46. Kai #2
Soon as that tequila hits my neurons, those still shots from Fucked Up Tuesday will be gone.
Fuck, maybe if I drink enough, I’ll be able to delete the whole fucking semester from my memory.
Don’t know why everyone stares at me when I throw open the War Room’s carved wooden door. I remember it being heavier, like when you pick up an empty bag you thought was full of rocks or shit and it goes flying.
“Yo.” I collapse into the nearest dark leather chair, slide down, and give Jace a mock two-finger salute. Then I tug down my hoodie where it’s riding up my back.
Someone turned on the AC, but it would have to perform miracles to clear out the smell of Austin’s BO. Even Nolan’s vape can’t cover up the stench.
Jace cocks a self-righteous eyebrow. “Thank you for deciding to join us. Now, as I was saying—”
“Yeah, yeah, Kai’s gotta go see Ezra,” Nolan cuts in. “I mean, we all gotta, but he definitely has to.” Nolan turns to me. “Dude, just go see your brother.”
Jace swipes a hand down his side part. “Nolan is right. We can’t be seen as a fractured entity right now. People are starting to talk.”
“Yeah, because everyone’s finally figuring out Ezra’s a psycho.” I chuckle. “Took you all long enough.”
“Brave words, when your brother isn’t here to defend himself,” Jace says.
I scoff, trying to ignore how my face is heating. I should keep my mouth shut, because one way or the other, Ezra will hear everything I say while he’s out of action.
And, one way or the other, he’ll make me pay.
…Ezra has quite a substantial file…
My hospital file would have been a lot thicker than Ezra’s if I hadn’t disappeared into the woods after every beating that sonofabitch gave me.
As we got older, Haven had to play nurse. Not a sexy way, but in a ‘how do we stop the bleeding’ kind of way.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I’d had an internal injury that just looked like any other one of a hundred bruises I’d ever had.
Would Haven have fulfilled the blood pact we made before either of us turned ten? Would she really have buried me in the woods without a word to anyone, a daisy wreath for my tombstone?
Even at our age, we knew it was one of the few ways we could rebel. Could cause some lasting damage. Leave a nasty open wound on our family that we hoped would fester and turn into gangrene.
If it weren’t for the woods, we’d have run away.
Would we have ended up on the beach, like we wanted?
It’s hilarious thinking back on that now.
We dreamed of living by the ocean. Catching fish to eat, selling the rest for clothes and shit.
In reality, we’d have been homeless. Haven knocked up and dragging a snotty-nosed kid behind her as she stood on the corner pretending to beg, and then handing off our kid to one of the other prostitutes as she got into some rando’s car.
The hairs on my arms stand in a rush.
Fuck. I’d probably be the one pimping her out. Because I’d be addicted to crack or meth, like Bobby. And when we got back to our tent beneath the underpass, I’d be beating on them because I had all these issues, and the drugs only amplified them, and—
“Kai!” The crack of the gavel slamming its wooden stand jolts me out of my misery. “Are you listening?”
No wonder Ezra put him in charge. They could be fucking twins.
“No,” I say, getting a quickly hushed giggle from Austin.
I can’t help but grin. And that pisses off Jace from the way the crease between his eyebrows goes white.
“You’re off the Lee case,” Jace says.
It’s like he’s speaking in tongues. “What now?”
“Lee.” Jace’s head shoots forward. “Haven Lee?”
“What about her?” I catch the other guys staring at me from the corner of my eyes and it makes me shift in my seat.
Fuck, what did I miss?
“Drop it,” Jace says. “You and Ezra have raised too much suspicion already.”
“Thank fuck,” I say through a chuckle. “So we done here?”
“Yeah, I’m waaay too fucking amped for this shit,” Nolan says, wide-eyed, like he’s about to have an existential crisis and would prefer it happen alone in his room.
“Not yet. I was hoping more of you would step up, but I can’t say I’m surprised none of you have been to visit Ezra yet. So before you leave, I’ll be assigning everyone a time slot to visit Agony Memorial,” Jace says.
Groans abound.
Blake mutters something about leaving all this bullshit behind so he can go manage his kitchen in peace.
“Amen, brother,” I say, holding out a fist for him to bump. “Just a few more months, and I’m outta this shithole of a town for good.”
There’s an awful, awkward silence that makes my skin want to crawl off my body.
“What?” I stare at the guys, but everyone except Jace refuses to make eye contact. And he stares at me like he’s about to exorcise some demons and needs to gird his loins.
“There’s something—“
Austin cuts in with a vicious, “God, shut it, Jace!”
Which only earns him a sharp gavel crack that feels like it goes right through my fucking skull.
Jace’s expression hardens. “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Ephesians 4:25,” he says, looking at everyone in turn until finally stopping on me.
“You should know the truth about your internship,” he says, somber as fuck.
My face goes cold and prickly, and it has nothing to do with cocaine this time.
“What about it?” I ask, sounding so careful, like reality is going to shatter if I speak too loudly.
Jace looks down at the gavel as he adjusts his grip on the wooden handle, and I scan everyone seated at the round table. Blake looks at me for all of three seconds before glancing away and muttering, “Sorry, bro.”
“The fuck is happening?” I rush to my feet, slamming my palms down on the table. “Someone better say something, or—”
“It’s not a salaried position, Kai.” Jace sets the gavel down, but then immediately picks it up again.
“And Ezra didn’t set it up for you. It’s an automatic benefit for anyone who remains in the frat until graduation.
It makes NEX more enticing during rush and provides free labor to ACE Enterprises every year. ”
Despite the chilled air blasted into the windowless War Room by the AC, my skin is suddenly clammy with sweat.
“Ezra told me it was a paid job,” I mutter through clenched teeth, my hands balling into fists. “He said—”
“He’s full of shit,” Blake says, throwing a hand out toward Jace when he makes an angry sound. “Seriously, guys, enough. Kai deserves the truth.”
He looks back at me, mouth downturned as he crosses his arms over his chest. “Ezra made us all swear not to tell you. It started as a prank, and…I guess it just got easier to keep playing along.”
My brother’s been lying to me since I pledged.
All of them have.
I step back, the ground feeling more like a trampoline than solid earth. I can’t speak, because it feels like there’s a belt tied around my chest.
Fuck this War Room.
Fuck this fraternity.
And fuck the chair that catches my ankle and sends me sprawling onto my back as I try to retreat before I murder them all with Jace’s gavel. I shove it aside so hard it breaks the glass in the display cabinet it crashes into.
Blake is at my side in an instant.
The shock of the fall must have rattled something loose in my head.
For a fucked-up second in my warped brain, Blake looks exactly like Rooke. And he doesn’t look concerned. He looks smug.
…he showed me his scars…