Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
JADE
Men are trash. I don’t think there’s anything left to think about them at this point.
All Ezra has done from the start is disappoint me. We’re two nights closer to the fight, we haven’t spoken since the barbecue, and I keep checking the news to see if his death is going to make it there before the weekend.
It shouldn’t. Noah needs him.
Psychotic men have done crazier things before, though.
And I don’t know how I’m going to live with getting him killed.
When he said that he didn’t belong the other day, I should’ve convinced him that he did instead of sending him away. I should’ve told him that he belongs with my family and to give us a chance. To spend more time with us between now and the fight.
I should’ve made him see that I believe he can be more than just Noah’s killing machine.
Groaning, I pull my head over the blanket, ignoring the sound of my buzzer. If it’s Aiden, he has a key. If it’s any of the others, well…I don’t know if I can deal with them right now.
The sound of the front door opening has me peeling the blanket off, sitting up, and smoothing down my wild hair, hoping Ezra is going to walk through that door.
It’s a foolish hope. But thankfully, someone almost as great enters my room.
Haven prances into my room with a bottle of wine held high over her head and several more clinking together in the bag slung over her shoulder. “We’re getting drunk tonight and pretending that men don’t exist!”
“I made some pork belly bao. There’s leftovers if you want that too.” I get out of bed, grateful for the opportunity to spend the rest of my night in a shirt stolen from Ezra’s closet and a pair of shorts.
Haven leads the charge to the kitchen, putting the extra bottles of wine in the fridge and dropping the one we’re starting with on the counter.
I grab down the glasses, and she fills them to the brim, not giving a damn about letting the wine breathe.
I grab my glass and take a sip before it can overflow. “So, it’s going to be that kind of night, is it?”
Haven grabs a container full of the bao, not bothering with warming it as she grabs her wine in the other hand. “I had the worst date of all dates. Men suck. You’re going through hell with whatever the fuck Ezra is doing. I say we deserve this.”
“So…then…yes. We are doing this.” I drop down on the couch beside her, some of the wine sloshing over my hand.
I wipe it on my shorts before taking a large sip, letting the alcohol soothe away some of the pain.
It’s not the best way to cope, but for tonight, it’s good enough.
She puts her glass on the table before starting to devour the buns. “I’m starting to think it’d just be better to stay single forever.”
“You’re not wrong about that.” I snag one of the buns and take a bite.
“How’s school going?”
I shrug. “It’s going well.”
She rolls her eyes before giving me a flat look. “You’re going to need to do better than that. This is one of the biggest things in your life, and you’re saying it’s going well? Come on. Give me a little more than that.”
“Okay, I really like it, and I hate to admit that Ezra was right about me going out and doing this for myself.” I glance out the window to the side of the window, where my bookshelf is, it looks like something’s been moved.
The bastard’s been in here again.
Haven hums happily and downs half her glass of wine. “And what about the space for the restaurant?”
“It’s been gutted, and it needs a lot more work than I thought it did, but it’s coming along. It’ll probably be open in a few months, and fuck knows how I’m going to manage going to school and running a restaurant at the same time.”
“If there’s anybody who can do it, it’s you.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I’m not really feeling that these days.
I keep thinking everything is going to go wrong, and then I’ll have nothing left to show for anything I’ve done.
And then this entire thing won’t be worth it and everything is going to go up in flames and I’ll go back to being the little sister nobody ever really notices. ”
Haven gets up and connects her phone to my speaker system, blasting some dance song as loud as she can. “Come on, get up and on your feet. We’re going to dance out the stress.”
“I don’t think that’s going to work.” But I get to my feet anyway, bopping around the living room with her to one song after the next.
We turn the music up louder.
The neighbors might complain, but I could use an excuse to leave this building anyway. Find somewhere to live without the cameras I’m sure Ezra reinstalled.
Haven spins with her hands high over her head, dancing her way through the living room, back to the kitchen, and pulling out another bottle of wine. She wrestles off the screw top, not bothering with a glass as she tips her head back and chugs.
She brings the bottle back to me and we pass it, drowning out the noise of the rest of the world.
Sometimes, life is too much to bear, even for the most stable person. And I’m certainly not the most stable. I’m broken and trying to put the pieces back together. I’m searching for who the hell I am, but I keep coming up empty.
I don’t know how much more of this I can do before sliding back into my comfort zone. Blending in with the people around me, only causing trouble when Aiden pushes me too far, sitting back so my other siblings can have their time to shine…all the time.
Haven sighs and falls back down onto the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “I didn’t think this was going to be the way my life went. I mean, we’re in our early twenties, and we shouldn’t have to have things figured out yet, but everyone around me does, and I keep thinking I’m falling behind.”
“It’s not a race,” I say, even though I feel the same way.
