Chapter 24 Audryn
AUDRYN
It took several days to regain my strength, but with Col at my side, I didn’t mind. He’d shirked his responsibilities onto Micah, and we spent our days in bed. Logically, I knew there were more important things he needed to deal with, but selfishly I relished every moment we spent together.
Finally feeling whole, I returned to the seeps with more confidence than before. But it took me the entire day and nearly all my magic to repair a single one. Col spent the day in silence, likely biting back requests for me to stop. Nearing exhaustion, I ended the day, eager to get back in bed.
“Have you ever been in love before?” Col laid gentle kisses against my skin, paying careful attention to the silvery scars marking my body.
I rubbed a finger over the line he’d just covered. Micah couldn’t be sure that my skin would fully heal, but several scars, including the one on my face, had vanished. He had offered to summon another healer for the others, but I declined.
Col traced a lazy finger over my tattoo, stopping to encircle the bee.
“I’m not sure I would’ve believed in love had I not seen my best friend and his husband together,” I admitted.
“And your parents?” Col asked.
“They were mated, so of course they loved each other. Most can only hope to be that lucky.”
“I find it more interesting for the non-mated to choose each other again and again every day.”
“Sure, but we all end up alone in the end anyhow. So what’s the point? Rarely do both people die together, someone is almost always left behind.”
A low hum escaped his lips as the side of his face pressed against my breast and his tongue lapped at my nipple. It wasn’t only the sex I started looking forward to, but the time we spent together afterwards. I’d gotten to know so much more about him in those moments.
I ran a finger over the large sigil tattooed on his back.
The black and gray tattoo was massive. A large rocky mountain, crowned with a silver crescent moon on its curved back, took up most of the space within a filigree-bordered shield.
In the foreground, two onyx hilted swords crossed, exposing the jagged mountain behind them.
A single wyvern flew to the right, just beyond the moon at the mountain's peak.
It was beautifully designed and executed.
I inhaled deeply and committed to spilling my family’s secrets to the man I’d quickly become attached to.
“My mother killed herself a little over six months ago.” Col’s tracing fingers stilled.
“Kamden’s execution was really hard on her—it was difficult for everyone.
Not that I’d know, I wasn’t even there.”
“What happened?” he asked.
“I was furious he involved himself with the resistance to begin with, and when he got caught—” I took in a long breath and then forced myself to continue.
“When the missive arrived, I was in the eastern part of Rivale touring with Torin. We were selling the jewelry we’d made.
I had decided I wouldn’t attend, maybe even thought it wouldn’t really happen. ”
My hands twirled in his hair as I found the words I’d been so ashamed to admit.
“The day before he was to be executed, I left to go home. But by the time I made it back to the capital, I was too late. My parents were distraught, and my father was beaten when he tried to interfere." I closed my eyes as I recalled seeing the aftermath.
His fingers returned to delicately trace my arm, sending a shiver through me.
“My mother became despondent. The garden wasn’t tended to, she refused to go to the market, and bills were piling up.
So I took over, figured all she needed was time.
We were all grieving. But with my father unable to work, I was the one who needed to step up—which was fine. I was capable of doing so.”
Col shifted to his side, and stared up at me in my periphery, but I kept my eyes set on the skylights in his room.
“I sent a missive to Torin, telling him I would return in a few months. A local tavern hired me in the evenings, and that helped subsidize the missing income.” I laid there for several minutes before continuing to the worst part of the story.
“One night, my father came to visit me at work, and when we returned home, everything was … wrong.” I paused.
“My mother had burned oleander in her bedroom. She closed the door and windows and never woke up.”
Col swallowed hard.
“I destroyed the evidence. We didn’t report her death for what it was—didn’t want the shame of what came with it.
I should have seen how much pain she was in, but didn’t.
” I fidgeted with my fingers. “So, that’s why I started the list. They tore my family apart, and now I’m going to do the same to them. ”
“Let me help you.” His voice was a soft plea.
“You can’t.” I shook my head and kept my words light. “It’s something I need to do on my own.”
Col blew out a long breath and lay on his back.
“Have you ever wanted something so badly that you feel like once you succeed, you’ll be able to take a full breath again? Like nothing else is as important as finishing the task?” I hesitated. “Like life doesn’t even matter unless you do it?”
“I assure you, nothing will right the wrongs. If you succeed, the feelings of guilt and grief will remain until you work through them.” His voice was low. “Even then, those feelings will come back to haunt you later.”
A low hum crept from my throat. “When we were young, Kamden and I used to leave small gifts for each other. Trinkets, flowers, little pastries, all sorts of things. Killing his executioner and King Sutton is my last gift to him.” A tear fell from the corner of my eye.
“I regret not being there for him in his final moments. This is the least I can do.” I blew out a breath. “You can’t possibly understand.”
I slid out of bed and began putting my clothes on. It was one thing to spend hours exploring his body, but another to sleep next to him. I had a week left, and there was no reason to play house.
“I’ve lost people too.” Col turned to watch me dress.
“My brother risked everything, and ultimately my mother was left in the wake of his destruction.”
“Are you not risking everything as well? What about the people who love you? Aren’t you doing the same thing your brother did, but to them?”
“My father will be fine.” I scoffed. He couldn’t know what it felt like to have a tyrannical king dictate your family’s safety. Bending down, I tied my boots.
Col rolled out of bed and wrapped himself around me from behind.
“You’re going to make me fall.” I chuckled and tilted forward, steadying myself against the bed.
“I’ll never let you fall, Audryn,” he whispered in my ear. “I love you.”
My body stilled. A minute passed before I stood and turned to face him. His naked body pressed against the front of me, and suddenly the thin fabric of my clothes made it feel like we were miles apart, perhaps on different continents.
“You can’t say things like that,” I murmured. “You don’t mean it.”
His eyes stayed on mine. “You have people who love you and will be left in the wake of your decisions too. If you’re caught—” Col’s voice cracked.
“Well, I’ll destroy every part of Rivale to get to you.
I’ll void each person’s magic and Amalee will rot every last one of them before I let anything happen to you. ”
“If I’m arrested, maybe they’ll send me to see my mother sooner than expected.” My tone was flippant, trying to make light of a very real possibility. “It’s a win-win situation either way.”
“That’s not even funny,” Col continued. “I don’t want to live in a world without you. Stay in Kuroden.”
I shook my head. “I’ll fix as much as I can while I’m here, though I’m still failing miserably.”
“I don’t care about any of it.” Col raised his voice, and I flinched. He dropped his tone half a breath later. “This isn’t about the seeps or the land. This is about you and me. You can’t deny the feelings between us.”
“Feelings are irrelevant.” I moved toward the door, slipping from his arms.
His eyes flashed black as he rubbed his hand across his forehead. It was the truth, and he knew it just as much as I did.
I was tempted to take back my words and crawl into bed with him; there was even a part of me that wanted to curl up and sleep.
“Goodnight.” I gave him a tight smile and left.