Chapter 19
SAPHIRA
Two days dragged by after Lorien had dared to attack me in my sleep. I had absently touched the naked spot on my chest a dozen times a day since the seelie had stolen Kaeleron’s brand from me, always making sure that only Danica was around whenever I gave in to that need to feel my king with me.
Gods, I missed him.
Missed the bond.
Now more than ever.
But I was also thankful it had been taken from me before Lorien had decided to try to kill me, because in that adrenaline fuelled moment, I probably wouldn’t have been able to tamp down my fear and my need to survive in order to avoid summoning Kaeleron to me through his bond with me.
Each night, I’d had the same dream of running through the ancient forest in the unseelie side of Lucia and coming upon the lake and the mysterious elkyn.
Each night, that elkyn felt as if it was staring straight through me, right down to my soul.
I always woke in that moment, in what felt like seconds before I could grasp what the majestic beast was trying to tell me.
Danica had drawn the sheer teal curtains open as much as possible today, allowing a sweet warm breeze to flow through the room from the glass doors to the terrace on my right to the arched window on the wall behind me to my left.
I savoured that fresh air, fighting the urge to shift and run that had been my constant companion since I had woken this morning, feeling stronger and able to leave the bed at last.
“You seem to be overcoming the effects of the tea and the removal of the mark nicely now.” The physician shook his head, his grave look warning me what he was about to say before the words had even risen to his lips, and I braced for it.
“We really had not considered your wolven blood would make you so weak when we brewed the tea, and I can only apologise for that, my lady.”
The same thing he had said every damned morning when he had come to check on me after I had finished my breakfast.
I flung my left hand outwards, pointing at the spot on the floor that had taken a full day of scrubbing to rid it of blood. “Must I remind you that I am not weak, or perhaps you want me to prove it like I did with him?”
The male blanched and backed off a step. “I meant no disrespect, my lady.”
My ass.
I didn’t believe that for a second.
Every male in this court seemed intent on pointing out my failings and believing me to be weak purely because I was female.
Meiryn looked up from her position where she leaned against the doorframe, her small knife pausing against the apple she was peeling.
“I suggest you listen to our heir presumptive, unless you want to end up like that.” She gestured to the spot I had pointed to, using her knife, and smiled at the older male. “I’m not even saying she would be the one to do it.”
She twisted the knife, catching his attention, and he swallowed and was quick to pack his implements away in his leather satchel.
He bowed and made a fast exit, dipping his head at Meiryn as he passed her.
She kicked the door closed behind him and approached me. “How are you really doing?”
I tied my now-shorter silver-white hair back as I contemplated that, aware she wasn’t asking about my physical condition. My eyes tried to stray to that spot on the floor that haunted me, despite the fact the blood was gone now, all evidence of what I had done erased.
“I wish it had been Lorien,” was all I said.
“So do I.” She sliced a piece of apple and popped it into her mouth, chewing it with a wicked smile.
“Me too,” Danica said and we both looked at her. She shrugged where she sat on a window seat, her face the picture of irritation blended with innocence. “What? You two get to want him dead and I don’t? I’m the one he wanted to add to his harem.”
“True.” I reached under the pillow and pulled my dagger from its hiding spot, twirling it in my hand, shifting the angle of the blade with expert precision. “Maybe I should have reached for this rather than my wolf side.”
“I think your wolf side handled things just fine. You would have killed Lorien if he hadn’t been such a pathetic and self-centred male and hurled his friend at you.
They were inseparable these last two years at least, but I bet he isn’t even mourning the male.
” Meiryn cut another slice of apple and held it between her thumb and the blade of her small knife as she waggled it at me.
“You know, if he ever comes at you and you do that to me, I will come back from the other side to haunt you.”
I chuckled.
“Saphi’s not that kind of girl. She’s loyal to a fault,” Danica put in.
I frowned at her. “I’m loyal to a fault? Is that really what you think?”
She gave another small shrug, shifting her plain teal dress. “It’s what Morden and Chase think. It’s not true?”
I opened my mouth to deny it and then snapped it shut when no denial came. She was right, they all were. I had been loyal to a fault many times in my life.
“There’s a difference between being loyal to your friends and being loyal to a fault.” It was all I could say in my defence. “You earn my trust and my affection, and I’ll destroy worlds to keep you safe.”
