10. Haven #3
Thump—thump—thump—thump—thump—
I grab the bread and the jelly and the peanut butter and stand on the footstool that lets me reach the top of the kitchen counter.
I can only find one clean plate—well, it’s clean after I tip it over and send the roach scattering onto the linoleum floor—so I stack the sandwiches in there as I finish them.
One.
Thump—thump—thump—
Two.
Thump—thump—thump—thump—
Three.
Thump—thump—
Four.
Thump—thump—thump—thump—
I take the plate to the recliner, holding it with both hands and walking slowly so I don’t trip. Daddy’s busy with his special pipe, but his eyes are on me as I come into view with the food.
“You forgot to cut them again,” he says before putting his pipe in his mouth.
“Mommy says I mus’n touch th’ knife,” I whisper, watching fascinated as white smoke appears like magic inside the darkened bulb at the end of the pipe.
“Damn right. Prob’ly cut your fingers off.”
Thump—thump—thump—
I wait, arms trembling from the heavy plate, as Daddy finishes his pipe and takes a sandwich. I’m trying to put the plate down on the coffee table, pushing stuff away with the edge, when he says, “Your legs stop working, you lazy cunt?”
I quickly shake my head, picking up the plate again, my arms encircling the rim as I turn back to Daddy. He widens his bloodshot eyes at me, chin darting forward so quickly I nearly drop the plate in fright. “Then watchya waitin’ for?”
Tears blur my vision as I turn and head for the end of the hall. There are two bedrooms, but this is the only one that has a door. I have to set the plate down on the floor to open it, then pick up the plate and walk inside.
Thump—
I try not to look. I keep my head down and my eyes on the sandwiches, and I nearly trip over someone’s pants they left lying on the floor, but I try not to look—
“What’s the matter, little bitch? My big cock scare you?”
I keep my eyes on the ground as I shove the plate onto the nightstand and spin around, hurrying back to the door.
There’s a slap.
“Why you stopping, Lenny?” Mommy moans. “Leave ‘er alone and fuck me!”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Thump—thump—thump—
Daddy’s slumped in the recliner when I come back, mouth slack, a cigarette dangling loosely from his fingers. I watch it for a second before slowly going over and taking it out of his hand, then just as carefully positioning it on the overflowing ashtray on the recliner’s armrest.
His sandwich is there, untouched.
I take it because I know he won’t miss it after that pipe.
He never does.
Thump—thump—thump—
A tear races down my cheek, startling me back to the present. I swipe it away quickly, checking through my lashes if anyone saw. But everyone is focused on Melissa or Kai, completely ignoring me.
Even Thatcher—his back to me as he crouches beside Kai to speak to him.
“What the fuck do you want?” I whisper furiously.
“Come to me, and Kai will be fine.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, desperately trying to think. But the only thing going through my head is, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God—
“Come. To. Me.”
I open my eyes.
Kai is being hauled to his feet. His face is scraped from the concrete. There’s blood on his lip. And he’s staring at me with an expression that’s breaking me into pieces.
Betrayed. Again.
Abandoned. Again.
I start walking. Away from him, toward the woods. Toward Bastian. Students part for me. Probably think I’m in shock. Probably don’t care.
Abigail passes me with Melissa in tow, triumph in her eyes. Like she won a prize, but fucked if I know what game we were even playing.
I keep walking.
Past the tree line. Into the shadows.
To where Bastian is waiting.
I expect his smile to be more of a smirk than anything else. But he looks strangely…content. Guess that’s what happens when everything always works out for you.
Wonder what that’s like?
“There’s my good girl.”
He offers his hand.
I don’t take it.
I look back one last time.
Kai is still staring at me with that look I’ll see every time I close my eyes for the rest of my life.
Like I’m exactly who he feared I was.
The girl who leaves.
“You’ve already chosen,” Bastian says. “It’s too late now.”
“You’re wrong,” I murmur.
Something’s wrong. It feels like I’m watching this all happening through someone else’s eyes.
A bemused light gleams in Bastian’s dark eyes. He’s still holding out his hand, so fucking sure of himself. “How so?”
“I’m exactly like Alice.”
Something’s broken inside me.
I don’t know where the words are coming from, and I don’t know what they mean until I hear them out loud.
“I thought I knew where I wanted to go, but I guess I don’t. So it doesn’t matter which path I choose, does it?”
His smile grows so wide, he might as well be the fucking Cheshire Cat. The contrast between his neat, dark clothes and the fresh scratches on his neck makes the moment even more surreal.
“What does matter, is who you have at your side,” he says.
And what the fuck am I supposed to say to that?
I take the monster’s hand and let him lead me deeper into the woods, my heart breaking for the green-eyed boy I’m leaving behind.