“Where do you think we’ll be when we’re thirty?”
I pause, sitting on the ground beside the couch, crossing my legs, the wine making my head feel a little hazy. “I don’t know if I’m going to make it to thirty. With all the shit with the Rinaldos, and the targets that keep appearing on my back, I’m going to be dead before you know it.”
She whips her head around to glare at me. “That’s bleak.”
“What else am I supposed to say?” I tip my head back against the edge of the couch, closing my eyes. “It’s reality. My lifespan is likely going to be shorter because of the decisions my family made.”
“Don’t you kind of hate them for that?”
“A little.”
Maybe I’m not angry enough about all of it. There are times when it feels like I should be mad at the world.
Haven moves, lying on the couch so her head is close to mine. “I wish there was a manual that came with this shit.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen, but we can keep dreaming.”
“To dreaming, then.” She reaches for the bottle of wine, taking a sip and then handing it to me.
I take a long pull. “To dreaming.”
I don’t like being alone.
I thought I would when I first moved out. I thought I loved being alone in my apartment, cooking and having a good time, getting to do whatever I want, no pants.
It seemed like the dream at the time, but now it’s more like a nightmare.
After Haven left this morning, I found three new cameras. I destroyed two. Couldn’t quite bring myself to destroy the third one. The one that’s pointed at my bed.
I look directly into the camera as I sit on the edge of the bed. “Is this what you want? You want a show?”
I don’t know if he’s watching right now, but he will be at some point.
I stand up, peeling off the shorts, working them down my legs and kicking them to the side. As I take my time pulling the hem of the shirt up my body, I try to gather my confidence.
I used to have more until I found out the man I was talking to online was my stalker.
Letting out a slow breath, I toss the shirt to the side.
My nipples tighten with the cold breeze rushing through the window.
I run my hands along my curves, still looking into the camera.
“If you want a show, I’ll be happy to give you one.”
I sit back on the edge of the bed, arching my back.
My hands come up to cup my breasts. A breathy moan echoes around the room as I run my thumbs along the stiff peaks, teasing them until they’re aching.
Arousal builds as I get wet, one hand leaving my breasts to trail down my body. I slip my fingers along my slick folds. “Ezra.”
As I swirl a finger around my clit, I pinch my nipple, rocking into my touch, his name falling from my lips again.
I spread my legs wider, showing off my glistening pussy. “Shame you aren’t here right now, isn’t it? You could be touching me. I’d even let you lick my pussy clean.”
He’d be turning my ass red right now if he was here and I said that to him. He wouldn’t let me forget he’s the one calling the shots, pushing me as far as he knows I can go.
But I have power here too. And right now, I’m reminding him of that.
The thought of his hands on my body only makes me hotter.
I grind into my fingers as I rub my clit faster.
It’s not enough.
I reach beneath my bed and pull out the box of sex toys. There’s not much in there, but there’s a dildo I’m aching to ride.
I suction it to the floor and drop to my knees, lowering myself on top of it. “Ezra, fuck, yes, that feels so good.”
I roll my hips, taking it deeper, sinking down as far as I can.
The dildo fills me, but not the way he does. It’s still not enough.
My hands roam over my body, squeezing my breasts hard as I rock my hips faster, riding the cock the way I want to ride him. Pressure starts to build deep in my body, arousal dripping down my thighs.
With another moan, head tipping back, my hand trails down my body and dips back between my thighs.
I swirl my fingers over my clit in time with the rocking.
As soon as I press my fingers harder against my clit, the orgasm takes over, shooting through my body and making me weak in the knees.
I come hard, falling to all fours and still slowly rocking, drawing it out for as long as possible.
When the waves of pleasure finally stop, I get up and grab a robe from the closet, tying it tight around my waist before going to the camera.
What the hell did I just do?
My cheeks burn as I hold my head high and grab the camera out of its hiding place. “Consider that the last orgasm you’re ever going to give me.”
This is toxic. I can’t keep doing this. I’m losing myself more and more each day for the sake of trying to keep him alive.
He’s made his choice, and it’s time for me to make mine.
No more second chances. No more giving my heart to a man who is only going to destroy me in the end.
This time, I’m choosing myself.
I throw the camera to the ground, watching the screen smash.
It doesn’t feel like enough.
I snatch down one of the books from my shelf, the largest one I can find, and beat the hell out of the camera until I feel nothing left.
It still doesn’t heal the hole Ezra put in my heart, though.
That might be there forever, a scar to remind me of what happens when you choose someone else before yourself.
As I stare at the pieces of the camera, it feels like I’m closing the page on one chapter of my life.
And instead of a blank page following it, ready to start a new chapter, there’s a page covered in a language I don’t know and can’t even begin to decipher.