“Is that what happened with—” Danica cut herself off, grey eyes leaping to Meiryn, who looked from her to me and back again. The young wolf blurted, “My brother.”
“Oh.” Meiryn smiled mischievously. “No wonder you came here, charging in to save the sister of your lover.”
“Ew.” I scrunched my nose up, grimacing at just the suggestion. “I’m not Morden’s lover. Danica is just being silly.”
“This Chase male perhaps then?” Meiryn waved her knife around in the air.
“Really… really ew.” I made a retching sound. “That’s my cousin.”
Meiryn hiked her shoulders. “That hasn’t stopped many people in this court.”
I grimaced again. “Disgusting. Thank you for that little titbit. I’ll be sure to outlaw marrying your cousin when I’m queen.”
She let the leather satchel on her shoulder drop on the foot of the bed. “Your funeral. Many in this court would not approve.”
“What’s that?” I sat straighter, setting my dagger down beside me, my gaze on the bag I hadn’t noticed until now.
“You’ve been missing your library time recently due to certain events and I remembered what Sylvan said to you about having access to our father’s private area of the library, so I used the key myself and did a little rooting around on your behalf.
” Meiryn opened the flap on the satchel.
“My theory is that Sylvan cannot be against two of the heirs wanting access, and if he is then I will take half his anger away from you.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that. I really do want to know how I came to be and whether I really am part seelie. I don’t feel like I’m fae…
or that I have any magic.” And I hoped that I would find something in his journals that would prove I wasn’t part fae, even when I knew from just by my being here and Sylvan knowing of me long before I had met Kaeleron that I was.
I couldn’t keep denying it, hoping it was a lie.
Sooner rather than later I was going to have to accept it.
And harness it.
“I really can’t imagine my mother sleeping with Sylas.
She loved my father too much. I know heirs are just as important to alpha wolves as they are to fae kings, but my parents wouldn’t have risked me coming out fae…
they would have done something about it if they had known I had fae blood…
which means they must have believed I would be a wolf pup.
” I had been thinking about it a lot in the last few days I had been bed-bound.
“Maybe it had been some sort of artificial insemination… a fertility clinic… but I doubt those existed a century ago for wolf shifters… or maybe they did. I don’t know. I just want answers.”
Meiryn put her knife away, went to the sideboard and set her apple core down and washed her hands, and then returned to the satchel.
She pulled two books out.
“This one mentions the mortal world, and this one is the history of our bloodline you mentioned you were looking for in the library. It took me two days to find it, and I might have become sidetracked by finding a journal from around the time he was with my mother, but that isn’t important right now. ”
She tossed the two journals to me and I caught them, the leather covers warm beneath my fingers from where she had been holding them.
I immediately opened the first one and began leafing through it, hungrily devouring every page.
Meiryn crossed the room to Danica and sat on the end of the window seat by her feet. “How are you doing?”
“I want to go home. The sooner I get out of this court, the better. I want to see my brother.” Danica hugged her knees to her chest.
My half-sister smiled sweetly at her, her hand coming to rest on her knee, and I sensed no malice in her. “Tell me about your brother. Morden, was it? Is that the same Morden who helped Saphira escape the Shadow Court?”
Danica perked up, some of the colour that had been missing from her cheeks over the last few days returning as she talked about her brother. “Yes. He was Saphi’s protector, before she reached maturity and was going to be mated to her fated one.”
I flinched at the mention of Lucas.
Meiryn noticed.
“The same wolf who rejected our mate bond and sold me to the Shadow King.” I flipped another page, trying to ignore the feel of her steady gaze boring into the side of my face.
“That’s terrible. A fae male would never reject his mate.”
I shrugged that off. “I doubt that. Could you imagine if a highborn like Lorien was fated to a lowborn? What do you think he would do?”
Her gaze lowered from my face. “Perhaps I’m romanticising things. He would probably kill his fated one if she was lowborn.”
I couldn’t laugh at that. I knew he would.
She sighed. “I wish I knew what a fated bond feels like. The stable hand my father hired from the village is rather handsome and sweet, but he isn’t my mate. Although… I suspect I could have fallen in love with him given the chance… but then Sylvan showed up and ruined my life.”