion, longing.
I wondered if maybe he was right. Maybe we had both ended up exactly where we needed to be.
“What happened?” I asked, as we pulled apart and lay together with the fresh breeze filtering through the open window. “Even Atlas doesn’t mention your history much.”
“He’s smart not to,” Silas said. “He knows where that would land him.”
I waited, sensing there was more.
“I just don’t feel the need to dwell on a tragic past,” he said. “It all happened so long ago it’s literally ancient history.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s not still relevant to who you are. Some of the stuff that shaped me happened when I was a kid. Even if you were a child a really, really long time ago, the things that happened to you still hurt.”
“My mother and father were never together. She wasn’t”—Silas paused, considering—“high enough in social standing for his tastes.”
“I understand social status issues very well.”
Silas gave a soft huff. “Some things between mortals and the paranormal are not that different after all, whether it’s New York or Mount Olympus.”
“My father wasn’t in my life long. He disappeared very early on, and that was fine. My mother was wonderful,” Silas said. “But she was killed when I was still young.”
“Oh, Silas, I’m so sorry.”
“I showed up at my father’s, expecting him to take me in by default, even though he wanted nothing to do with me,” Silas continued. “I was young, his only son.”
“Did he?”
“For a while. Until he started an affair with Atlas’s future mother. Then Atlas was born—the golden boy, the titan my father had always wanted—and I was old news.”
“That’s awful.”
“My father, Atlas’s mother, and Atlas, decided to spend their days on Olympus. I have no Greek or Titan blood, so I couldn’t make the move with them, which left me very alone indeed.”
“Oh, Silas,” I said, running my hands through his still-damp hair. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how you felt, being abandoned so young. It’s unfathomable.”
“It’s just the way of the world,” Silas said. “Especially back then. Especially when you’re talking about Olympians.”
“You and Atlas must have reconnected at some point?”
“As the years passed, our paths crossed. Atlas is… not always as bad as he seems.”
“No kidding,” I said with a smile, as I traced my finger along his lips. “It’s okay, you can say that you like your brother. I’ll keep it a secret.”
“Let’s not go that far,” Silas said. “Though I’ll admit Atlas has proven himself trustworthy when it mattered. He’s got more of a heart and a conscience than I like to admit; he must get that from his mother.”
“When were your darker years?” I asked. “Was that before or after you reconnected with Atlas?”
Silas made a somewhat unhappy noise in his throat. I got the impression these were the parts he especially didn’t like talking about.
“Atlas helped pull me out of the dark years,” Silas said, which kind of explained a lot. “He was a pivotal part of that.”
“What do you classify as your dark years?” I asked. “Is it a period of time like the Jurassic Age, the Ice Age, Silas’s Dark Age?”
Silas laughed softly. “I classify them as my stint of working for the Darkest Lord.”
My heart just about stopped as Silas shared this news. “Working for him?”
“This is why I don’t like talking about these years,” Silas said dryly. “Because I get reactions like this. From people I love.”
We paused then, the word “love” levitating there between us. I wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to address the slip, so I let him take the lead. It had been a charged moment, and I understood that maybe he’d meant it hypothetically, even if he hadn’t literally meant to say he loved me.
“I do mean it,” Silas said finally, very softly. “I do love you, Alessia.”
“I love you too,” I whispered. “I know it’s crazy, but I feel like I’ve known it since the moment we met. Even if I didn’t love you then, there was something about the falling-for-you process that felt inevitable.”
“I told you before that I’ve been searching for you for lifetimes. It wasn’t just to break the curse, Alessia. It wasn’t just to find the Fae Queen who could save us. It was because it was you. And because it was me.”
We kissed then, and he pulled me close. We moved together under the sheets as the moonlight trickled through the window, going from two separate entities into one. We spent another night wrapped in one another’s embrace, tangled together, unable to tell where one of us stopped and the other began.
Just before we finally drifted off to sleep, I opened my eyes and glanced out the window to see the entire garden alight with magic. It glowed with warmth and vitality and rightness. My magic was seeping out of me. I couldn’t control it one bit, and I didn’t mind at all.